Angel Boy
Chapter 4/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star


Chapter 4: Paralyzed

My eyes felt too heavy to open. I didn't want to open them anyway. I wanted to sleep. I felt dizzy, and I wondered how I could feel dizzy when I was laying down with my eyes closed. The room was spinning out around me, that's how. I thought I would puke if I opened my eyes.

I didn't want to puke. Good thing I didn't want to open my eyes either.

I could sense people around me. I wanted them to think I was still asleep, or our of it, or whatever they thought.

Kevin and Lucy? No. I smell Mom's perfume. And Dad's after shave.

Something above my head hummed, like a machine. Damn it. Hospital. I'm in a hospital. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

I wanted to hate Kevin, but I couldn't, really. He only wanted to help. I couldn't blame him for panicking after he found me half dead at the side of the road. That was foolish on my part. I should have made sure I was off the beaten track, far from where Kevin and Lucy would look for me.

Didn't they understand I just wanted to die?

My eyes fluttered against my will.

"Eric!" My mother yelped. "I think he's waking up!" Damn it. I felt her hands on my shoulder and the two of them scrambling to get closer to me. I think my mother would have gotten on the bed if she could.

"Simon? Son? Can you hear me?" Dad cooed in his best counseling voice.

I wanted to shut them out, make them go away. Maybe if I thought about it hard enough they would disappear with a little pop.

I felt Mom's hands in my hair, combing it away from my face. I wanted to scream at her to leave me alone. Just leave me alone! But I didn't have the strength, or the nerve.

I just wanted to go back to sleep, that wonderful black sleep where I didn't know what was going on. Maybe I could hear voices. I kind of remember voices. My parents? Lucy and Kevin? I don't know. I can't remember.

The last thing I remember I was in Kevin's jeep. I thought he must be trying to hit every bump in the road. My body ached. My mind ached. My soul ached.

I remembered screaming. Not me. Lucy. Kevin. The deafening crunch of metal against metal. Tires screeching. Pain. Horrible pain. And blackness.

Kevin wrecked? Did Kevin wreck? I tried to ask, but couldn't. My mouth wouldn't work. No words.

I tried to move, but couldn't. I felt my hands spasm, and pull against a soft cuff. Restraints holding me down. Trapped.

I tried to move my feet. Nothing. I couldn't feel my feet!

Panic rose like bile in my throat. I felt myself straining against the bonds that held me. I couldn't move, couldn't talk. I opened my eyes and I couldn't see. Not blind. Just fuzzy. Blurry.

Mom! Mommy! Save me! What's happening! Mommy! Hold me! The words spiraled in my brain but I only whimpered.

"Shhhh, Simon. Shhhh, baby. I'm here. I'm here." Mom whispered, and I could hear the promise of tears in her voice.

"I'll get the nurse," Dad said and shuffled away from the bed.

Mom kissed my cheek. Her lips felt warm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Paralyzed.

The doctor said it should be temporary, and I shouldn't have any permanent damage. Of course we won't know until the swelling around my spine goes down.

They said I had a concussion, that's why I was unconscious. I broke my arm, a couple ribs, and my lung collapsed. I was lucky, someone must have been watching out for me, because I got thrown out of the jeep and I should have died.

Oh, I feel lucky, really lucky. So lucky I could just burst into song.

No one has told me anything about Lucy or Kevin. Were they hurt? Killed? They would have told me...Why haven't they told me? They must be dead. That's the only reason...

I can't ask. I'm not sure I want to know.

I haven't said a word to anyone. Maybe I never will. How long could I live without talking? That would take some serious discipline. Elective mutism, I think it's called.

I'm so scared. I don't want to be paralyzed. I'm sixteen years old. I don't want to be confined to a wheel chair.

Dear God, I want to die. Please just let me die. I deserve that. I don't deserve to live. Unless...this...this is my punishment.

I get it now.

Josh? Josh are you here? Nothing. Even my own imagination has left me.

My parents stay with me all the time. One of them always. They promised I would never be alone. I can't tell them that's what I want. That's what I deserve.

I wish they would leave. Don't hospitals have rules about that?

Dear God, is this how you want me to live? Is this my punishment? I would rather be dead. At least then I might be able to see Josh.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

End chapter four. I know, I know. You want to know what happened to Lucy and Kevin. Well...Keep reading and you'll find out :) (Truth is I'm not sure yet) I'm off work tomorrow so maybe I'll get the next chapter posted tomorrow night...But it should be up by the end of the week at the latest. Please R/R and let me know what you think! Thanks. Lucky Star (JJsLuckyStar@aol.com)