Chapter 11: The Computer Holy Wars
First of all, I do not own this idea. Scott Adams, Creator of "Dilbert" does. I just took the idea and improved upon it. Also, I do not own Kirby, King Dedede, Metaknight, Escargoon, Tiff, Tuff, Lilo & Stitch, or SSB. Hoshi, Ni-Kaabi, and Miruku are mine, though, and you may use them in your stories if you want, just give me credit, or I'll suck your brains out.
The group was starting down the road towards the deepest, darkest part of the forest. The heat was almost unbearable, so hot that they wouldn't be surprised if when someone farted it made a HUGE fireball. Even the rocks were sweating. Even the creek was sweating. Even- King Dedede interrupts me suddenly, "WE GET THE FREAKIN' IDEA!" So I stop. They walked down the road sweating an entire ocean of saltwater, except for Escargoon, who just got slimier than usual. They were all walking slowly down the road, when suddenly, they heard the sound of, "You've got mail!" There was a pause, then an enraged scream. "I'LL SHOW THAT #$%^&* *&^%$# B*ST*RD TO SEND THOSE FLAMES!!!" Then the sound of typing furiously. King Dedede took his hands off the sides of Ni-Kaabi's head, Where he'd been trying to keep him from hearing those words. Hoshi piped up, "I can swear better than THAT!!!" She took a deep breath, "@#%$&*^%*%^$#^$#@$$#^%$&*^$*%#%#@$#^%T&^%#$&^%#&^%&^%$&^%#%$#@^%$%&^(&*%*^% ^%$#^%$#^$@!!!"This time, King Dedede didn't reach the sides of Ni-Kaabi's head in time, so he heard everything. The words were SO disgusting that a nearby tree blushed, several flowers wilted, and the grass stood straight up off the ground. Everyone stood in stunned silence. Then Ni-Kaabi put in his own "special" words of wisdom, "---------------------------------------- ----------------------------" They were SO BITTERLY dirty, that if I even tried to use symbols for the words, the people at Fanfiction.net would sue me. King Dedede begins to yell at Ni-Kaabi, "NI-KAABI DEDEDE! IF I CATCH YOU REPEATING WORDS LIKE THAT AGAIN, I SWEAR I'LL WASH YOUR DIRTY MOUTH OUT WITH LAVA SOAP!!!" Ni-Kaabi looked at the ground, kicked at a bug in the grass, and said," Sorry, Dad." Then Hoshi began to tease Ni-Kaabi, "HA HA- HA HA-HA, YOU GOT IN TROUBLE, NYAH NYAH NYAH!" Ni-Kaabi just looked really mad, but he didn't do anything, because he wasn't the type who hit ladies. Kirby suddenly put in his two cents worth. "Hey" he said, "shouldn't we be trying to find out where those computer sounds and that censored swearing came from. So they quietly crept to the place where they heard the swearing. Sitting there was a computer nerd. He was typing furiously on his computer and was covered in black ash. They all stared at him, trying to figure out how his computer burned him. Finally Kirby asked him, "Why are you covered in ash? And where did you learn to swear like that because I want to learn how to do it too!" The nerd pulled out a book entitled "!#@$%^ The Childrens' Guide to Censored Swearing. "I picked it up from this book" he said, "It has more than you ever wanted to know about bathroom languange." Tiff broke the humorous mood, thank you very much, little Miss Killjoy, "Um, I want to know why you are covered in ash when you are sitting at a computer, and not at one of those Hawiian fire dance shows at that luau place just outside the forest?" (A/N: If you've ever seen "Lilo & Stitch" you know what I'm talking about.) The nerd instantly got mad and began to curse flamers, AOL, and Chris Farley. He stood up and began to tell them. "You probably don't know, but there has been a war going on between the AOL users and the Juno users for five years now. We are each thoroughly convinced that the other groups are filthy denizens of the underworld who are bent on destroying us. I am a Juno user and I absolutely HATE AOL users." he stood up and raised his arms to the sky, lightning striking as he spoke "DEATH TO THE CURSED AOL DEMONS FROM THE BOWELS OF THE CORPORATE UNDERWORLD, FOR THEY SHALL FALL AND BREAK UNDER THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY JUNO ARMY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The seven all sweatdropped. King Dedede decided he'd better not tell the kid that he himself was an AOL user. Suddenly, Flames erupted from the hard drive on the nerd's (We'll call him Bill) laptop computer. Bill read the message on the screen, and once again screamed like a banshee and began to furiously type a message on the keyboard. he clicked the send button and the message was on its way to burn its recipiant. Bill laughed maniacally again and sprouted bat wings, a dragon tail, and bull horns, " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DOES HE REALLY THINK I WILL TAKE THAT FROM HIM MORE THAN 15 AND 1/2 TIMES?!?!?! I JUST SENT HIM A VIRUS THAT WILL PUT A BILLION AOL SIGNUP FORMS IN HIS EMAIL EACH TIME HE TYPES THE LETTER "E"!!! AH- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA!!!!" King Dedede hoped that wasn't Nightmare Enterprises' Email. Because just his name alone would send 3 billion AOL signup forms to their mailbox and jam up their Email. He decided he'd better not Email anyone he liked for a while. Escargoon looked mad for no reason. He was looking at his pocket computer. King Dedede wondered for a moment why he suddenly looked mad when nobody or nothing had offended him. But suddenly, Bill's hard drive crashed and he began to curse like mad. They decided they'd better leave right now, before Ni-Kaabi picked up any more magic words. Hoshi piped up, "What a nice guy! he taught me more than I ever learned from my teacher before I turned her into a frog and fed her to Spongebob!" Everyone there decided not to ask about that. Escargoon suddenly had a question, "Hey, can anyone here fix a computer?" "Nope." everyone answered. Escargoon began to mutter under his breath. Once again, King Dedede noticed something vaguely unsettling about this. However, he chalked it up as part of the heat exhuastion and the all walked back to camp to discuss what should be done about the war under the setting sun. As they walked, King Dedede typed out a message on his pocket computer to Escargoon telling him to be sure to give the author back her copy of SSB when he was done with it.
***
"I say we get the police involved!" said Tuff, "They can stop this war!" They were all seated around the campfire, dubbed "Tribal Council" by King Dedede, once again. Escargoon said nothing. He was typing on his computer vigorously. he muttered, "So many forms! how will I ever clear out my Email?" Tiff made a good point, "But if we get the police involved, they would only fight behind our backs. Could we maybe try a better idea? King Dedede really thought that something was fishy with Escargoon, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Kirby spoke up, "I think we should crash for the night. it's 3 AM" so they all bid each other good night and walked to their tents to sleep. While sleeping, King Dedede had an odd dream...
***
King Dedede's dream
Escargoon looked mad for no reason. He was looking at his pocket computer. King Dedede wondered for a moment why he looked mad when nobody or nothing had offended him........................ Escargoon suddenly had a question, "Hey, can anyone here fix a computer?"............................. Escargoon said nothing. He was typing on his computer vigorously. He muttered , So many forms! How will I ever clear out my Email?"
***
King Dedede shot up in bed. "TH-" he held his beak shut and resisted the temptation to yell, "THAT'S IT!!!" King Dedede quietly stood up and waddled out of the tent. Walking into Ni-Kaabi's tent, he began to shake him. "Ni- Kaabi, Ni-Kaabi, wake up." "hmmmmmm, Wha?" said Ni Kaabi. "I think I've figured out a link to the computer holy wars!" "Who?!?!?!" said Ni-Kaabi. "Shhhhhhhhhh! be quiet and wake everyone up. I'll explain at tribal council.
***
Everyone was seated around the campfire King Dedede stalked around the ring of weary travelers and began to talk. "I know one of you has a secret." he said, "ONE of you is hiding something from the rest of us. ONE of you is keeping vital information from us. ONE of you is keeping us from knowing the truth behind your private misery. ONE of you is hiding something horrible from the rest of us! "YAAAAAARGH!!!" yelled Kirby, I ATE TUFF'S CANDY BAR BEFORE WE LEFT!!!" "I LET A BUNCH OF CRICKETS LOOSE IN TIFF'S ROOM!!! Yelled Tuff, "I STOLE HOSHI'S "DRAGONBALL" VIDEO!!! Yelled Tiff, "I KILLED J.R.!!!" Yelled Hoshi, "I SWIPED KIRBY'S ORIGAMI BOOK!!! Yelled Ni- Kaabi. "WAIT?!?!?!, THAT WAS YOU?!?!?!" They all yelled in unison, and then It got ugly with punching, kicking, scratching, biting, slapping, and pinching. "SHUT UP!!!" King Dedede yelled, causing everyone to stop fighting, "I'm talking about......... THE ONE INVOLVED IN THE COMPUTER HOLY WARS!!! Escargoon broke down and began to wail, "WAAAAAAAAAAAA, I'M SORRY! I JUST ANSWERED AN INNOCENT EMAIL, AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M ENLISTED FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS!!!" King Dedede spoke up, I'ts okay. I have an idea to end this war. With that he walked to his tent....
***
The next day, The seven all came out of their tents only to find that the AOL users were breaking bread with the Juno users. They were all nervously talking friendly to each other, as if afraid of saying something unfriendly. "Wow, King Dedede!" said Tiff, "How did you do that?" "It's easy when the Dream Land Mafia owes you a favor." King Dedede replied with a laugh. Everyone sweatdropped and decided to let it go. Suddenly, They heard dinging, followed by screams of pain. "Let's go! said Kirby, "Looks like we're off to another adventure!" and off they ran.
End of Chapter 11
First of all, I do not own this idea. Scott Adams, Creator of "Dilbert" does. I just took the idea and improved upon it. Also, I do not own Kirby, King Dedede, Metaknight, Escargoon, Tiff, Tuff, Lilo & Stitch, or SSB. Hoshi, Ni-Kaabi, and Miruku are mine, though, and you may use them in your stories if you want, just give me credit, or I'll suck your brains out.
The group was starting down the road towards the deepest, darkest part of the forest. The heat was almost unbearable, so hot that they wouldn't be surprised if when someone farted it made a HUGE fireball. Even the rocks were sweating. Even the creek was sweating. Even- King Dedede interrupts me suddenly, "WE GET THE FREAKIN' IDEA!" So I stop. They walked down the road sweating an entire ocean of saltwater, except for Escargoon, who just got slimier than usual. They were all walking slowly down the road, when suddenly, they heard the sound of, "You've got mail!" There was a pause, then an enraged scream. "I'LL SHOW THAT #$%^&* *&^%$# B*ST*RD TO SEND THOSE FLAMES!!!" Then the sound of typing furiously. King Dedede took his hands off the sides of Ni-Kaabi's head, Where he'd been trying to keep him from hearing those words. Hoshi piped up, "I can swear better than THAT!!!" She took a deep breath, "@#%$&*^%*%^$#^$#@$$#^%$&*^$*%#%#@$#^%T&^%#$&^%#&^%&^%$&^%#%$#@^%$%&^(&*%*^% ^%$#^%$#^$@!!!"This time, King Dedede didn't reach the sides of Ni-Kaabi's head in time, so he heard everything. The words were SO disgusting that a nearby tree blushed, several flowers wilted, and the grass stood straight up off the ground. Everyone stood in stunned silence. Then Ni-Kaabi put in his own "special" words of wisdom, "---------------------------------------- ----------------------------" They were SO BITTERLY dirty, that if I even tried to use symbols for the words, the people at Fanfiction.net would sue me. King Dedede begins to yell at Ni-Kaabi, "NI-KAABI DEDEDE! IF I CATCH YOU REPEATING WORDS LIKE THAT AGAIN, I SWEAR I'LL WASH YOUR DIRTY MOUTH OUT WITH LAVA SOAP!!!" Ni-Kaabi looked at the ground, kicked at a bug in the grass, and said," Sorry, Dad." Then Hoshi began to tease Ni-Kaabi, "HA HA- HA HA-HA, YOU GOT IN TROUBLE, NYAH NYAH NYAH!" Ni-Kaabi just looked really mad, but he didn't do anything, because he wasn't the type who hit ladies. Kirby suddenly put in his two cents worth. "Hey" he said, "shouldn't we be trying to find out where those computer sounds and that censored swearing came from. So they quietly crept to the place where they heard the swearing. Sitting there was a computer nerd. He was typing furiously on his computer and was covered in black ash. They all stared at him, trying to figure out how his computer burned him. Finally Kirby asked him, "Why are you covered in ash? And where did you learn to swear like that because I want to learn how to do it too!" The nerd pulled out a book entitled "!#@$%^ The Childrens' Guide to Censored Swearing. "I picked it up from this book" he said, "It has more than you ever wanted to know about bathroom languange." Tiff broke the humorous mood, thank you very much, little Miss Killjoy, "Um, I want to know why you are covered in ash when you are sitting at a computer, and not at one of those Hawiian fire dance shows at that luau place just outside the forest?" (A/N: If you've ever seen "Lilo & Stitch" you know what I'm talking about.) The nerd instantly got mad and began to curse flamers, AOL, and Chris Farley. He stood up and began to tell them. "You probably don't know, but there has been a war going on between the AOL users and the Juno users for five years now. We are each thoroughly convinced that the other groups are filthy denizens of the underworld who are bent on destroying us. I am a Juno user and I absolutely HATE AOL users." he stood up and raised his arms to the sky, lightning striking as he spoke "DEATH TO THE CURSED AOL DEMONS FROM THE BOWELS OF THE CORPORATE UNDERWORLD, FOR THEY SHALL FALL AND BREAK UNDER THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY JUNO ARMY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The seven all sweatdropped. King Dedede decided he'd better not tell the kid that he himself was an AOL user. Suddenly, Flames erupted from the hard drive on the nerd's (We'll call him Bill) laptop computer. Bill read the message on the screen, and once again screamed like a banshee and began to furiously type a message on the keyboard. he clicked the send button and the message was on its way to burn its recipiant. Bill laughed maniacally again and sprouted bat wings, a dragon tail, and bull horns, " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DOES HE REALLY THINK I WILL TAKE THAT FROM HIM MORE THAN 15 AND 1/2 TIMES?!?!?! I JUST SENT HIM A VIRUS THAT WILL PUT A BILLION AOL SIGNUP FORMS IN HIS EMAIL EACH TIME HE TYPES THE LETTER "E"!!! AH- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA!!!!" King Dedede hoped that wasn't Nightmare Enterprises' Email. Because just his name alone would send 3 billion AOL signup forms to their mailbox and jam up their Email. He decided he'd better not Email anyone he liked for a while. Escargoon looked mad for no reason. He was looking at his pocket computer. King Dedede wondered for a moment why he suddenly looked mad when nobody or nothing had offended him. But suddenly, Bill's hard drive crashed and he began to curse like mad. They decided they'd better leave right now, before Ni-Kaabi picked up any more magic words. Hoshi piped up, "What a nice guy! he taught me more than I ever learned from my teacher before I turned her into a frog and fed her to Spongebob!" Everyone there decided not to ask about that. Escargoon suddenly had a question, "Hey, can anyone here fix a computer?" "Nope." everyone answered. Escargoon began to mutter under his breath. Once again, King Dedede noticed something vaguely unsettling about this. However, he chalked it up as part of the heat exhuastion and the all walked back to camp to discuss what should be done about the war under the setting sun. As they walked, King Dedede typed out a message on his pocket computer to Escargoon telling him to be sure to give the author back her copy of SSB when he was done with it.
***
"I say we get the police involved!" said Tuff, "They can stop this war!" They were all seated around the campfire, dubbed "Tribal Council" by King Dedede, once again. Escargoon said nothing. He was typing on his computer vigorously. he muttered, "So many forms! how will I ever clear out my Email?" Tiff made a good point, "But if we get the police involved, they would only fight behind our backs. Could we maybe try a better idea? King Dedede really thought that something was fishy with Escargoon, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Kirby spoke up, "I think we should crash for the night. it's 3 AM" so they all bid each other good night and walked to their tents to sleep. While sleeping, King Dedede had an odd dream...
***
King Dedede's dream
Escargoon looked mad for no reason. He was looking at his pocket computer. King Dedede wondered for a moment why he looked mad when nobody or nothing had offended him........................ Escargoon suddenly had a question, "Hey, can anyone here fix a computer?"............................. Escargoon said nothing. He was typing on his computer vigorously. He muttered , So many forms! How will I ever clear out my Email?"
***
King Dedede shot up in bed. "TH-" he held his beak shut and resisted the temptation to yell, "THAT'S IT!!!" King Dedede quietly stood up and waddled out of the tent. Walking into Ni-Kaabi's tent, he began to shake him. "Ni- Kaabi, Ni-Kaabi, wake up." "hmmmmmm, Wha?" said Ni Kaabi. "I think I've figured out a link to the computer holy wars!" "Who?!?!?!" said Ni-Kaabi. "Shhhhhhhhhh! be quiet and wake everyone up. I'll explain at tribal council.
***
Everyone was seated around the campfire King Dedede stalked around the ring of weary travelers and began to talk. "I know one of you has a secret." he said, "ONE of you is hiding something from the rest of us. ONE of you is keeping vital information from us. ONE of you is keeping us from knowing the truth behind your private misery. ONE of you is hiding something horrible from the rest of us! "YAAAAAARGH!!!" yelled Kirby, I ATE TUFF'S CANDY BAR BEFORE WE LEFT!!!" "I LET A BUNCH OF CRICKETS LOOSE IN TIFF'S ROOM!!! Yelled Tuff, "I STOLE HOSHI'S "DRAGONBALL" VIDEO!!! Yelled Tiff, "I KILLED J.R.!!!" Yelled Hoshi, "I SWIPED KIRBY'S ORIGAMI BOOK!!! Yelled Ni- Kaabi. "WAIT?!?!?!, THAT WAS YOU?!?!?!" They all yelled in unison, and then It got ugly with punching, kicking, scratching, biting, slapping, and pinching. "SHUT UP!!!" King Dedede yelled, causing everyone to stop fighting, "I'm talking about......... THE ONE INVOLVED IN THE COMPUTER HOLY WARS!!! Escargoon broke down and began to wail, "WAAAAAAAAAAAA, I'M SORRY! I JUST ANSWERED AN INNOCENT EMAIL, AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M ENLISTED FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS!!!" King Dedede spoke up, I'ts okay. I have an idea to end this war. With that he walked to his tent....
***
The next day, The seven all came out of their tents only to find that the AOL users were breaking bread with the Juno users. They were all nervously talking friendly to each other, as if afraid of saying something unfriendly. "Wow, King Dedede!" said Tiff, "How did you do that?" "It's easy when the Dream Land Mafia owes you a favor." King Dedede replied with a laugh. Everyone sweatdropped and decided to let it go. Suddenly, They heard dinging, followed by screams of pain. "Let's go! said Kirby, "Looks like we're off to another adventure!" and off they ran.
End of Chapter 11
