A/N Thanks for the reviews! I'm really trying hard to update daily
but I'm leaving to go to Quebec on Tuesday for a vacation so I know that for
about 5 days from Tuesday there will be no updates, sorry!! But put down the
tar and feathers because I swear I will have daily updates after that. ALSO I
know where this story is going and the last chapter may be a tear jerker
depending on how well I write it, but for now, read on!! And don't forget to
review!!
Disclaimer ~ I don't own anything except the plotline
Chapter Two: Just The Beginning
Once I reached the top of the stairs I paused shortly before opening the door
to Luke and Jess' apartment, the wood creaking slightly as I slid delicately
into the room and looked around to try and find Jess.
He was sitting with his back to me on his bed, his hands on his knees, staring
at the wall; he looked so small with his shoulders hunched sullenly and his
head hanging down so that his chin touched his chest.
I felt my eyebrows knit together in worry as I walked over and gently sat down
next to him. He didn't even glance at me, his eyes
instead remained fixed ahead, staring coldly at the wall. I sat there in
silence for a few seconds my mind in a complete loss for words, what does one
say to a person in this situation? Am I supposed to comfort him?
He brought my mind back to the situation at hand by speaking extremely softly,
but through the struggle for control I heard a hint of fiery hatred in his
voice. "Why is he here?"
I was again silent, still seemingly without a voice. Now I felt small, I wanted
to soothe him, but didn't know how, I wasn't even sure how to act let alone
say.
He saved me from having to respond by getting up and leaning one hand on he
wall, still not facing me "What would ever make him want to come
here?" He asked venomously, he had never forgiven his dad for leaving him.
This time I had an answer "Maybe he wanted to meet you Jess, you are his
son." I said meekly.
"Yea I'm his son, biologically anyway, But that
doesn't make him a father, I don't even know him!" he turned around to
look at me, eyes pleading for advice. I felt so useless when no words came, he
needed me here and I couldn't help him. "How did he even know I was
here?" he asked, voice full of pain.
"Maybe your mom told him?" I offered,
"How would he even know where to find her? They lived in L.A. when he left and now
she lives in New York!" he exclaimed
He fell back on the bed to sit next to me and put his head in his hands.
"Jess, if it is how you say it is then he obviously went to a lot of
trouble to find you, maybe he wants to make things right."
I immediately regretted saying this and shrunk down even smaller as Jess' anger
flared "How in God's name will he ever make it right? He can't turn back
time a let me grow up with a father instead of whatever man my mother happened
to be screwing at the time."
I sat totally still as he rubbed his temples, words were a very dangerous thing
right now, everything I said seemed to spark another flame of irate resentment.
So instead of speaking I reached over and took his hand, when he finally looked
at me he said slowly with a hint of an uncharacteristic waver to his voice,
"I don't know what to do here, I'm completely lost."
It was right then that Jess Mariano, the town's resident Holden Caulfield,
looked like a little boy. His usually strong body slumped in helplessness and
his lost eyes searching for some kind of stability on which he could lean for
support, but all he found was me.
I felt sympathy swell inside of me, a wave only succeeded by the new flush of
loathing I felt toward Jess' dad, I suddenly hated him, without even knowing
him I resented him for doing this to Jess. He didn't deserve this. The only
thing that kept me calm was the fact that I knew that I needed to keep my cool
here, my anger wouldn't help the situation or Jess, he was the one with the
right to rant here, it was my job to comfort him, and I was already failing.
It was then that I decided to do what I did best, and try to come up with a
level headed, unbiased, logical solution. I paused for
a moment as I shifted to totally face him and laced my fingers through his
other hand. I felt the tension in him subside a little at my touch, but the
anger still sparked in his deep eyes, and I could see a furious bitterness
formulating on his face. "Jess, please don't get angry at me for saying
this, but I think that you should give him a chance. He obviously came here for
a reason, find out what it is. I'm not saying become buddy-buddy 'take me out
to the ball game' father and son figures. But hear him out, he may have
something important to say . . . Like maybe why he left in the first
place." I watched apprehensively as Jess calculated my response and
glanced around the room "I don't think . . . Jesus! I can't deal with this"
his voice cracked with despair as he said that and then looked at me again.
I then became aware of the fear in his voice and I felt my heart break for him,
I reached up and let my fingers graze his cheek before saying softy and in what
I hoped was a supportive voice "I'll be right here," but incase my
emotions got the best of me and it hadn't come out the quietly confident way I
wanted it to, I squeezed his other hand reassuringly. Jess nodded shortly
before he stood up and we walked downstairs again. He paused at the base of the
stairs and looked at me again, and when I nodded he stepped back into the
diner.
To our surprise the diner was almost completely empty save for Jimmy, who was
sitting at the counter, staring at his hands, and Luke, who was standing near
him, drying a coffee mug and shooting suspicious glances at him.
As soon as Jess caught sight of his father again I felt him tense up, and I
noticed his eyes becoming hard and his face barricading against emotion as his
grip tightened, and Jimmy immediately looked up.
There was silence in the diner for a good minute before Jess found his voice
again "Why . . . I mean what, what are you doing here? What do you
want?" he choked out. Though I could no longer see the cold resentment in
his expression it was still evident in his voice, and Jimmy, noticing it to,
faltered as he spoke.
"I wanted to; I needed to, to see you, to talk to you."
Jess snorted, "After eighteen years why the sudden desire to become
paternal?"
I felt in his grasp rather then heard in his voice the anger once again rising
inside of him and Jimmy looked down at his hands again as he whispered, almost
inaudibly,
"I know . . . I know I screwed up. I know I have never been there, and I
know I don't deserve the right to even speak to you, much less call you my son,
but I'm asking for the chance to talk to you." He pulled a pen out of his
breast pocket and wrote something down on a stray napkin and pushed it towards
Jess, who picked it up and I caught sight of the scribbled words. An address,
the second I saw it I felt my expression knit together, it was the Inn. Jess realized it too
and glanced at me before nodding curtly and watching as Jimmy got up and walked
toward the door.
He stopped short of leaving; his hand on the doorknob, still facing the door,
and spoke again "I'm staying for a week, and Jess? If I don't ever see you
again then I want you to know that I'm sorry." And with that he pushed the
door open and walked into the sunshine outside.
I don't think anybody moved inside that diner for at least a full minute, and
it was Jess who broke the tension by sitting heavily down on a stool on the
counter. I think his knees just buckled and he more fell then sat as he let out
a long breath and let his head drop into his hands, elbows resting on the hard
surface.
It was then that I realized that I had been holding my breath and let it out in
a long slow hiss as I shot an apprehensive look at Luke, who was still planted
firmly in the exact same spot, the long since dry coffee mug still being wiped
furiously in his hands. Both of us remained silent, waiting for Jess to say
something and when he didn't I stepped timidly toward him and placed my hand on
his back.
The second I did this I drew it back sharply, having felt his entire body go
rigid the moment I touched him. My expression faltered and I bit my lip in
worry as I watched all of his blockades go back up. All of
them. Now even my touch did nothing to quell the demons running around
inside of him, and I felt like crying, like throwing something heavy and hard,
all I wanted to do was help him, and now even I couldn't. I hated watching him
like this; I saw all of the hurt around him as I stood there powerlessly.
Jess then stood up and walked toward the door, I moved to follow him but he
just shook his head and disappeared into the sunshine outside. I stood there
for a second, looking at the sun glinting off of the metal benches in the town
square, at the lighthearted people walking around gaily on the roads, and the
committee of people putting ribbons up around the gazebo in preparation for the
Start of Summer Festival. Funny how the world around you can remain as it was
before your own started crashing down on you.
I just collapsed into a chair and rubbed my head furiously as Luke finally put
down the coffee mug and leaned on the counter, both of us letting out another
long breath simultaneously.
This was just the beginning.
