"Dexter's Dilemma"



I walked. And walked. And walked. The landscape wasn't changing at all. It was as flat and grassy as the Great Plains. It reminded me of a road my family traveled on once in New Mexico. Of course, that got me thinking about my family again. The sun was beginning to set, and if time here moved at the same time as back home, it would be well past midnight back at my house. Unless, when I returned, I would be back the moment I had left. Or something like that. I guess I had been watching "Back to the Future" a little too often.

Anyway, I don't know how long I was walking before I gave up and started to hitchhike. It felt weird because it wasn't something I ordinarily did back home. In fact, I had never hitchhiked before! "What could be so hard about it?" I asked myself, as I stuck my thumb out over the road. Since this was a cartoon, I wondered if I should show some leg, but I resolved that it was a bad idea (especially if some fat truck driver pulled up.)

So I stood on the side of the road like an idiot with my thumb sticking out toward some unknown destination. The sun dipped down below the horizon, and the stars came out. I had been standing there for over an hour, and I didn't see even one car go by! For a moment, I thought the road was closed or something. But then, just before I decided to camp out right where I stood, I saw a headlight appear down the road in the direction I had walked. I thought it was a motorcycle, but as it got closer, I saw that the headlight was far too low for it to be a motorcycle. The vehicle was coming at an incredibly fast speed, but it must've seen me because it slammed on the brakes, causing the wheels to squeal horribly. I took a few startled steps backward. The vehicle stopped directly in front of me.

This vehicle was unlike anything I had ever seen before. It looked like an army tank from the future! It had two tank treads on the rear and a single wheel at the front. The streamlined body was constructed from a very shiny metal. Little lights all over the tank were lit, causing the entire area to be illuminated like an outdoor concert. Several jet engines poked out of the back of the tank, which explained why it was going so fast. The tank's cockpit opened up exactly like a fighter jet. I took a peek inside and was surprised by who was inside.

Inside this contraption was a small boy. He was wearing a red jump suit, shades, and a motorcycle helmet. If I hadn't seen his pointy nose and lock of red hair coming out from under the helmet, I might not have recognized him.

"Hey, buddy!" the boy called out. "Do you need a ride?"

The accent clinched it.

"Sure!" I exclaimed excitedly. I couldn't believe it! I was going to take a ride with Dexter in one of his inventions! I felt like I was entering a limo for the first time as I climbed into the single back seat.

"There is an extra helmet back there," said Dexter as the cockpit closed. I put it on as the tank lurched into gear. It began accelerating at a shockingly fast speed. I pushed up against the seat like an astronaut during liftoff. In no time, we entered a neighborhood and began decelerating. Then, the rocket tank entered a small tunnel and began doing down an incline. We stopped shortly after we leveled out. We were in a white, underground room that was like the end of a landing strip. The cockpit opened and Dexter and I stepped out. Actually, I stumbled out. The G forces had made a little slow on my feet, if you know what I mean. Dexter helped me straighten out.

"Are you okay, sir?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. And my name's Jonathan." I figured, what's the harm of using my own name?

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jonathan," said Dexter politely. I shook his hand. "I am Dexter. Boy genius. Now will you help me secure my rocket-powered transporter tank?"

The next five minutes consisted of securing the tank with ropes and support wedges, like they use on the wheels of small aircraft. Along the way, I noticed Dexter had left his sunglasses in the cockpit. I reached out and pocketed them just before the cockpit closed.

"Now then," said Dexter when we were done. "If you go out that door," and he pointed to a door on the wall. "You will reach a flight of stairs. They will take you back to the surface so you can continue on your merry way, okay?"

"But..."

"It's been a pleasure meeting you, Jonathan!" Dexter yelled as he walked away. Before I could say anything else, he went through another door, leaving me alone in the room with the tank.

I was frustrated. All I wanted to do was give Dexter back his sunglasses. Without thinking, I ran to the door Dexter had gone through and opened it. I beheld a short hallway that led to a spiral staircase. I climbed up the staircase, which led me to another hallway. I walked down to the door at the other end. I opened the door and looked inside.



Until that moment, the largest room I had ever been in was the Millennium Dome, a huge domed stadium in London. But now, as I stared at the vastness of this room, I realized that it could've swallowed five Millennium Domes with room to spare! It was, of course, Dexter's secret laboratory. And if you think it was big on TV, that's nothing compared to actually being there. There was enough metal in this room to keep Detroit's automobile economy prosperous until the year 3000! Everywhere you looked there was something going on. Giant machines moving pieces of copper down a conveyor belt. Towers with blinking lights all over them. Beakers and siphons and circuitry were sprawled out all over the place! As I walked over the tiled floor, it amazed me to think that a six-year old boy built all this.]

And speaking of Dexter, I caught sight of him working on his latest experiment. He had changed out of his jump suit and was wearing his normal science outfit (white lab coat, purple gloves, etc.) I walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. I must've startled him because he went "Waaugh!!" I was also a little startled, but when Dexter turned to me, I calmly said, "You forgot your glasses." With that, I pulled out the sunglasses and handed them to Dexter.

"A-heh heh. Thank you," he said sheepishly. He put them in his pocket. He was wearing his regular glasses so, he didn't put them on.

"So....this must be some type of secret laboratory, right?" I said. (As if I didn't know.)

"Why, yes!" said Dexter proudly. "This laboratory is one of the finest...."

"That's cool, Dex," I interrupted. "But I need to be going. I was, um, going somewhere I need to, uh, go there now. Yeah."

"Well, um, okay. I guess if you have to go..." said Dexter. He seemed a little disappointed, but I turned around to go. As soon as I realized that I didn't know how to get out of this lab, Dexter said, "Y'know, Jonathan, I was wondering if you could help me for a moment."

I turned around and looked Dexter in the eye. "Help you?" I asked.

"Well, you wanted a ride and I gave you one, so now I want you to do something for me."

"Okay, what?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"Well, I am currently working on my latest and greatest invention, the Electrically Generated Atomic Destablilzer, or E.G.A.D., for short." Dexter pointed to a large machine to his right. "Earlier today, my stupid sister Dee Dee snuck down here and took a very important piece of my invention, the Discharger." Dexter pointed to a nearby blueprint of a square box with a pipe on one end. "What I want you to do is go and retrieve the Discharger that is somewhere in Dee Dee's room. Can you do that for me?"

I looked at Dexter as if he'd just suggested I be co-owner of his lab!

"Now her room is very dangerous," said Dexter in a fearful voice. "Are you affected by cooties?"

"Well, I have a little sister, and I go into her room all the time. I seem pretty normal every time I come out."

"Hmm," said Dexter to himself. "His advanced maturity must've created an immunity to cooties." Then he turned to me. "So all you need to do is get the Discharger in my sister's room without waking up Dee Dee or my parents. Can you do that for me?"



Fifteen minutes later, I stood outside Dee Dee's room. I had carefully crept out of Dexter's lab, through Dexter's room, down the hall, and arrived at his sister's door. Dexter stayed behind to wait on me, so I was alone as I slowly pushed in the door. Inside, a myriad of doll and animal eyes were staring at me in a sea of pink. A bed took up most of the room, and on the bed was Dee Dee, who was asleep. I spent ten minutes searching the dim room for the Dexter's Discharger. No luck. As I crept back to the door, I suddenly tripped over a doll and crashed into a pile of stuffed animals! A clamor of squeals and brays and automated sentences shattered the silence.

"Who-who's there?" said Dee Dee, in a sleepy but frightened voice.

As I lay there, I tried to think of a good backup plan if Dee Dee were to see me. I couldn't think of any good plans, so I went with a bad one. I just hoped Dee Dee was naive enough to fall for it.

I got to my feet just as Dee Dee turned on the lamp beside her bed. Without wasting a second, I spread out my arms and shouted "SURPRISE, Dee Dee!!" I made sure I didn't wake up the whole house by my shouting.

Dee Dee was confused. "Who are you? And how do you know my name?"

"Don't you recognize me?" I asked, with fake surprise. "I'm...Blinky the Clown! And tonight's your lucky night! I've chosen you to be my friend for a night of fun, fun, FUN!" I made my voice sound very goofy and clown-like.

"OOOOooooooooooooooooo!" said Dee Dee, who was now very interested. "Hey, where's your clown outfit?"

"Oh, um, that's what I wear during the day! This is my special 'nighttime friend' outfit."

"Oh," said Dee Dee. "Okay! Let's play ponies!"

For 45 minutes, Dee Dee and I played with stuffed ponies, dolls, board games, and finally had a tea party. I swear, if I didn't have a little sister, I probably would've gone mad from all this cuteness. My sister has a lot of stuffed animals to so I was used to all this. The worst part was by the time the tea party got underway, I was actually beginning to have fun! (Insert scream sound here) If Dexter hadn't barged in at that moment, I probably would've converted to "DeeDeeism" by dawn.

"Jonathan, what's taking so....Hey!"

"Dexter! What are you doing here?!" exclaimed Dee Dee.

"I was trying to figure out why Jonathan is taking so long to retrieve my Displacer!"

"He's not your friend. He's Blinky the Clown! MY friend! He said so himself!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

As Dexter and Dee Dee exchanged "Did not"s and "Did too"s, something caught my eye. On a table standing next to Dexter was a metallic box with a pipe on the end of it. The Displacer! I had to get the device out of the room.

Dexter was through arguing with his sister. "Dee Dee, this person has a very important job to do, so..."

"That's right!" I interrupted. "I have many more kids to visit and make their nights a little more enjoyable! So I need to be on my way."

"Awww," said Dee Dee. "Be sure to come back soon!"

"Uh....okay!" I said. As I turned to leave, I suddenly pointed to a corner of the room. "Hey! Is that a Pony Puff Princess doll?"

As Dee Dee turned to see the doll in the corner of the room, I quickly snatched the Displacer off of the table and put it behind my back before I left.



In the hallway, I gave the Displacer to Dexter. Before he could say anything, a voice from downstairs caused me to dive into Dexter's room.

"Dexter?" said his father, who appeared at the foot of the stairs. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Um, I was just getting a drink of water, Dad," answered Dexter.

"OK," said his Dad as he walked back to the bedroom. "Just keep it down, alright?"

Dexter walked into his room and helped me off the floor. "Thank you," he said. "The E.G.A.D. machine should run properly now that I have the Displacer back."

"Glad I could help," I said.

"Would you like to spend the night here?" inquired Dexter.

"Oh, no. I've got to just keep traveling, y'know?"

"I'll open up the front door for you," offered Dexter.

"Too risky," I said. I opened up the window and grabbed onto the drainpipe. "This way is more familiar," I explained, as I remembered my drainpipe adventure at the Eds' neighborhood.

"Okay. Good bye!" said Dexter.

"Bye now," I answered. With that, I shimmied down the drainpipe. I passed the window where Dexter's parents slept, and my heart almost stopped when Dexter's dad opened the window to get a fresh of breath of fresh air. I knew he would've seen me if I had frozen to the pipe, but I guess some of my "clown-ness" must not have worn off yet. I leaned in and shouted "SURPRISE!!" at the top of my lungs.

And Dexter's dad was surprised. He was so surprised, that he stumbled back into the room and tripped over a chair, which woke up his wife. I quickly slid down the pipe like a firepole, ran over the front yard, and down the sidewalk, as Dexter's dad yelled at me through the open window. I don't think he even saw me.



Next up: "The Johnny Bravo Picture Show" ("Rocky Horror" it ain't)