I should never have let you go. I had a million chances, to stop you,
a million chances to make you stay. Yet I asured you that it was okay. I
told you repeatidly that you two were meant to be...you'll be a wonderful
husband. Lily's a lovely girl, she really is and I still love her as much
as I ever have. Remember when we would host the drinking games each month?
One month, March, that was the night you lost your virginity to each
other...remember? She fell in love with you, you fell in lust with her. Not
that you don't love her now, I know you do. Slowly, but surely you grew to
love her as much as she loves you.
'Are you alright with me and Lily?' You would ask, knowing that for some reason I wasn't. 'Please tell me you don't fancy her...' No. I never did, she was a good friend, and fun as hell, but I never saw her as anything more. But you would ask me, over and over. 'Are you sure you're alright about us?' then 'Please tell me Sirius, what's wrong? If you love her...' That was it for me. I had to tell you, only I couldn't.
So what do I do instead? I kissed you. Right there, in the middle of the dorm room, when anyone could have walked in. Thinking you would reject me, that hurt me, it pained me so much. What hurt more was that you kissed me back, so tenderly, so full of emotion.
'Padfoot?' You asked softly, tracing your thin fingers along my cheek.
'I love you Jamie.' That's the first time you had ever seen me cry. You embraced me gently, and I broke then. Clinging to you as if you were my only savior and weeping into your neck.
Then, you told me you loved me as well. We kissed, for the longest time we kissed, I stared into your eyes, and I knew it then. You were my soulmate.
Neither of us could hurt Lily though, she was pregnant then wasn't she? She needs you Jamie, and you need her. She'll treat you right, and I know, somehow, it's better this way. I'm willing to let you go, then maybe I wont break your heart like I know somehow I will. I want you to have a normal life, a family. You'll make a great father as well.
As much as I love you, and as much as you love me, it's better off this way. You'll allways be my first love, my true love, and I promise, I will always stand by your side like I will today. I'll always be there to catch you if you fall.
I just wish I never did.
Padfoot.
'Are you alright with me and Lily?' You would ask, knowing that for some reason I wasn't. 'Please tell me you don't fancy her...' No. I never did, she was a good friend, and fun as hell, but I never saw her as anything more. But you would ask me, over and over. 'Are you sure you're alright about us?' then 'Please tell me Sirius, what's wrong? If you love her...' That was it for me. I had to tell you, only I couldn't.
So what do I do instead? I kissed you. Right there, in the middle of the dorm room, when anyone could have walked in. Thinking you would reject me, that hurt me, it pained me so much. What hurt more was that you kissed me back, so tenderly, so full of emotion.
'Padfoot?' You asked softly, tracing your thin fingers along my cheek.
'I love you Jamie.' That's the first time you had ever seen me cry. You embraced me gently, and I broke then. Clinging to you as if you were my only savior and weeping into your neck.
Then, you told me you loved me as well. We kissed, for the longest time we kissed, I stared into your eyes, and I knew it then. You were my soulmate.
Neither of us could hurt Lily though, she was pregnant then wasn't she? She needs you Jamie, and you need her. She'll treat you right, and I know, somehow, it's better this way. I'm willing to let you go, then maybe I wont break your heart like I know somehow I will. I want you to have a normal life, a family. You'll make a great father as well.
As much as I love you, and as much as you love me, it's better off this way. You'll allways be my first love, my true love, and I promise, I will always stand by your side like I will today. I'll always be there to catch you if you fall.
I just wish I never did.
Padfoot.
