Wasuremono Koiboto

Shadow Dreamer

Disclaimer: Digimon belongs to Toei Animation, Saban, Disney, Bandai, and other companies that may have been forgotten, but it's not me.

**WARNING** This story contains shounen-ai.  Please leave now if that makes you uncomfortable.  Homophobic rants will be laughed at and flames will be used to warm my room on a cold winter night.  This story also contains some dark themes.  If that makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you leave, but if you continue, it's not my fault if you're disturbed or have nightmares, because I warned you!

First off, I would like to apologize to all of you for my *incredibly* long absence.  I'm very sorry everyone, please don't kill me!!  Between schoolwork, and then my muses deciding it was a fine time to take a lunch break and a vacation, writing did become a little difficult…but now I'm back!

I know that most of you who asked for a sequel wanted it to be a happy one, and some of you asked for a sequel only if it was happy.  I apologize in advance to those people.  It's not my fault!!  Eiei Koiboto doesn't leave much room for happiness…so, I am warning you now, this won't exactly be a happy fic.  To babydragon, and any of my other reviewers who wanted the conflict to be solved, it is, just in a different way.  And to SrPositivo, I agree with you, fanfiction should be happy, with problems solved easily (and very unrealistically) unfortunately my muses like to take depression pills every once in a while and it effects my brain.  To S_Star, I beg of you not to kill me, I did tell you that after this I wouldn't write anything *this* sad again, okay?  Happy one, next!  The rest of you…sorry again!!

                Whereas Eiei Koiboto focused just a bit more around Taichi than Yamato, this one will focus a little bit more around Yamato, and it also takes place a year after the end of Eiei Koiboto.  I don't want to spoil the story by saying anything else about it, so I guess we'll begin.  Enjoy everyone!  *hides behind rock*

                -Shadow Dreamer

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

1 year later

-- Yamato --

                Doing this is more than likely going to prove to be a big mistake.

                Well, you know, this is typical behavior when it comes to you.

                I still have no clue why I'm doing it.

                I feel guilty, you know, and I think that's the main reason why.  I feel guilty, and I'm hurt, and I have to know why…

                I have to know why you didn't come back. 

                You had thought that you would, you said yourself that you would probably wind up coming back.

                I know you, and you must have a damn good reason for not coming back when you said that you probably would.

                Whether you like it or not, I'm coming to see you, and getting some answers.  Maybe then I can finally settle a bit, at least.

                When my plane landed, and I didn't see you there waiting, I was ready to cry out and run and find you, but I didn't.  I thought that I would be able to get over it easy.

                But I didn't.  For the past year you've been the main thing in the back of my mind, and I couldn't concentrate on anything else but you.  I can't tell you how many hours I've stayed up wondering about you, how you are and if you've moved on, and why you didn't come back.  You're the main reason why I've decided to quit the band.

                I don't know what I'm expecting by seeing you.  I suppose what I should expect is to see that you've moved on, perhaps found someone else.  But I'm going to apologize.  For once, I'll be the one who does it.

                And even after all this time, after five years, I can't deny the fact that I still love you, as crazy as it sounds.

                It's silly, but I think I'm expecting for you to feel that way too…

-- Taichi --

                There was a knock on the door.

                Still half asleep, I dragged myself off the couch to get it, knowing who it was.

                I unlocked the door and then flopped myself back on the couch, like I always used to do with you.

                I heard the quiet footsteps entering the apartment, and the creak of the shutting door.  Finally I hear the familiar sound of a human's graceful landing onto the loveseat beside of me.

                A familiar silence follows.  It reminds me so much of the days when the both of us would just stay home and listen to the rain outside, pounding steadily against the window panes.

                "Are you okay?" I ask the other person in the room, already knowing the answer.  It's customary now, for me to ask this.

                "I'm fine." He whispers back to me, although I know that he isn't.  He hasn't been for six months.

                Six months ago…that was when Daisuke died.  In a car crash.  It didn't help matters any.  Hell, I'm still not over you, not even close to it, but the pain in my heart had been starting to die down, just a little, and then Daisuke died.

                This sounds really bad, but losing him didn't hurt nearly as much as it hurt me to leave that day a year ago, without saying anything to you…

                …but it still hurt.  Daisuke and I had always been really close, with me being his idol and all. 

                It hurt Ken even more.  And I don't blame him.  Daisuke was the first person that Ken had ever learned to trust and respect.  You know that just as well as I do.  And Ken loved him.  It can't be expected that it would be easy.

                Ken spent an entire month where he rarely came home.  He spent most of his time at Daisuke's grave, until he began to grow too weak to make it there and back on his own.  It was then that my instincts to help kicked in.  I didn't want anything bad to happen to him when I could have done something to prevent it, like what happened with you…

                So I took care of him.  I carried him home from Daisuke's grave one evening and let him sleep, and when he woke up I had forced him to eat and shower. 

                For at least two months it remained like that, and by then Ken had recovered enough to go back home again, as long as Wormmon was always by his side.  But in those two months, we became rather attached to each other.

                I think it's because Daisuke and I are so alike.  My stubbornness to get Ken to eat and shower and sleep, and get working again, must have reminded Ken so much of Daisuke.  I think I temporarily filled a little spot in his heart.  Not enough to replace Daisuke, but enough to keep him going.

                And at the same time, Ken satisfied something inside of me, too.  After I left you behind that day I always had a nagging guilty feeling.  Because even after all this time, I still love you.  Like I said, the pain has dulled, but it's still there.  I was lonely.  I still am, but taking care of Ken has gotten my mind off of you, and filled the lonely little hole.

                Nowadays, I'm the only person Ken talks to, and it's the same way for me.  He knows about what happened between you and I, and he understands what comfort I need: silent.  Likewise, I do know what it's like to lose someone you love, and he lets me in. 

                Most of the free time we have we spend together, including now, just sitting quietly and listening to the rain or some soft music.  And in those times, my mind always wanders…

                …and no matter what I start thinking about, everything comes down to you.

                Over these years I have missed you a hell of a lot more than I ever expected to.  There's just something about you that completes the puzzle of my heart.  We are each other's missing pieces; we figured that out long ago.  But we keep losing each other.

                I can't help but wonder what you're doing right now.  I must confess that I've watched some of your televised concerts, but you haven't had any lately and I haven't even been able to see your perfect body.  Your warm face.  Are you doing okay?  Are you eating enough?

                Something tells me that I shouldn't worry.  I can't help it though. 

                Some part of me wishes that I could see you, but I would have no idea where to look to find you.  So I am just going to continue to sit here in the background, and watch…perhaps waiting, but it's silly.  I should never expect for you to have any contact with me ever again, not after what happened.  I can still hope though.

                Because…it's not just that I didn't go back.  But…no matter how much we hurt each other, and how many promises we break, I always feel guilty about lying to you.  And my last words to you…

**Flashback**

You ran off crying, and I grew angry, and then I did the stupidest thing in my entire life.  "I HATE YOU, ISHIDA YAMATO!" I screamed after you, crying, and then I turned and ran away…

**End Flashback**

                That was a lie.  I don't hate you.  I never could.  But my last words to you, koi, they were lies.  And until you know the truth, that nagging feeling of guilt is always going to be left behind.

-- Yamato --

                I shouldn't be assuming where to find you.  For all I know you've moved out by now.  I wouldn't blame you if you have.  Living here may be too painful, because of the memories.  I mean it may be easier to let go in another city.

                But I've always had this gut instinct with you, and it's telling me that you still live in our-your-apartment.  My first trip is there, I guess.

                I don't know what I am going to say to you.  Sure, I have questions.  But I'm sure that you do to.  What am I supposed to say to you?  Am I supposed to tell you that after all these years, I still love you, and I'm only slightly mad at you?

                Somehow I don't think that it would go over well very if I said that.  Besides, knowing you and our relationship, you're going to tell me that you still love me too.  And after all of this time, after all that's happened, after you didn't come back…

                …to be honest, I'm not sure if I'll be able to believe you.

                Mentally I am not prepared for this meeting, but I have to do it.  The sooner I reach you, the sooner we'll get this settled.  Once I have my answer, I can leave, and move on.  I can find something else to do with my life.

                But…I can't tell myself that I won't ever see you again.  After all, when I told you that I would be leaving five years ago, I didn't think that you would come back and you did.  And a year ago, when you didn't return, I thought that that was the end.  That we'd seen the last of each other.

                And yet, here I am, walking in the rain, desperately trying to find you…

                …our lives would be much, much easier without each other in them.

                But it's way beyond late for that.

-- Taichi --

                When I woke up the next morning, immediately I knew that something about that day was going to be different.  I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  But something just didn't quite feel right.

                Dragging myself out of bed I looked at the clock.  It's noon already.  I'm not really surprised.  These days, I can't seem to get myself up early. 

                I have no reason to.  If it weren't for Ken, I would have no real reason to live anymore as it is.

                Careful not to trip over Ken in his sleeping bag on the ground, I walk out of the room and walk to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee.

                As I go through the process subconsciously, yet again my thoughts drift to you.  And us. 

                It used to be perfect, the relationship between you and I.  It's hard to believe that we ended up like this.  All because of your stupid career and those silly, dangerous promises that we made each other so long ago.

                And a year ago…before you left, I had told you that I would probably be back.  The reason I didn't go back was to avoid you.  Because I have learned.  If I had gone, we would have gotten back together, just like always.  We would have continued to hurt each other.

                Yet...somehow, I doubt that's enough to keep us away from each other forever.  I've thought this over every day, for the past five years, and somehow I know that we'll be brought back together again, continuously, until we die.  And even then, we'll wind up being thrown together in either heaven or hell.  It's just the way that we are.

                Part of me screams that I should have gone back.  A huge part of me regrets that decision.  I still love you just as much as I used to.  Yet I dread seeing you again.

                What am I supposed to say to you?  We've surpassed that time when we could be silent in each other's presence without any awkwardness.  I think we've surpassed the time when we could talk comfortably.  If we met again, it would be terribly awkward.

                The only subject that we could talk about is…well, this.  The past five years, I mean.  But if we did, it will end up in one of two ways.  1.) We could both wind up upset, and we would get back together again or 2.) We would end up in a serious argument.  And since we are both smarter than to wind up getting back together again, we'd fight. 

                I don't want to fight with you.  I don't like it.  I never have.  But what else would we do?

                There really is no point in us being put together anymore.  If we were lucky we'd be kept away from each other for the rest of eternity.  At least then, we could not be hurt any more than we already are.  Being confused is ten times better than being hurt.

                But things like that…happy endings…they only occur in the cheesy shoujo romance manga that Hikari still likes to read.

-- Yamato --

                For an unknown amount of time, I just stood there on your doorstep, staring.  It has to have been at least an hour already.

                I just can't bring myself to knock the door.  I would love to knock and be told that you moved out, but with my luck that won't happen.

                To be honest I'm not sure that I'll be able to handle facing you again.  The emotions and feelings between us are way too screwed.

                And then there's just too much that I want to tell you…and too much that I want to ask you about.  Where do I start?  Would you give me answers if I asked?

                Would you even, at least, listen to me?

                It's still pouring furiously outside, and my jacket is no longer protecting me from the rain.  My clothes are so soaked that my skin is wet.  At this rate I'm going to catch an ammonia. 

                Perhaps I shouldn't go in today after all.  It doesn't matter whether we hate each other or not, you're too kind to let me in but not take care of me at all when I'm this wet.

                Then…it took me forever to get here.  Countless times I just stopped walking, my doubts drowning me.  If I don't do this now, I never will.  I won't be able to find the courage to come again.  That's your department, Taichi.  Not mine. 

                It's just occurred to me that I must be an odd site for the public passing by.  It's just not customary for someone to stand by a doorstep for hours in the rain.

                Don't ask me why I thought of it.  Lately random thoughts have been running into my head at the weirdest moments, just like that.  I do that a lot.  When it happens, I'm grateful, because usually it keeps my mind off of you.

                No matter how hard I try though, I just haven't been able to stop thinking about you lately.  Especially not now.

                Taichi, you used to be the only courage that I had.  Any courage that I was able to gather came from you.  Any time we were apart, that courage was shattered like glass dropped onto pavement. 

                When I left you four years ago, so much of it left me I'm surprised I was able to do anything that had "courage" written across the requirements label.  Somehow I was though, and I think that you left some of your courage behind with me.

                The moment we admitted our love to each other, a half of our hearts joined the empty half of the other's.  And even after all of this time and hell, I still have that half of your heart with me.

                You still have mine.

                So, gathering up all the courage I may still have left within me into one tiny ball, I knock on your door.

-- Taichi --

                Ken was in my room, busying himself by drawing, and I lay on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about nothing in particular.

                You always used to think about nothing.  And I always used to think that it was a particularly dangerous habit; yet you still did it constantly.  It only took a month of me dating you to learn that I needed to be able to deal with it, and then you passed the trait down to me.

                Except I wouldn't exactly call me staring at the ceiling for hours while wondering about you thinking about nothing, but-

                There was a knock on the door.

                "I'll get it." I call, so that Ken isn't bothered.  Whatever he's doing, he seems pretty into it. 

                To be honest, I expected Hikari to be the one at the door.  She's the only one who ever bothers to come visit anymore. 

                After you left, we all still tried our hardest to still get together, and managed.  We were still close.  Then Daisuke left, and with both Ken and I locked up into our own little drawers, none of us even tried.  With both you, his own older brother, and his best friend gone, poor Takeru hasn't even come out of his own apartment.  And the only one who sees him is Hikari.  If it wasn't for her, he would have killed himself by now.

                The rest of them were just too emotionally hurt and confused to bother, and wrapped themselves up into their own blankets of darkness.

                The only reason I still see Hikari is because I'm her brother, and I never leave here anymore, so she comes here.

                Occasionally Miyako stops by to see Ken.

                I never, ever expect anyone else to come by.  So, thinking it was one of them, I walked over by door, shoved it open, and then went back to the couch and flopped myself down.

                I waited for the sound of Hikari's quiet footsteps, or Miyako's complaining about me leaving her standing there in the rain.

                Nothing ever came.

                I figured that maybe one of the other Chosen had stopped by for once and were confused by my actions.  That was honestly the only explanation I could come up with, you know.  Hikari and Miyako were used to me doing that by now.

                So, with an annoyed sigh, I sat up and opened my eyes.

                The last thing I ever expected to see, I did. 

                You were staring at me with an unreadable expression on your face, shivering and the rain absorbing into your clothes.

                My heart stopped.

*End Chapter 1*

                No one freak yet!  I only broke the story up into chapters because it's LONG, longer than I ever expected it to be, and a friend of mine who read this suggested it.  The next chapter's posted already though, if you haven't noticed.  I'd appreciate it if you reviewed at the end, because the whole story IS posted.  So read on!

~Shadow Dreamer~