Specific Disclaimer: I do not own the song "Kiss the Girl" from the Little Mermaid. As if I'd write something like that anyway...


The Scenario: Tom Paris, B'Elanna Torres, and Harry Kim have noticed that their beloved captain and commander seem to be falling in love. Their plan is to get Janeway and Chakotay in a room by themselves and play the Little Mermaid song "Kiss the Girl" over the comm system into the room. They're hoping that they'll be able to catch the romantic couple in the act of kissing and use the event to blackmail one or both of them at some later date. (Not the most foolproof plot there is, but must it always be foolproof?) Let's see if they succeed...

The three trouble/matchmakers are in Engineering, using the internal sensors to monitor the movements of their targets. Some sort of ruckus has been stirred up in Cargo Bay Two, and for some reason only the two highest-ranking officers on the ship can straighten the whole mess out. Anyway, Janeway and Chakotay meet in the cargo bay, looking for the cause of the disturbance. Janeway finds it and signals for Chakotay to come fix it. Problem resolved. Right on cue, "Kiss the Girl" begins to play in Cargo Bay Two. Janeway and Chakotay are giving each other strange looks, which the trio in Engineering sincerely hopes is the prelude to a nice romantic kiss. The doors suddenly open with a swish. Seven of Nine walks in in her mysteriously perfect way, greets the senior officers, and begins to take care of some work. At this point, Tom and B'Elanna are trying to suppress loud groans of anguish as Janeway exits the cargo bay. Harry is not watching his captain, however; he's watching Chakotay, who, after a moment's hesitation, quietly walks over to Seven and gives her a peck on the cheek as the song ends.

And J/Cers everywhere let out that loud groan of anguish.

Yes, the plot must always be foolproof.