A/N: Many thanks to cytosine, who graciously let me use her doctor-patient psychiatric evaluation idea in this fic series. I highly recommend her Stories from the Nuthouse fanfics, as well as her other stories.

Also, thanks to my reviewers: Karen, Jesper, and Saviate Incarnate Alternate.

Oh, and flames are used to roast coffee beans :)

On with the story!


Kathryn Janeway: (sits on a biobed in Sick Bay with a grumpy expression on her face. Occasionally, the grumpy expression will vanish and an expression of triumph will surface, but the grumpy expression soon reappears)
HoloDoc: (walks into the room and smiles at Kathryn. His appearance flickers briefly as his program is affected by a low-level Janeway Death Glare, but he compensates) Ah, hello, Captain. I'm glad you're here.
Janeway: (death glare, level two) Why am I here?
HoloDoc: (program flickers some more) (is becoming nervous) Er, mandatory psychiatric evaluation.
Janeway: I do NOT need a psychiatric evaluation. (begins to walk out of Sick Bay)
HoloDoc: Yes, you do.
Janeway: No, I do not. Captain's orders.
HoloDoc: Yes, you do. Doctor's orders.
Janeway: (expression changes to a pleasant smile) Of course, Doctor. (walks back to biobed and sits down) (grumpy expression returns, seems to whisper something inaudible)
HoloDoc: (slightly puzzled at Janeway's sudden acceptance of orders) Er, yes. First things first, do you--
Janeway: (facial expression begins to change rapidly, from grumpy to happy to evil to sad; finally settles on evil) (grins an evil grin and laughs an evil laugh) AT LAST! I HAVE THE BODY! After all these years...
HoloDoc: (is at a loss for words) ...Captain?
Janeway: (shakes head violently, and grumpy expression is back) What?
HoloDoc: From what I have just seen... (pauses, scans Janeway with medical tricorder) ...you appear to be exhibiting the signs of multiple per--
Janeway: (sad expression) Oh now look what you've done, Katie, you've let him know about us.
Janeway: (evil expression) It's all Kathryn's fault, Kathy. If Kathryn had let me have the body once in a while, I might have been a little more reserved in my enthusiasm.
Janeway: (happy expression) Why can't we all just get along?
Janeway: (grumpy expression) Shut UP, Kate. Katie, you know I couldn't let you have the body -- you'd wreak havoc. (realizes that the HoloDoc is still around; grumpiness turns to guilt)
HoloDoc: (rather startled) As I was saying, you have the signs of multiple personality disorder. Unfortunately, there is no permanent cure, but MPD can be treated with medication.
Janeway: (evil expression) You will NOT give us medication. If you ever try, I'll decompile your pitiful program and put Paris in charge of Sick Bay.
HoloDoc: (visibly scared) Um, yes, Kathryn, I won't put you on medication, that medication was rather dangerous after all--
Janeway: (evil expression) Get this one thing through your holographic head. My. Name. Is. Katie. Not Kathryn, Kathy, or Kate. KATIE.
HoloDoc: Er, yes, um, okay, Katie. Um...could you mind telling me the names of everyone else?
Katie: (death glare, level five) As long as you don't call me Kathryn again.
HoloDoc: (nods agreement, though it's a bit hard to see as his program is flickering madly)
Katie: Fine. The one always in control of the body is Kathryn. The depressed one is Kathy. The happy one is Kate. And I am?
HoloDoc: Katie.
Kate: WRONG! I'm Kate! (smiles) It's okay, everyone gets us mixed up.
Katie: Idiot. NO ONE gets us mixed up, because NO ONE is supposed to know about us.
Kathryn: Well, if you hadn't put on that display, no one would know about us.
Kate: But isn't it so much better now? We can all share the body!
Kathy: (sighs) Not me. Too depressing.
HoloDoc: (just watches in amazement)
Kathryn: Sorry, Doctor. Sometimes those three can get out of control. (stands up, begins to walk out of Sick Bay) I trust that doctor-patient confidentiality applies here?
HoloDoc: Certainly. But if Kathy, Kate, and Katie start to get out of hand again, just let me know and I'll--
Kathryn: No. Don't say it. Don't even think it. (walks out of Sick Bay)
HoloDoc: (smiles and taps comm badge) Doctor to Lieutenant Paris. We have a confession. Who won the betting pool?