Hello again. Discovering the lyrics to 'The Ugly Duckling' at  h t t p: / / angelfire. com / film / dannykaye / UglyDuckling. htm (remove spaces) prompted me to write another one of these. I can't find the tune and I haven't heard it in years so apologies if it doesn't quite scan.

Danny Kaye sang 'The Ugly Duckling'. I'm not sure who wrote it. It's quite a cute song. If you can find the music, or if you know it, sing it to the kids, it's sweet. There's a clip (the first verse) under 'Hans Christian Anderson' here – h t t p: / / reelclassics. com / Gallery / music3. htm (remove spaces)

The Cruel Death Eater (Or Snape the Ugly Duckling)

There once was a Hogwarts student
Who liked to show all he knew
But this annoys less talented boys
Who said: "We don't like you
O Snape, we don't
O Snape, we don't
No Snape, we don't like you."
And they tricked him to the willow with a great werewolf
And proved that it was true.

He became a cruel Death Eater
Who did almost every curse
And all his victims said before they dropped dead
"You, Snape, you are the worst!
O Snape, you are
O Snape, you are
Yes Snape, you are the worst!"
Yet no other Death Eaters did decide to betray
But Snape became the first

Going back to Hogwarts: he went there straight away
Ashamed to show his face, afraid of what others might say
To his headmaster, the great Albus Dumbledore
Who looked so very sad, but then soon he agreed
"You'll be such a fine spy indeed"
"A spy? Me, a spy? Oh, but why?"
And he said, "Yes, you're a spy.
Why don't you try to trick Voldemort and you'll see"
And he tried, and he saw, and he said,
"I am a spy! Wheeeeeeee!"

"I'm now not a cruel Death Eater
Can you believe that it's true?
For in fact all the while, my fangirls would smile
And say, 'We all love you.
O Snape, we do
O Snape, we do.'
Not a poison, not a curse, no one says I'm the worst
And I'm doing fine (till one more guilty outburst)
And I'm one sneaky spy!
Say who's an cruel Death Eater?
Not I!"

(Voldemort arrives and glares at him)

"Er… Hail the Dark Lord."

Did you like that? I hope you did. I thought this next one up in the shower this morning, to the tune of 'Frere Jacques', 'Brother John' or 'I hear thunder.' Or what ever that song was called.

The Life and Times of a Servant of the Dark Lord (Or 'One Death Eater')

One Death Eater
One Death Eater
Crucio
Crucio
Avada Kedavra
Avada Kedavra
Azkaban
Azkaban

I hope that won't be in your head all day because it'll certainly be in mine.

Thanks to my reviewers.

Blackrose - *smile* I wrote a filk to the tune of 'Sergeant Pepper' the other week about the discovery of the structure of DNA... Then I went and helped out on a DNA workshop and had it in my head all afternoon :)

AgiVega - I'm glad you like them. I just liked the idea of writing all the songs I used to sing as a kid with lyrics about Death Eaters. Plus they're so amusing :)

Please review folks.