(Now loading....Kids Next Door Mission)
S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R. (Surreal Teenager Runs Across Newts Getting Extremely Radioactive)
I slept a long time. Eventually, the night began to wind down, and dawn had quickly passed. It was about nine in the morning when I finally awoke.
I sat up and yawned. I was a wreck. Sleeping on the ground under a tree is not as comfortable as you might think. In the cartoon world, it's easier, I'll admit. There aren't any tree roots coming up out of the ground or leaves to fall on you. However, there were still bugs. My arms and legs had bug bites in several places.
I slowly got to my feet. I resolved that this was the last time I would sleep outdoors in this place.
Then I gasped. It was morning now. Did that mean it was morning in my world? If so, my family was probably worried sick about where I was. I started pacing under the tree. My family usually slept late on Saturdays. Hopefully, they wouldn't know I was gone until later. Of course, there was always the thought that when I would return to my world, I would do so at the exact moment I left, like a time machine or something. I decided to keep that thought in my mind so that I wouldn't have to worry about my family.
So.....now I needed to figure out where I was.
The shade from the tree wasn't letting me see my surroundings very well, so I decided to get a better view. I walked across the street and was surprised to discover that I was still in the tree's shadow! I was about to turn around when a little boy walked out of the house in front of me. I didn't recognize him as any familiar character. Probably an extra or something. I decided to ask him where I was.
"Excuse me, kid," I said. "Can you tell me where I am?"
"Yeah!" he said. "Your right in front of the Kids Next Door Headquarters."
I looked in front of me. All I could see was the little boy's house. I looked to the left and right. I didn't see any KND Headquarters anywhere.
"Where?" I asked the boy.
"Right behind you," he said. Following his advice, I turned around and nearly jumped out of my skin as I saw what was standing in front of me.
Now I saw why I was still in the tree's shade. It was HUGE! It was as tall as the space shuttle, at least! The leaves of the tree covered the trunk and branches except at the very bottom. It was the biggest tree I had ever seen. But what made it even more amazing was that it held, in its branches, a tree house that would've made the Swiss Family Robinson tree house look like a dollhouse. It had turrets and balconies and windows all over the place. In short, I was more than a little amazed upon discovering that I had been sleeping under the Kids Next Door tree house!
It took me a moment to realize that the little boy was still standing next to me. I turned to him.
"The Kids Next Door live there, right?"
"Sure!" he said. "See? There goes one now!"
I looked just in time to see a small girl skipping towards the tree. She had long black hair, shorts, and a green sweater that was a couple sizes too big. In her hands was a jar with something in it.
What she did next took me totally by surprise. She ran up to the tree's trunk and put the jar on the ground. Then, she flipped up a small part of the trunk to reveal something that resembled telephone buttons. She typed in a four-digit code and, amazingly, an entire section of the tree trunk lifted up to reveal a small elevator! The girl grabbed her jar, entered the elevator, and pushed a button inside it. The section of the tree came back down.
"Whoa," I said. I looked at the boy next to me again. "How do I get in there?"
The little boy busted out laughing. "Silly. You need to be a kid to go in there. And you're not a kid." With that, he turned around and skipped back to his house.
Hmmm. Wasn't a kid, huh? I'd have told him that I was a true, 17-year-old kid if I had the chance. (There seem to be a lot of those kinds of kids nowadays.) But he had a point. There were probably alarms and security cameras that alerted the Kids about intruders. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to explore uncharted waters. Go where no grown-up has gone before. I knew that I had to find a way into the Kids Next Door tree house!
As I ran towards the house, I recalled that evil grown-ups sometimes got into the tree house to battle with the kids from time to time. But that bit of information wasn't going to help me get into the tree house, which I now stood under. I examined the trunk and discovered that on the opposite side of the tree from where the elevator was were boards which were nailed into the tree's trunk. They led up to a trap door underneath the first floor.
"I guess they found a more efficient way to get up," I said to myself.
I began climbing up the tree in the conventional manner. It reminded me of when I used to climb up my best friend's tree house back home. Unlike my friend's tree house, however, these steps led me up into a wooden hallway instead of a single-room tree house with no furniture. I closed the trap door and began to sneak my way down the dimly lit hallway.
Meanwhile, in another part of the tree house, the Kids Next Door had just finished breakfast. Number 5 was cleaning up the table, Number 4 was watching TV, and Number 1 was looking at his wristwatch. In the far corner of the room, Number 2 was building an oddly-shaped vehicle that he had been working on for several days.
Number 1 was losing patience. "Where in the world is Number 3? It doesn't take her this long to buy some food for lunch!"
"She probably got side-tracked again," said Number 5, who was washing dishes in the sink. "Remember last time, when she was supposed to get us those little donut holes?"
"Yeah," said Number 4. He was lounging on the couch and flipping through channels. "I still can't get over the evil soup spoon incident that happened as a result." (FYI, that wasn't a real episode....but it could be.)
Number 1 shuddered. Then he walked over to Number 2, who was working under the vehicle.
"So, Number 2. Is it ready, yet?"
Number 2 clumsily crawled out from under the vehicle. He was wearing an orange radiation suit with a speaker so he could talk. "Well, just about. I just need to make a few alterations and then this VULTURE will fly."
Number 1 grimaced. Normally he approved Number 2's creations, but this didn't look like it could fly if it wanted to. It looked more like an alien tank than anything else. Plus, the nose of the tank stuck way out like a beak. That was probably why it was called the VULTURE, apart from it being an acronym. However, Number 1 didn't feel like arguing about that.
"Number 2, are you sure you need to wear that ridiculous suit?"
Number 2 took off the rubber helmet. His hair was all ruffled. "When you're dealing with radioactive material, you can never be too careful."
It should be mentioned that the VULTURE is nuclear powered, but only an incredibly small amount of material is used to run it. Number 2 had acquired the radioactive material from another operative via the internet, and had installed it yesterday. The Kids Next Door were aware of the risks involved, but they knew that as long as it was contained, there was no danger.
Number 1 looked at his watch again. "Where IS Number 3?" He went over and joined the other kids on the couch.
"Got me," said Number 4, who finally found a cartoon to watch.
Number 5 sighed. "Man! We haven't had any action around here for days!" (Ironically, I'm still sneaking around downstairs. Bwa ha ha.)
"Tell me about it," groaned Number 4. "I'm just itch'n for some action!"
Number 1 was just about to agree when a door opened and Number 3 came into the room. "Look what I got!" said the hyperactive, little girl. "Look what I got!"
"OK, Number 3," said Number 1. "What do you got?"
"Is it food?" asked Number 2, who by now had changed out of his radioactive suit.
Number 3 held up the jar in front of Number 1's face. The leader's eyes grew wide behind his glasses for a moment. Then he let out a short scream of fright and fell over backwards.
The other kids rushed over to the jar that Number 3 was still holding. Nervously, they looked inside. There was some dirty water in the jar, and swimming around in the water were some amphibians.
"What the...?" gasped Number 2.
"What are they?" asked Number 5.
"Aw, they're just some cruddy lizards," pouted Number 4, who was expecting something a bit more scary.
Number 1 had regained his composure and examined the inhabitants of the jar more carefully. "They're newts, to be precise." The three newts were swimming around madly in the water.
"I don't care what they are!" exclaimed Number 4, who was getting more angry by the second. "I don't want some...newts running around here! Where did you get them, anyway?"
"From the lake down the road!" said Number 3, proudly.
"Number 4 has a point," said Number 1. "We can't have newts running around here. You're gonna have to put them back into the lake."
Number 3 quickly swung the jar out of her friends' reach. "No! That's not fair! You haven't seen how friendly they are!" Number 3 quickly unscrewed the lid. "Here, wanna hold them?"
The other kids were about to protest, when suddenly an alarm went off! Sirens and lights were blaring all over the place!
"An intruder!" declared Number 1.
"Finally! A little action!" said Number 4.
The kids ran to a big screen on the wall. It was an electronic map of the tree house. A little dot was shining in the downstairs area of the tree house.
"There!" shouted Number 1. "Level 2, Section 4! Let's go!"
With that, the Kids Next Door ran out of the room. Before that, Number 3 decided to leave her newts in the room. She placed the open jar onto a shelf next to the VULTURE.
"Hurry up, Number 3!" shouted Number 5. Number 3 quickly exited the room.
While they were gone and the alarms were deactivated, the three newts got on each other's shoulders and tipped the jar over. Water spilled onto the floor. Not knowing where they were going, the newts decided to go over to a glowing light in the corner of the room. The glow was actually coming from the VULTURE's nuclear fuel tank....which had been left open. (Not a good thing, by the way.)
"Stupid, stupid, STUPID!" I yelled at myself. How could I not have seen that trip-wire on the floor? I quickly got back on my feet and started running. I ran down several wooden hallways before I stopped. What if I ran into the Kids Next Door? I had to hide somewhere.
Suddenly, the alarms were turned off. At the same time, I heard voices from down the hall.
"This way!" said a small voice. "The intruder is over here!"
I looked all around. The only place I could see were two small alcoves where the walls met the ceiling. But they were too small to hide on. Then, I had an idea. I could support myself between the two alcoves like in some action movies I'd seen. I had to use all my strength in order to do so. And not a minute too soon! The five Kids Next Door, ran down the hall underneath me. Thank goodness I was in the shadows above them, or they would've seen me. Number 4 was last. I heard him say, "If it's those Delightful Children again, I'm gonna..." He disappeared around the corner.
When they were gone, I got down and went back the way I had come. I didn't go far when I saw an elevator. I decided to go to another floor, so I went in the elevator (which was a tight squeeze, since it was designed for kids) and chose a random number.
Half a minute later, I found myself in the room where the kids were in previously. I looked around. There were windows, a rug, a couch, a TV, a tank,....
I took another look at the tank or whatever it was. Next to it, I discovered a tipped-over jar lying in a puddle of water. Little watery footprints of something led me from the jar to the tank. On the tank, I saw a symbol that indicated that radioactive material was inside it somewhere. Another trail of footprints led away from the tank. As I followed these footprints, I began to get goosebumps. The footprints were beginning to increase in size! They started out as small as a lizard, but then they slowly grew to the size of a bear! The footprints led me to a hallway that was too dark to see inside. I thought about looking for a light switch, when all of a sudden a voice from behind yelled out "FREEZE, BIG FELLAH!"
I whirled around. Great. More kids with water guns, just like the Eds. Unfortunately, these water guns looked a lot more advanced than the ones at the Eds' place. Also, it looked as though several types of sauces were being used instead of water. Probably hot sauce or something.
There was no doubt that these kids were the Kids Next Door. I quickly gave each one a look-over. Number 5 was the little African-American girl with a ponytail and a big baseball hat. She was holding a pair of ketchup-filled water pistols in each hand. Number 4 was the blond-haired boy with bangs and an orange windbreaker. He had an enormous gun attached to a mustard-filled backpack. Number 3 was the girl I had seen go into the tree house. She had a water gun with relish in it. Number 2 was a plump boy with an old aviator helmet on his head. He was struggling to support a horseradish-filled bazooka on his shoulder. Number 1, the leader, was the dark-skinned boy with no hair and sunglasses. He held in his hands a water gun that was full of jalapeƱo-pepper hot sauce. All five guns were pointed directly at me.
"Don't shoot!" I shouted. Unlike the Eds, I didn't exactly know how these kids thought. Their show was too new.
"Why shouldn't we?" asked Number 4 in an Australian accent.
Maybe the fact that I was about to become the world's first human chili dog, since these kids had the condiments to do so. I wanted to say that, but I didn't.
"Who are you?" asked Number 1 with a slight accent.
"I'm...uhh..." I couldn't believe it. For once, my mind had gone blank!
"Maybe he's a spy sent in by the Delightful Children," said Number 5. The other kids seemed to agree.
"No! No, I'm not," I said in defense.
"Y'think he's telling truth?" asked Number 2.
"Truth or no truth, he's not even allowed to be in here," said Number 1, who began walking towards me with his gun aimed right at my face. "This is the Kids Next Door Headquarters, which means that it's for kids only. And you're not..."
"Aiiieee!!" shrieked Number 3. We all looked at her with surprise. "My sally-manders!"
I saw that Number 3 was looking at the tipped-over jar. It took me a moment to realize that there must have been some salamanders in there before.
"Newts," corrected Number 1. "And never mind about them, Number 3. We might have to interrogate this intruder."
"Cool! I get to be the bad cop!" said Number 5.
"Hey, that's not fair! I'm always the bad cop!" argued Number 4.
While the kids argued, I suddenly began getting a chill in my spine. "Hold up!" I said. The guns were directed on me again. "The newts got out of the jar, right?"
"Right!" said Number 3. She was glad that someone else was concerned about the newts besides her.
"According to the footprints, the newts walked over to that thing," I continued, as I pointed to the nuclear vehicle.
"It's a tank," said Number 2. He took out a remote control from his pocket and pushed a button. A viewscreen popped up from the nose of the tank and displayed the tank's schematics. A female robot voice said, "V.U.L.T.U.R.E. Very Unusual Land Tank Uses Radioactive Energy."
"What exactly are you saying, sir?" asked Number 1 to me.
"I think we need to get out of here," I said shakily. "It's not safe."
The other kids looked at me like I was nuts. Number 4 actually put down his gun and jumped up in front of me. He grabbed my shirt collar and pulled me down to his level.
"Look, whoever you are. If it's anybody's safety you need to be concerned about, it's your own!"
We were interrupted at that moment by a loud CRASH! The near wall gave way, and, just like that, three giant newts had crashed through the wall and were staring down at us!!! They were on their hind legs which made them about thirty feet tall! And they were glowing faintly....the same glow that came from the nuclear fuel tank. They looked at us with very hungry eyes. I could hear them growling too. Whether it was their throats or stomachs or stomachs growling, I couldn't tell.
I leaned down to Number 4 who, like the other kids, was frozen with shock. "I think I'm more concerned with EVERYBODY's safety right now."
The three newts roared in unison. Of course, that caused all of us to start running around the room like our heads were on fire.
One of the newts grabbed Number 3, who started screaming, "Help!" over and over.
Number 4 got his gun back and aimed it at the newt holding Number 3. "Let her go!" he shouted. A spray of mustard hit the newt in the eyes. The newt screamed in pain and let go of Number 3, who landed on the couch.
Off to the side, Number 5 was trying to get at her gun, but a newt was blocking it. She acrobatically jumped on a wall, flew over the newt and grabbed her gun. She started shooting ketchup at the other two newts.
In the meantime, Numbers 1 and 2 were having a meaningful discussion as they battled the newts.
"How did they get so big?!" shouted Number 1.
Number 2 groaned as he caught sight of his VULTURE. "They must've eaten some of the nuclear fuel!"
"You were supposed to keep it contained!"
"I'm sorry already! Look, I'll use the tank to stop them! How 'bout that?!"
"Fine! Anything! Just hurry!"
Number 2 tossed his gun to Number 1 and ran to the tank. He got in the driver's seat and noticed that the fuel tank was full!
"Hmmm. The newts must've absorbed it through their skin."
"NUMBER 2!!!" screamed Number 1. The newts were almost on him, and the sauces didn't seem to be working.
"I hope this works," mumbled Number 2 as he turned the tank on. He aimed the tank to the newts, who were conveniently one behind the other.
"Hey, lizardheads!" shouted Number 2. The newts looked in his direction. "Here's your salt!"
"Um, doesn't salt just hurt snails?" Number 4 asked Number 5.
"I know. Number 2 has GOT to come up with some better lines."
ZAP! KA-SPLUSH!
A nuclear powered laser had popped up from the tank and fired at the newts. All three of them exploded, covering everything in a spray of slime.
"Is everyone alright?" asked Number 2, who was still sitting at the tank.
"Yeah, if you call being covered in newt slime 'alright'," said Number 5.
"Number 3," said Number 1. "Let this be a lesson to you. Never bring anything from the lake over to our tree house again, OK?"
Number 3 sighed. "OK." She knew that now was probably not the best time to tell them about the baby alligators she brought back from the lake yesterday.
"Well, I think we'd better get back to our intruder," said Number 4. "He's....hey! Where is he?"
The kids looked around. I was nowhere in sight.
"Computer!" shouted Number 1. "Locate intruder!"
The computer's voice spoke up. "Intruder is no longer on the premises."
"Well, that takes care of that," said Number 1. "Now, who's going to clean up this slimy mess?"
All eyes were on Number 3.
"Ummmm.....gotta go," she said quickly and dashed down the hall down the hall towards her room. The other kids ran after her yelling, "Hey! Get back here!"
A quarter mile away from the tree house, I stopped to catch my breath. As soon as I saw the giant newts, I had ran out of the room and into the elevator, traveled down to ground level, and kept on running. I briefly considered going back to help them, but I assumed that with that big tank that they had, they would have the situation under control.
It was a shame that those kids had to be so authoritive and aggressive. Then again, maybe they just acted that way in front of all grown ups. I was sort of on the borderline between adolescence and adulthood. They sort of viewed teenagers as just being plain......I dunno, gross.
They were kids after all. I had acted that way once.
So I walked down the road, not looking back at that wonderful tree house. I just kept looking ahead, wondering where the road would take me. No doubt to another cartoon, I had figured it out by now. I skipped a little bit down the sidewalk (a little bit of my childhood was showing) as I wondered why they stopped making Sheep in the Big City cartoons.
(I mention Sheep in the Big City because it was made by the same company [Curious Pictures] that created The Kids Next Door. So to answer my question, they stopped that show to make the Kids Next Door. Duh.)
(Whew. That was a long one. Glad you made it this far. I had originally wanted to publish this chapter as an actual story, but I decided to use it in this one.)
(Next Chapter: "Don't Kiss the Cook".......the "Time Squad" chapter.)
