The Way I Am

Chapter 4: Relation
Shinji stared glanced nervously down the cold metal hallway. You could be surrounded by a crowd of people, and yet you'd always feel this void within. The thought often filtered into Shinji's head. That is, when the 'daily crisis' was not.

This odd feeling of emptiness was usually only amplified when walking with Rei. Rei was a person, and that certainly wasn't the cause of it. But, there was this feeling she gave off. As if, yes, she is there, but then again, she wasn't. Rei was a soulless vessel, quietly brooding, or appearing to brood, her next mission.

However, this day was quiet out of the ordinary..
"Oh. H-hi, Ayanami-san." Shinji stammered nervously.

"Rei." She said simply. Her eyes boldly pierced his.

".What?" Shinji asked with an air of uncertainty. 'This plug suit is so tight.' He thought to himself in the duration before her reply, 'I wouldn't be surprised if she could see my heart beating!'

"You can call me Rei, if you like." There was something about her voice that the Third Child couldn't put his finger on. Perhaps there was a hint of emotion. It was too early to tell.

"I see... Ay-Rei. Did you need something?" The question was not meant to be taken as rude, or a plead of her dismissal. Since when did Rei make chit- chat? Since when did Rei do a lot of things that she had done in the last couple of weeks?

The question seemed odd to her. "I just wished to walk with you, Shinji- kun." After all, he was the one who had written the note. He was the one who initiated this.

The idea that Rei had focused her priorities on making his life as awkward as possible was seemingly more and more likely.

He took a few steps out into the hallway, and she soon joined him at his side. He wanted to ask her "Are you feeling well, Rei?"

Of course that type of question would confuse her, he thought. He felt her eyes on his face, and it reddened brightly.
He's asleep, finally. I guess I shouldn't be angry at him. He just asks me too many questions. I've always hated questions. Questions are for people who don't have time to get to know you naturally. All questions would be answered if they simply patiently got to know me.

But no one wants to meet you anymore. They want to see if you're tractable, lure you into a relationship, and live a meaningless life.

There's this need to perpetuate existence.

It's really coming down. I'm not wearing a raincoat, or any coat for that matter.

I slip into a familiar place. No one greets me, and I greet no one. I take my familiar seat and order my familiar drink.

The whiskey tastes sour in my mouth. I hold it and let it slowly trickle down my throat. I set the glass down and the bartender replenishes it without a word from me. We have this little deal. He doesn't talk to me, and don't talk to him. The one person I like in this place.

I have that odd sensation that someone is watching me. I look over across the dirty bar, and there is a woman smiling at me.

This isn't familiar. She smiles at me for a few more moments, and then gets up. She's wearing a coral coloured dress.

Her hair is cut short, but just long enough to frame her face. Her face is full and looks soft. Her eyes are kind, and never leave mine.

He breasts are small, her stomach flat, and her legs surprisingly long for her meager height.

She asks me if the seat is taken, I make some sort of gesture and she sits.

"Can you talk?" She asks, laughing softly.

Her laughter is genuine. It reminds me of music.

And I smile, and so does she.

"Yeah, I can." I say the to her, and she's still smiling.

"I'm Kumiko Yoshida." I always liked that name.

"Kenichi Ueda." I never liked that name.

"Okay, Ken." She smiles again. I usually didn't tolerate people calling me Ken. But she was different.

"Why'd you move?" Yeah, it's painfully obvious to everyone but me. But I don't care. Women like her don't just sit next to you.

"Hmm." He brought her index finger to her chin and looked at me in mock thought. "I've seen you here all the time. I've always wanted to talk to you."

"Why would you want to talk to me?" Her she holds her small hands together in front of her.

Her skin is pale like a winter moon. Here eyes are a deep brown, and her hair is black like soot.

"You look like you've got something to say. Maybe something I've wanted to hear." She trails off at the last couple of words, and then continues. "Listen, I'll go if you want."

I hesitate, and she takes that as a 'Yes'. I feel my hand on her soft forearm, and she sits back down.

"I'm sorry. I'm not. I'm not good with people." I say, looking at my drink.

"You're not trying very hard." She smiles again, and I feel any defenses I've ever put up melt away.

Her body is as soft as I figured it'd be. I feel nervous. My stomach aches nervously, and my movements are shifty. She rubs my back encouragingly, and smiles too.

She sighs and tries to keep quiet. She's trying to read my face. She's looking at my eyes and she's measuring up my soul. She likes what she sees. She smiles and holds me close.

I bury my face in the crook of her neck. She smells like rain, and her sweat is sweet like dew.

He legs are practically wrapped around my face. We wrestle as one.

I keep as quiet as possible. Shinji was in the other room, after all.
She lays motionless on my chest. I feel her chest rise with every inhale, and descend with each exhale. I'm looking at the sky. It's still raining. The water on my window makes the outside world seem blurry.

She makes a noise in her shallow sleep, and I look down at her.
I start walking. The train will come soon. The end will come soon. And then what will there be?

I need alcohol.
I don't remember who I used to be. I do, however, remember walking through the quiet park, her hand in mine. We were going to no particular destination, simply walking. The stiff grass seemed to crunch upon our every step.

I happened to glance up at the sky. I squinted at the intense blue of it all, had I not I feared an odd pain would come over me. I only averted my gaze when my partner gave my hand a squeeze.

"Yes?" I asked her, figuring the gesture was perpetrated to gather my intention.

"You're not talking." Rei smiled, her eyes falling to the ground, watching where each of her feet would soon fall.

I felt my heart sink and my brain melt into some sort of thoughtless goo. However, it reformed to register my response.

"Is that a problem?" I smirked, my free hand rising to rub the back of my neck.

"Yes, yes it is!" She smiled again, the death of me I swear, and even laughed. She poked my rib, and despite my "Ow!" repeated it.

I laughed, too. "That's funny." I smiled at her, and then set my gaze off ahead of us.

"Why is that funny?" She asked, another squeeze to my hand.

"Because, it's you saying that to me. You're the most unsociable person I know." I said this while not talking my eyes off a bench in the distance. 'We should sit there,' I thought.

She sunk into silence and thought about this. I got the feeling she just wanted to forget about how she used to be. I snuck a glance over at her. She was watching the ground again, and I was watching the bench.

"Why are you stopping?" I asked her.

"To sit." She said simply, taking a seat upon the wooden structure. It stood facing the large lake, which I had come on many occasions to sit and think. This would probably be no different.

I was surprised that she felt the need to sit here, as I had planned on asking her to anyway. She sat, hands folded upon her lap. They created a small depression in the skirt of her jumper. I was going to ask her to elaborate, but she interrupted me before I even spoke.

"Shinji-kun." She seemed to coo at me. I turned my head, my eyes immediately locked with hers.

" I want you to. Pretend we just met today. I met you in the hall at NERV."

"Okay. So this is like a date." I blush and quickly add to the statement. "Well, it doesn't have to b-"

"It's a date." She cuts me off, and places her pale hand upon mine. I turn my head to look down at her hands. She's crossed her legs at her ankles, swinging them gently back and forth. Finally our eyes meet. Out of the corner of my eyes I can see her legs slowly stop their idle swing. She slowly moves close to me, leaning against my ribs.

I grimace, my ribs are still sore from the earlier accident. But, I remain silent. Any pain is worth this moment.

The sun is a fading memory. The sky is remembering fondly, doing its best to portray is brilliant array of colors. The clouds have turned pink and purple. The rest of the sky has taken a bright red.

I look to my side and she is staring at me. Her eyes remind me of the sky.

He brings her head slowly closer to mine. He forehead is pressed against mine. Our noses rub against each other's and we let out quiet laughs.

I'm still laughing as her lips seize mine. The laughter stops immediately, as well as any other movement.

Her lips are, by far, the softest thing I've ever touched. I can tell she's waiting for some form of a response. So I slowly lean into her and return the kiss.
Author's note.

This is an odd chapter. By far the worst. Anyway, review it. I'm thinking one more chapter. I basically needed this to set up the next one, which should have a lot of action. I suppose it could stretch to two more chapters, depending on how long I want the next to be. Anyway. Yeah, this is the second time I've changed my pen name. Sue me.

James