The Way I Am
Chapter 3: Within You Without You
The snow was as deep as it always was. The declines and inclines or amount of shrubbery in a particular area didn't change this. An endless overcast, only a few shades different from the field of powder, mapped the sky. The time of day was uncertain, and left one to believe that such a property didn't even exist in this realm. Time had no place here. It simply was. Past, present, and future merged. The present was the future that just happened. A proverbial Catch-22 was to spend your present, and later future thinking about the past. Even if a Catch-22 wasn't actually a proverb.
The atmosphere here was frigid and still. It seemed each step liberated one's self from suspended animation. The snow itself didn't even appear to be snow. There wasn't the water-rich saturation, or that ear pleasing 'crunch'. It simply was a sterile, gelid obstacle.
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"I remember that day quite clearly..." The class ignored the elderly teacher, as usual. Even Hikari found herself distracted from the lesson, as she was chatting away with Asuka.
"Ugh! Look at that idiot. First day back and he's already returned to his stupidity." Asuka said to Hikari with mild repulse.
"And why does it bother you?" A hint of a grin formed on the brunette's freckled face.
"It doesn't! I'm just concerned. One of them is dense enough." She huffed, and then added quickly."Put them together and a gash in the space- time continuum could occur."
"...Right." The other girl said softly, muffling a small laugh with her hand.
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Shinji had been staring at Rei while she in turn gazed out the window. 'She was so different last night,' he thought, tilting his head to the side. 'But now she's just the same. Maybe it was just the medication they had given me... Rei probably acted no different then usual... But that doesn't even make sense! Why would she act like that, even if I was on drugs? ...That wouldn't change anything... and everyone else seemed normal.'
His head began to ring in pain from the numerous thoughts that barraged his brain, all at once vying for his undivided attention. He broke off the gaze that he had held, and lay his head upon his cool desk. He closed his eyes slowly, allowing them to rest as well as possibly clear his head.
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'Now the baka is probably dreaming of her.' This time she kept her 'Shinji-observations' to herself. Piercing blue eyes, an excellent contrast to her fiery tresses, watched the boy silently. Hikari was scolding the other two stooges, as there subtle argument had increased in volume, until Touji was about to lunge at Kensuke. Just some adolescent fun.
The teacher's rambling was a background clamor. It was like a subliminal message, though what it was suggesting, if anything, was unclear. But, everyone seemed to enjoy this class. Most students worked on some homework, or talked with friends.
The Third Impact had resulted not only in the destruction of the old man's seaside hometown, but the student's respect for him. He was a mediocre teacher to begin with, but at least then they would sit quietly, and even take notes. Here, what he was teaching was common knowledge.
His frailty and experience didn't add a sage-like essence to the material. He was a relic of a time when such studies seemed remotely important. The students, even if they tried, could not relate to him. And so he taught his pointless class, and yet another day fell into the sea of seldom originality.
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Rei found herself in the snow once again. It was cold, but she felt it nice. The snow came up to her mid-shin area. As she usually did when she first arrived, she crouched down and picked up a small handful of snow. She cupped it in her hands, as if it held great value. She manipulated it into a small, nearly circular ball, and then dropped it.
The first step was the hardest. She lifted her left foot out of the snow, small clumps clinging to the ridge of her black sock and the top of her small shoe, and then set it down a few inches in front of her. A similar step was taken with her right. She advanced slowly, until her body was used to the adverse conditions of the wasteland.
She looked at the trees that surrounded her. The majority of them were oak and pine. Thick clumps of snow clung to the branches, weighing them down like a waiter bussing too many plates at once. The trees were dense, so veering off the path that lay ahead seemed pointless.
If she were to turn around, she knew what to expect, as she had done it every so often. There were trees. The path started from nowhere. The trees seemed thicker, and briars were a barrier that stopped dead the thought of entering.
So she ventured off from the wooded dead-end, breathing the cold air fully into her lungs. She enjoyed the way a small burning sensation would follow each breath of icy air. She walked slowly, but she was starting to become used to the place once again. Now faster steps could be taken.
There were never any tracks. And this made perfect sense, as another creature was never spotted here by the girl. There was some disappointment in this at the first discovery, as she did enjoy watching animals. But she had grown used to it, and now the idea of a hare scurrying past her was thought of as absurd.
Her school uniform swished against her body with each step. Her eyes took in each detail as she progressed to new areas. She had traveled the path hundreds of times, but to her, not a thing was insignificant. The path was relatively level, until a large right turn was taken. Then there was sharp incline of a hill. She climbed it, her hands burying into the snow to grip unto a root of a nearby tree. After hoisting herself up, she cleared her skirt of snow. She stood straight, catching her breath, looking to the next scene with untamed curiosity as well as a sense of excitement.
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"Okay, deal, Hikari. I'll pay for after school if you can beat me," The redhead wore a smirk, and then added, "Like that will ever happen."
The two girls dived off the two platforms, Asuka making the smaller splash of the two. The other girls who were waiting in line or taking a break cheered them on. It was safe to say, few remained loyal to the Class Representative.
Shinji's slender legs carried him around the track as fast as he had ever been. His sneakers scraped the rough texture of the field, making perfect traction. The wind scattered his short brown bangs in every direction, clearing the view for his blue eyes. The white shirt he wore rippled in the breeze he created. The climate today was as hot as ever, but running seemed to cool him.
He did his best to concentrate on the task on hand, running, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not stop thinking of Rei. Rei would occasionally pop into his head, but today the Pilot of 00 happened to be a constant thought. He'd clear his head of her for a brief moment, and then while running, he'd notice how the trim of the shirt he was wearing resembled her eyes. Or how today's sky was one with the same hue as her hair.
"Hey! What's with you today! I've never seen you run that fast!" A gasp for air stood in between the words 'that' and 'fast'. Touji had tried to keep up with Shinji, but could not even get five steps behind him. The funny thing was, Touji prided himself as an athlete.
"I don't know... I wasn't even really thinking of how fast I was going..." Shinji had turned around, wiping a thin film of perspiration from his face with his forearm. Afterwards, he stood with his hands at his side, waiting for Touji to catch his breath. 'Was I running that fast...?'
Kensuke had given up already, and was standing at the linked fence, staring up longingly to the bathing-suit clad girls. Touji walked over to him when he was ready, Shinji right behind him.
The Three Stooges stood in a row, behind the fence which seperated them from their female classmates. Shinji lifted both of his hands, digits curling about the links. His eyes scanned the crowd of girls, all he needed to do was roughly skim over their heads. 'Where is she...? She shouldn't be so hard to find.' Alas, he finally did find her. He could barely make out her form on the platform, awaiting to dive.
"Trying to impress someone, weren't you?" Shinji turned his head to face Touji, who gave him a playful punch to his shoulder, perfectly aware of his injury. Shinji rubbed his arm softly while Touji continued. "Who was it, though?"
"I bet it's Asuka! He's fell in love with his nurse." Kensuke grinned, laughing jubilantly.
"No! Asuka didn't help me at all... And besides, it's not her." Shinji stammered, stepping down from the fence to sit down. He brought his knees up, hugging them with his arms.
"Aha! So you admit you were trying to impress someone!" Touji laughed, plopping down beside him. Kensuke sat down on the other side of Shinji. He was trapped.
"N..No! I wasn't!" Shinji could feel his cheeks growing hot, and it wasn't from the blazing sun above. They could always tell when he was hiding something. In fact, most people would. He stumbled over words frequently, he was visually nervous, and some people, such as Misato, Touji, and Kensuke, had developed a unique skill that they could actually smell when he was lying.
"It's probably Ayanami. Today I saw him staring at her for almost twenty minutes!" Kensuke said to Touji, leaning back and sneaking a quick glance back up at the girls before looking back to the other two boys. He took special interest in Shinji's expressions, which always gave him a good laugh.
"Well, is that it?" Touji probed, an amused sneer on his face. He loved to see his friend suffer.
"I-- No! I was just looking out the window." He looked down at the ground, praying that the period would end soon, even if he knew it wasn't.
The other boys had their laugh at his expense, and left him alone. They turned around, neither of them talking as they watched the girls.
"She's got such a great body... I can't believe this idiot gets to sleep in the same house as both Misato and Asuka, and all he ever does his stay in his room!" Touji said in envy as well as disbelief.
"If you knew them as well as I, you'd stay in your room, too." Surprisingly, everyone got a laugh out of Shinji's words, even Shinji, just a little. He turned around as the other boys had, and looked for that certain pilot. His eyes briefly watched Asuka. She stood in a cocky pose, hip out and a hand upon it. She was talking to Hikari who was nearby, bending over to inspect something on the ground. Touji whistled, and Kensuke laughed. Shinji sighed and glanced to the corner. Rei sat alone, back against the fence. Her head was tilted inwardly, her arms loosely wrapped around her knees.
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The brightness as well as openness of the clearing never failed to amaze here. Rei looked both left and right, it was always something to see the thick woods end evenly at this point. She stepped forward into the clearing. The large field was tilted upwards, as the tree lining was the base of a hill. The snow seemed thicker here, but her legs were now warm and at this point nothing would stop her.
The horizon was visible on either side, so it was pointless to look at anything except ahead. Small puffs of steam escaped her mouth, which was left open as her breathing rate increased. The long trek upwards always was the hardest part. It wasn't a particularly steep incline, it was simply long and drug out.
She was relieved when she spotted the creek, as she knew that the hill would end soon enough. The creek led down the hill and turned sharply to her right and off into the distance. She wasn't sure where it led, if anywhere. She knelt down beside it, looking down into it. Her reflection was not visible, just the blanket of cloud above. 'Silver...'
She took the last step, and paused, turning around. The trees were no longer visible, and everything was covered in a hazy silver smoke. Rei held her hands out to it, but felt nothing but the air. She looked down, and her last footstep had already dissipated. She sighed and turned back around, continuing her journey.
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"You going to eat any of that?" Touji didn't wait for a reply and dug right into Shinji's lunch. The only thing Shinji bothered to take from it was the small canister of juice. He sipped it leisurely, his mind, like most instances, was completely somewhere else.
'Why do I keep thinking of her? It's never been like this... Ever since she touched me last night...'
Last night had been longer then normal, as he couldn't fall asleep. He spent the night at first staring at the ceiling, and then tossing and turning. No position could comfort be found for the boy, but eventually his body grew exhausted with its own restlessness and it faded into slumber.
Since Shinji was now under surveillance by Kensuke and Touji, he dare not continue his casual 'Rei-Observing'. But, as he averted his gaze from the freshly wiped chalkboard, he snuck a quick peek at her. She sat alone as usual, stoic as ever. Sun poured in from the window, glinting off her spotless desk. He uniform rustled with a soft gust that shot up from the window that was slightly open. But in the split second that he stole a look, all that was visible was the pair of rubies which focused on the window.
"Are you sick or something, Shinji?" Asked Touji, his mouth full of half chewed food.
"Just a little hot, that's all." He could feel the sweat forming on his forehead, as well as his cheeks growing hot.
"Right." Said both Kensuke and Touji in unison, equally rolling their eyes as well.
"But, anyway, my Dad said that next Sunday he could take us up to the mountains. Actually, we'd end up leaving Saturday when hell--"
"Touji!" Yelled the Rep from behind.
"...I mean, when school gets out." He shot a glare back at Hikari, who had already sat down to continue her meal with Asuka.
"Wow, that sounds great!" Kensuke exclaimed, swallowing the rest of his food before continuing. "I'll have an excellent chance to improve my guerilla warfare tactics."
"So, are you up for it, Shinji?" Touji looked at Shinji as he crumpled up the various wrappers around him into a fist-sized ball.
"..What? I.." He thought about it for a moment. He did enjoy to occasionally walk in the woods, where there were woods, that is. But... "I don't think I can."
"Why?" Touji questioned, looking slightly disappointed.
"Well, the same reason I didn't get to go to Okinawa. I'm always on active-duty." He explained, slowly prying the top nub off of his juice can.
"Yeah, but the mountains aren't that far at all! They're really just outside of the city.. If an Angel attacked, it'd only take.. An hour or so to get back. Besides," He leaned his chair back on its hind legs and took a shoot for the garbage basket. The ball teetered on the rim of the basket before falling in. "You could use a vacation."
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She stood staring at the cabin. The wood was weathered and dry, looking much like driftwood. The glass windows were small and black. The strange light that lit the snow-world sought no further past them. The door was small and didn't seem like an entryway at all. The door was as black as the windows, bolts riveted bindings originating from the left hinges. The handle was smaller than usual, and didn't seem capable of opening the fixture. Snow snugly fit the gutter-less roof, enclosing around the lifeless brick chimney. The cabin put on a poker face, allowing no one to peer into the depths within. Her eyes left cabin as she walked to the end of the line.
The lone tree directly before the cliff was the only to be found after the forest. It was small, a little shorter then Rei. It had the circumference of about three inches or so, and had a very smooth gray bark. Rei placed her pale hand on it, stroking its skin gently. She progressed towards the top, where bare branches spouted. She blinked in surprise at what she found there.
Her hand reached up, and from a particularly thin branch, she prodded a lone green leaf. It was about the size of an almond. She probed it, unsure if it really was a leaf. She felt the texture of it between her thumb and index finger gently. She looked at it for a few more moments, and then retracted her hand back to her side. One last look, and then she turned and proceeded to the cliff.
The precipice. It ended abruptly a few yards from the lonely cabin. Here she would slowly approach it, taking each step as if it were her last. She savored it. She came to the edge, her toes reaching off just a bit. She tilted her head down, and gazed at the perpetual blackness in dysphoria. It was thick and vacant at the same time. She reached out both her hands in an attempt to harness it... But no such luck. She took one last step, and the winter world rushed upwards without her. Here hair stood up, as did her skirt. She was falling, but there wasn't any were to fall. She was standing, but there wasn't anywhere to stand.
'There's nothing after this... I don't exist anywhere after here... Nothing does.'
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The day had ended, and those chosen to clean the classroom did so. Shinji, bucket in hand, was washing the chalkboard. Kensuke and Touji wiped the floor with mops, each starting from opposite corners of the room. Rei was in charge of the desks. Asuka was there as well, but she was simply waiting for the 'idiot' because she had 'no one better to walk home with'.
With two rags and a small bucket, Rei walked to each desk. One rag was dipped in the warm, soapy water and then was used to wipe the desk clean. The other was used to dry. After this, she placed the bucket on the ground, and hung each of the rags on the handle. She then slowly pulled the chair on top of the desk. This process was repeated.
Shinji's job was much simpler, though he did it slowly anyway. He squeezed a wet rag until it was damp, and then reached up to the top of the board. He dragged the rag down, leaving behind a perfect streak. He sidestepped, and did it again.
After washing it twice, brought his bucket to the sink, washed it, and returned it to the closet. He sighed softly and walked out the door, an already impatient and agitated Asuka following after. Shinji didn't looked forward to the walk, no one liked to walk in the usual oven that was the city streets.
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The classroom was empty when Rei finally got to her desk. She wet the rag, rung out the water, and was about to wipe the last desk when she noticed something. The rag fell into the buck once more with a splash. She reached down and picked up the small piece of folded, creamy paper. She opened it, and read the black handwriting.
The words were read over and over again, until she had committed every bend left behind by the pen to her memory. She thought of all possible meanings of the words, but only came down to one conclusion.
She was equally frightened as well as pleased with it, or at least that's how she understood her current feelings. She refolded the paper, and then opened it. The words still read the same. She folded it again and left it that way. She held it in her right hand, as she looked out the window.
Rei.
I like you.
Ikari.
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Her body quivered. First her eyes opened, and she rose to a sitting position. Then her legs came up as well. She cleared them off powder, and did so to her hair as well. She was below the tree with the single leaf. The sky welcomed her the same way it ushered her out of the world. She hoisted her self up, and retraced the steps that were no longer there.
You can't.
"I.."
You can't.
"I..."
You can't.
"I can... I know... I can! I will!"
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The cabin seemed completely different. The logs were no longer dry and brittle, but broad and supple. The door was tall and the handle was larger, its brass giving off a nice sheen. The snow was still there, but seemed to compliment the arrangement nicely this time. Smoke puffed out of the chimney, and Rei had now been introduced to the sultry smell of burning pine. The windows here of an orange tint, warm and inviting
She approached the building, each step harder then the last. Finally, she stood before the door. Her hand was clasping the cold knob firmly. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and opened the door.
After stepping in she quickly closed the door behind her. Her eyes remained closed, and opened at a strange sensation.
'My clothes...?'
She stood naked in the cabin, her uniform nowhere to be found. She looked away from her nude body, and to the cabin's interior.
The cabin was really one large room. The floor was of shiny, lacquered wooden planks. There were no rafters, or any other method which would be used to hold up the roof. The walls were as bare as the floors, though they lacked the shine. The room was only lit by the flame in the fireplace, but that was not easily seen.
A figure stood before fire, its naked body facing the fire.. Rei didn't have to squint to make out who it was. Rei crossed the room, her bare feet not making a sound on the warm floorboards.
Standing behind him, watching the flames dance on his taut skin. His faint scent filled her head. Her body slowly came closer, and a hand rose. It swam through the dim air, and placed itself on his left shoulder.
"Shinji."
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Author's Note
Yeah, yeah, kind of sappy. The next chapter might take a week or two to get up. Finals are fast approaching and my free time is ever being consumed. How did you like this chapter? I hope it sort of explained why she acted the way she did before. As for the snow, it just reminds me of isolation. The chapter title is a Beatles song, and the chapter before was a lyric in a song by Tool. If you read this, even skim it, you have an obligation to review! :D
-Einzeln
Chapter 3: Within You Without You
The snow was as deep as it always was. The declines and inclines or amount of shrubbery in a particular area didn't change this. An endless overcast, only a few shades different from the field of powder, mapped the sky. The time of day was uncertain, and left one to believe that such a property didn't even exist in this realm. Time had no place here. It simply was. Past, present, and future merged. The present was the future that just happened. A proverbial Catch-22 was to spend your present, and later future thinking about the past. Even if a Catch-22 wasn't actually a proverb.
The atmosphere here was frigid and still. It seemed each step liberated one's self from suspended animation. The snow itself didn't even appear to be snow. There wasn't the water-rich saturation, or that ear pleasing 'crunch'. It simply was a sterile, gelid obstacle.
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"I remember that day quite clearly..." The class ignored the elderly teacher, as usual. Even Hikari found herself distracted from the lesson, as she was chatting away with Asuka.
"Ugh! Look at that idiot. First day back and he's already returned to his stupidity." Asuka said to Hikari with mild repulse.
"And why does it bother you?" A hint of a grin formed on the brunette's freckled face.
"It doesn't! I'm just concerned. One of them is dense enough." She huffed, and then added quickly."Put them together and a gash in the space- time continuum could occur."
"...Right." The other girl said softly, muffling a small laugh with her hand.
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Shinji had been staring at Rei while she in turn gazed out the window. 'She was so different last night,' he thought, tilting his head to the side. 'But now she's just the same. Maybe it was just the medication they had given me... Rei probably acted no different then usual... But that doesn't even make sense! Why would she act like that, even if I was on drugs? ...That wouldn't change anything... and everyone else seemed normal.'
His head began to ring in pain from the numerous thoughts that barraged his brain, all at once vying for his undivided attention. He broke off the gaze that he had held, and lay his head upon his cool desk. He closed his eyes slowly, allowing them to rest as well as possibly clear his head.
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'Now the baka is probably dreaming of her.' This time she kept her 'Shinji-observations' to herself. Piercing blue eyes, an excellent contrast to her fiery tresses, watched the boy silently. Hikari was scolding the other two stooges, as there subtle argument had increased in volume, until Touji was about to lunge at Kensuke. Just some adolescent fun.
The teacher's rambling was a background clamor. It was like a subliminal message, though what it was suggesting, if anything, was unclear. But, everyone seemed to enjoy this class. Most students worked on some homework, or talked with friends.
The Third Impact had resulted not only in the destruction of the old man's seaside hometown, but the student's respect for him. He was a mediocre teacher to begin with, but at least then they would sit quietly, and even take notes. Here, what he was teaching was common knowledge.
His frailty and experience didn't add a sage-like essence to the material. He was a relic of a time when such studies seemed remotely important. The students, even if they tried, could not relate to him. And so he taught his pointless class, and yet another day fell into the sea of seldom originality.
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Rei found herself in the snow once again. It was cold, but she felt it nice. The snow came up to her mid-shin area. As she usually did when she first arrived, she crouched down and picked up a small handful of snow. She cupped it in her hands, as if it held great value. She manipulated it into a small, nearly circular ball, and then dropped it.
The first step was the hardest. She lifted her left foot out of the snow, small clumps clinging to the ridge of her black sock and the top of her small shoe, and then set it down a few inches in front of her. A similar step was taken with her right. She advanced slowly, until her body was used to the adverse conditions of the wasteland.
She looked at the trees that surrounded her. The majority of them were oak and pine. Thick clumps of snow clung to the branches, weighing them down like a waiter bussing too many plates at once. The trees were dense, so veering off the path that lay ahead seemed pointless.
If she were to turn around, she knew what to expect, as she had done it every so often. There were trees. The path started from nowhere. The trees seemed thicker, and briars were a barrier that stopped dead the thought of entering.
So she ventured off from the wooded dead-end, breathing the cold air fully into her lungs. She enjoyed the way a small burning sensation would follow each breath of icy air. She walked slowly, but she was starting to become used to the place once again. Now faster steps could be taken.
There were never any tracks. And this made perfect sense, as another creature was never spotted here by the girl. There was some disappointment in this at the first discovery, as she did enjoy watching animals. But she had grown used to it, and now the idea of a hare scurrying past her was thought of as absurd.
Her school uniform swished against her body with each step. Her eyes took in each detail as she progressed to new areas. She had traveled the path hundreds of times, but to her, not a thing was insignificant. The path was relatively level, until a large right turn was taken. Then there was sharp incline of a hill. She climbed it, her hands burying into the snow to grip unto a root of a nearby tree. After hoisting herself up, she cleared her skirt of snow. She stood straight, catching her breath, looking to the next scene with untamed curiosity as well as a sense of excitement.
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"Okay, deal, Hikari. I'll pay for after school if you can beat me," The redhead wore a smirk, and then added, "Like that will ever happen."
The two girls dived off the two platforms, Asuka making the smaller splash of the two. The other girls who were waiting in line or taking a break cheered them on. It was safe to say, few remained loyal to the Class Representative.
Shinji's slender legs carried him around the track as fast as he had ever been. His sneakers scraped the rough texture of the field, making perfect traction. The wind scattered his short brown bangs in every direction, clearing the view for his blue eyes. The white shirt he wore rippled in the breeze he created. The climate today was as hot as ever, but running seemed to cool him.
He did his best to concentrate on the task on hand, running, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not stop thinking of Rei. Rei would occasionally pop into his head, but today the Pilot of 00 happened to be a constant thought. He'd clear his head of her for a brief moment, and then while running, he'd notice how the trim of the shirt he was wearing resembled her eyes. Or how today's sky was one with the same hue as her hair.
"Hey! What's with you today! I've never seen you run that fast!" A gasp for air stood in between the words 'that' and 'fast'. Touji had tried to keep up with Shinji, but could not even get five steps behind him. The funny thing was, Touji prided himself as an athlete.
"I don't know... I wasn't even really thinking of how fast I was going..." Shinji had turned around, wiping a thin film of perspiration from his face with his forearm. Afterwards, he stood with his hands at his side, waiting for Touji to catch his breath. 'Was I running that fast...?'
Kensuke had given up already, and was standing at the linked fence, staring up longingly to the bathing-suit clad girls. Touji walked over to him when he was ready, Shinji right behind him.
The Three Stooges stood in a row, behind the fence which seperated them from their female classmates. Shinji lifted both of his hands, digits curling about the links. His eyes scanned the crowd of girls, all he needed to do was roughly skim over their heads. 'Where is she...? She shouldn't be so hard to find.' Alas, he finally did find her. He could barely make out her form on the platform, awaiting to dive.
"Trying to impress someone, weren't you?" Shinji turned his head to face Touji, who gave him a playful punch to his shoulder, perfectly aware of his injury. Shinji rubbed his arm softly while Touji continued. "Who was it, though?"
"I bet it's Asuka! He's fell in love with his nurse." Kensuke grinned, laughing jubilantly.
"No! Asuka didn't help me at all... And besides, it's not her." Shinji stammered, stepping down from the fence to sit down. He brought his knees up, hugging them with his arms.
"Aha! So you admit you were trying to impress someone!" Touji laughed, plopping down beside him. Kensuke sat down on the other side of Shinji. He was trapped.
"N..No! I wasn't!" Shinji could feel his cheeks growing hot, and it wasn't from the blazing sun above. They could always tell when he was hiding something. In fact, most people would. He stumbled over words frequently, he was visually nervous, and some people, such as Misato, Touji, and Kensuke, had developed a unique skill that they could actually smell when he was lying.
"It's probably Ayanami. Today I saw him staring at her for almost twenty minutes!" Kensuke said to Touji, leaning back and sneaking a quick glance back up at the girls before looking back to the other two boys. He took special interest in Shinji's expressions, which always gave him a good laugh.
"Well, is that it?" Touji probed, an amused sneer on his face. He loved to see his friend suffer.
"I-- No! I was just looking out the window." He looked down at the ground, praying that the period would end soon, even if he knew it wasn't.
The other boys had their laugh at his expense, and left him alone. They turned around, neither of them talking as they watched the girls.
"She's got such a great body... I can't believe this idiot gets to sleep in the same house as both Misato and Asuka, and all he ever does his stay in his room!" Touji said in envy as well as disbelief.
"If you knew them as well as I, you'd stay in your room, too." Surprisingly, everyone got a laugh out of Shinji's words, even Shinji, just a little. He turned around as the other boys had, and looked for that certain pilot. His eyes briefly watched Asuka. She stood in a cocky pose, hip out and a hand upon it. She was talking to Hikari who was nearby, bending over to inspect something on the ground. Touji whistled, and Kensuke laughed. Shinji sighed and glanced to the corner. Rei sat alone, back against the fence. Her head was tilted inwardly, her arms loosely wrapped around her knees.
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The brightness as well as openness of the clearing never failed to amaze here. Rei looked both left and right, it was always something to see the thick woods end evenly at this point. She stepped forward into the clearing. The large field was tilted upwards, as the tree lining was the base of a hill. The snow seemed thicker here, but her legs were now warm and at this point nothing would stop her.
The horizon was visible on either side, so it was pointless to look at anything except ahead. Small puffs of steam escaped her mouth, which was left open as her breathing rate increased. The long trek upwards always was the hardest part. It wasn't a particularly steep incline, it was simply long and drug out.
She was relieved when she spotted the creek, as she knew that the hill would end soon enough. The creek led down the hill and turned sharply to her right and off into the distance. She wasn't sure where it led, if anywhere. She knelt down beside it, looking down into it. Her reflection was not visible, just the blanket of cloud above. 'Silver...'
She took the last step, and paused, turning around. The trees were no longer visible, and everything was covered in a hazy silver smoke. Rei held her hands out to it, but felt nothing but the air. She looked down, and her last footstep had already dissipated. She sighed and turned back around, continuing her journey.
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"You going to eat any of that?" Touji didn't wait for a reply and dug right into Shinji's lunch. The only thing Shinji bothered to take from it was the small canister of juice. He sipped it leisurely, his mind, like most instances, was completely somewhere else.
'Why do I keep thinking of her? It's never been like this... Ever since she touched me last night...'
Last night had been longer then normal, as he couldn't fall asleep. He spent the night at first staring at the ceiling, and then tossing and turning. No position could comfort be found for the boy, but eventually his body grew exhausted with its own restlessness and it faded into slumber.
Since Shinji was now under surveillance by Kensuke and Touji, he dare not continue his casual 'Rei-Observing'. But, as he averted his gaze from the freshly wiped chalkboard, he snuck a quick peek at her. She sat alone as usual, stoic as ever. Sun poured in from the window, glinting off her spotless desk. He uniform rustled with a soft gust that shot up from the window that was slightly open. But in the split second that he stole a look, all that was visible was the pair of rubies which focused on the window.
"Are you sick or something, Shinji?" Asked Touji, his mouth full of half chewed food.
"Just a little hot, that's all." He could feel the sweat forming on his forehead, as well as his cheeks growing hot.
"Right." Said both Kensuke and Touji in unison, equally rolling their eyes as well.
"But, anyway, my Dad said that next Sunday he could take us up to the mountains. Actually, we'd end up leaving Saturday when hell--"
"Touji!" Yelled the Rep from behind.
"...I mean, when school gets out." He shot a glare back at Hikari, who had already sat down to continue her meal with Asuka.
"Wow, that sounds great!" Kensuke exclaimed, swallowing the rest of his food before continuing. "I'll have an excellent chance to improve my guerilla warfare tactics."
"So, are you up for it, Shinji?" Touji looked at Shinji as he crumpled up the various wrappers around him into a fist-sized ball.
"..What? I.." He thought about it for a moment. He did enjoy to occasionally walk in the woods, where there were woods, that is. But... "I don't think I can."
"Why?" Touji questioned, looking slightly disappointed.
"Well, the same reason I didn't get to go to Okinawa. I'm always on active-duty." He explained, slowly prying the top nub off of his juice can.
"Yeah, but the mountains aren't that far at all! They're really just outside of the city.. If an Angel attacked, it'd only take.. An hour or so to get back. Besides," He leaned his chair back on its hind legs and took a shoot for the garbage basket. The ball teetered on the rim of the basket before falling in. "You could use a vacation."
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She stood staring at the cabin. The wood was weathered and dry, looking much like driftwood. The glass windows were small and black. The strange light that lit the snow-world sought no further past them. The door was small and didn't seem like an entryway at all. The door was as black as the windows, bolts riveted bindings originating from the left hinges. The handle was smaller than usual, and didn't seem capable of opening the fixture. Snow snugly fit the gutter-less roof, enclosing around the lifeless brick chimney. The cabin put on a poker face, allowing no one to peer into the depths within. Her eyes left cabin as she walked to the end of the line.
The lone tree directly before the cliff was the only to be found after the forest. It was small, a little shorter then Rei. It had the circumference of about three inches or so, and had a very smooth gray bark. Rei placed her pale hand on it, stroking its skin gently. She progressed towards the top, where bare branches spouted. She blinked in surprise at what she found there.
Her hand reached up, and from a particularly thin branch, she prodded a lone green leaf. It was about the size of an almond. She probed it, unsure if it really was a leaf. She felt the texture of it between her thumb and index finger gently. She looked at it for a few more moments, and then retracted her hand back to her side. One last look, and then she turned and proceeded to the cliff.
The precipice. It ended abruptly a few yards from the lonely cabin. Here she would slowly approach it, taking each step as if it were her last. She savored it. She came to the edge, her toes reaching off just a bit. She tilted her head down, and gazed at the perpetual blackness in dysphoria. It was thick and vacant at the same time. She reached out both her hands in an attempt to harness it... But no such luck. She took one last step, and the winter world rushed upwards without her. Here hair stood up, as did her skirt. She was falling, but there wasn't any were to fall. She was standing, but there wasn't anywhere to stand.
'There's nothing after this... I don't exist anywhere after here... Nothing does.'
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The day had ended, and those chosen to clean the classroom did so. Shinji, bucket in hand, was washing the chalkboard. Kensuke and Touji wiped the floor with mops, each starting from opposite corners of the room. Rei was in charge of the desks. Asuka was there as well, but she was simply waiting for the 'idiot' because she had 'no one better to walk home with'.
With two rags and a small bucket, Rei walked to each desk. One rag was dipped in the warm, soapy water and then was used to wipe the desk clean. The other was used to dry. After this, she placed the bucket on the ground, and hung each of the rags on the handle. She then slowly pulled the chair on top of the desk. This process was repeated.
Shinji's job was much simpler, though he did it slowly anyway. He squeezed a wet rag until it was damp, and then reached up to the top of the board. He dragged the rag down, leaving behind a perfect streak. He sidestepped, and did it again.
After washing it twice, brought his bucket to the sink, washed it, and returned it to the closet. He sighed softly and walked out the door, an already impatient and agitated Asuka following after. Shinji didn't looked forward to the walk, no one liked to walk in the usual oven that was the city streets.
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The classroom was empty when Rei finally got to her desk. She wet the rag, rung out the water, and was about to wipe the last desk when she noticed something. The rag fell into the buck once more with a splash. She reached down and picked up the small piece of folded, creamy paper. She opened it, and read the black handwriting.
The words were read over and over again, until she had committed every bend left behind by the pen to her memory. She thought of all possible meanings of the words, but only came down to one conclusion.
She was equally frightened as well as pleased with it, or at least that's how she understood her current feelings. She refolded the paper, and then opened it. The words still read the same. She folded it again and left it that way. She held it in her right hand, as she looked out the window.
Rei.
I like you.
Ikari.
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Her body quivered. First her eyes opened, and she rose to a sitting position. Then her legs came up as well. She cleared them off powder, and did so to her hair as well. She was below the tree with the single leaf. The sky welcomed her the same way it ushered her out of the world. She hoisted her self up, and retraced the steps that were no longer there.
You can't.
"I.."
You can't.
"I..."
You can't.
"I can... I know... I can! I will!"
---------
The cabin seemed completely different. The logs were no longer dry and brittle, but broad and supple. The door was tall and the handle was larger, its brass giving off a nice sheen. The snow was still there, but seemed to compliment the arrangement nicely this time. Smoke puffed out of the chimney, and Rei had now been introduced to the sultry smell of burning pine. The windows here of an orange tint, warm and inviting
She approached the building, each step harder then the last. Finally, she stood before the door. Her hand was clasping the cold knob firmly. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and opened the door.
After stepping in she quickly closed the door behind her. Her eyes remained closed, and opened at a strange sensation.
'My clothes...?'
She stood naked in the cabin, her uniform nowhere to be found. She looked away from her nude body, and to the cabin's interior.
The cabin was really one large room. The floor was of shiny, lacquered wooden planks. There were no rafters, or any other method which would be used to hold up the roof. The walls were as bare as the floors, though they lacked the shine. The room was only lit by the flame in the fireplace, but that was not easily seen.
A figure stood before fire, its naked body facing the fire.. Rei didn't have to squint to make out who it was. Rei crossed the room, her bare feet not making a sound on the warm floorboards.
Standing behind him, watching the flames dance on his taut skin. His faint scent filled her head. Her body slowly came closer, and a hand rose. It swam through the dim air, and placed itself on his left shoulder.
"Shinji."
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Author's Note
Yeah, yeah, kind of sappy. The next chapter might take a week or two to get up. Finals are fast approaching and my free time is ever being consumed. How did you like this chapter? I hope it sort of explained why she acted the way she did before. As for the snow, it just reminds me of isolation. The chapter title is a Beatles song, and the chapter before was a lyric in a song by Tool. If you read this, even skim it, you have an obligation to review! :D
-Einzeln
