Disclaimer: Moo, Moo, meow, bark, woof, myu, myu, myu HAIL ILPARATZO!!!
Introduction:
Haitani: I, Haitani, have returned once again… Now what do I do… Oh yeah! Keitaro, Kanako's been looking for you since the last chapter.
Keitaro: How? Unless you were with her during the storm she couldn't have talked to you.
Haitani: I was quietly spending the day with Motoko, Mutsumi and Kanako when it started to rain. We ran to Mutsumi's apartment and spent the night there. Of course, all of our clothes got wet and we had to find another source of heat, and the solution was BODY HEAT!!!
Kanako: drops an anvil on Haitani BAKA!!! That wasn't what happened!!! Is joined by Motoko in beating Haitani into submission Let's go Onii-san! Drags Keitaro away
Keitaro: Waving Bye, good luck. The bandages are in the closet.
Haitani: Might as well report to Ilparatzo-sama.
At across ideal organization HQ
Ilparatzo: The world is becoming rotten! But I am pleased with the progress on Haitani's work with our "fate control device, aka. Weird Love" But it is only one victory, there will be others. Now with an AS mech and the support of the mercenary organization "MITHRIL" F city will soon be ours.
Haitani, Excel and Hyatt: Hail Ilparatzo!!!
Ilparatzo: Now! Let me give you your new personnel assignments. Hyatt, you will now be my "secretary" and my right hand woman. Haitani, you are our AS pilot and combat specialist. Menchi, you will be Haitani's partner. Excel…
Excel: Yes! Ilparatzo-sama!!!
Ilparatzo: You'll be in charge of the bathrooms and entertainment for us.
Excel: Entertainment?
Ilparatzo: pulls string and Excel drops into the pit This entertainment. Haitani, as a statement of Across' future reign, I order you to destroy at least one-half of F city.
Hyatt: Isn't that a bit too excessive?
Ilparatzo: not at all, it's just a statement. Now go!!!
Haitani: With pleasure 3 hours later three-fourths of F city has been destroyed
Chapter3: The training starts, now!
The warm rays of the sun invaded Keisuke's room and woke the sleeping wanderer from deep sleep. He opened his eyes and tried to adjust to the light. That was when he realized who was beside him, Kitsune. He put the pieces together and tried to remember what little he could from last night. Only one word appeared in his head "BODY HEAT" and his brain went out of order once again.
But while he was still in shock Kitsune stirred and said "Oh Keisuke, Good Morning"
"K…kitsune, g…good morn…morning" he stuttered
Kitsune got up and Keisuke saw blood on where she was sleeping. Kitsune noticed it as well and said "Oops better get that washed" as she wrapped a towel around her body.
"I was your first, wasn't I…?" Keisuke asked her as a shadow covered his eyes. "I'm sorry"
Kitsune nodded and said "Don't worry it wasn't that bad, plus you needed some company then" she slowly made her way to the door looked back and said "If you're ever lonely, remember that we're all friends here and that I'm always here for you."
"Thanks…"
"Well see you later, I have to go take a bath" when she was sure that he was out of earshot she asked herself "Was I safe last night?"
Keisuke sat there, sort of in a way brain-dead. After a while Suu wandered inside and started to rummage around his stuff. It was yet to register in his brain that he had been sitting there like an idiot and that Suu was so close to discovering his "stash". Suu noticed that he was probably in his own world and came to the rescue, with a swift kick to the diaphragm.
He woke up immediately, gasped for breath and said "Suu-chan!!!"
"Onii-san was acting strange so I tried to get his attention" she hugged him and said "Onii-san is so cute!" she then squeezed him so hard his eyes bulged out
"Okay, okay, I'm not mad. Just don't squeeze the life out of me." she loosened her hold on him and jumped on his shoulders.
"Nii-san, Nee-san is still sleeping lets play!"
He stood up and said "All right then, lets go. So what do you want to do?"
About an hour later Motoko was woken up by the sound of screaming. She got up from bed and looked around. Suu was nowhere in sight, she tried to think who she would go to, and then she exclaimed "Keisuke!"
Motoko ran down the stairs and saw Keisuke being pummeled by a huge robotic turtle. She ran over to Suu and said "Suu, what are you doing to onii-san?!"
"Nii-san wanted to train so I sent Mecha-tama Ver.5.9" seconds later explosions engulfed the entire living room.
Motoko was the first to emerge from the rubble and asked "Suu, what happened?"
"You stepped on the SDM (Self Destruct Mechanism)" Suu replied as she dug herself out of the rubble
"Hmm… where's Keisuke?"
A few seconds later they heard screaming from the hot springs. Motoko recognized them as Naru's, Shinobu's and Keisuke's. A few moments later Keisuke burst from the hot springs with Naru in hot pursuit.
"You men are all the same!!! First you try to gain our trust then you start peeking at us!!!" Naru screamed as she threw random objects at him.
Keisuke ducked and a pail barely missed him. He looked back and said "I already told you it's an accident!!!"
"Liar!!! All you want is Shinobu, PEDOPHILE!!! What will you do next, seduce us all! That's probably why you don't have a girlfriend!!!"
Keisuke stopped running and didn't even flinch when a lamp hit him square in the face, he turned to look at her and she knew she said too much. "What the hell is your problem" he started "You act like you're always right…"
"Well… you guys shouldn't peek at us…" Naru replied, her voice barely above a whisper
"I already told you it was an accident! I see you beating Keitaro up everyday like he doesn't feel it, what do you think he is anyway, immortal!"
"He doesn't get hurt, usually…"
"Usually! It's a wonder he hasn't turned homicidal with all he's taken from you! You're just insecure about yourself, that's why you have to hurt others to feel whole! You damn immature bitch!!! A person who can love you doesn't even exist in this world!"
She had taken enough, Naru buried her face in her hands, shoved him aside and ran upstairs. She passed Keitaro on the way up, he saw a tear fall before she slammed the door shut. He made his way downstairs and saw Kitsune bandaging Keisuke's bleeding forehead.
"Keisuke, I think you said too much" Kitsune told him as she finished wrapping the bandage around his head. "Even if she was the one who started it"
"I know but, she talks too much." Keisuke replied
"She may seem strong and assertive on the outside, but she's very sensitive on the inside"
"I don't know, she does sort of step on people's lives" Motoko added
"What happened around here?" Keitaro asked as he slowly made his way down "And why was Naru crying?"
"Naru-sempai was crying? It seems out of character for her." Shinobu said as she gave Keisuke some rice balls
"She is a girl after all"
"I guess… might as well apologize to her later" Keisuke said as he took a bite out of a rice ball
"Later? Why not now"
"My head hurts, I'm just going to get some rest"
"Wait, I thought we were going to train today" Keitaro interjected
"Motoko can take over"
"I can?"
"Yes you can, plus Kana-chan said she would help" Keisuke told them as he got up "See you later"
By the end of the day Keitaro, Kanako and Motoko are resting by the waterfalls at the back of Hinata-sou. The three of them looked exhausted but they seemed content. The first day had went well for Keitaro and Motoko seemed to have a new sparring partner. A few minutes later Shinobu brought some snacks for them.
"So, Shinobu-chan did Keisuke apologize yet" Keitaro asked as he took a sip from his tea
Shinobu shook her head and said "No, Keisuke-san is still in his room. Kitsune-san is with him, so if he's awake she would have brought him to Naru-sempai"
"I see, so how's Naru going"
"She hasn't stopped crying since this morning"
"I hope everything's going to be all right"
Naru was sitting in her room alone, sobbing. He had told her what she never wanted to hear. It was the only thing she wanted, the only thing she craved, love… With that short sentence, he had shown her what the entire universe could be thinking. She wanted love, she wanted to be loved she wanted to feel love. Her world was shattered and she had nothing left, she didn't know what to do.
Suddenly she heard someone knocking on the wooden part of her door and she asked "Who's there?"
"It's me, Keisuke"
"What do you want? Aren't you done with me yet?"
"No it's nothing like that, I came to apologize"
She opened the sliding doors, looked at him and said "Apologize? It's me that should apologize"
"No it's me that should, I should have controlled my temper. Anyway I'm sorry if I brought up anything that hurt you"
Naru's eyes began to water but she wiped the tears away and said "And I'm sorry about what I said. Where is your girlfriend anyway?"
"Oh, her… She died a few years ago…"
Naru looked away and said "I'm sorry"
"Don't worry, it happened years ago and it doesn't hurt that much anymore" Keisuke told her over his shoulder as he walked away.
Back at the forest 2 hours later
It was already starting to get dark and the three of them were getting ready to leave. Shinobu had left a few minutes ago and was already back at Hinata-sou. Keitaro got an idea and challenged Motoko to a sparring match. The modern day samurai was surprised by his challenge and accepted. The condition, no special techniques involving ki…
"Keitaro, I don't know what you're thinking but I hope you know what you're doing" Motoko told him
"Keisuke gave me some hints a few days ago, I wanted to try them out"
"I still think you're crazy"
"Maybe I am"
"How did he know my weakness, that Keisuke!" Motoko thought to herself as she went into a defensive stance.
Keitaro noticed this and made the first move, he charged towards Motoko and swung the wooden sword at her hoping to break her defense. She resisted and tried to retaliate with a swing to his thigh. Out of reflex, he sidestepped and avoided her swing. She twisted her body to catch him off guard, but she underestimated his distance and ended up short. They traded blows for a while until Motoko's arms got tired and it seemed that Keitaro was going to be the victor. If Keitaro kept up the pressure Motoko would have lost.
Suddenly, Motoko in pure desperation put all her strength into pushing Keitaro away when she blocked one of his attacks. He took a step back but it was all Motoko needed to recover. She swung the wooden sword at him again but he blocked it and she lost balance. She knew she was at a great disadvantage so she swung the sword as she turned around. The match was over, Keitaro's bokken was pointing at Motoko's forehead and Motoko's was pointing at Keitaro's heart.
"A draw? I expected my advice to work better…, but it's a start"
They turned around to see that Keisuke was watching them, Motoko in a fit of rage threw her bokken at him and screamed "Baka!"
Keitaro saw the possibility of a fight to ensue between Keisuke and Motoko so he put his hand on her shoulder and said "It was luck and because I have a good teacher that I pulled that off, can't wait for the next one"
Motoko blushed furiously and said "Keitaro you're really good at this, it wasn't me…"
"But if you didn't teach me the basics it never would have come out, come let's go back home"
"Ooooooh… good luck Keitaro. If you rub her the wrong way she might tear "it" off"
A vein appeared on Motoko's head and she screamed "Shut up!!!" as she beat Keisuke into a pulp. He was still laughing though…
Back at Hinata-sou
The sun had set and all the tenants of Hinata-sou had gathered at the table to eat. Kitsune sat beside Keisuke, Keitaro sat beside Motoko, Shinobu sat beside Suu and Naru kept a close eye on Keisuke and Kitsune. Naru noticed that Kitsune was somehow closer to Keisuke now. Even though Naru was a bit silent during dinner the mood was a lot lighter if compared earlier. When dinner was over they all left leaving only Naru and Shinobu to clean up. Keitaro and Motoko went to the roof of the Shinkan and Keisuke and Kitsune went out for more sake.
Keitaro and Motoko were alone on the roof enjoying the evening breeze and the view when Keitaro asked "Motoko, why do you try so hard to be stronger?"
"Why do you ask?"
Keitaro blushed and said "It's because… well if you aren't trying to be, you are very… cute…"
The word echoed in her head for a while, she thought to herself "Cute… Keitaro thinks I'm cute…" and for the first time in her life she understood why her sister chose love instead of the sword. Her heartbeat increased dramatically, she blushed furiously and asked "Really?"
Keitaro nodded and said "Really"
"Thanks" Motoko told him as she moved closer to him. Keitaro put his hand on her shoulder and pointed to the park.
"Remind me to take you there sometime, okay. You might like it there"
They stayed there for quite some time just content with each other's company, the view and the breeze. In between that, Motoko gave Keitaro some tips on how to release his ki, even though it would take Keitaro weeks maybe even months to learn how to release it. By the time Keisuke and Kitsune arrived they decided it was time for bed, and went their separate ways.
Motoko stood in front of the door to her room and was about to go inside when she heard Keisuke call her from behind. He was leaning against the wall and said "So how was it?"
"What?"
"You know, the training. I thought maybe you were angry at me for telling you to take over on such a short notice"
"No, you're wrong. I even enjoyed it a bit."
"It's good to hear that, because I have to ask you to take over again."
"Eh! Why!"
"Well, it's because I have a date with Kitsune and I can't change it."
"Well I guess I could take over for a while"
"Thanks, you're a lifesaver"
"Oh it's nothing"
The next day
The next morning, the sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing and the grass was wet with morning dew. All of the residents were sleeping soundly in their rooms, happily dreaming since it was too early to wake up. It was a picture perfect day, but the peace was soon the be disturbed by…
"Augh!!! I'm lateeee!!!" Kitsune screamed as she hurriedly pulled on her clothes "Wah! My boss told I'm going to be in deep trouble if I was late again, and I am!"
"Late again, Kitsune?" Naru asked her as she rubbed her eyes
"Where's Keisuke? He told me he was coming with me today"
"I think you're standing on him" Naru said as she pointed to Keisuke underneath a pile of clothes. Kitsune held him up by the collar and dragged him out as she ran for the door all the while ranting about what her boss might do to her.
Naru watched her from the window, when she disappeared from view Naru yawned and said "Another normal day in Hinata-sou"
By the time Kitsune got there she was already 45 minutes late. Her boss stormed out of the store and started screaming at her. After he was done with her he stormed back in and Kitsune grudgingly followed. She took her usual spot behind the bar, the boss had given Keisuke a part time job sweeping the floors so he could make himself useful. The day passed by slowly since most of the customers came at night, so they had time to relax in the cold air-conditioned room away from the blazing heat of the sun.
When her shift was over, they went to change into more comfortable clothes and they set out for their date. First they had planned to eat an early dinner, take a walk in the park and then they would go see a movie. But first they had to find a restaurant, they went to Kitsune's favorite place and they sat down to eat.
"Kitsune, this place is sort of uncomfortable…" Keisuke told her as he looked at the gangster like patrons surrounding them
"Oh, don't worry. They aren't that bad once you get to know them" Kitsune replied as a tall, heavily built man stepped closer.
"Kitsune." He started in his deep unsettling voice. Keisuke backed away as the man took a deep breath as he was about to say something. His mouth dropped open and he said "How has it been?"
Keisuke was at the edge of his seat and finally fell off when the man finished. He was expecting a threat a punch or something of the sort. Kitsune gave the man one of the famed "mafia shakes" and said "Tetsuo, it's been a while. So how have things been going?"
"It all right, so has Haruka forgiven me yet?"
"I don't know. But maybe if you ask her now she might"
"Thanks see ya later." Tetsuo told her over his shoulder as he walked away
"Bye, take care"
"Kitsune who was that?" Keisuke asked as he dusted himself off
"Oh that, that was Tetsuo. One of my gambling buddies and one Haruka's best friends in high school"
"I'm starting to worry about Haruka's choice in friends"
"Don't worry he's a real good guy to be on your side"
"I'm still worried, but the food sure is good"
"I told you" Kitsune said as she dug into her food
Dinner was finished without further incident except when Keisuke spilled soy sauce all over his lap. They were stuffed and could barely move and a walk in the park was starting to look like a bad choice. They sat down on a bench and tried to wait until they were done digesting, which could take a while. They had found a good spot under the stars and were getting a spectacular view. When they were finally totally relaxed they heard someone call out their names behind them. And they almost literally jumped off their seats when a cold hand tapped their shoulders.
They turned around and saw Haruka standing there. The scare she had given them was more than enough to make them completely forget about all the food that was currently churning inside them. She handed them a pamphlet and they read it.
They looked confused and Haruka noticed it so she said "It means we're going to the beach tomorrow, I talked to your boss and it's already been settled that the two of you will temporarily work for me. So let's go."
"But we were on a date…" Keisuke managed to stutter
"You can have more after you come back, you need to pack now"
"You're not giving us another choice, are you?" Keisuke asked, his face drained of expression
"Nope"
"I knew it…"
Early the next morning
The next morning wasn't that much different from the last, the sun was still bright. The birds were still singing and the grass was wet again with morning dew. Except that everyone was on the move, being forced to carry boxes to Seta's van. Strangely it never seemed full even when all of them were in it.
"What a way to start the day" Keisuke whispered as they huddled in the back
"But it's so natural for Haruka to be the slave driver" Naru replied
"Wah! I can't find my bokken!!!" Motoko screamed as she rummaged around her things.
"Motoko seems more excited than usual" Naru exclaimed "Keitaro, did you do something to her again"
Keitaro backed away and said "H…hey it wasn't me"
Suu jumped between them and cheerfully said "It was me!!!"
Motoko stopped, slowly turned her head towards them and said "What! What did you do to me?"
"Nee-san said she was out of energy so I gave her some"
Keitaro couldn't follow her and asked "How?"
"With this!" Suu exclaimed as she raised a bottle filled with white liquid above her head "It gives the user a continuous supply of energy for 2 hours, but burns out a lot more when its effect is gone. I use it all the time, but since Nee-san is a lot older than me I used a 'triple dose'"
They were all shocked when she mentioned triple dose, Naru stepped forward and asked "How long has it been since you injected that stuff inside her?"
But before Suu could reply Motoko fell to the floor with a loud thud. Her head rested on Keitaro's lap and she was completely non-responsive. Keisuke sighed and said "Well at least she gets to rest unlike us. Keitaro, good luck"
"What, why me?"
"She landed on you" Naru told him as they walked away
"Hey, come back! Can't we do this democratically? My leg is falling asleep! Help!!!" Keitaro called after them.
They arrived at the beach at mid-afternoon. And very conveniently Motoko woke up at the exact moment Seta parked the van. They made the men carry the luggage while they looked for "Beachside Teahouse/restaurant Hinata". They passed by a broken down, old shack and decided that it couldn't possibly be the place but Haruka told them to come back. It turned out that the broken down, old shack was the place. And they stared at it in confusion.
Keitaro was about to say something when Haruka whistled and Tetsuo and a bunch of others that were as intimidating as him responded to the call. Kitsune waved at them and they waved back.
Haruka beckoned them to come closer and they did and she told them "Well Tetsuo, Seta, me and the gang are going to fix the place up so all of you can do whatever you want for today"
Suu jumped up with joy and headed for the changing rooms, Shinobu followed soon after. But before Keitaro could get far, two sets of hands grabbed him from behind, and pulled him backwards. Haitani and Shirai started to gang up on him and said "Keitaro, you lucky bastard! Ever since you left home we never saw you again! You even got to live in a huge mansion, surrounded by some the most beautiful women in Japan we envy you so much!!!"
Naru and Motoko went to Keitaro's aid but they also noticed a third person standing behind Haitani and Shirai. Kentaro, former rich guy and all around nuisance, moved at the speed of light, knelt in front of Naru and said "Naru, your beauty surpasses all that are around you, let me guide you to the path of becoming a woman…" but before he could continue Naru kicked him hard in the diaphragm and he fell face first into the sand.
"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not interested!!!" Naru told him as she stepped on him.
"Oh well, you're a loss." Kentaro said as he brushed the sand off his shirt, he noticed Motoko and said "Hey you're cute! How about we…"
Even though Motoko liked being called cute she didn't like Kentaro so she let loose a blast of ki that sent him flying to the sky.
"I'll take that as a no…" Kentaro screamed back as he faded from view.
By the time the sun had set, the beach house was repaired (even though Keitaro thought some of the things in the fridge were alive), they had settled down and were having a party in the living room to invite Haitani and Shirai into the gang. Motoko was way past drunk and was almost at the point where she would do a striptease on the table, and she would have if Keitaro didn't restrain her. Kitsune was having a drinking contest with Haitani and Keisuke, Suu, Sara and Shinobu were playing video games with Shirai, Kentaro was serving drinks… and Naru was with Haruka, Seta and Tetsuo playing a strange, love board game that had belonged to Grandma Hina.
The party went on until morning, until all of them were too drunk or exhausted to move. And finally Beach Tea house/ restaurant Hinata went back to its former state of silence. At least until they were all awake again.
Authors Notes: The end of Haitani's affiliation with Across.
Once upon a time
A writer wrote, in script form
His Authors Notes/ Fantasy world
But that ends today… When he writes in PROSE!
Haitani stretched as he wrote the last lines in his fanfic. It had taken more time than he had expected and wanted. The entire cast of Love Hina was asleep in his living room and he decided it was the right time to sneak out and commence his mission. He had pledged allegiance to Across and Mithril. And had been ordered to destroy at least half of F city.
Misaki Matsuya dug herself out of the hole which she had thought was going to be her grave. A rampaging AS mech had struck her down and had continued to destroy the city she had sworn to protect. She took out her rifle pointed it at it and pulled the trigger as she fell backward into the rubble, unconscious. The beam hit its mark and totaled the mech killing its pilot with it.
Ilparatzo slammed his fists on his new table and turned off the monitor. Hyatt watched with horror as their newest member died before them.
"Why hasn't the eternal will of the universe resurrected him yet!" Ilparatzo screamed as he stood up.
"I think she went searching for a Mr. Pedro"
"Pedro? We were one step away from victory and she had to leave him alone!!!"
"Should I call Mithril and tell them to send a new AS and pilot?" Hyatt asked as she sat down on his lap
"Sure, and find Iz-chan!"
Haitani rubbed his aching head as he sat up from his bed. He was back at his house and his head was aching like hell. He took the paper that was on his bedside table and skimmed it. It was his certification of honorable discharge from Across and Mithril. He looked out his window and saw Eva 01 going berserk once again. He had gotten used to it and he lay back down.
"At least I can finally get back to writing, well hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Bye"
Real Authors Notes
Well here I am again, late. I had finished this when it was still February and was going to post it only a few days later. I just had to finish this chapter since it was almost finished anyway. But I downloaded a Love Simulator/Hentai game which had a character that looked totally like Motoko, so I was hooked. So this is where the idea of fixing Ilpara's game came from. But anyway I was wondering if the strange author's notes is better in prose or in script. So can you tell me if I should keep it this way or return it to the way it was before? Remember, the parody author's notes and the intro is only my way of making the story less serious. But sometimes it gives indirect info about the chapter. And could you give me some ideas or requests for the play. So this was Megumi now Haitani telling you to look out for the next chapter(I told you it was going to be shorter this is exactly 28 words less than the last chapter) Hinata's play on the beach (Haitani's version).
Kanako: Wait!!! How come I don't have any lines in this story, am I only the other girl!!! And after you told me that I was one of your favorite characters!
Haitani: Well you see… Naru told me she would break my neck if I gave you any lines…
Kanako: Well if you don't give me any I'm going to break your other neck! So choose, what would you rather have life or a functioning *Censored*
Haitani: sweatdropping Ehehe… I'll send you your script soon…
