The Aching Night

A thin, white cigarette hung from her lips as she thumbed her lighter absently; Kozue had acquired the smoking habit like just about every other adolescent smoker her age: it was taboo, dirty, thus rebelliously appealing.  The girl's slightly glazed eyes flicked over to other occupant reclining on the couch, her naked form sprawled beautifully out before the wild child's devouring gaze.  The moonlight from the window, the only light illuminating through the dark room, seemed to give her body an otherworldly luster which only seemed to enhance her appealing features.  Juri's head lay back as her chest, glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, heaved slowly as she regained herself.  Her features unreadable in her current position, Kozue assumed the other girl's mutual contentment; she flicked on the lighter, her own nakedness briefly being made out as she ignited the end of her cigarette.  Closing her eyes and taking in a thick puff of nicotine, her mind slowly adjusted to its usual sharpness and shook off the remnants of her climax.  Exhaling the ghostly wisp of gray haze into the room, she felt the young woman behind her rise to sit.

Instead of looking over to the woman who was probably eyeing her at this moment, or trying desperately to avoid doing so, Kozue let her eyes shift across the dark room.  Even in the thick veil of midnight hours, the mess which was Juri's dorm was clearly recognizable.  Of course, one would only assume that the perfect, immaculate Arisugawa would only maintain the tidiest of rooms, which was just the exact opposite of the truth.  It was an unkempt mess, with clothes and papers strewn about haphazardly as if a whirlwind had torn a path inexplicably through her small living space.  Using an empty, nearby soda can as an ash-tray, she took a curious glance to the oddly still woman beside her.  The taller woman's face was shrouded by a tangled, yet somehow still attractive, mess of gold curls, though Kozue could guess her bedmate's turmoil.  She smiled to herself, reveling in the fact that she herself could cause such fits of mental anguish.  Juri was trying so desperately to maintain her stoic coolness, but like a fine, velvet curtain drawn easily away by her continual coaxing, leaving the stark nakedness of the situation before her amused eyes.  Before she could make a remark, Juri rose off the sofa and stalked silently into the bathroom; as the stark light clicked on, the perpetual tapping of the running shower faucet soon followed.  Taking the last small drag off of her cigarette, she considered briefly in joining her.  She was sure the other would enjoy that very much, in fact. 

Yes, she knew very well of the fencers inevitable, bourgeoning feelings toward her, and with the utmost delighted fascination, played on them at every opportunity.  Whenever she was watching her, thinking herself unseen, Kozue would effortlessly antagonize her into a silent stew of jealousy.  She would move just a little closer to her random affection of the day, place an arm around them perhaps, and sometimes things unfathomably more wicked.  She loved that feeling, the power of having this for herself, a person who could only burn for her.  The feeling was quite intoxicating.  Snubbing the butt of the cigarette out and shoving it through the can opening, she rose to dress, deciding against the shower.  No sense in giving the other any sort of message that Kozue had any extra surplus of want inside her for Juri in particular.    

Because there wasn't.

Redressing herself into the drab Ohtori uniform, she took a last amused look around the room and exited quietly.  The halls of the dorm were quiet and empty considering the late hour and there was really no danger of any curious eyes.  Not that she cared of course, but she knew of Juri's need to be explicitly private in her personal matters, and Kozue was not unreasonable in this request.  It was fairly normal.  Slipping into the small, rusted elevator at the end of the hall, Kozue leaned back onto the wall and sighed. 

As the elevator grudgingly grinded down to the floor level, the blue eyed young woman started to feel a twinge of unease.  As much as she loathed self-analyzing, her mind drifted of into a scrutinizing analysis of this fun she was having with Juri Arisuagawa.  Was it perhaps slowly becoming too much fun; was it bordering into a, perhaps dangerous, self-indulgence?  Control was the most important aspect of this game she played, and control needed to be absolute and thorough at all times.  So why was she so elated?  The realization that she was acquiring far too much pleasure in this for it to be simply another impassive affair pricked her mind like a sharp, intrusive sting.  A frown worked its way onto her face, her sharp, blue brow contorting into an angry knot. 

What was she doing?

Her eyes burrowed into the button panel as the small lights blinked at her defiantly.  She should've ended this by now.  (Didn't they used to tell her, after the third time it became a thing?) Hell, she had lost track of the countless endeavors with her new playmate, the idea had somehow sneaked past her thoughts.  In fact, had she not started to come up with excuses to see Juri?  She didn't truly recall any others that captured her attentions quite this long; the whole affair had blurred together, smeared like a chalk warning written on the wet pavement.  For a moment, she panicked.  The elevator constricted around her, spiraling down down down into her own personal prison.  She was trapped, she couldn't breath.  Kozue swore and squeezed her eyes shut.  What the fuck was she doing?  Striding angrily out of the elevator, her skirt making a rapid swish at Kozue's anxious pace as the campus grounds remained undisturbed by her presence.    

Stalking down the cold, dark sidewalks of the Ohtori campus, her mind raced angrily along an all too familiar path.  This would end up just like before, wouldn't it?  That pervasive, tormented past which betrayed her so grudgingly was coming back to replay itself.  She damned the light.  That shinning, glorious thing of her childhood, that special light which shined only for her, only with her, had burnt out and left the dirty, defiant young woman she was.  Kozue knew all about it, the tricky betraying bastard.  So it had come crawling along unseen, tempting her once again? It had enticed her, so mastersfully, back into its deadly, enfolding embrace. No, her mind screamed.  The light wasn't real, it never lasted.  It trapped, it confined, it betrayed and killed.  She had believed in it once, believed in him; him and his glorious light which the two alone had shared.  It was what she had lived for.  And of course, she knew all to well how that had played out.  How her illusions of love, trust and youth came crashing violently down upon her like a thousand, jagged shards of glass.   

And now, it had returned.  She must have been a fool, not realising it up until now; what an idiot, to not have seen what her arrogance was leading her to.  It had returned in the body of an older girl, a ferocious, elegant fencer.  It lulled her with its tempting, intoxicating glow, and she had been almost fool enough to walk into the jaws of a hungry, waiting shark.  No, she wouldn't be devoured.  Kozue vowed never to believe in such a thing again.  She was smart now, she could fight it.  She wasn't a child any longer.  Resolving herself, she decided it was time to break things off.

After one last time…