+ Month 11

"Good news, kiddies," Proxy Blue started up. "I have it on good authority that the remaining battling factions have resolved their issues. No more midnight fireworks, at least not of the kind we don't like.

"Rebuilding is moving apace, and most of the national grid is back online without the need for mutant batteries. That's all I got for now, and don't forget, if you think the people need to know, then let me know."

*****

Lena switched off the link and looked around her. They'd all moved into Genomex on both Adam and Eckhart's insistence, so she had a good system now. But she was finding it hard not to get depressed. They were all walking wounded, and some had wounds that were more raw than others.

And then there was Darius. He'd been gone for over a year, vanished into the system and she'd been too concerned over her own survival and their cause to have made much more than token attempts to find him.  But in an effort to avoid the urge to crawl into a hole and just give up, she'd started taking a serious crack at searching him out, with no leads so far.

The only bright spark in her life was Cyber, the mute girl who only really came alive, was only able to speak and show when she was in cyberspace. Whenever she was online, Cyber was right there with her, sitting on her lap as she typed, or sharing headspace when she was in VR.

But the girl was also bonded with the blond boy and didn't like to leave him for long. Lena was actually grateful that Jesse kept pushing Cyber away; it could only be good in the long run. But her heart broke when he vanished for long days and the child kept watch for him from a window, refusing to move even for a spot of cyber-surfing until he was back in the building.

On those days Lena kept her company, read with her and played. They had long one-sided conversations, and if it weren't for her need to find Darius and run Proxy, she might've considered looking out for Cyber. It wasn't as if the girl had family left willing to claim her for their own.

Maybe she'd just make sure she went to a good home.

*****

Jesse couldn't stand to be in company for long. He kept feeling their eyes on him, judging and accusing even when they weren't.  And he'd walked in on more than one conversation they'd been having about him, heard that awkward silence that happens when no one wants to admit they were talking behind your back.

He didn't know what they were saying, though, and it ate away at already exposed and raw nerves.

Emma had been the worst. He honestly thought she was with him. They'd murdered that mutant together, yet she seemed to be handling things so much better than him. She'd sat by him, pulled him round so she could look him straight in the eyes.

"It's a matter of perspective," Emma told him matter of factly, almost ruthlessly. "We killed Adam. He knows now that we'd do it again if we had to, and that's enough. That's all there is to it. You murdered that mutant. Because you can't separate the two. You've heard the others say it. All he'd have to have done was shifted shape and we would have stopped. It was an accident. And anyway, it's not like we actually knew the guy."

"But the others did, and the intent was there," Jesse had protested.

"What, you didn't want to destroy him?"

"I did, but…"

"It was an accident, Jesse, one that could have been avoided. If it happened again, my intent would not change. How about yours?"

He'd not been able to answer then.

"Grow up, Jesse, we're not kids anymore and it's not an ideal world out there, you know that with all you've been through. None of us can ever be the same, and you need to decide whether you're going to spend your life regretting the mistakes or appreciating your own efforts. Because believe me, the world is only too happy to help you do the former, but no one will do the latter for you."

Jesus, but she'd grown so cold. Although she was right. He had to figure out where he was going. He'd needed to get out, had borrowed a car for a day, or sometimes a couple of days, just to get away.

Especially from Shalimar and Brennan. Those two were thick as thieves these days. Brennan blanked him when he could and sniped when he couldn't. Shalimar kept starting to say something, started to put her hand on his arm, but always pulled away like she couldn't stand to.

Adam was never around at all, which was probably a good thing.

He walked miles through busy streets and empty countryside. Contemplated the idea of targeting one of these innocents to see if he could kill them out of hand. Found that he couldn't even stomach the idea. Concluded that Emma had a point.

Conceded that he had to put himself first. That if he admitted every violation that was done to him, then he had every right to be the bleeding wreck on the outside that he was on the inside. But he was stronger than that, had already proven it to himself in the dark of night with a razor blade that had gone back into its case as pristine as it had come out. There was no one else who needed to know, or he needed to prove it to.

What did remain for him to do was face down the others like Emma was doing with such seeming success, and thereby ensure that no one would use him again. He'd had the power once, more power than he'd known what to do with. He could have it again.

*****

Shalimar felt very alone, finding herself growing closer to Brennan since he was the only one there. Paulo had offered her his shoulder once but Charlotte, although she tried to be understanding, was also very possessive, something she knew that Paulo would love.  And she was happy for him.

Of course she was sad about Dale, sad that s/he'd never really had an opportunity to live for hirself. She'd understood that Dale had only tried to help, the way s/he did best. To some, hir death might have been pointless, but to her it had prevented Adam's, and that was a sacrifice that some might consider have been worth making. As far as she was concerned that had yet to be proven, but she was willing to keep an open mind. For Dale's sake.

Jesse, she just didn't know what to say to him. She could see the raw pain he was in, but didn't know how to make it go away, didn't know how to make the blood stop crawling over her when she went to reassure, hug him.

He seemed to reach a decision at some point and the pain went away, to be replaced by something colder and harder, and she still couldn't touch him.

Emma plain scared her. There was nothing left of the sweet mischievous child she'd known before. And while Emma was still happy to do girl talk, there was always a dark undercurrent that she couldn't quite place. And with her too, there was the blood. Though not so strong, but perhaps that was because she never felt the urge touch this Emma.

As much as she was growing closer to Brennan, more because he was just there than anything else, she was finding it difficult to know what he was feeling. Initially he'd been angry, shouting at Jesse and Emma, lashing out whenever he could. Jesse had just taken it, withdrawing in on himself, while hurt defiance sparked in his haunted eyes. Emma, on the other hand, had spit back accusations of betrayal in return and they'd almost had a major war occurring in the canteen.

Having talked with Emma, Shalimar now knew where the younger woman was coming from. She thought her misguided, but not having been there herself she'd had to accept that Emma had felt betrayed by both Brennan and Dale.

Brennan himself had seemed to calm down after the initial anger had burned out. But still he refused to talk to either Emma or Jesse.

And Adam looked positively ill the few times she'd seen him. Working himself into the ground, it seemed to her, and running away as fast as his IQ points could carry him.

Shalimar felt as though she were being split apart. And guilty too. Because she'd chosen Brennan over Jesse once, and now it seemed she was committed to repeating that whether she liked it or not.

*****

Brennan didn't know what to think. Sure he'd been seriously pissed about Dale. S/he'd been annoying as all hell, but endearing too. Kinda like a team mascot. And not much more than a kid. He wasn't even sure who he was mad at, Jesse and Emma, Dale, or himself.

But with Shalimar's observations that Jesse, Emma and Adam weren't dealing well themselves, and reassurance that he wasn't to blame, he'd taken a step back.

Adam, he was indifferent to. Didn't really know what to feel. Didn't really understand the whole moral polarity thing. He hadn't been brainwashed or had someone in his head telling him what to do. Adam not dealing well was Adam's lookout as far he was concerned. He'd deal with the man as and when he had to.

Emma wasn't Emma anymore and while, in a way, he mourned that loss, he also respected the mature and hard-edged woman she was turning into. And Jesse just plain left him off-balance, so much so that he felt the need to push him away. The younger man was becoming darker somehow, stronger, and he felt just a bit threatened by it.

*****

Emma found herself getting frustrated by those around her. They were all so easy to read, easy to manipulate if she so wanted.  She kept herself from doing so, but just the knowledge that she could made her contemptuous of them.

She worked hard to build her mental shields up, having been spoiled by the combined shielding she'd had in the Circle. But being as determined as she was never to be subject to others whims, it didn't take her long to be in a position where she could reach out without too much fear of someone reaching back in.

Not being able to read people's minds, put actual thoughts there, make them do things directly, or hallucinate, move object telekinetically, all these things, left a big hole in her, one she filled with a need to have more power in her own field, to attain fine control of it. And a dark need to control others and make them do her bidding.

Because that was what she was designed to do, and she just couldn't deny it any longer.

As she felt Jesse get stronger, make himself colder and harder, she sensed an ally there. Not in the way he'd wanted initially, but in a mutual understanding of the need not to let anyone use them again. She thought about offering to help and teach him to raise mental shields of his own to seal an alliance. He was no psionic, but she could teach him to feel it, to know when someone was trying to get in. Of course, she'd leave a backdoor for herself and expected no less from him in turn.

Shalimar was, well, Shalimar, and always would be, and that was cool, that would keep her grounded more than anything else. She felt a new fear in the feral, didn't need to read her to sense it, one that undermined her natural tactile nature and compassion. But, whatever Shalimar might think, it was healing slowly but surely.

She'd had her petty revenge on Brennan, and bore him no particular hatred now, but she found it very difficult to relate to him, settling for the mutual trading of sometimes viciously barbed insults.

And Adam. Poor guilt-ridden, weak and ineffectual Adam. Jesse had no idea how strong he was inside; given how much he'd been through, he made Adam's efforts to be strong seem pitiful and pathetic. Again, she bore no hatred for the man, not anymore. But unlike Brennan who couldn't help his inadequacies, even worked to rise above them and better himself, Adam had always touted himself as more intelligent than that. And he was, in certain areas. But not here and now.

One day, Adam would wake up and find himself utterly alone in the world, and wouldn't be able to comprehend why.

One good thing that warmed her frozen heart was seeing Jeff again.  She was sorry that Julie hadn't turned up, but Jeff reminded her of the good she'd done before. Alongside Shalimar's friendship, he stopped her from giving in completely to her darker side.

*****

Adam couldn't face himself in the mirror, let alone any of the others. He'd been through this once before, but last time he'd done little that couldn't be easily forgiven. This time he'd done or caused so much more damage that forgiveness was a word he wouldn't hear from anyone anytime soon, least of all himself.

He felt guilty for Dale's death, of that there was no doubt. But if he were honest, hir death was just the last in a long, long line of death and suffering that he'd caused, whether directly or indirectly, and there was no getting over that.

And he'd betrayed almost every one of his children.

Except Shalimar. She was the only one who looked at him with pity instead of scorn, and he wasn't sure if that wasn't worse, because he didn't deserve it.

Sure he'd been under an influence, and exercised bad judgement.  But Charlotte's powers couldn't create what wasn't already there; she only reversed the polarity of what a person was already capable of, skewed the moral compass, as it were.

The bottom line was that even now, clear of any influence, he was capable of doing it all again. It just required the right stimulus. And that horrified him more than the deeds he'd actually done.

He looked at his team - or the team he still thought of as his - and none of them were the same team that he used to know. They'd all grown up, lost their innocence, even Brennan who would swear blind he'd had no innocence to start off with.

And he was responsible for that.

Which was why he was hiding out under the guise of building a new Sanctuary. One geared towards helping mutants integrate into society, relocating those that needed the help, and placing those that had trouble controlling their mutancy with those that could help them.

Making reparation.

*****

Mason Eckhart was feeling rather… chirpy. There really was no other word for it. The dermal regenerator, rapid fluid intake and a new supply of dermal covering, and he both looked and felt so much cleaner than he had in far, far too long. While he would never admit it out loud, the relief from the constant pain of rotting skin was almost exhilarating.

But what cheered him the most was the agreement he'd struck with Adam. One in which he felt he came out satisfactorily on top.

Not only was Genomex his, which he'd demanded from the outset, but Adam had generously given him LexMor too. No doubt to help assuage his guilt, but who was he to refuse?

There was no doubt that the remainder of Morrisen Industries that Adam had appropriated immediately after his abrupt death would ironically go towards the maintenance and running of Sanctuary. And the condition for Eckhart's unequivocal takeover was merely the accommodation of team members and support in rebuilding Sanctuary, all of which, given the indignities and sacrifices he'd had to make recently, he gladly capitulated to - although he'd never have let Adam or anyone else know that, preferring to bitch about it instead. It might make them get out quicker, too.

He called a meeting of all of them, as agreed with Adam, to inform them of the situation, and to advise them that he would be moving into LexMor until such time as they'd vacated the premises. And as a parting gift, he left the box of rings on the table. "For better or worse you're back together now, and may I say how much you deserve each other. Now I must dash. Goodbye."

Eckhart strode out of the room and directly out of Genomex, leaving everyone to stare at the box without anyone venturing to touch it.

Lena decided to break the silence. She told them of the forgotten political prisoners held in remand at a facility across state.  Told them that she had reason to believe that Darius might be among them, but with only numbers to identify them, she had no way of knowing and had exhausted her resources trying to find a place where name might be matched up with number. Asked them to just go look, see if he was there, in which case she could launch an appeal.

"Sure," Shalimar volunteered, "I'll go look." She wouldn't stand for caging the innocent.

"Right by your side," agreed Brennan, predictably.

"My gun is always yours, Chiquita," Paulo volunteered to Charlotte's frown.

"No," said Emma. "It should be us five. Paulo, thank you for volunteering, the gesture is appreciated. But guys, we have a problem." They all listened, mostly because they didn't know what else to do. "None of us know what to do with ourselves now. Some of us don't want to be here, but we don't have anywhere else to go. Some of us don't know if we could ever look the others in the eye, much less work together. We need to find out, and I think a simple recon mission will help us each decide that. "

"Speak for yourself, Emma," Jesse said with an insolent grin.  "I have somewhere to go."

"You're thinking about Cyberteam, aren't you?" Shalimar said, looking at her clasped hands on the table.

"So what if I am? Won't take that many modifications to make it legit."

"Jess, Emma's right. I understand that you, that maybe you think it's best you leave, but I want… would like for us to give being a family again one more shot. Because that's what we are, and I don't… I need you guys, all of you." With that last, she raised her eyes to look directly at Adam, who was shaking his head before she was finished.

"No, no way. You don't need me for something like this, you could do it with your eyes shut."

"You're missing the point, Adam," Brennan added. "It's not what the mission is that's important. It's the fact that Shal wants us – "

"And what Shalimar wants, Shalimar gets!" Adam retorted and Shalimar flinched.

"Hey, she's been in your corner all along, so don't you dare attack her!" Brennan snapped, standing up so fast his chair tipped over.

"Shut up both of you!" It was Shalimar's turn to shout and rounded on a startled Brennan first. "You are not my protector, boyfriend, keeper or father, so don't you dare presume to fight my battles for me!" Heated glare turned to Adam. "You need to stop being so damned selfish and get your ass out of that hole you're in and face up to what happened. Because like it or not, it did - so deal with it.

"And don't you look so damned smug, Emma. Where do you get off being so superior all the time? I know you had it rough, but so did we all one way or another. Get over yourself, already.  And Jesse, I know you're trying real hard to be strong, but you're trying so fucking hard you're gonna break something. Talk to someone outside of all of this. See a shrink or something, but stop building walls." She paused and softened a bit.

"I guess I should include myself too. But, you know what? I'm tired of beating myself up for not being able to make you guys happy, or even deal with my own problems. I know it's not gonna be easy and oh God, this is all just so cliché, but we are family.  We came back together in the end, didn't we? And even real families change through age and experience, without losing touch.  So why can't we be the same?" She looked around, then slumped back to the table and moaned loudly, "Oh God, I just did 'Mom' again, didn't I?"

"Yup," said Jesse, with a weak grin, "and just because you did it so well, I think I'll come along and make sure you don't start doing inappropriate 'Mom' stuff."

"Does that make me 'Dad'?" Adam asked tentatively.

"Like hell," said Brennan, trying hard not to smile. "With what she just said? That's me. You get to be the French 'odd' Stewart one."

"And that would make Emma 'The Head'," said Jesse and at Emma's evil look, raised his hands in defence. "Guess I'll shut up now before some smart ass labels me the 'desperate to get laid' kid."

"If the shoe's too big," Emma suddenly giggled, and even Adam cracked a smile.

****