AN: Yeah, yeah. You know who the figure is... sheesh. I suck at writing suspense, I must say. I'm better at fluff, and best at angst, but anything even remotely creepy? *haughty sniff*

Disclaimer: *insert legal gabble here*

Dedications at the end of this chapter.

Chapter Five: Simple Retorts

Conversation

Is the key

To a healthy

Personality

- some random poem which I found sufficiently ironic enough for this chapter

Hermione stared at him. "It's you." she said flatly. He stared back, without emotion. "Yes. It's me. Now hand me that wand so I can remove this silly Voice-Altering Charm."

She tossed him the wand, and he caught it. "Careful with this." he reprimanded her. "After what happened to yours, and you go around flinging other people's wands all over the place." Hermione sniffed haughtily. "It's yours anyway. And you could probably afford having it repaired."

"Finite Incantatem!" and his voice returned to normal.

The young man looked at her, and put his hand in the pocket of his robe.

"Speaking of repaired."

And Draco handed Hermione her wand.

~*~

"Oh!"

Hermione stared down at her wand, lying innocently in her palm, as whole as ever. "But how...?!" Draco shrugged. "I had it repaired." Hermione fingered the shiny, smooth wood lovingly. "But that must have cost you so much! Repairing a wand is so expensive... Buying another wand is usually..." she trailed off, lost for words.

"It wasn't cheap." Draco replied modestly, avoiding Hermione's gaze.

"Thank you... but wait a minute." Hermione pocketed her wand and trained a fierce gaze on Draco. "Where did you have this repaired?" Draco blinked. "Oh, I repaired it myself." he answered dryly, but Hermione stared him down.

"Okay, I had it done in Diagon Alley." he said, holding up his hands lazily. Hermione drew closer and jabbed a finger into his chest. "I happen to know, Draco Malfoy, that there are no wand-repairing shops along the entire Diagon Alley. Now you tell me where you had my wand repaired right now, or I'll slip Veritaserum in your morning coffee and find out then."

Draco smirked. "Gee, Hermione. You have got me in a tight corner, haven't you? I had it done in Knockturn Alley, are you happy now? Or does your inquisitive bookworm mind desire a longer, more detailed speech on how I sneaked out of bed in the middle of the night and flew to an Apparating spot on a rickety broonstick twenty miles away from here, and Apparated halfway across this bloody earth to get one wand fixed, and the ingredients for tomorrow's dinner, and then Apparated back and flew back in time for breakfast?!"

However, this description of his nightly excursion didn't seem to faze Hermione. Instead, she smirked as well, looking slightly like Draco himself. "Ah, who's ranting now?" Draco's smirk flickered into a smile, then back into a smirk. "Malfoys never rant. We simply... declaim."

Hermione snorted. "Well, Grangers never stand around in the middle of a bloody cold piece of grass at two in the morning talking to someone who's in imminent danger."

Draco raised a slender finger. "Good point."

Hermione turned to leave, beckoning him to follow her, the she stopped, and then turned back to Draco, her face in a thoughtful half-frown-half-smile.

"That was dangerous, you know. Wandering off into Knockturn Alley at ungodly hours of the night... who knows what trouble you could have gotten into? That was so very dangerous, Draco, and so very stupid..."

"Well thank you." Draco retorted huffily.

"And quite sweet of you." Hermione finished, still watching him. "Dangerous, stupid and sweet. So very out-of-character for you, Draco." she seemed to be poking him in the ribs with a verbal finger. "No more behind-my-back doings, okay?"

Draco grinned, then looked solemn. "Oh, I do a lot of things behind your back that are done behind your back with good cause. For instance, whenever I-" Hermione held up a hand. "No sordid details, Draco!" she grimaced. Draco looked innocent. "Why? I was just going to tell you that I poison your coffee a little bit every morning. And I do it behind your back." The evil grin returned to his face. "Why, what did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to serenade you with a musical based around my bathroom activities every morning?"

Hermione sighed disgustedly and raised her wand. "One more sentence, Draco, and I'm going to cast a good Stapling Charm on your pretty mouth."

Draco looked flattered. "Well, then-"

"Silencio!"

Draco's lips continued to move, but nothing came out. He frowned. Hermione smirked once more. He reached for his wand, but found nothing there. Hermione watched him search for it, then calmly held up another wand, this one thicker and made of a dark wood. "Looking for this?" He looked up, then mutely dropped his hands to his sides in defeat.

"Let's go." But when Hermione turned her back on him, he suddenly grabbed her hand.

"What? No, I am not taking that spell off you. Hm? Wait... where are you going?! Don't... you could get hurt... ohh..."

Hermione watched Draco walk around the corner of the cottage, frowning at the lazy smirk on his silenced lips. He beckoned to her before he went out of sight, and out of duty more than anything else, Hermione fought back a yawn and followed her charge around the cottage.

~*~

"Where are we going?"

A grin, and he kept walking.

"Your spot of the lawn?"

A nod.

"What's in there?"

A shrug.

"I almost regret Silencing you."

A vigorous nod.

"Or maybe not."

A silent sigh.

"You really had to use these expensive sheets?"

Another shrug.

They stopped outside the draped corner of the lawn, Hermione stomping her feet to keep warm. Her Warming Charm had long since worn off. Draco, however, seemed undaunted by the cold, though his breath made soft white clouds in the air.

He gestured for her to remove the Silencing Charm. Hermione mocked him by mutely shaking her head. He frowned, then bent down. Hermione watched as he began to trace words in the dry soil with his finger.

"No birthday present."

Hermione looked at him questioningly, and he smiled a twisted little smile.

"Finite Incantatem!"

Draco made a moue. "Ah, now that that's over... first off, 'Well, then' is a phrase, not a sentence. You should have let me finish it before casting that Silencing Charm on me." He held up a hand at Hermione's unfinished protest.

"Secondly, that was not a Stapling Charm." He grinned. "And thirdly, I know I have a pretty mouth."

Hermione huffed. "Okay, finish your sentence now. I'm freezing." Draco glanced at her. "Oh, so that explains your blue lips. I thought it was some kind of ugly new fashion. You girls can be so prissy sometimes." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Finish your sentence, or I'll be the one to poison your coffee every morning." Not the best threat ever made, Hermione... a little voice nagged at the back of her head.

Draco cocked an eyebrow at her. "Well, then you won't get your birthday present." he said slowly. "Oh, yes, yes. I know... not the best threat I ever made, but it's a threat nonetheless..." he said quickly, waving his hand in the frosty air, surprising Hermione with his choice of words. "And it was a threat sufficient enough to make you remove the Silencing Charm."

Hermione rubbed her palms together, then blew on them. "Did you even get me a birthday present in the first place?" she asked snippily, then realized how incredibly snarky that comment sounded, when Draco had obviously risked his life, and spent a lot of Galleons on her repaired wand.

Draco watched her amusedly. "I always get presents for the women in my life. I make it a point to be generous, whether mother, girlfriend or slave..." Hermione sputtered at the last comment, but Draco held up his hand once more, then waved his wand at the sheets draped in front of them. They immediately swooped away and folded themselves into neat stacks on the frosty ground.

And standing in one corner of the Hellhole's lawn was a neat little tent, about the size of the one they had camped in during the Quidditch World Cup.

Draco knelt down and swept aside the flap, extending a lazily elegant hand to Hermione.

"Well? What are you standing around in the cold for? Come on in."

---

Dedicated to: