~Wasuremono Koiboto~

Shadow Dreamer

Chapter 2

-- Yamato --

                Of all your actions in the world, I never expected for you to come open the door and just flop down on the couch like that.

                Just like you used to when I came by…

                I was frozen; I still have no idea what to make of it.  I mean, I know that you didn't see it, but still…

                Then it hit me.  It was you.

                Oh god oh god oh god oh god….

                My heart rate suddenly tripled itself and I had to lean against the doorframe to keep myself standing.

                It was you.  It was really you who had answered that door.  Not some stranger.

                Part of me was jumping out of my skin with excitement, and part of me wanted to run behind a rock and hide.

                I was seriously considering it, and then you sighed and sat up and looked straight up at me.  It was too late now.

                Our eyes locked.  We must have just stayed like that; staring, for at least three minutes, each of us trying to get our thoughts straight.

                Then, while constantly shaking your head in disbelief, you walked up to me, panting and with widening eyes. 

                I am finally able to get a closer look at you, and what I see makes me want to cry out.

                In the past five years, your looks have not changed at all.  You're still exactly the way I remember you.  And you certainly look healthy enough.  Glancing over you, I can tell that you've been eating and exercising enough.  Or, at least, you've been eating enough and just haven't been getting fat.  You were always like that.  Any person besides me and the other Chosen wouldn't have even considered the fact that something was wrong with you.

                But…your eyes.  Your eyes showed me what couldn't be told from your body.  Your eyes still had their same warm look, but the normal twinkle in them was gone.  The twinkle that always used to cheer me up, and warm my heart…

                …it had faded away.  And although your warm look was strongest, there was hurt into your eyes too.  It was a look of deep pain, and confusion, obviously caused by an unsolved emotional trauma.

                Or, in other words, me.

                You reach me then, and you freeze.  Yet, you keep your distance, and remain three feet away from me.

                "Ya…Yamato…" you choke in a quivering, barely audible voice.

                I can only stare into your wide, disbelieving eyes that are now full of fear.  I have nothing to say to you, but yet everything. 

                That little sense of insecurity sets into me and I'm starting to panic.  It's all I can do to keep myself from breaking down in front of you.

                Neither of us has moved, and if one of us doesn't say something soon, I don't even want to think about what's going to happen then.  But what do I say?

                Even as spaced as I am, I can still see you choke angrily and then turn your head away, and I desperately try to think of something to say.

                Just like always, I'm panicking too much, and random words are ready to pop out of my mouth.

                Without thinking, or realizing it, I say in a shaking, yet firm, voice, "You didn't come back."              

                Oh shit.  What did I just do?

-- Taichi--

                All it took was those familiar, haunting words for me to whip my head back into your direction and stare.

                Did you honestly say what I think you just said?

                Ishida Yamato.  How DARE you tell me that, after all that's happened to us.

                And they were your first words to me in five years, to boot!

-- Yamato --

        Hontou ni…

        Ishida Yamato no BAKA!!  Baka!!

        Of all the things I could have said to you, why that first?

-- Taichi --

        I was so angry over your first words to me that if it weren't for Ken, I would have said something completely over irrational to you then and ruined it all.

        Luckily, he chose that moment to creep out of my room. 

        "Taichi?  Who's-"

        His voice stopped abruptly.  I'm guessing that he saw you.

        Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ken freeze, and give me a look of pure confusion.

        Likewise, you looked up to me then in question.  Like we were still friends or something.

        Why now, Yamato?  Of all times, why now?

        This is something that I just can't take.

        Just then, of course at the worst possible time, I realize that you must have been out in the rain for a hell of a long time, as your clothes are completely soaked and seem to be made of water.  Any water is running off of you now, your clothes are so wet.

        With more force that intended, I grab your collar and pull you into the apartment, slamming the door behind me.

        Then I force you over to the sofa and shove you down.  Hissing, I manage to command, "Stay there."

        Then I walk over to where Ken is frozen standing and shove him into my room, slamming the door almost off of its hinges.

        God damn it Yamato, I'm not ready for this…

        I need to calm down.

-- Yamato --

        See, what did I tell you?  We haven't really even spoken a word to each other and it's already proven to be a suicide mission.

        This is what I get for coming here and expecting you to be able to talk to me.  I never should have thought that we would be able to.

        I kept telling myself that I wasn't ready to face you, Taichi.  But…you know, I never stopped to think about what effect this might have on you.  I never considered that you may not be able to handle this, and yet, that's what happened.

        I can tell that you're deeply confused, and upset.  If you were simply angry we'd already be screaming at each other by now.  That has to be why you went into your room with Ken-

        That reminds me.  Ken.

        What the hell is he doing here? 

        And where's Daisuke?

        I sigh and shake my head.  I can't answer any of that.  I'm just going to have to wait for you…

        A lump is forming in my throat and I force myself to swallow it down. 

        It's funny, you know.

        Even when we're in the same apartment, we're still playing this game.  I'm sitting out here and waiting…waiting for you to come out of the room.

        To…come back.

        Even now, we're playing that dangerous game, Taichi.

        It's silly.

        I shake my head and clear my head of those thoughts.  I think, for now, it's best not to think about that.

        Talking to you about it is going to be bad enough as it is.

        Desperate for something to pass the time, I glance around.  From here, I can see parts of the kitchen.  It's pretty clean, but dirty dishes are stacked up in your sink.

        I can't help but sigh.  Typical you.  I was always the one who did all the cleaning.

        Actually, the living room hasn't changed.  I remember the TV being exactly how it is, the bookshelves haven't moved.  The furniture is pretty clean, but you still have dirty laundry thrown into a pile on the other couch.

        I…I'm astounded.  I can't believe that you haven't changed any of it. Not one single bit.  I was sure that you would have at least remodeled.  Keeping things the exact same way must be a terrible way of reminding yourself of what happened.

        I know you, you can't tell me-or imply-that you're able to forget about it, because you never have.

        Events like these just don't leave your mind, Taichi.  Or mine.

        That was when I noticed something else.  There were a few pictures on top of the TV, like always.  One of Hikari, one of Takeru, and one of Ken and Daisuke sleeping that we sneaked at a sleepover at least seven or eight years ago. 

                Any pictures of the two of us we used to cram together on dressers in our room, or in wallets, and there was even one in the bathroom.  But…

                …there's two new pictures on the bookshelf. 

                The reasonable part of my mind tells me that it would be better for me to stay put, because I am still soaking wet, and it would be bad to spread that water all over your carpeting. 

                Yet, curiosity quickly gets the better of me.  I get up and weave my way through the furniture and over to the bookshelf.

                My eyes quickly scan the books over.  Same ones as before.  There's nothing new, besides magazines that I've never even heard of.  Soccer, I'm imagining.

                On the very top of the bookshelf stands a rather large frame.  Inside is a picture of all twelve of us and our Digimon by a lake on File Island in the Digital World.

                All hard feelings wash away from my body once I remember.  That picture was taken seven or eight years back, and it was the last time that all of us were in the Digital World together.  We had a sleepover that night and that's where we got the picture of Ken and Daisuke.

                It's a warm, sweet picture, but funny all the same.  You can see trees and the lake in the background, and the sun's reflection on the water.  Jyou's standing on the very left of the picture, and Koushiro's in front of him.  Gomamon is resting on Jyou's head and making a v-sign; Tentomon's floating beside Koushiro's arm.  Iori and Armadimon are both sitting down in front of Koushiro, and Iori was trying not to laugh.  Next to him are Sora and Mimi, their arms around each other and laughing.  Piyomon is hanging onto Sora's shoulder and Palmon is clinging to Mimi's left leg.

                On the very right, Ken's sitting down in the grass and Daisuke has his arms around Ken.  Wormmon is nuzzled in Ken's arm, and Chibimon is resting on Daisuke's shoulder.  Miyako's crouching and has her hands on Daisuke's shoulders. Takeru is standing behind them and doing bunny ears on Miyako.  Patamon and Hawkmon were chasing each other around at the time, and when the picture was taken it caught Hawkmon chasing Patamon in front of Takeru's chest.

                And then, smack-dab in the middle, Agumon's jumping in the air, and Gabumon is sitting down calmly. You are smiling and laughing, and are your arms are thrown around me in a loving embrace…

                I choke back a sob and tears splash against the carpet.  Forcing myself to look away from the picture, I scurry back to the couch.  Instead of sitting on it, I fall to the floor and curl up into a little ball, my back hitting the front of the couch.

                I bury my head in my knees and try hard not to cry.

                God Taichi…why did you have to put up that picture…?

-- Taichi --

                "I don't know!" I exclaimed to Ken for the last time, and continued to pace around the room. 

                I was vaguely aware that my face was pale and I was shaking pretty badly, and my harsh footsteps were probably going to bother the people bellow us, but at this point I could care less.

                I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…

                Why now?  Why did you have to come now?

                Why did you come, Yamato?  Why are you suddenly appearing to me after five years?

                You can't possibly want to apologize to me.  If you had, you would have done that years ago.

                Right?

                "Right."  I tell myself firmly.  You would have.

                So what is it that you want with me?

                "Taichi, you need to calm down.  Why don't you sit down?" Ken asks me in a soft, calm, almost reassuring voice.

                At this state, I've already panicked, and I'm seriously shocked.  See what you've done to me?  I can't even think straight.

                "CALM DOWN?!" I shriek at him, harshly.  "How can you expect me to calm down?  My ex-boyfriend that I haven't seen in five years is sitting on the couch in my living room!  I don't even know why he came!!  He had better have a god damned good reason for this, because I swear, if he's trying to apologize to me then I'll have to-"

                Ken walked in front of me and grabbed my shoulders, stopping me abruptly.  "Taichi!" he hissed.  "Calm yourself down!"

                I glared at him.  "You don't understand." I spat.  And it's the truth.  He doesn't understand.  "You're not the one who's ex-boyfriend just showed up at the door, in the rain, after five years and after all he did before-"

                Ken cut me off.  "And he must have a damn good reason!!  I'm sure he's well aware of the fact that in this situation, people just don't do that!"

                "He has no right to show his face here after what he did!" I spat at him again, and I know I'm beginning to lose my temper.  Ken doesn't deserve having to put up with this.  But I'm out of control now.

                You bastard.  See what you've done to me?

                "Maybe he wants to apologize!" Ken argued.  "I know what it's like to feel guilty about something, but have too much pride to admit it!!  I was like that with Daisuke.  And you know-"

                By this time I was so angry that I didn't even pay attention to what I was saying, and so, said the meanest thing anyone could ever say to Ken.  "SHUT UP!" I argued back at him.  "You don't know!!  It doesn't matter whether or not you had a lover.  Maybe both of ours left us, but I'm in the worse situation!!  My ex-lover just decided that his fucking career was more important than me and left me for four years, and never came back!!  He broke his promise to me!!  At least Daisuke always loved you!!  He NEVER betrayed you like Yamato betrayed me.  And he's DEAD!!  You wanna know something?  If it wasn't for him dying then all of us would still be together and I wouldn't be in this situation.  Daisuke is DEAD and it's all his fault!"

                After my last words Ken let go of my shoulders immediately and stepped back, his eyes breaking.  Immediately I felt guilty about what I had said, but there's nothing I can do about it now.  The damage has been done.

                Great.  Just great.  I just lost the only friend I had left.  Yay Taichi. 

                And all because you returned.

                If you were trying to fix things by returning, you've just made it worse.

                Way to go, smartass.

                Ken was shaking now, both with anger and sadness.  Tears were flowing down his face but at the same time his eyes were fire as they focused on me, and his hands were balled into shaking fists.

                "How DARE you say that about Daisuke!" he said to me, surprisingly not screaming, but his voice increased.

                "You have no right to say that about him!!  It WASN'T his fault that he died, he was hit by a car!!  The situation may still be different but I know how you feel.  At the very least, I know how it is to lose someone that you love.  And before you put the blame on Dai, who had nothing to do with it, and even Yamato, stop being so self-absorbed and listen to yourself!!  It's not just HIM that needs to apologize, Taichi, it wouldn't kill YOU to go out there and say something to him too!!  IT'S YOUR FAULT TOO!!!  It's both of your faults that your relationship is screwed!"

                I thought he was going to leave them but before he did, and before I could even take in what he said, he was screaming again.

                "Maybe he did a lot to screw this up, but you have to give Yamato credit for coming back!!  It's obvious that he's trying to apologize, Taichi!!  Maybe he feels bad for what he did.  I understand that it may be too late to forgive each other.  But you need to at least give him a chance!  After all, he made the effort to find you after all this time, and all YOU did was sit on your ass and wonder!"

                After that, Ken ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

-- Yamato --

                I was considerably lost in my own thoughts when I heard loud pounding.  I looked up just in time to see Ken running out of your apartment and straight into the rain.

                There's no doubt that whatever happened is my fault, considering that you and Ken had walked into your room earlier because of me.

                Nice job, Yamato.  You get an A-plus for already screwing this night up completely and you and I haven't even talked to each other yet.

                Now I don't think I want to.

                The reasonable thing to do would be to leave.  If I had any sense left in me I would have left right then and there and never came back.

                Yet, something was keeping me from going. I came here to talk and that's what I was going to do.

                So, I returned my head to my knees and let the last of my tears silently fall while waiting.

-- Taichi --

                After half an hour of random cursing into my pillow and pacing, my anger at Ken had dulled, and all I was left with was guilt and a killer headache. 

                I suppose I need to go apologize to him, now.  Knowing Ken, he's not angry anymore either.  I mean, he's still angry at me for what I said about Daisuke for sure, but the rest of it…just like always, he's going to think that it was his fault.  And it was really mine. 

                To be honest I had forgotten about you then.  Wiping my eyes of the few tears that had escaped their well-locked cage, I opened the door and walked out of my room.

                When I walked out I immediately looked into the living room out of habit and saw you curled up into a little ball by the couch.

                All the events of the past hours came crashing down on my memory, and suddenly my heart turned hard again.

                I have long forgotten my concern for you, now that I know you are okay.  All I want now is some answers, and I then I want you out of here.

                Don't get me wrong, I was still shocked.  My heart still stopped at seeing you, and I wanted to faint out of surprise.  My anger for the past years flowed, yet my heart wanted to burst, because I knew that you were okay and still cared enough about me to return.

                However, fate woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, and you've screwed this up major.  My anger for you drowned out the happiness and shock of seeing you, and all I wanted was answers.

                Walking over to you, I sat down on the couch. 

                Your first words to me Yamato, after five years, were, "You didn't come back."

                If you want to know why, you'll have to answer me first.

                "What the hell do you want?"

-- Yamato --

                Your voice snapped me out of the trance than I had safely locked myself up in.  Drying my face rather discreetly, I looked up at you.

                You were stretched out across the couch real casually, your arms crossed behind your head, staring at the ceiling.  If I hadn't known that you were just trying to avoid eye contact with me, I would have assumed otherwise.

                Your position then still would have made me feel comfortable, if I hadn't heard the way you asked me that question.  Your tone clearly meant business.

                Normally my voice would be caught in my throat and I wouldn't be able to speak at all.  I don't know if it was because it was you, but for some reason, I was able to swallow, calm myself down, and talk.

                "Taichi…" I whispered, looking away from you.

                "What the hell do you want?" you repeated fiercely.  "Why are you here?"

                I know what I want.  I want answers. 

                I want to know why you hadn't come back…

                And, I suppose, that's why I'm here. 

                I suppose it would have been a smart thing to lie.  I had it planned, and first, but that's not what was able to come out of my mouth.  It may be safer to tell you that I don't know, but my heart's not lying…

                "I…why didn't you come back?" I repeated to you, turning to look at you again.

                Suddenly you scrambled and sat up, and looked at me with fierce, hardening eyes.  "I can't believe you." You told me firmly.  "We haven't seen each other in five years.  We left each other on anything but a good note.  Then you decide to just show up at my door-when it's raining mind you-and ask me why I didn't come back?  What are you thinking, Yamato?  What kind of answers do you expect me to give you?"

                Seeing your eyes, and that hardness in them, it's too much for me.  You're not like that Taichi.  Those eyes, full of such pain and confusion, they don't belong to you.  You're normally so sweet and caring. 

                I can't stand to look at them.  Immediately I turn my head away from you again and stare at the floor.

                "I don't know…" I tell you, but not very honestly. I expected you to feel the same way that I do.  And now I know how stupid that was.  It is because of me that all of this happened, after all.

                I never should have expected you to be able to forgive me…

                "I don't know what I expected you to say and feel." I tell you again, softly.  "The same way I do, I guess…"

                Did I actually say that last part outloud to you?

                "I don't get you." You tell me, in such a cold voice that it's just barely familiar. 

                God, I can't take this.  You really hate me for this, don't you Taichi?  You were really hurt by it…

                I mean more than I ever expected.

                Silence reigned.  It seemed that as soon as I started talking to you, any words that I had planned ran away from me.  I can't think of anything to say.  Now that I know you hate me…

                …and it seems like you're waiting for me to say something.

                You break the silence by letting out a slight growl, and then I feel both of your hands jerking my shoulders and your face is right next to my ear.

                Suddenly my breathing is a lot faster and my heart wants to burst. 

                We haven't been this close to each other in a long time, and I don't want to know what it might do to the both of us…

                "I just don't get you." You repeat again in a hiss.  "You leave me five years ago, you don't come to see me a year ago, and now you just show up and start asking me questions?  How do you feel about me, Yamato?  Because I don't know.  So I don't know how you expected me to feel."

                Then you release me and stay on the couch, but move as far away from me as you can.

                "Bastard." You continued to hiss furiously at me.  "You never should have came here."

                I know that now, but it's a bit too late.

                Just like everything else in our lives.  We never knew until it was too late.

                All because of each other…

                Right out of nowhere I feel an anger flash burst through me.  I don't know why or how but all I know is that it makes me want to scream.

                "It's too late for that now." I spat out without really meaning to.  "I'm already here and you're talking to me and no one can change that."

                I expected you to scream out at me in fury, but you didn't.  I hear you sigh and then whisper, "Yeah, you're right."

                For just a split second I was able to hear your true feelings toward me, Taichi.  I can't tell you how much that little bit helped my confidence.  You don't hate me, I realize that now.  You just want to believe that you hate me.

                "We're both here, and neither of us wants it, but I guess we should just give each other the answers wanted so I can get out of here." I whisper tentatively.

                "What answers?" you ask me bitterly.  "Who said that I ever wanted a thing from you anymore?  You're the one who came to me.  I didn't come to you."

                "You still let me in." I told you.  And it was the truth.  "If you didn't care about me in the slightest, or if you didn't want something from me, you would have slammed the door on me and left me in the rain."

                Your fist clenched.  You know that I was right.

                "I wanted to know what you wanted from me." You explained quickly.  "I let curiosity get the better of me."

                "Curiosity killed the cat." I mumbled, but you heard.

                "If I were you I wouldn't be the one saying that." was all that you could reply.

                And, for the next passing minutes, we stayed there in silence.

-- Taichi --

                I'm trying hard not to be mad at you.

                But it's not all that easy.

                I don't like this.

                I kept telling myself that I wanted to see you.  I kept wondering how you were and what you were doing.

                But now that you're actually here…I want you out of here as soon as possible.

                It's typical, because now we just can't seem to keep a conversation going.  Neither of us are on track…

                It would have been better if you had stayed away. 

                But, god damn it, as I've told you, it's way too late for that. 

                I don't even care if you notice anymore.  I'm getting you out of here.

                For all I care Yamato, you can go to hell at this point.

                It's been too long.  It doesn't matter to me anymore…

*End Chapter 2*

                Like last time, the next chapter is posted already.  Please, read on everyone!

~Shadow Dreamer~