Rating: R
Genre: Angst / Romance
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters. I just wish I did.
A/N: Hey ya'll. This is my first (and only so far) Gundam Wing fic. Please be kind...hell, I don't really care anyways. Go ballistic, I don't mind. Flames will just be used for fuel. (I live in Newfoundland and it's still freezing here -_-') This is shonen-ai and if you can't guess who it's between then you're really dense...either that or you don't watch the show in which case you wouldn't be reading this fic in the beginning. So R&R kay! ^_^

Broken

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Carnage, death, destruction. These things are synoptic with my name. They are also related to the other pilots as well, but I am Shiningami, the God of Death. I reign over all. No one can top me...but in your time, you sure as hell gave me a run for my money. The Perfect Soldier. I resented you and that title. You - with no emotions, able to kill at will regardless of who it is, without attachment. I made a goal to break you down so that I wouldn't have an equal - but an underling. I strove to reach that goal since the first day I met you.

At first, I latched on to you. With my childish antics and friendly demeanor...along with my charming smile and quick wit, I befriended you. Then, I broke you and all of your barriers with the simple action of giving you my entire heart.. I have to say that it wasn't easy and I didn't like it, but it was worth it.

Now, I intend to leave you behind, seeming as my work is done. What I didn't expect was that you would show emotion when I left, but you did...you cried. I've never in my whole life seen you cry. I turned away and congratulated myself on a job well done. But something inside my dead heart stung.

You screamed out at me in frustration and you yelled in anguish. You said you love me, you don't want me to go. But I am Death - I cannot love. Besides, I never really cared for you in the first place. I told you that I hate you and you told me that I lie. You're right, I can't deny it. I do lie. And so, for that, I hate you. I did lie about ever caring for you. I had only ever wanted to just get underneath that mask, that benevolent mask - so coveted, and demolish it.

Mission Completed. That's what you used to say isn't it? But now, it doesn't matter.

I punch you. Square in the jaw. The force exerted knocks you off your feet. You look up rather disbelieving. How could one such as yourself be reduced to begging? Pathetic. I spit on the ground next to your pool of tears and start to walk away. You are unworthy. But, then again, isn't everyone unworthy? You still cry. I stop walking and turn around to face you. You whimper like a beaten puppy who is awaiting another blow from it's cruel master. I never really meant to be cruel.

My body freezes and my heart melts, it becomes weak. I drop to my knees and let out a sob that I had tried to hold back from the beginning. From the beginning of time. Why, I ask myself, why is walking away so hard? I am shiningami. And you have a claim to my heart. I can't disagree with it. By the gods I've tried. I've tried everything. Everything. But you - you...

You crawl to me and wrap your arms around me tightly. You whisper into my ear that everything will be fine. All will be well. I meld into your embrace, talking full advantage of your warmth. But I cannot help but shiver. The things you do to me. Your touch. I get lost in my emotions. I think back...back to happy times. But then I realize I had only made those happy times so that I could shatter your fragile heart. I snap back into reality, but it hurts to do so.

I violently shove you away. Your touch poisons me and makes me sick. I hate it. You get resentful, just as I am. You reach to your back pocket...the one that held your gun in the war days. I'm ready to fight you. There is a flash of light off something metal as you lunge forward. I catch your arm and twist the blade so that it shoves painfully into your forearm. You shriek and jump back, pulling the bloodied blade out.

That is when you look at me with pity in your deep blue eyes. I don't understand anymore. You can just stand there, holding your wound, and look at me. Without hate or even anger. Just pity...and love. It is my turn to scream and shout. Bawl and yell. Venomously, I spat words at you. Tried to get you to respond. But you don't cry anymore. I hate you. You disgust me. All I ever wanted to do was ruin you. I wanted to be free. Free of restraints - of love. I'd loved you.

I could not take any more.

I leapt at you and grabbed your throat with my two hands. I jabbed my knee into your stomach repeatedly. I squeezed my thumbs around your Adam's apple. You started to choke up blood. I rung your neck. You deserved nothing and nothing is what you were going to get. You smiled at me, while I was choking you. A bloody smile. A mocking smile. But still, you smiled! How did you even dare too?

I give a final wring, a final jab then stand up. Your lifeless eyes burrow into my mind. I will never forget them. Ever. Your body lay on the ground in a twisted heap. And you are smiling. I had finally achieved in breaking you on the highest level. You deserved what I had done.

So, I walk away again, reaching to my face. I wipe away my tears that fall for you. For what we could have had. I tell myself not to look back. But I do. I have to. I see you one last time. With a fluid movement I take out my gun from it's side holster. For what I've done, I don't deserve to live either.

~ owari ~