Title: Static Cling and Other Things
Started: 11/29/02
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the story



Chapter 4: The Anti-Pixie Stix Movement



By now pretty much everyone is in the Training Center watching a pissed as hell Selphie go up against a scared as can be Irvine. Seifer decided to wait until they were done to go and talk to Selphie. He knew he could sneak out of the dorm since Irvine would be out like a light.


*Three hours later a bloody and bruised Irvine crawled through the door and went straight to his bed. He never even aknowleded the fact that Seifer was even present at the moment*

Seifer: (Now's my chance to go talk to Miss Pixie Stix herself). MWAHAHAHAHAHA. *Wow. Irvine must be really beat because he didn't even stir when Seifer laughed, or when he got up and walked out the door*

*In front of Selphie's room*

Seifer: *Knocks on the door* Hey Selphie can I talk to you for a few minutes?

Selphie: *Opens the door* Hiiii Seifer. Sure you can. Come on in and make yourself comfertable.

Seifer: Thank you Selphie. *Goes in and sits down in a chair*

Selphie: Did you come for more Pixie Stix? Since I'm still a little mad at Irvy Kinny Poo I might even let you have one of my Magaaagical Pixie Stix.

Seifer: *In a serious tone of voice* No Selphie. I'm not here for Pixie Stix. I'm afraid I have some rather disturbing news.

Selphie: Oh gosh golly gee whiz. It can't be that bad, can it?

Seifer: I'm sorry to have to tell you this *sniff* but I just found out that *sob* Pixie Stix are hazardous to a Chocobo's health. Chocobo fans around the world have started and Anti-Pixie Stix movement. Chocoboy was the first to start this.

Selphie: Oh noooooooooo, the poor Chocoboooooos. *Wahhhhhh*

Seifer: It's ok Selphie. *Sits next to her on the couch and pats her shoulder*

Selphie: I had no idea that this was happppppppening. What ever shall I do?

Seifer: This may sound harsh, but I think you should start a protest as well. You could conduct it right out near the entrance of Balamb Garden.

Selphie: Reallllllly?

Seifer: Yes. Just think of all the *sniff* Chicobo's that will be able to actually grow up, since Pixie Stix can stunt your growth.

Selphie: *sniffle* Poor little baby Chicobos. Selphie Poo will help you. *Goes running out of the room, only she misses the door and hits the wall. Backs up and tries again, this time actually making it through the door*

Seifer: *Grinning* (You really out did yourself Seifer old chap. That was easier than I thought it would be. Selphie's such a gullable fool. I just can't wait to see what she does). MWAHAHAHAHAHA. *Gleefuly claps his hands together like a little school girl and then gets up and leaves the room*

*Meanwhile, down the hall*

Selphie: *Turns her head towards where Seifer was just laughing* Poor, poor Seifer. I can hear him crying all the way down here. *Keeps running and manages to run into a pole* (AN: Not that it hurt her any mind you). :)

*Several hours later, at 6:00 in the morning, a fog horn is heard through out the Balamb Garden halls*

*In Cid's Office* (AN: Well where did you think he slept?) :)

Cid: WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THAT RACKET? I THOUGHT I TOLD THE JUNIOR CLASSMEN THAT IF THEY WANTED TO HAVE A PARTY THAT IS WHAT TO BE AT NIGHT, NOT IN THE FRICKIN' MORNING. GOD DAMN, THE SUN ISN'T EVEN UP YET!!! *Cid, now determined to find out what is going on, rushes to the elevator and heads down. At the first floor he gets off and follows the steady stream of students who are also wanting to find out what is going on*

*Outside at the entrance. Despite being rather out of shape Cid manages to be one of the first ones there*

Cid: What the... Selphie? What the hell are you doing? Wait, forget that. What the hell are you wearing?

*Everyone was just as surprised as Cid for Selphie was not only holding a fog horn, but had somehow managed to find a Chocobo costume. To top it off she had a sign around her neck that said: "Down with Pixie Stix"*

Selphie: Well I'm sure you can see for yourself Cid. And besides, I wouldn't be one to criticize what others are wearing if I were you.

*Alas it was true, for in Cid's zeal to find out what was going on, he had managed to forget to change out of his Chocobo Suit*

Cid: Er, never mind that. For now just tell us what you're doing.

Selphie: *Rather calm* Of course Mr.Kramer. It has recently been brought to my attention that Pixie Stix, the cursed substance that it is, has been the cause of Chicobo growth stunt. Therefore I am hereby banning the bying, selling, and inhaling of Pixie Stix. I'm sorry if you object, but if there are any problems you can face me and my Nunchaku. Any problems?

*Several of the students glance at each other while the rest just shake there head. None of them want to end up like Irvine did. Besides. Selphie was the only one that ever really liked those things. It would be weird seeing her not hyper though. Oh well.*

*Meanwhile, back in Seifer and Irvine's room*

Seifer: (Now don't think I'm done just yet Selphie.*Snicker*) *Walks over to where Irvine is still passed out and gently shakes him*

*Irvine must really be tired because he didn't even move one bit*

Seifer: (Hmmm, that didn't work. maybe this will?) *Yells as loud as he can* HEY IRVINE. ALL OF THE FEMALE RESIDENTS HAVE DECIDED TO HAVE A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST AND THEY WANT YOU TO BE THE JUDGE! SOME OF THE GIRLS ARE EVEN TAKING OFF THERE SHIRTS! WHOOHOO!!

*Oh the horror. Even this is unable to wake him up. What will our hero do now?*

Seifer: (This may be sneaky but it's my last chance) *Whispers very soflty* Oh no. How could this have happend? Selphie's not on a sugar buzz.

*The poor whipped boy must have been trained well because he shot off like a rocket while carying a bag of what appeared to be Pixie Stix as well as other sugar induced products*

Seifer: (Ha. Look at that boy go. If he was a Chocobo I could enter him in the Chocobo races down at Gold Saucer. This is perfect). MWAHAHAHAHA.

*No one knew where that strange laugh had come from, but they were all glad that they were outside. Even if it was 6:00 in the morning*

Cid: Now now Selphie. There's no need to act rash.

Irvine: The old fart's right Selphie Poo. Look, I brought you your magic bag of tricks. *Holds up the bag with all the junk food in it*

Selphie: Don't despair Irvine. Just think of all the Chicobo's that will be able to grow up and have a happy short-free life. *Gets stars in her eyes*

Irvine: Come on Selphie, just think this through.... Wait a minute... you just called me Irvine.

Selphie: Yes I did. It's your name isn't it?

Irvine: *Rather agitated now* NO NO NO. MY NAME IS IRVY KINNY POO! THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS CALLED ME, UNLESS *gasp* YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANY MORE. THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT? *Sits on the ground and starts to cry like a baby*

Selphie: *Crouches down next to him and puts her hand on his shoulder* There there Irvine. I'm sure this can be worked out some how.

Irvine: Really? *His eyes get all big and dewy*

Selphie: Just tell me what I can do to make you feel better.

Irvine: *Grins like an idiot* Ok. How about you eat this nice and sugary Pixie Stix?

Selphie: Sorry. I've already given up Pixie Stixs. Is there something else I could do?

Irvine: *Reaches into Selphie's Bag of Tricks* Ok. How about this chocolate bar?

Selphie: Nuh-uh. They give Moogles gas.

Irvine: This bag of marshmallows?

Selphie: Causes death to Bite Bugs.

Irvine: Really? I'll have to remember that one. Ok then, don't these Candy Canes look good?

Selphie: It isn't Christmas yet.

Irvine: *Beginning to lose hope* Well fine then. How about these packets of sugar?

Selphie: Ok. *Grabs the sugar packets and eats about 20 of them in under a minute*

Irvine: *Finally gets of the ground and wipes his nose* Selphie. How are you feeling/

Selphie: *Just stares at him a moment before grinning like a Belhelmel* OH IRVY KINNY POO I LOVE YOU! LETS GO RUN AROUND THE FOUNTAIN UNTIL WE GET SO DIZZY THAT WE FALL DOWN! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Irvine: *Gets all teary eyed again* Oh Sephie Poo how I've missed you. *Grabs her arm and off they go*

Cid: Well it's about time. Now hopefuly we don't have to worry about that damn fog horn. I wonder where she got it form anyways? Oh well. Everyone can go back to their dorms now.

*Back in Seifer and Irvine's room*

Seifer: *Damn. She's back on her sugar rush. At least she got Irvy Kinny Poo in a tizzy. Plus I got a picture of Cid in his Moogle Suit. Perhaps I can use it to blackmail him into making me a Rank A SeeD. Then I would be able to win back Rinoa from that Rank A loser, Squall Leonfart. Everything is going according to plan* MWAHAHAHAHA.

*The students that had returned to their beds, cowered under their sheets at the sound of the ghastly laugh. While off in an issolated forest we see Chocoboy sharing his lifetime supply of Pixie Stix with the local Chicobo's. Note that if you look closely at the wrapper you'll see a label that says : "Is safe for Chicobos and Chocobos off all sizes and will in now way impaire their growth". Most things returned to "normal" at Balamb Garden. There were no more fog horn wake up calls at 6:00 in the morning, the Junior Classmen had there parties at night, and selphie was forever supplied with packets of sugar by a rampant Irvine, who was all in all quite urgent on keeping Selphie on a constant sugar buzz. Yep. All was peaceful in the life of the Balamb Garden students. There were only two reports of strange occurrences in the Garden. One would be the sound of maniacal laughter that would ring through out the halls for now apparent reason, while the other would be the occasional sight of Irvine who appeared to be throwing marshmallows at wandering Bite Bugs. Yet somewhere, deep in the heart of Balamb Garden, lurks a man of with a plan. But that's mostly just cause he has a lot of free time on his hands. What will our hero do next? Guess you'll have to keep reading to find out* :)


END




Short? Yes! Stupid? Yes! Review? Yes!