Title: Static Cling and Other Things
Started: 11/29/02
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the story
Chapter 9: Oh the Humanity!
This was it. The day that Seifer has finally decided to get his revenge on Squall. The day that he would would humiliate him as he himself was humiliated.... After he got some breakfast from the Cafeteria that is.

*In the Cafeteria. Seifer walks in and spots Squall and his buddies sitting at their usual table. Seifer also sits at his usual spot in the back near the Trepies. Seifer decided that this would be the perfect spot to spy on Squall and figure out his plan of action.*

Seifer: (This is the perfect spot to spy on Squall and figure out my plan of action).

*Oh, also Irvine and Selphie are back from their trip to Gold Saucer*

Rinoa: It looks like you guys had a lot of fun.

Selphie: Yep. You'd be surprised at how many people were there. Especially this weird guy named Dio. He said he owned the place but I think he was really just one of the bouncers.

Irvine: You sure seemed to like his undies though. You were even talking about getting a pair like that for me.

Squall: Ugh, that's a little too much information.

Zell: Yeah man. Not in the middle of when I'm eating.

*Said the human garbage disposal who was like on his 50th hot dog. The non-veggie kind that is*

Quistis: Enough. Tell us about the rest of the attractions.

Selphie: Well there was Speed Square which had a super fun roller coaster. Irvine screamed like a little girl but I managed to get 5000 Points. All they gave me was this stupid Umbrella though.

Irvine: Tsk. It seemed to serve well as a weapon though when that guy spilled his drink on you.

Selphie: I know. That blonde, spikey-headed jerk didn't even apologize. Then, for some weird reason he grabbed the Umbrella and took off saying that he needed it as a gift for his girlfriend.

Irvine: It was rather humorous but not as much as Event Square.

Rinoa: Event Square?

Selphie: Yeah that's where they hold things like plays and such. The guy at the entrance said that we were the 100th couple so we got to be the lead characters in the play.

Irvine: Selphie was the captured Princess and I was the dashing Knight.

Selphie: Dashing yes, but an acter, no. He was so nervous that he ended up kissing the King instead of me.

Irvine: Yeah and in turn you got mad at the acter playing the Dragon that was breathing down your neck and ended up socking it.

Selphie: In the end we were all so embarassed that we kind of just danced of the stage.

Zell: Ha. I think it sounds like a great play. I wish I had been there to see.

Irvine: We did much better in the other squares though.

Selphie: Yeah. There was Battle Square, Wonder Square, Chocobo Square, Ghost Square and Round Square.

Irvine: Battle Square is just as it sounds. You pay 10 GP and you fight in battles. There are eight battles and the better you do the more Battle Points you get. *Puffs out his chest* I did pretty good myself.

Selphie: Yeah until you walked out of there before trading in your points for prizes. As soon as you leave your Battle Points are dropped back down to 0.

Irvine: Yeah well I didn't know that at the time.

Selphie: I had entered too but we were only able to get a "Regan Green", which I ended up feeding to one of the Chocobos at the Chocobo Square.

Irvine: Too bad though. I had kind of wanted that "Omnislash" item.

Selphie: You probably couldn't use it anyways.

Irvine: Oh well, you're probably right.

Rinoa: So what's this Wonder Square all about? It sounds interesting.

Selphie: It was very interesting. There was so much there though that we only got around to some of the things. My favorite was the Snow Boarding Game. I made it all the way to the 3rd Course.

Irvine: My favorite was the G Bike. I got over 10,000 Points and the game spits out 10 GP and something called a "Speed Source". I didn't know what it was for so I ended up giving it to this weird stuffed toy with a cat on his head. He seemed to have more knowledge about the item.

Selphie: Another favorite of mine was called "Mog House". I ended up helping to cute little Moogle and the guy behind me was so impressed that he gave me 30 GP. Of course Irvy Poo got all mad because he thought the guy was trying to give me his phone number so he ended up punching him.

Rinoa: Sounds like something Seifer would do. He can be such a hot head.

*Meanwhile, off in the corner*

Seifer: (That's so not true. I am not a hot head. In fact I'm probably one of the nicest guys around). HEY WAITER, WHERE'S MY COFFEE!?
Waiter: Yes Sir, it's on its way. (What a hot head).

*Now back to the buddy table*

Irvine: The guy ran off bawling while saying something about the last person he gave 30 GP to didn't do that.

Selphie: Chocobo Square was next and it was such a cool place.

Irvine: Yeah the track that the Chocobo's run on is a hologram.

Squall, Rinoa, Quistis,and Zell: Whoooowwww.

Selphie: Irvine was even allowed to enter a race. But, alas, he was no match for Joe and his Chocobo.

Irvine: Yeah and I really wanted to win that "Ribbon" for you. It was said to repel any Status Effects.

Rinoa: Hmmm, a "Ribbon" that repels Status Effects. I wonder why we don't have something like that here? (1)

Squall: The world may never know.

Irvine: Ghost Square was just a hotel. That's where Selphie and I stayed.

Selphie: We did manage to find an Elixir in the dresser though. That was kind of nifty,

Irvine: The last place we went to was Round Square.

Squall: Round.... Square? Doesn't that kind of contradict itself?

Selphie: It was just a ride that gave you a tour of the park. It would have been nice except that the ride ended up having technical difficulties and we ended up being stuck on it for three hours.

Irvine: Yeah for some reason the people that ran it couldn't get it too stop so we just kept going round and round. Ugh, it was so annoying.

Zell: *suddenly jumps onto his chair and bursts into song* ~YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY RIGHT ROUND, LIKE A RECORD PLAYER, RIGHT ROUND ROUND ROUND~!!*

*Mind you it's in an extremely high piched, squeaky voice*

Quistis: Ugh, enough Zell. You're as bad as Squall.

Squall: Heyyyy, what's that supposed to mean?

Irvine: It means you sing badly.

Squall: How can that be true? Squall Leonhart.... bad at something. It's almost too much for the mind to bear. Say it ain't so.

Rinoa: *puts her hand on his shoulder* Well, to tell you the truth dear, you really aren't much of a singer. I know. I've heard you in the shower.

Zell: I've even heard you through the wall since my room is next to your room. Just be glad no one else can hear you.

Squall: Y-yeah I guess so. That would be so embarassing.

Quistis: Yeah, how completely humiliating.

*And who's ears should perk up at those words*

Seifer: (Embarassing. Humiliating. This is just too good to pass up. Oh ho ho, whatch out Squall. Your time is now. I better go put my plan into motion while those losers are still here.) *He gets up and starts to walk away*

Waiter: Hey mister. you forgot to pay.

Seifer: Oh right. *Digs into his coat pocket and flips the guy a coin*. There you go sonny. Keep the change. *He then continues to walk off*

Waiter: *Grumble, grumble* Ooh, a whole 10 Gil. I could just about retire with this. I knew I should have trained to become a SeeD. *Grumble. grumble*

*Now in Squall and Rinoa's Room*

Seifer: (That should do it. Oh how cleverly I have hidden this microphone. No one will suspect a thing. I am the true mastermind of plots.) HAAAA HA HA *Snort*

*A/N: Well I bet you're all wondering why Seifer is talking like a retard and the truth is that, while Seifer was setting up the microphone, he accidentlly shocked himself*

Seifer: (Now to put one last finishing touch on my masterpiece and.... BZZZTT... Squall, your end is near. Soon you will be laughed out of Balamb Garden, I will be awarded Rank A and the number One Gunblade user, and Rinoa will consent to divorce you and become my bride). MWAHAHAHAHAH.... BZZZTT.... HAAAA HA HA *Snort*... BZZZTT... MWAHAHAHAHA.... BZZTTT.... HAAAA HA HA *Snort*..... BZZZTT.... Ugh, I've got to get away from this damn faulty wiring. *He leaves and heads off to his room to wait for the rest of the 'show' to take place**

*Once again back at the buddy table*

Selphie: And so he says, but Sir, that IS a Gold Chocobo. Ha ha ha ha.

Irvine: Oh selphie, that was just too damn funny.

Rinoa: Tee hee, I agree. Don't you, Squall?

Squall: Ummm, yeah. *Is completely clueless*

Rinoa: That's ok. Well, we'll see you guys later. Squall and I are going to go back to are room for a, um, nap. Yeah, that's it, a nap.

Squall: A nap. Rinoa, it's only 10:00 in the morning. It's way to earl.... *Mphmph*

*At that moment Rinoa decided to place her hand over her slightly dense husbands mouth*

Rinoa: Uh, well, see you all later. *Proceeds to drag a dumbfounded Squall away*

Zell: Boy, she's really got him on a leash. He's lost all pride. You'll never see me act like that around a girl. No sir, not me. I am my own free man and make my own choi...

*At that moment Zell spotted to Library girl, Cathy, and went over to talk to her*

Irvine: Hmmm. *Glances at Selphie* It seems that every one is leaving so I suggest that we do the same.

Selphie: OK! Just remember to bring lots of sugar. Tee hee.

Quistis: Ugh, too much info. I guess I'll go fight something in the Training Center.

*So now every one has gone off to do his or her thing. Now back in Squall and Rinoa's Room*

Rinoa: Boy Squall you really know how to ride the way.

Squall: *Sigh* Well that's what happens when you get a water bed.

*A/N: What did you think she was talking about. Perverts! :)*

Rinoa: Hmm, well when ever I'm on a boat I get sleepy and this felt just like it so I'm going to sleep. Good-night. *SNORE*

Squall: Wow, she really was tired. I guess I'll go take a shower.

*Seifer is now in his room with the recorder ready*

Seifer: (Now I have the recorder ready. I just need to wait for Squall to make his big debut).

*Seifer didn't have to wait too long though*

*Dun dun dunnnnn. Meanwhile, in the bathroom.... or in the shower to be precise*

Squall: ~WHE-NEVER SANG MY SONGS, ON THE STA-GE, ON M-Y OWN, WHENEVER SAID MY WORDS, WISH-ING THEY WOULD BE HEARD. I SA-W YOU SMILING AT ME, WAS IT RE-AL OR JUST A FAN-TASY? YOU'D AL-WAYS BE IN THE COR-NER OF THIS TI-N-Y LIT-TLE BAR~

Seifer: * His face has the look of someone who just drank sour milk* (Holy crap they weren't not kidding when they said he sang badly. It feels like my ears are going to take flight at any moment. But I don't care. I'll endure this long enough that I can make Squall suffer and feel the burn of humiliation. Just you wait Squall). MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*Of course Squall's singing was just too loud for the laugh to be heard. Also, Rinoa must be pretty wiped out because even Squall's singing couldn't wake her up. Too bad cause she might have been able to stop Squall before it was too late. Oh well. It just wouldn't be as much fun though, now would it? :)*

Squall: ~MY LA-ST NIGHT HE-RE FOR YOU, SAME OLD SONGS, JUST ONCE MO-RE. MY LAST NIGHT HERE WI-TH YOU? MAYBE YES, MAYBE NO. I KIND OF LIKE-D IT YOUR WAY, HOW YOU SH-YLY PLACED YOUR EYES ON ME. DID YOU EV-ER KNOW, THAT I HAD MI-NE ON YOU?~

*And so Squall carries on with the song until he finishes it and his shower. Seifer also managed to complete his task and was waiting for the right moment to strike*

Seifer: (I have now completed my task and will wait for the right moment to strike). MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

*Of course the right moment would have to wait because at the present point and time Rinoa had completed her nap and was ready too practice using Squall as a surf board* (A/N: Remember folks, they have a water bed. :)*

*And off into the night Seifer worked out the details of his plan and ke knew that by this time tomorrow Squall would be in sad shape. Of course, not as sad as the shape his ears were in. They still felt like someone had cast a Float spell on them andthey just drifted away. Never mind that though as it is now the next day. Dun dun dunnn*

*The gang is seated in their usual spots in the cafeteria and are having breakfast*

Selphie: You're so weird Zell. Why can't you eat something else besides hot dogs?

Zell: I don't know what you're talking about, Selphie. Hot dogs happen to have all the same vitamins and minerals as the four basic food groups put together.

Rinoa: Ha. That's only cause they stick the stuff in a blender and after smashing it all together they stick it in a mould.

Squall: Ugh, come on Rinoa. I know you're used to speaking your mind but can you please spare me just this once. I'm still feelign a little queasy.

Irvine: That's what you get for buying a water bed.

Selphie: Well that's better than what we have. At least they don't have to sleep in a car stolen from Galbadia.

Rinoa: Tee hee. I guess you really did like that yellow one.

Quistis: Just hope the headmaster doesn't hear about this.

Selphie: Not to worry. Even if he did Commander Squall would vouch for us.

Irvine: That's true. The Commander is quite a guy.

Rinoa: *Gushing* Oh honey I'm so proud of you. *Throws her arms around him*

Squall: *Major blush* Yeah well, you know... heh heh.

Zell: Booya! Three cheers for Squall!

Rinoa, Selphie, Irvine, Quistis, and Zell: SQUALL! SQUALL! SQUALL! YEAH!

Squall: That's enough guys. I'm glad you all like me but I think you're annoying the other patrons.

*And indeed they were for it looked like the whole cafeteria was going to momentarily forget the "No Weapons in the Building" rule. Indeed this old man looked ready to throw an "Ultima" spell on the next person who so much as blinked funny. Of course Zell's mom was ready with her "Frypan of Hellfire" in case anyone got too out of control. But, eventualy, the atmoshpere returned to normal and people went back to eating, talking, and their "Triple Triad" games. It even looked some of the people had caught onto the new "Tetra Master" craze. Anways Seifer decided that now would be the time to make his move. Mind you he's still hiding in his room.*

Seifer: (Now is the time to make my move. Prepare for your worst nightmare Squall. HYAAAAAA).

*And with that it had begun..... through the P.A. System*

~WHE-NEVER SAN-G MY SO-NGS, ON THE STAGE, ON MY O-WN, WHE-NEV-ER SA-ID MY WOR-DS, WIS-HING THE-Y WOULD BE HE-ARD~.......

*Meanwhile, in the Cafeteria, chaos insues*

Random Guy: Agh, my ears! What's this horrible racket!

Random Girl: It feels like my make-up is about to run off!

Little Girl: Are we under attack by PuiPui (2), PuPu's brother!? Mommy, I'm scared!

*Of course the B-Fighters(3) were trying their best to calm everyone down*

Selphie: Please everyone, just calm down. Everything is going to be O.K.

*Of course it didn't help much that Selphie sounded like she's talking to a five year old*

Zell: Ah, Commander, what should we do?

*The Commander, at this time, happened to be quietly backing away towards the door.* (And we know why that is, don't we? :) )

Rinoa: Hey, you know what Squall, that kind of sounds like your voice.

Squall: Uhhh, uh-oh *Gulp* (Busted!!!)

*Everything is so quiet you could hear a Cactuar needle drop. Then, all of a sudden.....*

Random Girl: Say it ain't so Commander.

Cafeteria Lady: How could you do this to us Commander?

Random Guy: This is just to much to bear, Commander.

Really Pissed Off Old Guy: That does it sonny boy! ULTIMA!!

Squall: No, wait, AGGGHHHHH!

*Meanwhile, back with Seifer who's watching the situation in the Cafeteria on a T.V . that he set up*

Seifer: (Oh, this is great. Poor Squall. Getting blasted with and Ultima spell. That must really suck. Ha. Let's see him shrug this off. Get ready to be the best Rank A loser Squall cause you're going to be there for a looooong time). MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*However, no one could hear Seifer's laugh since everyone's ears were still ringing from the combination of Squall's bad singing and the old guy's Ultima spell*

*Now things have calmed down a bit and Squall's song has finally stopped. Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Irvine, Zell, and Quistis are all in Headmaster Cid's office. Cid looked like he accidentally sat down on a Blobra*

Cid: I'll have you all know that, after sitting down on a Blobra, I am not in the best of moods.

Irvine: A Blobra, huh? I thought that it was time for you to get some Depen...

Selphie: Irvine, shh!

Cid: That Ultima spell caused quite a bit of damage to the Cafeteria and, since you seem to be the one responsable, it's coming out of your salary. The estimated cost is going to be at least 120,000 Gil as well as another 35,000 Gil to the old guy that Zell plastered with his "Burning Rave" attack.

Zell: Yeah, well, the old fart shouldn't have made me drop my hot dogs.

Squall: *Sigh* I understand, Sir.

Cid: I'm also going to have to drop your SeeD Rank, this time to Level 25.

Squall: Yes, Sir.

Cid: I hope there will be no more incidents like this in the future. I would hate to have to release you as Commander.

Squall: Of course, Sir. May I be excused now?

Cid: Yes. You may all go now.

*Everyone leaves Cid's office and heads into the elevator*

Zell: Man, are you going to be O.K. Squall?

Quistis: You seem awfully down.

Squall: I'll be O.K., I just need to go lay down.

*The elevator reaches the bottom and they all get out*

Selphie: Well, we'll see you all later. Come on Irvine.

Irvine: But what about Squall?

Selphie: Oh he'll be fine. If he can defeat Ultimecia than he can handle anything.

Irvine: Well, if you say so. *Gets dragged off by Selphie*

Zell: She's right. Catch you later Squall. *Dashes off*

Quistis: Right. I believe I have some papers to grade. Bye. *Also leaves Squall*

*Now it's just Rinoa and Squall*

Squall: *Looks a little hopeful* Do you want to keep me company, Rinoa?

Rinoa: Sorry snickerdoodle but there's something I need to take care of first. *Runs off leaving a depressed Squall*

Squall: Oh great. Looks like it's just me. I guess I'll go take a nap.

*And so went Squall. Amongst the taunts of "Commander Squawk", and "How about a couple of Echo Screens, they're said to cure the throat", poor Squall shuffled to his room. Little did he know how true his friends really were. Oh, and if you're wondering where Seifer is, he decided to go to Delling City and treat himself to a manicure*

*Three hours later, we now return to Squall's room where a knock can be heard*

*Knock-Knock*

Squall: *Half asleep* Mumblegrumble. Dammit, I already told you I didn't want to subscribe to "Timber Maniacs".

Rinoa: *Through the door* Squall, open up. It's me.

Squall: *Kind of rolls out of bed* Ok, ok, frumblegum... *Opens to door only to find.....*

Selphie: Hi Squall, feeling better?

Zell: Yeah you look kind of out of it.

Squall: *Sarcastic* Oh gee, thanks.

Quistis: Never mind that, we have surprises for you.

Squall: *Really sarcastic* Oh, great. Surprises. Fine, you can all come in.

*Now eveyone one is seated inside*

Irvine: So, buddy, how's that water bed treating you?

Squall: I still feel kind of queasy at times.

Irvine: Then this shlould make you feel better. *Whips out a brand new air matress. Yeah*

Squall: *Is totally shocked* Wha- what's this? Why?

Irvine: Selphie and I got it at the store for you.

Selphie: We thought that it might make you feel better after what happened earlier.

Irvine: Mind you now, the air mattress is a tad small so you'll have to decide between you and Rinoa who gets to be on to...Ow. *Is suddenly whacked by Selphie's elbow*

Selphie: Quiet you. Your turn Zell.

Zell: Well, I wasn't too sure what to get you so here. *Hands him a plate with 50 hot dogs*

Squall: Uh, wow. A plate with 50 hot dogs. Thanks (I think).

Quistis: I don't have a actual gift to give you but I did talk to Cid. He said that if for the next week or so you help the other instructors with their classes, then he'll raise you back to Rank A status.

Squall: Alright. Thanks Quistis. *Even jumps up in the air at this*

Rinoa: Ok, my turn now. I baked this for you, Squall. *Holds up a scrumptious looking cake. It even had a Gunblade painted in orang icing on it*

Squall: *Eyes get all big and shiny* Oh, oh, oh. I am the happiest man alive right now. Rinoa, how did you know that "Phoenix Funnel Cake" was my favorite?

Rinoa: Tee hee, cause you told me, silly.

Squall: *Cough* Oh, that's right. Anways, let's pass around the hot dogs and cut the cake.

Zell: Uhhhh, hot dogs? *burp*

Squall: *Sigh* Never mind, just cut the cake.

*And so the friends partied on, unknown that they were being watched* (A/N: Yes Seifer really is a wiz at electrical equipment. He even has a line set up so he can moniter other areas and rooms besides the Cafeteria).

Seifer: (I come back from my manicure and I find this going on. How dare Rinoa bake Squall a cake. She should be doing that for me. *Sniffle*. Oh well I still dropped a cart load of Chocobo dung on that loser and he dropped all the way to Level 25. Plus he has to help all the boring instructors with their boring lectures. Plus all the shame as he walks through halls. Now he'll know the humiliation of what I went through). WMAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Zell: There's that creepy ass laugh again.

Selphie: It sounds like someones hurt. Maybe we should go help them?

Everyone: ........Nahhhh. *They all go back to eating the cake*

Seifer: (How rude. *Sniff*).

*After partying at Squall's for a while the rest of the gang decided to leave. Well, except for Rinoa. She and Squall were in battle for the to...., er, never mind*

*One week later*

Rinoa: I can't believe that people are still going on about Squall's singing.

Selphie: Yeah, you'd think that they'd have moved on by now.

Squall: It's ok. I am still Commander and I need to learn to deal with things. I'm just glad that old guy didn't decide to sue me.

Zell: Don't look now but here comes another old fart.

*So of course everyone looks*

Irvine: Well, well. It's Seifer. I wonder what he wants?

Rinoa: Probably just want to cause trouble.

Seifer: Well, well. If it isn't the "Golden Voiced Chocobo".

Rinoa: See, I told you.

Squall: What do you want Seifer?

Seifer: Not a thing. I just came over to pay my respects. Later "Music Man" *Walks away laughing his ass off*

Selphie: *Sticks her tongue out at him* Blah, meanie.

Irvine: Yeah. Now why did that laugh sound familiar?.... Oh well. Must be my imagination.

*And, like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.... unless of course you happen to cast a "Haste" spell in which we speed things up a bit. Squall has been doing as Cid instructed and is working his way back to Rank A, Selphie and irvine are still sleeping in the stolen car, and Zell is still devouring hot dogs at the speed of light. As for Seifer, he's just having the time of his life since he's the ring leader of the whole "Let's tease Squall just for the hell of it" gang. Meanwhile, on a hidden island, Chocoboy has set up a new sound system and all the Chocobo's are listening to the newest hit song, which happens to sound strangely like Squall. Hmmmm*

*It seems like Seifer has won, or has he? Yep. For all you folks who thought that this was the last chapter, guess again. I've got one more coming up with a surprise ending so stay tuned, all you loyal fans* (The sounds of crickets can be heard chirping).
A/N: Ok, I'm sure you seen the little numbers next to a couple of the sentences and here's what they're all about:

(1) In most of the Final Fantasy games there has been an item known as a "Ribbon" that nullifies most status effects, however, that was not so in Final Fantasy VIII. I'm sure all of you have seen it and pondered on it's where abouts. Now, I'm not too sure on this, but here's my guess. I happen to have a Gameshark for my Playstation and decided to do a little test one day. I found a code online that was for the fabled "Ribbon" item and, sure enough, it worked. To me this means that at one point (meaning the Japanese version of Final Fantasy VIII, gamers were able to get the above item. But, for whatever reason, the item was removed from the North American version. Yet is was still accessible with the help of a Gameshark. I found this rather interesting.

(2) No PuPu doesn't have a brother. This term (Pui Pui) is from the awesome game "Seiken Densetsu 3" game, which is also by the legendary gaming company Squaresoft. "Seiken Denstestu 3" is the sequel to the acclaimed "Secret of Mana" game, but was unfortunately never released here. In the game, "Pui Pui Grass" was the exact same thing (even looked the same) as a "Healing Herb".

(3) I happened to be watching "Dragonball Z" this afternoon and I remembered how they are often called the "Z-Fighters", so I decided to name Squall and his friends the "B-Fighters", meaning Balamb. Yeah, I know it's corny but it fits.

*So what did you all think of the latest chapter? Oh, and about Squall's torture? I'm sure a lot of you have been waiting for this but, as I said before, it's not quite over yet*

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

*Ahem...anyways.....*

Short? Yes! Stupid? Yes! Review? Yes!