Too Much Rain
by Trish
(trishlovesedison@hotmail.com)
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TWO
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"Oh shit." They were the only words that could fully express the shock and
horror she was feeling at the moment. Makino Tsukushi stood in the open
doorway of her apartment, her mouth hanging open as she tried to comprehend
exactly what it was she was seeing.
Scattered about the one-room apartment were various pots and buckets,
stationed underneath still dripping leaks from the ceiling. Huddled in the
corner was her younger brother, Susumu. He'd apparently cocooned himself in
his futon and moved to the only completely dry spot in the entire room.
Her first instinct was to start screaming and to punch a wall. But with
great effort, she refrained. She was NOT as violent as the F4 said she was.
And besides. The apartment was so crappy she'd probably break a hole open.
Instead, she took a deep, shuddering breath.
'Okay, okay. So there are a few leaks. A few dozen leaks. That's alright.
It's not the end of the world. And Susumu had enough sense to put buckets
underneath them. And hey, he even found a big enough towel to wipe up the
mess... Hey, is that my futon!?'
Thoroughly pissed off, Tsukushi weaved her way around the water-filled
containers sitting smack-dab in the center of the room, to her snoozing
brother. Wasting no time, she grabbed him by his shoulders and began to
shake him furiously.
"Hey, wake up!"
"Ergh?" He mumbled, confused. It took only a few more moments (and shakes)
for him to awake fully, "Oh, hey Sis. Welcome home," he greeted, a shade too
nonconchalant for her liking.
"W-What the hell is this!?" she gestured wildly to the mess in their home.
He blinked a few times in suprise, as if he'd completely forgotten about it.
Then, his eyes lit up in recognition and he opened his mouth to reply.
But he never got to. Tsukushi fixed him with an absolutely evil glare,
"Don't answer my rhetorical questions, freak! Why did you use my futon? And
why the hell didn't you call me last night when you noticed there was
something wrong?"
"Are THOSE rhetorical questions?" he muttered sarcastically, then continued,
"For your information, I DID call you last night but you'd turned your
cellphone off. Which, might I add, was a little bit obnoxious of you."
"I turned my cell off?" Tsukushi wondered outloud, taking a momentary
breather from her incredulous anger, "Why'd I turn my cell...?" Memories of
last night, and Doumyouji, and what they'd done returned to her. The blush
that resulted was involuntary.
"Hey, why're you going all red?" Susumu asked, leaning closer to inspect his
sister's face. "Just what did you do last night?"
She gave him a slight shove, "I was taking care of Shigeru. She had a bad
fever. I guess it must have transferred on to me." It seemed like an
adequete lie, and Susumu accepted it without question. "But anyway, that's
not what we should be worrying about right now."
"Oh right," the young boy sobered considerably, "Looking at all these pots
filled with rain water... It's kind of depressing. This place is small
enough as it is. How're we supposed to live like this?"
"I don't think it's possible," Tsukushi said, "Sure, you had a pretty dry
night over here in your little corner, but it must've been rough on your
back to have been propped up against the wall for so long."
He ran his fingers over his spine, gently, "Yeah, now that you mention it,
it does sort of ache..." Suddenly, a look of epiphany crossed over his face,
"Hey, why don't we stay in Doumyouji-san's place?" he asked, cheerfully.
Tsukushi's face had gone from embarrased red to pure white with horror,
"E-excuse me? You have to be joking! Just because we happen to be dating
doesn't mean that-"
"No, stupid," Susumu rolled his eyes, "Not the mansion. It's his parents'
house isn't it? It's not like he can have guests over whenever her wants."
'Oh, if only you knew,' she thought, somewhat amused.
"I meant next door."
Next door. Right. The apartment he'd rented to ensure her safety after the
attempted burglary. She hadn't been too pleased with the arrangement at
first, but soon she saw it for what it really was. Another clumsy, Doumyouji
expression of love.
"I don't think so, Susumu. It's been awhile since he's actually been in it.
I think he stopped paying rent a couple of months ago... And if there's
leaks here, I'm pretty sure there'll be leaks there too."
"Oh," Susumu responded, sagging a little in disappointment,
Tsukushi couldn't stand to see him like that. Even if he was an annoying
brat, he was still her brother. Because of the sad state of poverty they
lived in, he didn't get to do half the things his friends did. Being an
Eitoku student, she knew all too well how it felt to be left out. He was
just a kid too. He shouldn't have to worry about where he was going to sleep
at night, or if they'd have enough money after paying the bills to buy him
new clothes for school. When she was his age she'd been working and studying
almost obessively for highschool entrace exams. She'd lost a part of her
childhood she couldn't ever get back. She swore to herself she'd never let
that happen to him too.
"Susumu, stay at a friend's house tonight. I'll take care all of this," her
voice had become very determined, a sure sign that she'd slipped in her
'strictly business' mode.
"You'll take care of all this?" he echoed, doubtfully, "Sis, what can you do
in a day, exactly?"
She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, "Don't ask me that. Just... Just
trust in your big sister, okay?"
# # #
The next day found Tsukushi sitting in the Eitoku Highschool library during
lunch, looking determined and scary. Her hair had been arranged in a messy
ponytail. In one hand she was armed with a tall number two pencil, and in
the other, an accounting-style calculator. Sitting before her was a stack of
papers with numbers printed on them.
She was so focused on what she was doing she didn't notice she had company
until said company laid a firm hand on her arm.
Tsukushi jumped, startled. Standing before her was none other than the
infamously cute and deceiptful Sanjou Sakurako.
"Senpai, what's wrong with you? I've been trying to get your attention for
the last couple of minutes."
"Sorry Sakurako," she said, not sounding even a fraction of that sorry she
claimed to be, "But I've just got a lot of things I need to take care of."
The redhead didn't take the hint to am-scray and settled herself in the seat
next to Tsukushi's, "What are you doing? Is this for some kind of Math
class?" she asked, looking overwhelmed by the sheer amount of numbers
staring her in the face, "God, you're smart Tsukushi-senpai."
"Uh, not really," Tsukushi replied, not wanting to confide her financial
woes in someone who could not possibly understand. Not only that, but
Sakurako was likely to make fun of her too, "It's just some stuff I have to
take care of."
"I see." Sakurako nodded in acknowledgment, but she still didn't move from
where she was sitting. She just stared into space, disinterestedly, tapping
her fingertips against the mahogany tabletop.
"That's... kind of... distracting," Tsukushi informed her, after a good five
minutes of tapping, "Did you want something from me?" The question was
blunt, but she managed to ask it in a non-rude way (if that's even
possible).
"Oh, I was just waiting until you were finished so we could go have lunch
together!" Sakurako beamed, "Your boyfriend's a little cranky today because
he couldn't find you. He was going on about you promising to make him a
bento."
"Damnit!" Tsukushi swore suddenly. The entire library turned to stare at
her. "Uh, sorry," she whispered back to them, sheepishly. She'd spent the
entire afternoon yesterday arguing with the landlord about the leak in her
apartment. He'd get it fixed, but only when the rain stopped. And even then
it would take awhile. After she finally accepted the fact that the roof
couldn't be repaired presto-change-o, she'd stayed up all night reviewing
the family's budget. Money was tight as it was, and she didn't know if she
could shell out enough bucks for her and Susumu to stay at a hotel. She
briefly considered having them move in with their parents again,
temporarily, but the idea was soon shot down. Mama and Papa lived too far
away from her and Susumu's schools and the cost of transportation would be
doubled if they had to make the long commute every morning, every afternoon,
and for Tsukushi, every night (to return home from her job at the
restaurant). Also, she wouldn't see Doumyouji as often as she would have
liked to.
But no matter how many times she looked over their budget, they didn't have
enough to spare for even the shoddiest hotel room in Tokyo. That is, unless
she was willing to sacrifice buying groceries for a little while.
So Tsukushi had spent the entire night going over finances, and as a result,
woke up later than usual. She barely made it to school on time, and her back
was killing her from sleeping in 'the dry corner'. The bento she'd promised
to prepare for Doumyouji had been forgotten completely.
"I'm such an idiot," Tsukushi mumbled, burying her face in her stack of
papers, "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Sakurako pulled insistantly at Tsukushi's arm, "Okay, so you forgot to make
him a bento. So what? He'll get over it. Just come to lunch with us now so
he knows that you aren't trying to blow him off."
"I'm not trying to blow him off, but I've... I've got things I have to
finish," her voice sounded so sad and pathetic she was sure even Sakurako
would feel sorry for her.
And by the look of defeat on the redhead's face, it seemed like she did,
"Alright, I'll just drop it. What do you want me to tell Doumyouji, though?"
Irritated that he needed to know where she was and what she was doing at all
hours of the day, Tsukushi sourly answered, "Why do you even have to tell
him anything?"
Sakurako looked scandalized, "I would never lie to Doumyouji."
Tsukushi gave her 'the look'.
"Okay, well I would never lie to him now that he knows how much I enjoy
lying. I don't think you have to worry, though. I doubt he even knows
there's a library in this school, muchless where it is."
It seemed to make sense to Tsukushi, so she nodded her head in agreement,
"Okay. I guess you can tell him." She and Sakurako exchanged goodbye's as the
redhead left the building in search of the F4.
Now alone with her thoughts, she returned to the most important matter at
hand. She'd thorougly investigated her own budget, and found it airtight.
She had anticipated something like this happening so the previous afternoon
she'd stopped by her parent's house and bullied her father into giving her a
copy of their expense list. She'd been unable to take a look at the papers
last night, so she dedicated her entire lunch period to going over them in
great detail. The top paper of the stack was filled with scratch notes she'd
made as she calculated the daily, then weekly, then monthly expenses of her
mother and father, then compared it to their combined income. For some
reason the amount of money they spent on food seemed to be a little bit
excessive. Her mother was such a cheapskate, there was no way she'd use such
a large portion of her earnings on groceries... Unless her father had
secretly renewed his pachinko allowance and disguised it by adding it to the
food expenses...
"Tsukushi! Where the hell are you!?"
Her blood ran cold as she heard the unmistakably dominating voice of
Doumyouji Tsukasa booming through the library.
"Thanks a lot Sakurako," she muttered, wishing she could just hide under the
table until he went away. They were going to get into an argument again, she
could just tell. They always did. He never listened to what she had to say
and everything he said was phrased so condescendingly, she ended up getting
pissed off at him. She'd heard somewhere that fighting was healthy, but the
number of fights they got into a day could not be, in any way, healthy. If
she was lucky, it'd be a small scuffle. They'd be over it the next day.
There came the sound of footsteps rushing towards the exit and Tsukushi
knew, without looking, that the library had cleared out completely. No
innocent bystander was dumb enough to stick around when a Doumyouji was
pissed.
A meek glance over her shoulder revealed her boyfriend with his hands
crossed over his wide chest, and a scowl on the lips she'd been kissing only
days ago.
"H-hi Tsuksasa." she ventured, hesitantly, "That's a nice shirt. It really
goes with your comple-"
"Are you avoiding me?" he interrupted, "When I drove you home a couple of
days ago we were fine." His harsh tone was betrayed by the look of rejection
in his eyes.
She felt a little bad for hurting his feelings, but even she had to admit
he was jumping to ridiculous conclusions, "Of course I'm not avoiding you,
idiot. I just have a lot of things I have to deal with. Don't be so
sensitive. I can't spend all my time with you."
"What are you talking about!?" he demanded, her comments doing nothing to
calm him down, "You hardly spend anytime with me! Sure, we were together a
couple of nights ago. That was nice. But before that I hadn't been with you
in a whole week except for at school. Are now you're cutting me off here
too?"
'Don't', she screamed in her head, wanting to actually scream it outloud,
but for some reason holding back, 'Don't yell at me. Don't get angry at me.
You don't understand, Tsukasa. You don't understand.' And she wanted to
explain it to him, she really did. But the truth of the matter was, she
didn't understand the situation herself.
She was hungry and exhausted. She missed seeing her friends and she missed
Tsukusa, even though she saw him the most out of any of them (except Yuuki,
who she worked with nearly everyday). Right now she wanted nothing more then
to fall asleep in Tsukasa's warm and suprisingly gentle arms. But at the
same time, she accepted that that wasn't a reality for now. It was a
pleasure to save for a less hectic week. At the same time, she didn't want
to quit working.
She knew that if she did, she'd hate herself. Who'd pay for the bills, who'd
buy the groceries, who'd do the laundry, who'd make lunches in the morning,
who'd do her homework, who would do all the things she already knew herself
capable of doing? Susumu did his share, and that was fine. He did all that
he was able to do. Tsukushi was the same way, but she was faster, more
efficent, and multi-tasking. She'd already wasted her childhood doing these
things. There was no reason for Susumu to have to follow in her footsteps.
So, sure, she was a little weary. She did spend every moment not working,
sleeping. Sure, it was hard as hell. But she had to do it.
Why?
'Because I have to.'
She couldn't explain that to him. He wouldn't understand. He wasn't really a
hard worker. He was persistent as hell, but only about things that weren't
handed to him on a silver platter. And he was Doumyouji Tsukasa. Few things
weren't.
If a friend were in a similar position, she knew just the type of advice
she'd give. 'Relax. Take care of yourself. Don't over do-it'. She was a
hypocrite. But she honestly couldn't see herself quitting. In her mind, the
situation really wasn't that bad. It was just life.
"Tsukasa, I'm sorry," she said sincerely, taking his hands in her's. He
pulled away at first, but she held them again, tighter this time. She still
felt that there was a lot she had to say to him, but she wanted to leave it
until later. When her schedule permitted it. For now, she just pushed all
her emotions into a little space in the corner of her mind, pasting on a
happy smile so she could see one on Doumyouji too, "I really am sorry. There
are just some annoying things I have to take care of right now. It is a
little bit time consuming, but it's not forever."
"Not forever, huh?" he made a little sound that would have been a snort on
anyone else, but wasn't on him. Doumyouji didn't snort, at least, he would
never let anyone call it that.
"I promise," she said sweetly, standing on her tippy-toes to press a kiss
against his lips.
"Can I ask you something?" he didn't seem angry anymore, but there was a
strange look in his eyes that sent feelings of unease through her.
"What is it?"
"Are we forever?"
For a whole second, she didn't breath.
'Are we... what? How can you ask me that?'
She tried to picture herself married to Doumyouji, being bound to him for the
rest of her life. Sleeping with him in the same bed, eating the same meal at
the same table, going on long, romantic walks... It was plausible. They did a
lot of things married couples did already. But there was another side to it.
Confiding in him her deepest fears, having him take care of something she
couldn't, trusting that he would know the right thing to do when she needed
him to. She honestly couldn't see that.
Are we forever? The question rang in her head.
'I don't know.'
But she couldn't say that to him. He was staring at her-- this boy, who would
give up everything for her sake-- and she felt she couldn't do or say
anything that would break his heart.
"Yeah, Tsukasa." she said, smiling a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
As if to further back her statement, she embraced him tightly to her, but he
didn't return the hug and his expression had become the very dead, blank
expression he always got when she did something to disappoint him.
He knew she was lying.
# # # # # # # # # # #
NOTES: o.O Where am I going with this? I don't know. I think I exaggerated
the financial problems of the Makino family. Or else I didn't. *shrugs* As
you may have noticed, the cast is starting to be a lot less formal with one
another. Doumyouji and Tsukushi are finally using each other's first names.
Sakurako also calls her 'Tsukushi-senpai' and she's dropped the 'san' from
Doumyouji's name. When did all this happen? I don't know. It just did.
Expect a lot more of it. I'm suprised that this story has gotten so
dramatic. It's become about Tsukushi's obsession with being independant. In
which case, I might HAVE to involve Rui because he's the one person our
heroine is 'okay' with depending on. Since the very beginning when he saved
her from those would-be rapists, she's always counted on him to take care of
her. I can't believe that I'd originally planned to make this story really
light hearted and cute. What the @#$% is wrong with me? Oh yeah, no chapter
titles because I'm uncreative. =( And if this part seemed really rushed (the
end especially) it's because I was running out of drive and I knew that if I
didn't finish it now (bad though it is), it never would have been finished
at all.
by Trish
(trishlovesedison@hotmail.com)
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TWO
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"Oh shit." They were the only words that could fully express the shock and
horror she was feeling at the moment. Makino Tsukushi stood in the open
doorway of her apartment, her mouth hanging open as she tried to comprehend
exactly what it was she was seeing.
Scattered about the one-room apartment were various pots and buckets,
stationed underneath still dripping leaks from the ceiling. Huddled in the
corner was her younger brother, Susumu. He'd apparently cocooned himself in
his futon and moved to the only completely dry spot in the entire room.
Her first instinct was to start screaming and to punch a wall. But with
great effort, she refrained. She was NOT as violent as the F4 said she was.
And besides. The apartment was so crappy she'd probably break a hole open.
Instead, she took a deep, shuddering breath.
'Okay, okay. So there are a few leaks. A few dozen leaks. That's alright.
It's not the end of the world. And Susumu had enough sense to put buckets
underneath them. And hey, he even found a big enough towel to wipe up the
mess... Hey, is that my futon!?'
Thoroughly pissed off, Tsukushi weaved her way around the water-filled
containers sitting smack-dab in the center of the room, to her snoozing
brother. Wasting no time, she grabbed him by his shoulders and began to
shake him furiously.
"Hey, wake up!"
"Ergh?" He mumbled, confused. It took only a few more moments (and shakes)
for him to awake fully, "Oh, hey Sis. Welcome home," he greeted, a shade too
nonconchalant for her liking.
"W-What the hell is this!?" she gestured wildly to the mess in their home.
He blinked a few times in suprise, as if he'd completely forgotten about it.
Then, his eyes lit up in recognition and he opened his mouth to reply.
But he never got to. Tsukushi fixed him with an absolutely evil glare,
"Don't answer my rhetorical questions, freak! Why did you use my futon? And
why the hell didn't you call me last night when you noticed there was
something wrong?"
"Are THOSE rhetorical questions?" he muttered sarcastically, then continued,
"For your information, I DID call you last night but you'd turned your
cellphone off. Which, might I add, was a little bit obnoxious of you."
"I turned my cell off?" Tsukushi wondered outloud, taking a momentary
breather from her incredulous anger, "Why'd I turn my cell...?" Memories of
last night, and Doumyouji, and what they'd done returned to her. The blush
that resulted was involuntary.
"Hey, why're you going all red?" Susumu asked, leaning closer to inspect his
sister's face. "Just what did you do last night?"
She gave him a slight shove, "I was taking care of Shigeru. She had a bad
fever. I guess it must have transferred on to me." It seemed like an
adequete lie, and Susumu accepted it without question. "But anyway, that's
not what we should be worrying about right now."
"Oh right," the young boy sobered considerably, "Looking at all these pots
filled with rain water... It's kind of depressing. This place is small
enough as it is. How're we supposed to live like this?"
"I don't think it's possible," Tsukushi said, "Sure, you had a pretty dry
night over here in your little corner, but it must've been rough on your
back to have been propped up against the wall for so long."
He ran his fingers over his spine, gently, "Yeah, now that you mention it,
it does sort of ache..." Suddenly, a look of epiphany crossed over his face,
"Hey, why don't we stay in Doumyouji-san's place?" he asked, cheerfully.
Tsukushi's face had gone from embarrased red to pure white with horror,
"E-excuse me? You have to be joking! Just because we happen to be dating
doesn't mean that-"
"No, stupid," Susumu rolled his eyes, "Not the mansion. It's his parents'
house isn't it? It's not like he can have guests over whenever her wants."
'Oh, if only you knew,' she thought, somewhat amused.
"I meant next door."
Next door. Right. The apartment he'd rented to ensure her safety after the
attempted burglary. She hadn't been too pleased with the arrangement at
first, but soon she saw it for what it really was. Another clumsy, Doumyouji
expression of love.
"I don't think so, Susumu. It's been awhile since he's actually been in it.
I think he stopped paying rent a couple of months ago... And if there's
leaks here, I'm pretty sure there'll be leaks there too."
"Oh," Susumu responded, sagging a little in disappointment,
Tsukushi couldn't stand to see him like that. Even if he was an annoying
brat, he was still her brother. Because of the sad state of poverty they
lived in, he didn't get to do half the things his friends did. Being an
Eitoku student, she knew all too well how it felt to be left out. He was
just a kid too. He shouldn't have to worry about where he was going to sleep
at night, or if they'd have enough money after paying the bills to buy him
new clothes for school. When she was his age she'd been working and studying
almost obessively for highschool entrace exams. She'd lost a part of her
childhood she couldn't ever get back. She swore to herself she'd never let
that happen to him too.
"Susumu, stay at a friend's house tonight. I'll take care all of this," her
voice had become very determined, a sure sign that she'd slipped in her
'strictly business' mode.
"You'll take care of all this?" he echoed, doubtfully, "Sis, what can you do
in a day, exactly?"
She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, "Don't ask me that. Just... Just
trust in your big sister, okay?"
# # #
The next day found Tsukushi sitting in the Eitoku Highschool library during
lunch, looking determined and scary. Her hair had been arranged in a messy
ponytail. In one hand she was armed with a tall number two pencil, and in
the other, an accounting-style calculator. Sitting before her was a stack of
papers with numbers printed on them.
She was so focused on what she was doing she didn't notice she had company
until said company laid a firm hand on her arm.
Tsukushi jumped, startled. Standing before her was none other than the
infamously cute and deceiptful Sanjou Sakurako.
"Senpai, what's wrong with you? I've been trying to get your attention for
the last couple of minutes."
"Sorry Sakurako," she said, not sounding even a fraction of that sorry she
claimed to be, "But I've just got a lot of things I need to take care of."
The redhead didn't take the hint to am-scray and settled herself in the seat
next to Tsukushi's, "What are you doing? Is this for some kind of Math
class?" she asked, looking overwhelmed by the sheer amount of numbers
staring her in the face, "God, you're smart Tsukushi-senpai."
"Uh, not really," Tsukushi replied, not wanting to confide her financial
woes in someone who could not possibly understand. Not only that, but
Sakurako was likely to make fun of her too, "It's just some stuff I have to
take care of."
"I see." Sakurako nodded in acknowledgment, but she still didn't move from
where she was sitting. She just stared into space, disinterestedly, tapping
her fingertips against the mahogany tabletop.
"That's... kind of... distracting," Tsukushi informed her, after a good five
minutes of tapping, "Did you want something from me?" The question was
blunt, but she managed to ask it in a non-rude way (if that's even
possible).
"Oh, I was just waiting until you were finished so we could go have lunch
together!" Sakurako beamed, "Your boyfriend's a little cranky today because
he couldn't find you. He was going on about you promising to make him a
bento."
"Damnit!" Tsukushi swore suddenly. The entire library turned to stare at
her. "Uh, sorry," she whispered back to them, sheepishly. She'd spent the
entire afternoon yesterday arguing with the landlord about the leak in her
apartment. He'd get it fixed, but only when the rain stopped. And even then
it would take awhile. After she finally accepted the fact that the roof
couldn't be repaired presto-change-o, she'd stayed up all night reviewing
the family's budget. Money was tight as it was, and she didn't know if she
could shell out enough bucks for her and Susumu to stay at a hotel. She
briefly considered having them move in with their parents again,
temporarily, but the idea was soon shot down. Mama and Papa lived too far
away from her and Susumu's schools and the cost of transportation would be
doubled if they had to make the long commute every morning, every afternoon,
and for Tsukushi, every night (to return home from her job at the
restaurant). Also, she wouldn't see Doumyouji as often as she would have
liked to.
But no matter how many times she looked over their budget, they didn't have
enough to spare for even the shoddiest hotel room in Tokyo. That is, unless
she was willing to sacrifice buying groceries for a little while.
So Tsukushi had spent the entire night going over finances, and as a result,
woke up later than usual. She barely made it to school on time, and her back
was killing her from sleeping in 'the dry corner'. The bento she'd promised
to prepare for Doumyouji had been forgotten completely.
"I'm such an idiot," Tsukushi mumbled, burying her face in her stack of
papers, "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Sakurako pulled insistantly at Tsukushi's arm, "Okay, so you forgot to make
him a bento. So what? He'll get over it. Just come to lunch with us now so
he knows that you aren't trying to blow him off."
"I'm not trying to blow him off, but I've... I've got things I have to
finish," her voice sounded so sad and pathetic she was sure even Sakurako
would feel sorry for her.
And by the look of defeat on the redhead's face, it seemed like she did,
"Alright, I'll just drop it. What do you want me to tell Doumyouji, though?"
Irritated that he needed to know where she was and what she was doing at all
hours of the day, Tsukushi sourly answered, "Why do you even have to tell
him anything?"
Sakurako looked scandalized, "I would never lie to Doumyouji."
Tsukushi gave her 'the look'.
"Okay, well I would never lie to him now that he knows how much I enjoy
lying. I don't think you have to worry, though. I doubt he even knows
there's a library in this school, muchless where it is."
It seemed to make sense to Tsukushi, so she nodded her head in agreement,
"Okay. I guess you can tell him." She and Sakurako exchanged goodbye's as the
redhead left the building in search of the F4.
Now alone with her thoughts, she returned to the most important matter at
hand. She'd thorougly investigated her own budget, and found it airtight.
She had anticipated something like this happening so the previous afternoon
she'd stopped by her parent's house and bullied her father into giving her a
copy of their expense list. She'd been unable to take a look at the papers
last night, so she dedicated her entire lunch period to going over them in
great detail. The top paper of the stack was filled with scratch notes she'd
made as she calculated the daily, then weekly, then monthly expenses of her
mother and father, then compared it to their combined income. For some
reason the amount of money they spent on food seemed to be a little bit
excessive. Her mother was such a cheapskate, there was no way she'd use such
a large portion of her earnings on groceries... Unless her father had
secretly renewed his pachinko allowance and disguised it by adding it to the
food expenses...
"Tsukushi! Where the hell are you!?"
Her blood ran cold as she heard the unmistakably dominating voice of
Doumyouji Tsukasa booming through the library.
"Thanks a lot Sakurako," she muttered, wishing she could just hide under the
table until he went away. They were going to get into an argument again, she
could just tell. They always did. He never listened to what she had to say
and everything he said was phrased so condescendingly, she ended up getting
pissed off at him. She'd heard somewhere that fighting was healthy, but the
number of fights they got into a day could not be, in any way, healthy. If
she was lucky, it'd be a small scuffle. They'd be over it the next day.
There came the sound of footsteps rushing towards the exit and Tsukushi
knew, without looking, that the library had cleared out completely. No
innocent bystander was dumb enough to stick around when a Doumyouji was
pissed.
A meek glance over her shoulder revealed her boyfriend with his hands
crossed over his wide chest, and a scowl on the lips she'd been kissing only
days ago.
"H-hi Tsuksasa." she ventured, hesitantly, "That's a nice shirt. It really
goes with your comple-"
"Are you avoiding me?" he interrupted, "When I drove you home a couple of
days ago we were fine." His harsh tone was betrayed by the look of rejection
in his eyes.
She felt a little bad for hurting his feelings, but even she had to admit
he was jumping to ridiculous conclusions, "Of course I'm not avoiding you,
idiot. I just have a lot of things I have to deal with. Don't be so
sensitive. I can't spend all my time with you."
"What are you talking about!?" he demanded, her comments doing nothing to
calm him down, "You hardly spend anytime with me! Sure, we were together a
couple of nights ago. That was nice. But before that I hadn't been with you
in a whole week except for at school. Are now you're cutting me off here
too?"
'Don't', she screamed in her head, wanting to actually scream it outloud,
but for some reason holding back, 'Don't yell at me. Don't get angry at me.
You don't understand, Tsukasa. You don't understand.' And she wanted to
explain it to him, she really did. But the truth of the matter was, she
didn't understand the situation herself.
She was hungry and exhausted. She missed seeing her friends and she missed
Tsukusa, even though she saw him the most out of any of them (except Yuuki,
who she worked with nearly everyday). Right now she wanted nothing more then
to fall asleep in Tsukasa's warm and suprisingly gentle arms. But at the
same time, she accepted that that wasn't a reality for now. It was a
pleasure to save for a less hectic week. At the same time, she didn't want
to quit working.
She knew that if she did, she'd hate herself. Who'd pay for the bills, who'd
buy the groceries, who'd do the laundry, who'd make lunches in the morning,
who'd do her homework, who would do all the things she already knew herself
capable of doing? Susumu did his share, and that was fine. He did all that
he was able to do. Tsukushi was the same way, but she was faster, more
efficent, and multi-tasking. She'd already wasted her childhood doing these
things. There was no reason for Susumu to have to follow in her footsteps.
So, sure, she was a little weary. She did spend every moment not working,
sleeping. Sure, it was hard as hell. But she had to do it.
Why?
'Because I have to.'
She couldn't explain that to him. He wouldn't understand. He wasn't really a
hard worker. He was persistent as hell, but only about things that weren't
handed to him on a silver platter. And he was Doumyouji Tsukasa. Few things
weren't.
If a friend were in a similar position, she knew just the type of advice
she'd give. 'Relax. Take care of yourself. Don't over do-it'. She was a
hypocrite. But she honestly couldn't see herself quitting. In her mind, the
situation really wasn't that bad. It was just life.
"Tsukasa, I'm sorry," she said sincerely, taking his hands in her's. He
pulled away at first, but she held them again, tighter this time. She still
felt that there was a lot she had to say to him, but she wanted to leave it
until later. When her schedule permitted it. For now, she just pushed all
her emotions into a little space in the corner of her mind, pasting on a
happy smile so she could see one on Doumyouji too, "I really am sorry. There
are just some annoying things I have to take care of right now. It is a
little bit time consuming, but it's not forever."
"Not forever, huh?" he made a little sound that would have been a snort on
anyone else, but wasn't on him. Doumyouji didn't snort, at least, he would
never let anyone call it that.
"I promise," she said sweetly, standing on her tippy-toes to press a kiss
against his lips.
"Can I ask you something?" he didn't seem angry anymore, but there was a
strange look in his eyes that sent feelings of unease through her.
"What is it?"
"Are we forever?"
For a whole second, she didn't breath.
'Are we... what? How can you ask me that?'
She tried to picture herself married to Doumyouji, being bound to him for the
rest of her life. Sleeping with him in the same bed, eating the same meal at
the same table, going on long, romantic walks... It was plausible. They did a
lot of things married couples did already. But there was another side to it.
Confiding in him her deepest fears, having him take care of something she
couldn't, trusting that he would know the right thing to do when she needed
him to. She honestly couldn't see that.
Are we forever? The question rang in her head.
'I don't know.'
But she couldn't say that to him. He was staring at her-- this boy, who would
give up everything for her sake-- and she felt she couldn't do or say
anything that would break his heart.
"Yeah, Tsukasa." she said, smiling a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
As if to further back her statement, she embraced him tightly to her, but he
didn't return the hug and his expression had become the very dead, blank
expression he always got when she did something to disappoint him.
He knew she was lying.
# # # # # # # # # # #
NOTES: o.O Where am I going with this? I don't know. I think I exaggerated
the financial problems of the Makino family. Or else I didn't. *shrugs* As
you may have noticed, the cast is starting to be a lot less formal with one
another. Doumyouji and Tsukushi are finally using each other's first names.
Sakurako also calls her 'Tsukushi-senpai' and she's dropped the 'san' from
Doumyouji's name. When did all this happen? I don't know. It just did.
Expect a lot more of it. I'm suprised that this story has gotten so
dramatic. It's become about Tsukushi's obsession with being independant. In
which case, I might HAVE to involve Rui because he's the one person our
heroine is 'okay' with depending on. Since the very beginning when he saved
her from those would-be rapists, she's always counted on him to take care of
her. I can't believe that I'd originally planned to make this story really
light hearted and cute. What the @#$% is wrong with me? Oh yeah, no chapter
titles because I'm uncreative. =( And if this part seemed really rushed (the
end especially) it's because I was running out of drive and I knew that if I
didn't finish it now (bad though it is), it never would have been finished
at all.
