Disclaimer: Saiyuki not mine. Only using it for laughs today.

KAZUYA'S PRESENTS

Sanzo: Turn to the left. Now quick, a sharp dash to the right. Up that tree. If there's one thing I know, it's how to a avoid a damn fangirl. Now I'll jump and make a break for the EEEEEEK!
Fangirls below tree: A break for the eeek? Wassat?
Sanzo: AAAGH! *scuttles up tree* H-H-HOW did you get here so quick?
M2000: *produces quick, scratchy diagram* Distance run, 1.5 km. Displacement, Only 500 m from original spot.
Sanzo: Just what I need, a Physics student.
M2000: Sorry. *switches to Japanese* (But I think you'd better act, Sanzo! They wanna tear those robes offa you!)
Sanzo: (Whyever the hell do they want this tablecloth?)
M2000: (Fangirl mania. Like say, I'd want Hakkai's bandanna or monocle. Or even a strand of hair from Hakuryuu.)
Sanzo: (Riiiiiiiight.)
M2000: (Take off those robes, jump, and I'll get you to Kazuya's house.)
Sanzo: (%#^@!+~'!!! Are you in on those idiots' plan too?)
M2000: (Do you want to be glomped, Sanzo? By several thousand fangirls?)
Sanzo: (Grrrrrr! NO! I'll stay up in this tree until you all go away!)
M2000: (They're not going, Sanzo.)
Fangirls: 'Sanzo-sama, come down! We don't mean any harm!' 'You know, I think we have to climb that tree.' 'How?' 'Mou, I wanna glomp him!'
M2000: (See?) Eesh. What a tangled web. All right...SHOOWATCH!
Fangirls: Shoowatch?
M2000: You forget. I'm an Ultraman fan and so I possess some abilities of big red-and-silver. Hello Sanzo.
Sanzo: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY TREE? AAAH! Don't touch my robe!
M2000: Shoving it in your 'spandex space', damnit! And now I'm going to kick you down. Bye bye. *boot*
Sanzo: I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS BAKA ONNAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*BOING*
Sanzo: *dimly thinking* Huh? 'Boing'?
Fangirls: NOOOOOOO! COME BACK, SWEET BISHOUNEN!
Sanzo: SWEET, MY *blip blip blippity blip blop*!!! M2000!
M2000: Congratulations! You are the world's first flying Sanzo, courtesy of the Plot Device (TM). In this case, a super springy trampoline! And now for the fangirls.
Fangirls: *snarling madly* We want our SANZO!
M2000: Come closer and I start reading STRAIGHT HAKKAI FLUFF.
Fangirls:*silence* Straight? Fluff? Not even Sanzo's? *all except one or two scuttle, moaning and retching*
M2000: And as for you two...*whips out pocket recorder and starts playing a tape of Hakkai's theme*
2 (? x )Hakkai(x ?) Fangirls: EEEEEEEEE!!! The song! The song! *thud* *plop*
M2000: Not a bad days work, considering I only get chocolate cake for it.