CHAPTER ELEVEN

~ if he could only exchange his life with everything that embodied the world and made it whole ~

Mizu mo kaze mo taiyou mo daichi mo

-0-

The water, the wind, the sun, the earth

The look of shock in Youhei Mito's face when he peeked into the room could never be denied. Rukawa, standing behind the slightly opened door with only his flushing face sticking out, regarded the Gundan with a cold look and asked again, "What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Uh well" Youhei stuttered, barely able to look straight at Rukawa. "C-Can we talk downstairs? That is after, you've put on some well you might catch a cold if"

"I'll be down in a minute," Rukawa replied in a quiet voice. Seeing the guy standing before him now reminded him of the all-too-glaring fact that this was Youheis house, and that it was on Youheis bed that he had sex with his captains girlfriend. The very thought of it caused him to blush furiously and numb up with dread at his own thoughtless insolence.

Youhei was blushing furiously himself, and was tripping over his own words like he knew what had just happened inside his room. "Uhm yeah okay I'll be at the living room, yeah I'll wait for you. There."

Rukawa just nodded and watched the other guy as he turned and almost stumbled down the stairs. He knows, was the thought that went slithering through his head.

After making sure that his host had made it safely to the first floor, Rukawa gently closed the door and turned to the raving beauty on the bed with only a blanket scantily covering her body. She looked very much like a newborn Venus straight out of some classical painting, gorgeous and naive. At that very moment, he knew he loved her more.

Even though it was hurting him more than his superficial wounds, which had then began throbbing painfully again as though in revolt to his own thoughts...

"Dammit!" He grabbed his clothes and put them on in haste. Youhei was waiting for him downstairs, after all, and he didnt want to add more disrespect to his fast growing pile.

"Where are the other guys?" Rukawa asked curiously when he reached the living room and found only Youhei sitting on the couch. It's not that he cared, really. The last thing he wanted at the moment was to be in a room stuffed with loud-mouthed freaks.

As it turned out, the Akagi girl, Haruko, had been there a while ago and the guys called Oksu and Juichiro had accompanied her home. Takamiya, on the other hand was in the hospital watching over the red-haired monkey.

Rukawa stayed standing on the doorway as he listened to Youhei. The Gundan's head was bowed and his eyes were firmly fixed on his fiddling fingers as though he couldn't take the sight of him. He couldn't blame the guy, of course, especially after what happened He knows, the thought was now filled with conviction.

"H-Haruko had gone upstairs to see Ayako-san." There was a tremor in Youhei's voice that disturbed Rukawa more. "I didn't know you were GOD! How was I to know anyway? So, I let her go and she she shortly came back down running" He closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh. "If you had only seen her She was crying like hell and almost slipped off the stairs Oksu and Juichiro had to run after her all the way out in the storm!"

Rukawa made a loud wheeze as his eyes began to zone out. Had he locked the door before they?

"Damn," he cursed under his breath.

"You do know there's gonna be big trouble if people find out about this."

Rukawas legs were slowly failing him. He leaned against the doorframe as both numbness and breathlessness began to subdue his senses.

"I I didnt mean to," Rukawa forced the words out, almost toppling over from the bout of remorse that almost instantly filled his nerves.

"You didnt, did you?" Youhei's voice became accusing as angry eyes snapped to the other guys direction. "Is this why youve never told her that Captain Miyagi's already woken out of his coma? You do know that, right?"

Rukawa had almost forgotten he did. "It It slipped my mind," he managed to say as his gaze darted to the ground. And it was true, wasn't it? When Sakuragi told him about it, Ayako had been in the loo. And from then, until now, he had not been given a chance to tell her. Or was it because he had never really intended to tell her?

"A lot of things have been slipping your mind lately," Youhei said, his voice now calm but incisive. "Luckily you have a neck to hold your head or it would've slipped off somewhere, too."

Rukawa didnt really take well to sarcasms thrown at him, but what could he do? No matter how he looked at it, everything the other guy had said was true. Was this really what he had become? An indiscriminately selfish fool?

"Miyagi's been asking like hell for Ayako," Youhei said in the same quietly incriminating voice. "He's wondering himself to death over why she had not visited him yet."

Rukawa gasped and closed his eyes tightly. He had never known a person could actually feel so heavy and yet so empty. So agonized and yet so numb

"I know how you must be feeling," Youhei went on in quiet sympathy. "Nobody knows how much sacrifice it was for us when Hanamichi fell for basketball. Unlike his past endeavors with girls, he never gave up on this one and we thought we were gonna lose him for good. But we stayed beside him, nevertheless, and supported him through. Making fun of him once in a while so we can somehow cover up the pang of seeing him enjoying himself with something else other than our company. We didn't wanna get to his happiness so we never tried prying him out of the court and had even willed ourselves to feel happy for him." Rukawa opened his eyes just in time to meet Youhei's piercing gaze. "You do know how much Captain Miyagi and Ayako-san love each other, don't you? And then you come and do this Are you even aware how much pain it would cause the two of them?"

Rukawas breath came out in a sharp gasp as the truth of it all began to sink in. Sure, he could stand the pain within himself, but what about the pain he had caused and would be causing to all the people involved? The pain he had already caused to Ayako herself? How could he stand the very thought of that?

But then again, was it his fault that he's so "I I" His lips seemed to be moving of their own accord and said the words he had been keeping himself from saying for all the throe and conflict it could bring. "I love her." He hated the way he sounded like a whiny little kid.

Youhei's frown deepened in response. "Oh yeah? And what do you know of it? What does a selfish guy like you know about love?"

Needless to say, that statement struck a sensitive chord in Rukawa's heart. Before he could remind himself that he was in Youhei's territory, his anger drove him charging toward the Gundan and eventually cuffing his face with all his might. No wonder this guy and that monkey were best friends! They talked just as much trash as each other, assuming to know more about a person than that person himself!

They punched and rolled, kicked and groaned, turning the whole expanse of the living room into a battlefield. Youhei's gentle appearance was misleading of his adroit fighting skill. He was, after all, a Gundansecond in strength to their so-called leader who, Rukawa must admit, was one of the best fighters he had ever fallen out with. The two guys brawled on and on until both of them were too weak to swing another blow and were coughing out blood on the floor.

"How dare you say that of me," Rukawa hissed, crouching on his hands and legs as he retched in agony. "You You don't know me" His voice sounded terribly bitter and strained as tears fell arrantly from his eyes. "You don't know anything about me at all!" He could hear Youhei panting laboriously beside him. How dare hehow dare all these people assess him like that! They would never know! They could never understand who he really was!

Were they even aware how much agony this was causing him? And yet, he refused to give up. If he was selfish, how come he was still here? How much more should he give to make these people see? If he could only exchange his life with everything that embodied the world and made it whole and put each in a neatly wrapped package to give to Ayako to prove just how genuine his love for her was, he would do it. He swore he would

He pulled himself up to his feet, wobbled and would've fallen back face flat on the ground, if not for the firm, warm hands that readily held him up.

"The bandage seems a little loose," Youhei said quietly, eyeing the bloodstained dressing with concern.

"I feel sorry, Mito," Rukawa sobbed as the Gundan supported him to the couch. "But not regretful."

"You're not supposed to be," Youhei's voice was surprisingly filled with empathy as he gently lay the weeping guy on the couch. He silently stared at him for a while before kneeling beside the couch to fix his bandage. "I just wish you'd calm down for a minute" He paused and waited for Rukawa's soggy eyes to focus intently on him before adding in a grave voice, "There's something you need to know about that masked creep"

tbc