Chapter 6
Disclaimer: Just for a change, I was going to say that I am the reincarnation of Tolkein and so own everything, but someone pointed out that this was not rue. Bugger. Anyway, we own nothing..much. Alicia, Elle and Morgan are definitely ours, though. So there.
Legolas was getting very pissed off. The scouts still hadn't returned from their missions, so the Fellowship was still stuck at Rivendell. It was now early December, and Elle was getting on his nerves. He still hadn't forgiven her for almost messing up his perfect hair, and the elf just kept pestering him. Even when he took on a job as Elven Drill Sergeant to avoid her, she was assigned to his squad. All his other recruits were fine, but. His train of thought was interrupted when he glimpsed, out of the corner of his eye, Elle swimming laps in an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny fuchsia and rose polka dot bikini up and down the water pit in the army obstacle course.
"Oi! Gingah mingah!" he barked in his best annoying English accent. Elle looked up innocently.
"Who, me?" she asked, widening her big eyes, "But, officer."
Alicia trotted past, behind a screen of foliage, unconscious of the fact there were living beings within miles. She struck up a cheery song (to the tune of 'When You're Looking Like That' by Westlife.)
"He's a five foot ten, elf prince with long blond hair, Everybody who's staring, wouldn't believe that this elf's so fine. I should have known I'd fall in love, When I saw him 'coz this elf's got a pretty butt And those trousers helped to show his granite arse."
She paused, imagining the music in her head, and still completely oblivious of her secret audience, some of whom were members of the 'I love Ali' fan club. They looked particularly morose.
"So I had to love you, And we're going to bed tonight."
At this, all the army recruits on the other side of the trees let out a collective wolf-whistle, except Elle, who snorted in derision, then asked an extremely red-faced Legolas over the catcalls,
"You've not even slept with her yet?! That's bollocks, Leggy!" Elle knew fine well that he hated this nickname she had (very unoriginally) invented. " My God, what is happening to the world?! I'm a firm believer in sex on a first date, granted Alicia doesn't share my conviction, but this is atrocious! I mean, that is pathetic - no shit! Call yourself a modern man."
Back at Rivendell, Morgan was indulging in a spot of eaves-dropping at Elrond's door. As Elrond spoke, she listened in what passed for horror by her standards to the devious plot unfolding before her very ears. The voices were quite muffled, but she could make out enough to satisfy herself.
".scouts have returned..choosing the Fellowship tomorrow morning, under NO ACCOUNT let elven maidens know of this.. Ruin the quest, endangering our only chance to destroy the Ring." Morgan stood up in fury before Elrond's companion and co-conspirator could say anything, started to knock on Elrond's door, thought better of it, and dashed off to find her companions and mobilise them for action.
Elrond was pacing in his office, recording his thoughts for the storylines (okay, so he had stolen a lot from real life, adding a minuscule amount of his own creation, but hey - nobody's prefect!) for his half- written best-selling novel (well, being Master of Rivendell wasn't all it was cracked up to be, Elrond needed the money, and besides, he was quite envious of all the media attention that Galadriel was getting) into a handheld Dictaphone, when he heard a loud crash. He flew to the door, aware that he was committing some form of crime (he wasn't sure which, something to do with copyright, maybe?), and espied a figure running away down the corridors.
"Shite!" he said with feeling. He stood collecting his thoughts for a moment, then reassured himself. It had to have been one of the soon to be announced fellowship, so if he just sent them off as soon as possible, the eavesdropper couldn't possibly manage to tell anyone. He sighed with relief. He was safe, then. At least for a while, anyway. He closed his office door and walked off, coming back a few moments later to lock the door. You couldn't be too careful.
At the elven army compound, Elle was still bending Legolas' ear with her relentless tirade.
"I mean, we're in the twenty-first century, and you men still seem to think you're nendar- neadnor- cavemen!" she fumed, " Jeez, you two have been making googly eyes at each other for the last eighty years, and what has it come to? For Godssake, you may not have heard of the old rubber jonnies here in Middle Earth, but I'm sure.Oh, hi Morg!" she said brightly, seeing her friend, before continuing her malediction on poor Legolas, who shot Morgan a look not unlike that of a rabbit trapped in car headlights. This had no effect on Morgan, as she normally urged the driver to squash any wayward bunnies, but she felt the need to intervene to inform Elle of what she'd heard.
"Elle, we need to talk. Where's Alicia?" she questioned. Elle jerked her thumb at a bush which was glowing a strange red colour. Morgan strode towards the scrub and parted the branches to reveal Alicia with her face the brightest red ever seen upon Middle, Upper or Lower Earth (apart from Elle with sunburn). She dragged her two companions to the relative privacy of a nearby pagoda.
Legolas was taking his recruits through the assault course, mercifully without Elle pestering him at every opportunity, when a loud shriek rent the air.
"WHAT?!" A short form exited a pagoda near the assualt course, and barreled towards him at top speed. The hapless elf found just enough time to haul himself up into a tree before the blur shot past him, scattering slower elves right, left, centre, and, in a few unlucky cases, vertically. There was a crashing noise, and a loud snap, and Legolas found himself facing a petrified elf who had just fallen through the leafy canopy, and now sat on the irate elf prince's lap.
Disclaimer: Just for a change, I was going to say that I am the reincarnation of Tolkein and so own everything, but someone pointed out that this was not rue. Bugger. Anyway, we own nothing..much. Alicia, Elle and Morgan are definitely ours, though. So there.
Legolas was getting very pissed off. The scouts still hadn't returned from their missions, so the Fellowship was still stuck at Rivendell. It was now early December, and Elle was getting on his nerves. He still hadn't forgiven her for almost messing up his perfect hair, and the elf just kept pestering him. Even when he took on a job as Elven Drill Sergeant to avoid her, she was assigned to his squad. All his other recruits were fine, but. His train of thought was interrupted when he glimpsed, out of the corner of his eye, Elle swimming laps in an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny fuchsia and rose polka dot bikini up and down the water pit in the army obstacle course.
"Oi! Gingah mingah!" he barked in his best annoying English accent. Elle looked up innocently.
"Who, me?" she asked, widening her big eyes, "But, officer."
Alicia trotted past, behind a screen of foliage, unconscious of the fact there were living beings within miles. She struck up a cheery song (to the tune of 'When You're Looking Like That' by Westlife.)
"He's a five foot ten, elf prince with long blond hair, Everybody who's staring, wouldn't believe that this elf's so fine. I should have known I'd fall in love, When I saw him 'coz this elf's got a pretty butt And those trousers helped to show his granite arse."
She paused, imagining the music in her head, and still completely oblivious of her secret audience, some of whom were members of the 'I love Ali' fan club. They looked particularly morose.
"So I had to love you, And we're going to bed tonight."
At this, all the army recruits on the other side of the trees let out a collective wolf-whistle, except Elle, who snorted in derision, then asked an extremely red-faced Legolas over the catcalls,
"You've not even slept with her yet?! That's bollocks, Leggy!" Elle knew fine well that he hated this nickname she had (very unoriginally) invented. " My God, what is happening to the world?! I'm a firm believer in sex on a first date, granted Alicia doesn't share my conviction, but this is atrocious! I mean, that is pathetic - no shit! Call yourself a modern man."
Back at Rivendell, Morgan was indulging in a spot of eaves-dropping at Elrond's door. As Elrond spoke, she listened in what passed for horror by her standards to the devious plot unfolding before her very ears. The voices were quite muffled, but she could make out enough to satisfy herself.
".scouts have returned..choosing the Fellowship tomorrow morning, under NO ACCOUNT let elven maidens know of this.. Ruin the quest, endangering our only chance to destroy the Ring." Morgan stood up in fury before Elrond's companion and co-conspirator could say anything, started to knock on Elrond's door, thought better of it, and dashed off to find her companions and mobilise them for action.
Elrond was pacing in his office, recording his thoughts for the storylines (okay, so he had stolen a lot from real life, adding a minuscule amount of his own creation, but hey - nobody's prefect!) for his half- written best-selling novel (well, being Master of Rivendell wasn't all it was cracked up to be, Elrond needed the money, and besides, he was quite envious of all the media attention that Galadriel was getting) into a handheld Dictaphone, when he heard a loud crash. He flew to the door, aware that he was committing some form of crime (he wasn't sure which, something to do with copyright, maybe?), and espied a figure running away down the corridors.
"Shite!" he said with feeling. He stood collecting his thoughts for a moment, then reassured himself. It had to have been one of the soon to be announced fellowship, so if he just sent them off as soon as possible, the eavesdropper couldn't possibly manage to tell anyone. He sighed with relief. He was safe, then. At least for a while, anyway. He closed his office door and walked off, coming back a few moments later to lock the door. You couldn't be too careful.
At the elven army compound, Elle was still bending Legolas' ear with her relentless tirade.
"I mean, we're in the twenty-first century, and you men still seem to think you're nendar- neadnor- cavemen!" she fumed, " Jeez, you two have been making googly eyes at each other for the last eighty years, and what has it come to? For Godssake, you may not have heard of the old rubber jonnies here in Middle Earth, but I'm sure.Oh, hi Morg!" she said brightly, seeing her friend, before continuing her malediction on poor Legolas, who shot Morgan a look not unlike that of a rabbit trapped in car headlights. This had no effect on Morgan, as she normally urged the driver to squash any wayward bunnies, but she felt the need to intervene to inform Elle of what she'd heard.
"Elle, we need to talk. Where's Alicia?" she questioned. Elle jerked her thumb at a bush which was glowing a strange red colour. Morgan strode towards the scrub and parted the branches to reveal Alicia with her face the brightest red ever seen upon Middle, Upper or Lower Earth (apart from Elle with sunburn). She dragged her two companions to the relative privacy of a nearby pagoda.
Legolas was taking his recruits through the assault course, mercifully without Elle pestering him at every opportunity, when a loud shriek rent the air.
"WHAT?!" A short form exited a pagoda near the assualt course, and barreled towards him at top speed. The hapless elf found just enough time to haul himself up into a tree before the blur shot past him, scattering slower elves right, left, centre, and, in a few unlucky cases, vertically. There was a crashing noise, and a loud snap, and Legolas found himself facing a petrified elf who had just fallen through the leafy canopy, and now sat on the irate elf prince's lap.
