Come Undone
Chapter 18
On Rava Five, spurred on by his increasing apprehension, Anakin once again tried to meditate. It was harder, in this foreign and alien place and he often felt strangely detached. Dispassionate. Yet there was also an undercurrent here.. . he felt always on edge. His men went in fear of displeasing him, as the slightest infraction seemed to draw the harshest punishment, but he hadn't killed any of them in anger. Yet.
Anakin had posted a guard at the door of his quarters, demanding privacy and had made it quite clear that under no circumstances was he to be disturbed. He had tried to send a message to Naboo, and had received no reply as of yet but this didn't concern him too terribly. After all, it was a long tiresome journey and Padmé was more than likely sleeping again. Still, he could not shake that distinct feeling of unease.
He took several long, slow, deep breaths. With each one he tried to push his surface thoughts aside, trying almost desperately to clear his mind. With one breath, Rava five was gone, his subservient underlings the next. Padmé was harder to dismiss, she kept creeping back into his line of mental sight, beckoning and calling to him. At last, he gave in to it, falling into wherever, or whatever, he would see.
He was drawn into the vision (memory?). It was the Naboo, and the field where they had made love (She'd ridden him like a beast) and he was sure that it was where their child (His SON) had been conceived. She had been far less inhibited (gloriously bare) than himself, unmindful of the cold (How could she stand it?) or the idea of being 'caught' (10 years of being a monk) outside. She was the loving (hedonistic) woman in his life who sheltered him from the dark (she would consume his soul) and he would go anywhere she asked (pain, intense PAIN OH GODS THE PAIN!!!!!)
He was brought to his knees with the intensity of the sensation, shocked out of the reverie and back to reality. Never had he felt so.... torn, so lost. He knew that he should stay here, that she was perfectly safe. He'd been training as a Jedi since he was in his ninth year, sometimes, often times, the force visions were merely manifestations of one's own fears. He KNEW this! Best to just put it aside, and get back to the business at hand. Best.
"Send a message to the commander that I wish to see him immediately. I will be leaving this Force forsaken holding to attend a privet matter and I must be sure that these fools will not hand it over to the Separatist by their sheer incompetence in my absence."
"But Sir!" a frightened voice came over the com. "What shall I tell the Chancellor?"
"Tell him... tell him..." For a moment, Anakin lost the now familiar hardness to his voice and it became gentle. "Tell him I've gone home to my wife. I should return within a fair amount of time. The Chancellor is a hard man, but in this instance he'll understand."
"Yes sir..." came the uncertain reply. "As you wish sir... is there anything else I can…"
Anakin sighed and switched off the com, already tiring of the obsequious chatter. With luck, he could make planet fall within the week, although the recent activities of the insurrectionist often made interstellar travel difficult. Ten days at the outside, at the very worse. His child still wouldn't be due for at least two weeks and he could spend some privet time with Padmé before... well before the whole galaxy went mad. He smiled at the thought. Despite his misgivings and their differences, he knew that Obi-wan would still be involved in his child's (son's) life. Perhaps, just perhaps, his child (son) would follow in his footsteps and take some Jedi training.
With a rare smile now on his lips, Anakin threw his few belongings into a kit bag and headed towards the shuttle bay.
"I'm coming home beloved!" he thought happily to himself. "Coming home at last!"
