Cold Life

And here it is folks, chapter eight, the chapter you were hoping would never see the day. Unfortunately, it did, so deal with it. Sorry, not in a very good mood right now. Oh yeah, time sorta goes back a little here, cause I have to do some character explaining. ^^^;;;

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Seto's POV

Yugi has just put his so-called music on. Loud. Loud being the understatement of the year. Unfortunately, this not being my house, I can't complain about it. Aloud anyway.

People think I hate the world. I don't. I love Yami. I'm just jealous. Make that very jealous.

I don't hate Yugi. If anything, he's a bit annoying and creepy, but that's all. When he's with Joey, he spends his entire time with him. I don't have anything against that. I actually thought it was about time they got together. But it's when Joey isn't or can't be there. I don't like all the time Yugi then spends with Yami. I try to understand, I really do. I just can't help it. I haven't said anything about it, and I hope it will stay that way. I don't want him to spend less time with Yugi because of me.

I don't have anything against Frost either, really. Jealousy is one ugly emotion. And I can't do anything about it. I saw him as a rival when he first came out. Yami loves his cards more than anything. Except maybe Yugi. And then he walked in on us. I don't know what happened. Something just snapped within. He wanted Yami. Plus he had gotten Yami angry. I don't like him angry. First of all, he's scarier than Yugi on a sugar high and also he gets so tense. So I punched him. I'll admit that I over-reacted. I didn't mean to.

I can't control myself. I over-work, I over-react... I tried seeing a counselor, it didn't help anything. In fact, it got worse. I started snapping at Mokuba. For anything. For nothing at all. I also started snapping at Yami. For no reason whatsoever. I felt terrible after. So I stopped the counseling sessions. I went back to being the "normal" Seto.

I eventually discovered that my extreme jealousy was because I didn't want to lose either of them.

I guess it all started when my parents died. It was terrible. I loved them. But they left. I only had Mokuba left. He became my everything. I couldn't lose him. I didn't want to lose anyone else. I did everything to protect him and keep him near me. I would have died, and still would, if anything caused him to leave me. I couldn't bear the feeling of emptiness that it would bring around. I started working to get him everything he wanted so that he stayed by me.

Then I met Yami. Or should I say Yugi. I met him first. I only met Yami after beating Yugi's grandfather. He helped me overcome the daemons residing within me. All but one. The jealousy remained. I couldn't help but admire him. He fought for those he loved. He didn't just hide behind a pile of work. I wanted to know more of him. So I continuously dueled against him. And I learnt. I learnt how to feel once again. And I fell in love with him.

It took me forever to gather enough courage to tell him so. But I don't regret it. He told me he felt the same. We spent, and we still do, all our time together. I felt like I had to protect him. Just like Mokuba. I couldn't lose him. He was everything to me. Just like Mokuba. Only in another way. I loved both as much. In different ways.

Yugi and Frost could take Yami from me. And I knew that I would hate each and every of Mokuba's girlfriends or boyfriends, depending on which way he would swing.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like Ryou. He never minds it when his lovers tease Bakura. He never tries to kill Bakura for trying to seduce his lovers for fun. He remains calm and polite. So polite that I have to wonder if England really is as strict as everyone says...

I just hope that someday I'll be able to control myself. Then maybe Yugi won't hate me as much. I don't want him to hate me. But it's my fault. My fault and no one else's. Maybe someday I'll be able to accept Frost like just another of Yami's cards, like the Dark Magician or Kuriboh.

I can only hope...

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Poor Seto, ne? I think things will get better eventually. Unless I decide to be evil ^^^;;;