A/N thanks so much for the reviews everyone!!! You guys make my day as always!! Sorry for the short-ness of the recent chapters but the next one should be longer!!!

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Spoilers ~ everything up to 3.18 has happened, this is just me end for season 3

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Chapter Seven: The Hardest Phone Call Of My Life

The second my hand touched the phone I pulled it back again, like it was made of burning metal. I had been sitting on the couch just staring at it for at least twenty minutes and as of yet hadn't even come close to picking it up.

I was being a coward and I knew it, but I had this picture shining in my head of me picking up the phone and calling him, and then having him tell me that he never wanted to see my face ever again.

I sighed as I dug the remote out from between the couch cushions and switched on the T.V. Nothing of interest was on, I flipped through the channels only to find a dozen soap operas, a sappy lifetime movie, and a cartoon about a deranged sponge with a voice who lived in a pineapple. And they wonder why the youth of America is so brainwashed by television.

I gave up and hit play on the VCR, watching sullenly as on of the episodes of 'Politically Incorrect' that mom had taped before it was cancelled flashed across the screen.

The crazy antics of the show had always used to make me smile, but right now there were too many knots writhing around in my stomach for me to even come close to enjoying the myriad of rapid fire government-bashing comments emanating from the screen.

My eyes wandered back to the phone, and after another hesitant pause an unexpected flash of bravery seemed to explode inside of me, so I picked it up and hit speed dial 2, Luke's Diner.

I swear to God that phone rang at least thirty times before he picked up, and that entire period of ringing was spent by me second guessing myself, and my bravado seemed to deteriorate with every ring, instead a cold twist of nerves was icing over my body causing tingling in my fingers and the pit of my stomach, and it escalated to the point that when Jess picked up I couldn't bring myself to speak

"Hello?"

He sounded so bitter and deflated, like someone had taken a sledgehammer to him stomach some time in the recent past, and I sensed a sick, creeping feeling of guilt beginning to come forth and choke my words.

I had caused that.

It was my fault.

God I hated those thoughts. I had known he must have been crestfallen, but I hadn't expected this. He had never once showed more emotion in just one word. He was usually always able to hold back any flickers of pain from his voice, but now he was just Jess. Someone who was either too exhausted or to depressed to enforce his usual walls; and it was all because of me.

I sat there like a deer in the headlights for a minute before his sorrowful voice began to grow impatient and he asked again.

"Hello?"

Quickly I slammed the receiver down onto the base of the phone. I could barely bring myself to breathe let alone talk to him, but again a wanton brave flash took over and I breathed out calmly as I gathered myself and picked up the phone again.

The phone began to ring again.

Three . . .

Four . . .

Five . . .

I began to breathe choppily for a second time, the condescending voice in my head second guessing me the entire time.

Six . . .

Seven . . .

"Hello."

His deep voice resonated through the earpiece again, and this time I managed a small response, voice full of the plea that he not hang up on me the second he heard me speak.

"Hi Jess."

There was a long pause at the other end and I sat there completely still as the knots in my stomach tightened and doubled over to create bigger ones.

"Is there something that I can help you with?"

I flinched at the coldness of his voice. The icy shards of his comments shot through me like knives as a fresh wave of acid guilt slammed into me. I could hear, even through the façade of ice, the throbbing hurt in his response and I faltered as I began to do what I always do in nerve wracking situations . . . ramble.

"Listen, I know, Jess you have every right to hate me right now. What I said to you was completely horrible and mean and awful and I feel so terrible. I am a terrible person, I know, but I am so so sorry. I know that I don't deserve another chance, and I know that you probably don't want to give me one but please, don't completely shut me out just yet. My mom isn't going to be here tonight, she's going to Sookie's, and I really want to talk to you. I need you to hear what I have to say . . . I , I just don't want to . . . to lose you, not just yet. I mean I know I'm losing you tomorrow, but give my just one more night. Please."

I took a deep breath and waited anxiously for his response as I tried to regain control of myself. That last thing I said really undid me. I had finally totally admitted that he was going to leave and it hit home. As soon as I had let those words escape my lips I felt a searing pain in my stomach as the knots once again constricted my breath, letting small tears form in my eyes.

The only thing that gave me a minute light of hope was the fact that I could still hear his long, steadying breaths at the other end, meaning that he hadn't yet hung up on me, and jus then I felt my heart flip flop as he began to speak.

"Alright."

Oh there is a God . . .

"What time?"

"Mom said she would leave at about six."

"Alright, I'll see you at six then."

I sat there listening for the dial tone for a few minutes, trying to figure out exactly what I was going to say and how I was going to handle this. Truth be told the thing that was gnawing at me the most was that I had no idea how I was going to handle the end of the night when he left, though I probably knew crying would ensue . . . but for now I pushed it to the back of my mind and focused on more pressing things, like how on earth I was going to break through the ice he had plastered all around him. I glanced at the clock, 5:07, plenty of time.

I finally settled on the most obvious answer.

I would start of with the truth, with what I should have said yesterday.