Chapter 7
Disclaimer: Ever get déja vu? Once again, we own nothing except ( in alphabetical order,) Alicia, Elle and Morgan.
Elle was furiously packing her suitcases, cramming all her possessions into the four open receptacles. She was having difficulty deciding whether to leave her giant fluffy elephant or her spare battery-powered eyebrow tweezers behind - Morgan had told her they would be travelling a lot, so she needed to pack as little as possible. Alicia was sitting on Elle's bed, advising her on what to pack.
"No, I don't think you'll need all thirteen bikinis, take three or four. the ibook is a bit heavy, do you really need it? Yes, I know you'll want to watch DVDs, but still.No, absolutely not! You won't need your pom poms!" Elle looked up imploringly .
" But we could cheer the Fellowship on." Alicia sighed.
"Well, it's up to you, but you'll have to carry your own stuff, I'm not carrying anything for you again." She shuddered at the memory of the last time they had travelled, when she had been lumbered with Elle's TV, video and DVD player and computer unbeknown to her - the mischievous redhead had slipped her suitcase with her friend's at the airport.
The elven maidens were planning to sneak out of Rivendell, so they could join the Fellowship on their quest with no delay or resistance from Elrond. Morgan had a grand masterplan to accomplish this feat, so naturally Alicia and Elle had no intention whatsoever of doing anything she told them. As they laboriously (in Elle's case, anyway) packed their suitcases, Morgan, (being the 'horsy person' out of the trio) was out in the Rivendell stables, dressed somewhat pretentiously in her cross-country colours of red and black, choosing a mount for their journey. She had given the stable-elf a cookie laced with sleeping potion (a recipe courtesy of 'The Evil Villain's Cookbook, Volume 3') and was proceeding to select the fastest looking horse when she heard someone calling her name. Arwen entered the stable. Morgan rolled her eyes impatiently. She had no time for this flouncing excuse for a princess.
" Mistress Morgan, you are forbidden from being here." Arwen said in a whispery, breathy voice. Lots of the elf warriors were crying themselves to sleep over this, Morgan thought disgustedly.
"Bite me!" she said sarcastically.
` "Where?" replied Arwen innocently.
"Kinky bitch!" Morgan was sure that the pretty young maiden had no idea what she was talking about.
"Bondage is a girl's best friend!" retorted Arwen, looking straight in Morgan's eyes with a faint smile playing on her lips, before strolling out of the stables, leaving behind a dumbfounded, but rather impressed, Morgan. As Arwen disappeared out the swinging door, Elle and Alicia shot in. Elle ran to her beloved, Bill, the donkey, and was petting him and holding out sugar lumps (Alicia and Morgan could only guess where she had come across these in Rivendell) for Bill to hastily devour. She looked up at Morgan, babbling away as usual,
"Maybe we should take some of Bill's favourite strawberry bubble bath, I mean, he might get bored smelling of mangoes the whole time. how long will this journey be; do you think he'll need his teddy bear with him, I don't want him to get homesick," Bill looked completely ignorant of this chatter, he had been happy on the Grey Havens (Holiday Village and Retirement Homes) beach giving donkey rides and all he really wanted was a good carrot to gnaw and some straw to sleep on.
"..and some air freshener, his stable might get smelly, Oh! I forgot to pack any plasters or bandages in case he gets blisters from his saddle." Elle made as if to shoot back out the door and back everything she had carelessly forgotten, but with one look at Morgan's face she thought better of it. Thunderclouds were gathering over Morgan's head.
"Alica," asked Morgan, "Did we ever so much as mention that we were taking Bill as our packhorse? Or, for that matter, on this trip at all?" Something in her tone hinted that the answer was very definitely no. Alica said as much. Morgan gained an unhealthy looking glint in her eye. Unhealthy looking, that is, for the person at whom her anger was directed. Elle was completely oblivious to this warning.
"Oh, but if we leave Bill behind, he'll get lonely! I'm sure these elves won't take proper care of him - he needs his meals at precisely the same time, every day, and he gets very grumpy if he doesn't get his daily game of strip poker." she said, confident she would eventually get her own way. She always did. She turned her eyes towards Morgan with a cute, pleading expression in her eyes. When Morgan appeared immune to her charms, still stony-faced, Elle carefully let a single tear roll down her cheek. She had spent a lot of time perfecting this trick, one she had learnt from corny films. It had never yet failed her. Morgan's steely glare began to soften, and Elle knew she had won in the titanic battle of wills. She leapt up and hugged Morgan, dashing off to resume her packing.
After the excitable elf had scampered off, her two friends looked at each other, then at Bill. The donkey was a very weedy looking specimen, definitely not up to a long journey, fraught with danger. Bill was slowly chewing on a sugar lump, when, under the maiden's scrutiny, he suddenly keeled over. The anxious elves were still staring in confusion at the prone form, when they heard the delicate strains of harp music. They saw a white form drifting slowly up from the Bill, playing a lyre, on its way up to the big beach in the sky. Comprehension finally dawned on Alicia's face. She turned to her friend who had been watching the scene with mild amusement.
"So, there's obviously such a thing as Donkey Heaven, then," Morgan commented. Alicia sniffed profoundly.
"Alas, poor Bill, I didn't know him very well." Alicia declared in a sudden Shakespeare moment. "Poor Bill," she said, at a loss for words (which was actually highly unusual).
"Poor Bill? What are we going to tell Elle?!" asked Morgan in a slightly panicked (even for her) voice. Alicia looked thoughtful for a moment.
"I had a goldfish, when I was six. Her name was Nothing Goldie Boomer Smith." Morgan looked exasperated.
"Scuse my French, but what the fuck does this have to do with anything?!" she inquired as politely as she knew how. Alicia was moderately offended.
"I was getting there, mon petit chou," she continued. "Nothing lived for years, and I always thought she must be the oldest fish in the world." She paused, lost somewhere in her memory. Morgan coughed loudly.
"So, anyway," muttered Alicia, " One day I woke up really early on a Saturday morning, and when I went downstairs, Nothing was upside down in the tank, just floating there." Her eyes filled with tears at the memory. "And it turned out that the real Nothing had died years before. Mum and Dad just kept buying new fish to replace her each time one died so I didn't get upset. And the sad thing was, I didn't even notice." Her eyes were misting up again. When she finally looked round, Morgan was sitting there reading a Hollywell Stables book with a very bored look on her face. Alicia leaned over all the empty boxes of tissues and said with a furtive look on her face,
"So, all we have to do is find some other donkey to replace Bill. Elle doesn't pay that much attention, she'll never notice." Morgan sighed heavily.
"Brilliant plan, Einstein," Morgan drawled acerbically, "but where are we going to find another donkey around here that answers to the name Bill, that we could take on this quest?" They both thought about what she had just said.
"What if we used a pony, instead of a donkey?" asked Alicia in a ponderous voice. Morgan's head swivelled round to look at her. Her eyes were gleaming.
"Are you suggesting we use that pathetic pony that the hobbits brought with them?" Alicia nodded.
"That was bloody brilliant thinking, Alicia! Let's go and find that pony!"
Disclaimer: Ever get déja vu? Once again, we own nothing except ( in alphabetical order,) Alicia, Elle and Morgan.
Elle was furiously packing her suitcases, cramming all her possessions into the four open receptacles. She was having difficulty deciding whether to leave her giant fluffy elephant or her spare battery-powered eyebrow tweezers behind - Morgan had told her they would be travelling a lot, so she needed to pack as little as possible. Alicia was sitting on Elle's bed, advising her on what to pack.
"No, I don't think you'll need all thirteen bikinis, take three or four. the ibook is a bit heavy, do you really need it? Yes, I know you'll want to watch DVDs, but still.No, absolutely not! You won't need your pom poms!" Elle looked up imploringly .
" But we could cheer the Fellowship on." Alicia sighed.
"Well, it's up to you, but you'll have to carry your own stuff, I'm not carrying anything for you again." She shuddered at the memory of the last time they had travelled, when she had been lumbered with Elle's TV, video and DVD player and computer unbeknown to her - the mischievous redhead had slipped her suitcase with her friend's at the airport.
The elven maidens were planning to sneak out of Rivendell, so they could join the Fellowship on their quest with no delay or resistance from Elrond. Morgan had a grand masterplan to accomplish this feat, so naturally Alicia and Elle had no intention whatsoever of doing anything she told them. As they laboriously (in Elle's case, anyway) packed their suitcases, Morgan, (being the 'horsy person' out of the trio) was out in the Rivendell stables, dressed somewhat pretentiously in her cross-country colours of red and black, choosing a mount for their journey. She had given the stable-elf a cookie laced with sleeping potion (a recipe courtesy of 'The Evil Villain's Cookbook, Volume 3') and was proceeding to select the fastest looking horse when she heard someone calling her name. Arwen entered the stable. Morgan rolled her eyes impatiently. She had no time for this flouncing excuse for a princess.
" Mistress Morgan, you are forbidden from being here." Arwen said in a whispery, breathy voice. Lots of the elf warriors were crying themselves to sleep over this, Morgan thought disgustedly.
"Bite me!" she said sarcastically.
` "Where?" replied Arwen innocently.
"Kinky bitch!" Morgan was sure that the pretty young maiden had no idea what she was talking about.
"Bondage is a girl's best friend!" retorted Arwen, looking straight in Morgan's eyes with a faint smile playing on her lips, before strolling out of the stables, leaving behind a dumbfounded, but rather impressed, Morgan. As Arwen disappeared out the swinging door, Elle and Alicia shot in. Elle ran to her beloved, Bill, the donkey, and was petting him and holding out sugar lumps (Alicia and Morgan could only guess where she had come across these in Rivendell) for Bill to hastily devour. She looked up at Morgan, babbling away as usual,
"Maybe we should take some of Bill's favourite strawberry bubble bath, I mean, he might get bored smelling of mangoes the whole time. how long will this journey be; do you think he'll need his teddy bear with him, I don't want him to get homesick," Bill looked completely ignorant of this chatter, he had been happy on the Grey Havens (Holiday Village and Retirement Homes) beach giving donkey rides and all he really wanted was a good carrot to gnaw and some straw to sleep on.
"..and some air freshener, his stable might get smelly, Oh! I forgot to pack any plasters or bandages in case he gets blisters from his saddle." Elle made as if to shoot back out the door and back everything she had carelessly forgotten, but with one look at Morgan's face she thought better of it. Thunderclouds were gathering over Morgan's head.
"Alica," asked Morgan, "Did we ever so much as mention that we were taking Bill as our packhorse? Or, for that matter, on this trip at all?" Something in her tone hinted that the answer was very definitely no. Alica said as much. Morgan gained an unhealthy looking glint in her eye. Unhealthy looking, that is, for the person at whom her anger was directed. Elle was completely oblivious to this warning.
"Oh, but if we leave Bill behind, he'll get lonely! I'm sure these elves won't take proper care of him - he needs his meals at precisely the same time, every day, and he gets very grumpy if he doesn't get his daily game of strip poker." she said, confident she would eventually get her own way. She always did. She turned her eyes towards Morgan with a cute, pleading expression in her eyes. When Morgan appeared immune to her charms, still stony-faced, Elle carefully let a single tear roll down her cheek. She had spent a lot of time perfecting this trick, one she had learnt from corny films. It had never yet failed her. Morgan's steely glare began to soften, and Elle knew she had won in the titanic battle of wills. She leapt up and hugged Morgan, dashing off to resume her packing.
After the excitable elf had scampered off, her two friends looked at each other, then at Bill. The donkey was a very weedy looking specimen, definitely not up to a long journey, fraught with danger. Bill was slowly chewing on a sugar lump, when, under the maiden's scrutiny, he suddenly keeled over. The anxious elves were still staring in confusion at the prone form, when they heard the delicate strains of harp music. They saw a white form drifting slowly up from the Bill, playing a lyre, on its way up to the big beach in the sky. Comprehension finally dawned on Alicia's face. She turned to her friend who had been watching the scene with mild amusement.
"So, there's obviously such a thing as Donkey Heaven, then," Morgan commented. Alicia sniffed profoundly.
"Alas, poor Bill, I didn't know him very well." Alicia declared in a sudden Shakespeare moment. "Poor Bill," she said, at a loss for words (which was actually highly unusual).
"Poor Bill? What are we going to tell Elle?!" asked Morgan in a slightly panicked (even for her) voice. Alicia looked thoughtful for a moment.
"I had a goldfish, when I was six. Her name was Nothing Goldie Boomer Smith." Morgan looked exasperated.
"Scuse my French, but what the fuck does this have to do with anything?!" she inquired as politely as she knew how. Alicia was moderately offended.
"I was getting there, mon petit chou," she continued. "Nothing lived for years, and I always thought she must be the oldest fish in the world." She paused, lost somewhere in her memory. Morgan coughed loudly.
"So, anyway," muttered Alicia, " One day I woke up really early on a Saturday morning, and when I went downstairs, Nothing was upside down in the tank, just floating there." Her eyes filled with tears at the memory. "And it turned out that the real Nothing had died years before. Mum and Dad just kept buying new fish to replace her each time one died so I didn't get upset. And the sad thing was, I didn't even notice." Her eyes were misting up again. When she finally looked round, Morgan was sitting there reading a Hollywell Stables book with a very bored look on her face. Alicia leaned over all the empty boxes of tissues and said with a furtive look on her face,
"So, all we have to do is find some other donkey to replace Bill. Elle doesn't pay that much attention, she'll never notice." Morgan sighed heavily.
"Brilliant plan, Einstein," Morgan drawled acerbically, "but where are we going to find another donkey around here that answers to the name Bill, that we could take on this quest?" They both thought about what she had just said.
"What if we used a pony, instead of a donkey?" asked Alicia in a ponderous voice. Morgan's head swivelled round to look at her. Her eyes were gleaming.
"Are you suggesting we use that pathetic pony that the hobbits brought with them?" Alicia nodded.
"That was bloody brilliant thinking, Alicia! Let's go and find that pony!"
