Disclaimer: I don't own Abby, Carter or any of the ER 'gang'

Month 2

Feb 11th 2003

Maggie just called, I didn't know whether to tell her or not so I didn't. She said she's been taking her meds which is a relief. Her call has brought my major worry about this pregnancy to the front of my mind - what if my baby is bi-polar. Before the thought was just a niggle in the back of my mind but now I cant think of anything else. I want to tell John but I cant find the words. I know if I told him he'd support me and try to take it away but I don't think he'd understand how I feel. I have to tell him soon - I just need the right time.

Feb 13th 2003

I married the kindest, most unselfish man. Just in case you hadn't guessed I told him. Well, I didn't exactly tell him - he guessed. He said I'd been acting distracted lately and that I was tense. He said he'd come with me to the practitioners and we could ask him about the chance of our child being bi-polar. It was then that I told him about the last time but I'm not alone this time. Last time I kept it all inside, I didn't love Richard, I couldn't talk to him like I can talk to John. This baby means the world to John and unlike Richard, John loves me, we love each other, we don't just bumble along pretending. I love John more than he could ever know.

Feb 14th 2003

Valentines Day. Like I said before I have the most amazing husband. He brought me breakfast in bed which was really sweet. Unfortunately we had to work but he sent me flowers to the ER. When we finally got off he took me out to to see a movie. Then he took me to a 50's diner. We shared a large fries - it was strangely romantic. We spent the evening talking about every subject under the sun. It really was a great day.

Feb 16th 2003

I went to see the practitioner for my monthly check up today. We told him about Maggie. He says that there is a small chance that our baby will be bi- polar but its only a small possibility. It will be a few years until we can find out for certain but before then I have to prepared for headaches, dizzy spells and food cravings - oh joy. Dr Samuels also informed me that I should reduce my caffeine intake - what does he think I am, a saint or something. He obviously has no idea what working in the ER is like.

Feb 18th 2003

I've been sent home from work after fainting in the lounge. Why on earth do I work with doctors!!! I cant seem to get through to them that I'm pregnant not ill.

Feb 21st 2003

I swear that I've been to the bathroom more times today than I did all of last week. I have also developed a craving for peanut butter pancakes. John was happy to make me some on the condition that I try to stop smoking. I have cut down the number of cigarettes I have a day quite considerably recently anyway but I think that's because my overall stress levels have gone down. I never thought I'd say that but it's probably because I've been given decent shifts.

Feb 24th 2003

John and I had the day off today. I had a great day. We didn't do a lot but it was nice to have to have some quality time together. We spent most of the morning in bed talking and then we went for a walk in the afternoon. It was a gorgeous day despite the fact that we live in Chicago. It was like a scene from a movie - we mucked around on the park and I ended up pinned to the floor. I've never felt so 15. He carried me all the way back to the apartment. I then fell asleep watching some old film.

Feb 27th 2003 The past few days have been a real bore. I cant stand being pregnant. I blame John entirely. Ok so maybe it wasn't all his fault but the majority of it was - I need pancakes.

March 2nd 2003

I tried to get everybody to treat me normally and to stop treating me like an invalid but my case wasn't helped when Kerry found me napping on the couch. So I'm back to having 'handle with care' tattooed across my forehead.

-- Sorry about the wait between updates but I hope the wait was worth it. Please review. Any advice or suggestions welcome - Hna