Part One: Things Get Crazy...

After the aforementioned life-changing proclamation (see last chapter for further information), the view plummeted down through the stars until it came upon a swirly-colored planet and zooms in upon the two star-crossed lovers.

Er...no pun intended.

Padme Amidala rested her head upon Anakin Skywalker's shoulder, sighing as she looked out upon the water. The sunset seemed the paint the still waters different shades of red, orange and pink. Padme loved Naboo at this time of day, where the sun was just about to set and the calmness of the sea seemed to run through everyone, making all their worries disappear.

"Have you ever seen anything this beautiful?" Padme asked.

Anakin nodded. "Yes."

Padme turned around and faced Anakin, his jaw set and his eyes fixed in front of him. "Where?"

"It's standing right in front of me," Anakin replied, looking down at Padme.

"IT?" Padme shrieked. "Are you saying I'm an IT?"

"You're a pretty 'it'," he informed her huskily.

"And THAT'S meant to improve the situation?" Padme asked skeptically, placing a hand on her hip.

Instead of responding, he put his hands to his heart and began spewing out wretchedly unromantic clichés...er, extremely poetic words of love.

"Your eyes are like..." Anakin struggled to find the right words that described Padme. "Circles!"

Padme gasped at his poetic skill and natural charm. "Oh, Anakin!" she sighed, falling into his arms, "Take me; I'm yours!"

"And your nose!" he kept on saying. "Is...pointy!"

"Oh, Anakin, stop," she pleaded, feeling her head spin from the sheer overwhelmingness of his dazzling proclamations of her beauty. "Just...kiss me!"

"Wait!" Anakin snapped in irritation. "Did I SAY I was done yet?"

A very strange thing happened right here. And we mean, very strange. O Great George's characters do not suddenly decide to rebel and be out of character. But that is precisely what Padme Amidala did.

And that ensured disaster.

"Jeez, sorry, Darth," she muttered.

"WHAT?!"

"Er...nothing. Continue on."

Anakin struggled to think of more descriptive words that would do his Padme justice. "And just look at your beautiful fingers! So, long! And so well...neat and...long!"

"You know, Padme," he proclaimed in an intimate whisper. "I've loved you ever since I first saw you. Ever since we parted last ten years ago, never did a day pass by that I didn't think of you."

"Are you sure?" she asked, wrinkling up her nose. "Because you know, at that age, most little boys are going through the 'girls are icky' stage."

"So?" Anakin said defensively, pouting. "Are you saying you didn't love ME?"

"Um...er...yeah," Padme said slowly. "You see, you were only, what, nine? I was fourteen. That's kind of...perverted."

"But you see," Anakin said hurriedly. "Like most of the Jedi Masters say, I'm..." What was that word that Mace Windu used? It sure was long... "Special!" He started to nod fervently.

"Yeah, special ed," Padme muttered darkly.

"What?" Anakin asked, studying her stupidly as though she'd just spewed out a four-syllable word.

"Nothing," she said with a bright (to him, anyway...to anyone else, it would have been horribly forced) smile.

Using the all-powerful Jedi force, Anakin sensed that the conversation wasn't going so well and decided to change topics.

But WHAT could he talk about?!

And then it came to him!

"Sand!"

"What?"

"I...don't like the sand," he said, voice low as he leaned on the balcony and stared out broodingly into the sunset. "It's so coarse and rough and irritating, and gets around everywhere."

After a moment's pause, he added thoughtfully, "Not like you. It's damn near impossible to get in your pants."

"WHAT?!" Padme screeched in horror. "THIS MOVIE IS RATED PG, YOU KNOW!"

"Er...sorry, sorry," Anakin apologized quickly, wondering why the O Mighty One (AKA George Lucas) couldn't just make it PG-13, for the love of Yoda. "I mean...you're soft, and...smooth."

Padme raised her eyebrow. "Soft and...smooth?" I shudder to think where this conversation is going to go.

Anakin nodded. "Yes, soft and smooth!"

"I take it that's a good thing," Padme said slowly. God, I love fooling with his mind.

Anakin looked a bit stumped, but recovered in seconds. "Yes, of course it is! Er, why shouldn't it be? Soft and smooth...isn't that what every girl wants to be?"

"But I'm not every girl," Padme pointed out.

Uh-oh. Now she had him stumped.

"And that's a good thing, too!" Anakin burst out. "Because you're special!"

"Just like you," Padme replied.

"Yes, we're both very special!" Anakin said.

"And," he threw in, "You're soft and smooth...I think."

"What do you mean, I think?" Padme asked, looking mortally offended. "Are you trying to tell me I'm coarse and scaly?"

Anakin shook his head vigorously. "No, no. But do you WANT to be soft and smooth?"

"Well, I don't know," Padme said, fixing her expression into that of one in utmost concentration. "Do YOU want to be?"

Now, Anakin didn't know how to answer this. Only moments before, he'd told her that they were both special! That way, if ONE of them was soft and smooth, then the other would have to be, RIGHT? But he was a MAN! A rugged, desirable hunk o' hunk! He was SUPPOSED to be coarse and scaly!

Well...maybe not scaly.

Anakin stood there, pondering how to answer Padme's extremely complex question.

"Anakin?" Padme waved her hand in front of his face. "Aaaaaannie!"

But alas, Padme's hand-waving just couldn't disturb Anakin from his pondering. She started to get worried when he eyes began to glaze over.

SLAP!

Instantly, Anakin was in Jedi Knight fighting stance, lightsaber out. "Who's attacking you, Padme?"

Padme stood there in disbelief, her hand on her hip. "No one was attacking me! I slapped you because you were just standing there! Like some idiot! It wasn't that hard of a question! Well, at least I didn't think so," Padme muttered.

Anakin shut off his light saber and straightened up. "What was the question?"

Padme massaged her temples. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation," she murmured in disgust.

"Do you want...to be soft...and SMOOTH?" she asked slowly.

"I dunno," he replied dumbly. "Do YOU want me to be soft and smooth?"

"AAAURGH!" Padme shouted in aggravation. "Can't you just forget it and kiss me already? This is supposed to be romantic, you know."

It's payback time.

"Uh, sure," Anakin said, caressing her face with lightly callused fingers and slowly tilting her chin up towards his lips. They were practically touching when Padme jerked away at once and declared, "No. We can't."

"We can't??" Anakin asked, looking extremely crestfallen.

"No, we can't," Padme confirmed in mock regret. "I'm a senator; you're a Jedi apprentice. It's just too hard. We'd have to be living a lie."

"All right," Anakin sighed forlornly. "You're right."

Padme paused for a second, then proclaimed, "On second thought, oh, hell, just kiss me!"

"Okay!" Anakin agreed, a dumb smile stretching out across his face as he leaned towards her again.

Lips mere millimeters apart, Padme shrieked, "No! No! It's just wrong!"

"Why??" asked Anakin miserably.

"BECAUSE," Padme said impatiently, "I'm a senator and you're a Jedi apprentice. Have I not established this already?!"

Now, the use of this huge three-syllable word just blew Anakin away. His very (small) brain ached as it struggled to comprehend it, and the Dark Force seemed to flow through his very veins.

"Padme," he croaked, shuddering in pain. "The Dark Force...it's taking over me..."

"Just watch," she predicted wisely. "Next you'll develop a sudden and severe case of asthma."

"What??"

"Never mind," she said impatiently. "Just kiss me already!"

As Padme finally pressed her lips into his, Anakin couldn't help but think of just one thing. Establish...establish...

He couldn't believe Padme had spoken a word with such power. Feeling the Dark Force flow through him as he repeated that word over and over in his head, he began to be frightened. And then...he realized something. He kinda like that feeling! He could learn to like that word!

Estab...Estab...Estab what? Oh well! He just knew that word could sure come in handy some day!

After a few seconds, however, Padme pulled out of the passionate embrace.

"What??" he asked angrily, suddenly overcome with the strange and unexplainable urge to squeeze his fingers into a fist and make some people choke to their death.

"You know," she said dreamily, a smile dancing across fair features, "My first kiss was when I was twelve years old. His name was Palo. He was a few years older than me... very cute. Dark hair, deep beautiful eyes..."

"Okay, I don't want to know," Anakin said quickly, fighting his suddenly rogue fingers not to curl into a fist.

"His lips against mine was the most amazing sensation I've ever felt," she continued happily, fingering her own mouth. "I-"

"Must you cause my soul such tor...tormen...pain??" Anakin asked, misery drenching his tone.

"It was the first time I thought I'd ever experienced true love," she finished, sighing.

By now, Anakin was squeezing his hands into a fist, but this did not result in the choking and dying of this...Palo. Instead, he just managed to cut into the palm of his hand with his fingernails.

"Dammit!" he muttered under his breath.

The jealousy too much to handle, he asked in a husky, manly-man voice, "What about...me?"

Padme studied him briefly. "Ah, you're okay. A five. Maybe a six."

"Out of four, right?" Anakin asked, puffing out his chest proudly.

She shook her head. "Actually, I was going by ten."

Anakin thought for a moment. "Ten...That would mean I'm down by...two?" He looked at Padme hopefully.

Padme snorted. "Four. At the least."

Anakin gasped. "FOUR? Er, what was Palo?"

Padme thought for a moment. "From what I remember...he was an eight."

"And that means he's down by," Anakin quickly started to count on his fingers. "Six?"

"No," Padme said, deep in thought. "Two."

"TWO?" Anakin howled. His hand automatically formed into a fist, still only to make the palms of his hand very painful. He thought for a moment. Why isn't my charming charms and my brilliant brilliance working on Padme? he thought. Maybe I need to use bigger words, like with two syllables. Or even...THREE! He took a big breath. This was going to be hard.

"Well," Anakin said, crossing his arms in front of his chest defiantly, "I'm a Jedi! Mathemaniacal skills mean NOTHING to us! We just have cool glowy lightsabers and get to chop people up and move things with The Force!"

"Mathemaniacal?!" Padme muttered incredulously under her breath, wondering just why she'd been written to fall in love with Anakin instead of Obi-Wan, who was pretty hot for an over-twenty guy. Plus, he actually possessed over 2 brain cells to rub together.

But nooo, that wasn't how O Great George had wanted it.

"Okay, then," Padme agreed tiredly.

"Where is this...Palo?" Anakin demanded, a murderous glint in his eyes. He grabbed his lightsaber in one swift movement and immediately a beam of shining green spat out before them. "I will find him and make him pay!"

"Puh-leeze!" Padme said, rolling her eyes. "He's married with children by now."

Anakin's eyes widen in amazement. "HA! SO ADMIT IT!"

"Admit what?"

"That you WEREN'T meant for Palo!" he shouted, shutting off his light saber.

"I never said that!" Padme shouted.

Anakin chuckled. "Weeell, it sure sounded like it! Ohhh, Palo!" He said in a high falsetto voice, mimicking Padme. "He was my first kiss and I give him an EIGHT!"

"EXACTLY!" shrieked Padme. "He was my first kiss! That was years ago! Do you really think I still have feelings for him?"

Anakin stopped strutting and turned to face Padme. "I never said that." He gasped. "SO YOU DO HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM! Padme! You said he was married with children! How SCANALI - scandal - BAD!"

"I haven't even SEEN him in years!" Padme shrieked, resisting the urge to slap him for a few moments before realizing, heck, he was going to warp into Mr. I'm-So-Evil in a few years and slap a lotta people! Surely he deserved something in advance.

SLAP!

"STOP DOING THAT!" Anakin whined miserably. "You're so mean to me! You probably don't even love me! You're just going to leave me for Palo!"

"You know what??" Padme asked with a malicious grin. "Palo is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING next to Obi-Wan! I mean, that is one hot hunk of man!"

Anakin gasped in horror. "OBI-WAN!? As in, my master??"

"No," Padme said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "The OTHER Obi-Wan."

An expression of genuine confusion painted itself over Anakin's features. "There's another Obi-Wan?"

"AURGH!" Padme cried in fury, pounding her fists into his chest and repeatedly shrieking, "DIE, DIE, DIE, YOU STUPID EXCUSE FOR A MAN!"

Anakin just stared curiously down at her, very baffled by this sudden wave of hatred.

"Padme, I thought we were in love!"

"I would rather love Jar-Jar than you!" she screeched. "I'd rather kiss a Wookiee!"

An explosion of light engulfed them, and Anakin and Padme cried out in fright. Well, actually, let's rephrase that: Padme let out a little cry of shock and Anakin dove to the ground, trembling in trepidation and whining for his mommy.

A very fed-up looking bearded man made his way over to them. "That's it!" he exploded.

"Great, Padme," Anakin muttered sarcastically. "Now you made GEORGE come."

"Well, maybe if you weren't so stupid-"

"Cut it out, cut it out," George ordered. "You two are supposed to be in love, remember??"

"Why do I have to love him?" Padme asked, disgusted. "Why can't I love Obi-Wan? I mean, he's pretty nice to look at, and he actually provides a bit of comic relief."

"Because then it won't work!" declared George. "You have to marry Anakin, or else the old movies won't tie in and Leia and Luke will cease to exist!"

"Fine," Padme pouted, crossing her arms in front of her chest indignantly. "I'll love the stupid idiot."

"Good," George said with a nod. "And also...the kiss a Wookiee line? You can't say that."

"Why not?" Padme asked. "I thought it was kinda funny."

"It's already reserved by your daughter," he informed her. "She and her future husband have lots of fun, witty banter."

"Sure, just give us all the corny romance," Padme said bitterly.

George shook his head at her for a moment before the light exploded once more and he disappeared.

Sighing reluctantly, she slung her arms around Anakin's shoulders and whispered obediently, "Anakin, I love you. I truly, deeply love you. I need you in my life; otherwise, there will be a hole in my heart that no one else can feel."

Except Obi-Wan.

"Padme, I love you too," he returned tenderly. "I'll always love you."

Oh, gag me, she thought bitterly as their lips met in the grand finale of a kiss.

It was a hell of a lot to have to put up with, being a stunningly beautiful and successful senator who was madly in love with a handsome young Jedi.

To be continued...