Part 2 of Allie Reasoning that Marysues are Metaphysically impossible.

Yes I know there's a lot more evidence to yet be covered but for now..

An Interview with a Marysue

I look at the Marysue and start making mental notes. Her hair is neat and shining. Her backpack rests on her lap and she looks back at me in a nice sort of way.

"Hi, I'm Allie." I say and shake her hand.

"Eldariel." She replies, with a toss of her golden head.

Why do they always have posh names? Why? Why? Okay my full name is posh (blushes) but no way do I introduce myself like that. It's not like it's my fault anyway.

"Are you aware that you are a Marysue?" I ask the girl, who doesn't look very pleased.

"Of course I'm not a Marysue." Marysues generally deny being Marysues. Okay next question..

"Sorry. So have you come from the real world or are you an inside Marysue?" She looks a bit more annoyed, but being in control of her feelings she appears to stop it.

"I am not a marysue! But yes, I come from the outside world."

"So did you fall through a book?" I ask

"Yes." She replies, managing to be dignified and perfect.

"Did you land on your nose?" She puts a hand up to touch her perfect nose.

"Of course not!" And she gives me a 'have-you-forgotten-to-take-your-pills-this-morning?-look.

"Did it hurt when you landed in Middle-Earth?"

"No, not really. I used to do gymnastics in school so I remembered to bend my knees as I landed, then all I had to do was a 360 flip to the side and I landed on my feet. My coach for the Olympics always called me "The Cat"."

"Do perfect people ever really annoy you? Don't you just want to kill them?" Is what I wanted to ask, but didn't.

"Where did you land?" I asked instead.

"Mirkwood forest." Yay! My research is vaguely correct!

"Did you need to go to the loo while you were alone in the wilderness?"

She gave me a strange look. I decided to change the subject.

"How long before you met anyone in Mirkwood forest?"

She smiled. "Well I would say about 1 minute and 37 seconds."

"Who did you meet?"

"Why, Aragorn. He immediately sworn his love for me and dumped Arwen." She showed me a sparkling engagement ring.

I was annoyed to say the least. For a start I knew both Arwen and Aragorn and I immediately disliked this Mary-sue.

I tapped my fingers.

She continued in her clear voice. "But then I realised that I alone had the power to save Middle-Earth from certain destruction, so I travelled single-handedly to Mordor, destroyed Sauron, broke the hearts of 37 travellers on the way back and when I've recovered the Eldariel Stone which lies deep in the Misty Moutains I plan on having a nice spring wedding."

"Uhhuh." I said and scribled "SOMEONE KILL ME NOW" on my note-pad. Then I smiled and said "Please Continue." So she did.

"Well I don't know what else to say about myself except, back on earth (Here she sobs a pearly tear) I had a music contract because my singing was so beautiful, I've been a model since I was 3 months old, I got the highest marks in my year at school and just before I went into Middle-Earth I was juggling my time between Studying as a Law-student at Harvard and becoming a Neuro-surgeon. Oh! And then there was the Beauty Pageants… Do you know I won Miss World 4 times in a row, starting from when I was thirteen?"

"I do now." I said with a pained smile.

"And of course, not forgetting the time I saved the future president from a burning building… And I have several Clairvoyant talents, as well as telepathy, elven magic and telekineis. As if to prove this she floated the chair I was sitting on four foot in the air.

I like Eldariel, Eldariel is cool, I must ask her where she buys her perfume. I desparately thought as she used her telepathy skills.

She nodded and lowered me to the floor. "It's Gucci." She said, "I get all my clothes there. It's so hard to find good service…"

I looked down at my clothes (Baggy Jeans and a Sum 41 Hoodie.) and gave up being nice and glared at her.

She just smiled back, but luckily the Author was in a good mood and decided to Zap her away.

I smiled. I could smell burnt hair.

You think my work proving Mary-Sues can't exist is over? No it's just beginning….