Chapter 5: The most screwed up duel you've ever seen part 2

King Dedede and Tuff faced off in the clearing. They were both holding their mallets, ready to pound the ever-livin crap out of each other. The tension hung in the air like a fart. All was silent. Tiff and Kirby all watched anxiously, waiting for the two of them to fight, knowing that only one would leave the clearing. The other would be forced to crawl out, an injured and broken man. Tuff finally spoke. "King Dedede" He said, "first we stand back to back and take 10 steps away from each other. then we turn and rush in to battle. Let me remind you that your friends cannot help you, no matter how hurt you are." King Dedede stood with his back to Tuff. They began to walk in opposite directions. 1...2...3... "I hope he's not good with a mallet." thought King Dedede. 4...5...6... "I know I can win" 7...8...9... This is it!! 10! The fight was on. They rushed in, swinging their mallets like there was no tomorrow. King Dedede felt Tuff's mallet graze the side of his head, then graze his belly ever so slightly. "I've got to move fast." said King Dedede, "I can't just keep defending myself." He swung the mallet into the air so fast that the afterdrag pulled up several leaves off the ground, then he brought it down like a falling anvil. "This is it!" He thought, "I'm gonna win!!! He swung the mallet down... and missed by one measly inch. "Crap!!" thought King Dedede, "I'm gonna die now!" "And I never got to taste a mango!!" he said out loud. "Don't worry, you didn't miss much!" yelled Tuff. However, the towel-clad star warrior spoke too soon. as he was bringing up his mallet to finish King Dedede, he whomped himself in the head. Tuff fell to the ground, eyes rolled back in his head. King Dedede turned to his friends and began to cheer loudly with them. It was like the final, dramaic moment in a record- breaking baseball game. suddenly, Kirby pointed behind him, "King Dedede! look out!" He turned around just in time to see Tuff's mallet come down hard into the side of his head. He could feel himself losing conciousness, his knees buckling (Does he even have knees?), His eyes rolling back in his head, his muscles going slack. his last thought was, "Dying isn't as painful as I thought it would be."

*** King Dedede's dream "I must be in heaven. I'm not in pain. then again, I could be in hell. after all, I did do alot of bad stuff in my life. "Sh*t! I resisted Rap for so long. Why did i have to listen to it today?" King Dedede awoke. It was dark all over. not a smidgen of light anywhere. Suddenly, a shadowy beast appeared...

***

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" King Dedede woke up screaming. he sat up fast and realized he was in a tent. No dark. No beast. "Ahhhhh...." He thought. "No beast. just me, my pounding head, and a whole lotta crawly things in my sleeping bag." Then he shot up in bed, "Crawly things?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" He got up, ran from the tent, and began to dance around in the clearing, yelling, "I'M A KING, NOT AN ENTIMOLOGIST!" The rest of the party looked at him, then realized he wasn't nutty, he really did have crickets crawling all over him. Right before their eyes, King Dedede whipped off his coat and hat and began to roll on the ground, completely naked. Everyone busted out laughing, until finally, Tiff, who was still giggling like a hyena, ran over and convinced him just to dust the crickets off. After he got the crickets off, he stood up, looked down at his chubby belly and said, "I think I'd better wash off these crickets." He was covered in bug corpses, and his feathers were all askew. After he washed off the crickets, he went back to camp, where there was fish cooking over an open fire. He sat down, "Man" he said, "Nothin' like fish over an open fire on a warm summer night." The five began to play truth or dare because it was boring, waiting for the fish to cook. King Dedede was first, "Okay" says Tiff, "Take your pick, truth or dare." "Truth" said King Dedede. "Um, okay, have you ever been drunk?" "No." King Dedede answered quickly. "Yes you have!" said Escargoon, "I remember that one time..."

Flashback King Dedede was drinking a bottle of sake. He took a swig every ten seconds, not noticing that half of the bottle was gone already. The conversation between him and Escargoon went like this:

King Dedede: I still think that the whole concept of nature abhoring a vacuum is true. *Glug, Gulp!*

Escargoon: But if that's true, then vacuum tubes would be ineffective.

King Dedede: They often were. That's why they went obsolete. *Glug, Gulp*

Escargoon(Looking at the half empty bottle in King Dedede's hand): Um, Lightbulbs are also mini vacuum chambers.

King Dedede: But lightbulbs break sho eashily becaush they have no air inshide. therefore, they are againsht nature. *Glug, Gulp!*

Escargoon: But even if vacuums ARE abhored in nature, that doesn't make them nonexistent.

King Dedede(Beginning to sway): Yesh thay arr. thads wye vagyoom pagged food dussen lazd. *Glug, Gulp, Hic!*

Escargoon: Um.... Sire? I think you need to stop drinking now.

King Dedede: Wye? Yew wanna *hic!* mage subdeeg uv id?*Glug, Gulp*

Escargoon: No, really, you're totally smashed, sire!

King Dedede: Eyem nod drashed!(Suddenly, He passes out in the floor.)

Escargoon: I don't think I'll tell him about this tomorrow...

End of flashback

King Dedede turned bright red. "Um....." he said, "Just that once. Okay, Kirby, truth or dare?" suddenly (I say that word way too much), They heard screaming coming from far off. It sounded like- "Metaknight!!!" said Kirby, "That was Metaknight! I think maybe the ghost has him!! We gotta go save him!" "Even if he didn't invite me to his birthday party!" added King Dedede. The five ran off into rthe woods as fast as their short little legs (If they even have legs) could carry them. They came to an abrupt stop when they saw the scene up in front of them. There were tent poles, remains of food items, embers from a camp fire, one questionable magazine, and- "Metaknight's sword!" said Kirby, interrupting me for a second and final time, if he wishes not to be eaten by bears in the next chapter. "Sorry." He said, "Come on, we gotta-" He paused, glared at Tuff, and said, "Tuff! put that issue of Playboy down! We're supposed to be rescuing Metaknight!!!" Tuff put down the magazine, which Kirby secretly grabbed and stuffed into his backpack, and they were off on a rescue mission. Next stop, the heart of the forest!

End of chapter 5.