My home.
This Imladris of which I have poured so much of my heart and very soul into! The design of the rooms and the views from them, the materials used to construct the House, the gardens, the farms.
It was a lengthy effort, filled with many starts and stops as changes were made and difficulties overcome.
But what I achieved when it was finished!
A place to raise my family far from the troubles and turmoil of the outside world, a haven where peace and solitude were bounded by love and nurturing and the carefree play of my family. Safe and whole.
Until Celebrian...but I will not touch on that now...
My home.
The first ever that I could call completely my own. A refuge for my people and other souls needing help and healing.
Help and healing and refuge: things that were frequently in short supply in my and my brother's lives.
Oh Elros! I wish you could have seen Imladris! I wish its Homely House could have comforted you in your last years.
I wish, I wish......
Ai! My life cannot be full of frail insubstantial wishes that burst like soap bubbles.
My home.
Do I leave Imladris to the care of my sons, which would be the natural order of things?
My errant sons, my first born, traveling the landscape, ever haunted by the horrors they saw when rescuing their mother. Goaded on by nightmares for which I can give them no surcease.
Their spirits ever restless, they do not stay in Rivendell any longer than necessary these days. They arrive windblown and frequently bloody and dirty (though the blood is very rarely theirs). Perhaps snatch some sleep, re- supply and re-arm themselves and slip out before the sun rises tearing along paths and trails that only they and the Rangers know of on their relentless crusade to divest the world of orcs.
I do not think they want this place of stone and water, a place that once rang with their happy laughter and their quarrels and play. A place that I strove so very hard to make a refuge for all that I love, a place to keep the world at bay as much as I might.
Now it only reminds them continually of what they have lost, especially after I and their sister are gone.
And their sister's fate: does that also provide a whip to their restless spirits? Do they approve in the deep places of their hearts of her choice? They have only ever been supportive of Estel. Because undoubtedly of their great bond of love and camaraderie they have for this last of the Dunadan.
I have spoken little of Undomiel's choice to stay with Estel, come what may. Surely they are a pained as I am.
But I do not know, as they have gone.
At least this time, they have gone to shadow the Fellowship as far South as they might to give me news of their progress. I could not just let them all go off into the dark. Though they have Mithrandir with them and that is a great comfort to me......unspoken words between us must be kept to a minimum as any one could be listening. It disturbs us both that neither of us knows the extent of the Dark Ones abilities at this point.
These are Dark times indeed.
And they are not unexpected.
I cannot say honestly that I am sad to see their arrival as unusual as that sounds! They force things to a head, and we must gird ourselves for the struggle to come, a struggle all of the Eldar and Istari hoped would never develop.
But having escape us before, and though the Ring was lost, we knew it was not unmade and therefore it was inevitable his evil would return.
Our wishes were foolish hopes, and Sauron has returned. And it has revitalized me somehow to actively confront this darkness. I felt invigorated, shaken out of complacent slumber when I was first brought news that the One Ring had been found----in the Shire!
A thrill of darkness went through me as I realized instantly that a War would soon be upon us and this War would be the last for ill or good that I would partake of in this world.
It was a marker for which I had not hoped.
Here then begins the end of the Third Age.
And the leader of the Fourth Age shall yet be a member of my House, my foster son upon whom so much hope rests---almost as much as the Ringbearer.
Hope—my little Estel----brought here to Imladris as a toddler, he and his mother disheveled and worn with tragedy that Arathorn---husband and father---had been brought down by orcs. Brought down by those foul creatures! The same ones that brought down and destroyed the happiness of my Celebrian. Those dark and twisted souls---vile and loathsome---but still, it pains me to know their origins are Elvish.
Chance brought Estel and Gilraen to me and now chance, ever formidable, has set my youngest on the path to darkness and a confrontation with ageless horror in hopes that he will win through and be King where there has been none for many, many a year.
I wander through the House today aimlessly. And this is so unusual for me that I remark on it here.
I am always busy.
This House holds, at last count, 125 elven souls and there are another 47 in outlying farms and residences. And though the number is lessening daily as many make preparations to leave for the West, still there are plenty to see to.
It is my job to make sure all are fed and cared for. That their needs are seen to. That they have enough supplies to indulge in their endeavors, no matter what they are. Be they music or archery, wood-carving, silver-work, weaving.
I and my counselors must make sure there is plenty on hand for all these tasks.
I am sure many think that being Lord of this House is a job of sober thought and detailed accounting. Of lengthy discussion regarding the fate of all Middle Earth.
That I spend much of my time in study, contemplating deep thoughts and interpreting dreams of foresight, the consequences of actions.....
It is and can be, indeed.
But there is much to do that is entertaining and uplifting, not least of which is singing and calligraphy and illumination. Enjoyments close to my heart.
And healing.
Healing has ever been a skill that has constantly stretched my mind and abilities and I quite enjoy the conundrum of an unusual illness or the difficult mending of some trauma. As I saw recently with the young hobbit.
I do not get an opportunity to indulge in this often, as the injures that befall the members of my household are few and far between. Admittedly I used my skills a bit more when there were children here in Imladris.
But there were never many. The most we had at one point of similar ages was eight, and two of them were Elladan and Elrohir.
Housing the Dundan from time to time, I was called on to utilize healing a little more frequently as our human brethren are more prone to accident and illness than the Eldar.
It is one of the things I have been grateful for in my dealings with humans. They have ever given me a chance to use my skills! They are frail and curious and so intense which frequently leads then into trouble!
They are so rarely ones for deep thought, but ever action. They are intelligent and clever and can be impetuous and carefree. And it is that, the very whimsy of their thoughts and actions that make me so fond of them.
I place my hope in them now that they will indeed stand forth and take charge in the Age to come.
Then there are the hobbits of the Shire in the person of Bilbo Baggins and the aforementioned young Frodo. The Periannath are a delight! Small, sturdy, a great store of common sense and a wonderful ability to laugh and to enjoy life to the fullest. They are quite elven in spirit!
They are merry souls and a wonderful blessing here in Middle Earth.
I will miss them....and the humans.
But I have not left yet and there is still much to do.
I await word from my sons and hope that Mithrandir may be able to communicate with me safely at some point.
