DISCLAIMER:

Destiny's Angel: *has reached into the hole and is looking for something* Now let's see… *pulls out Trunks* nope. *puts him back in* Let's see here… AHA!!! *pulls out Piccolo*

Piccolo; What is it? Oh great one…

Destiny's Angel; Ugh! Don't call me that Piccolo. Besides it's your turn.

Piccolo: Oh goodie… what am I to sing?

Destiny's Angel; Actually you're going to do two songs and get it over with. Now isn't that nice?

Piccolo: Nice is when Cell doesn't blow up the world. This isnt nice.

Destiny's Angel: Whatever. Now you got two requests from Jackie and Callie Wilson that I haven't done yet. So here they are.

~*~*~ Pretty Fly for a Rabbi by Weird Al Yankovic ~*~*~

Veren zol fun dir a blintsa

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past

But most of 'em were nudniks and none of 'em would last

But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick

I tell ya, he's to dies for - he really knows his shtick

So how's by you? Have you seen this Jew?

Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too

Workin' like a dog at the synagogue

He's there all day, he's there all day

Just say "Vay iz mir!" and he'll kick into gear

He'll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer

Just grab your yarmulka and

Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly (for a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice

He has to find a bargain 'cause he won't pay retail price

He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel

But if you wanna haggle, oy, he'll make you such a deal!

People used to scoff, now they say "Mazel tov!"

He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off

Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul

What's not to like? What's not to like?

On high holy days, you know he prays and prays

And he never eats pastrami on white breath with mayonnaise

Put on your yarmulka and

Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss

He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss

They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip

The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He's doin' well, I gotta kvell

The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell

Show up at his home, he says "Shalom"

And "Have some cake - you want some cake?"

Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots

Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz

So grab your yarmulka

The one you got for Chanukah

Let's put on our yarmulkas and

Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

~*~*~ Your Horoscope For Today by Weird Al Yankovic ~*~*~

Aquarius

There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus

Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces

Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus

You are the tru Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon

Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus

You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

Gemini

Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence

Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer

The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud

Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo

Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no

Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo

All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you

Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely

that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have

a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,

but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions

are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have

to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra

A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you

Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio

Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window

Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius

All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)

Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying

If I were you, I's lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)

That's your horoscope for today

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Piccolo: *gasps for air*

Destiny's Angel: Maybe that was a little too much singing.

Piccolo: No… really…

~*~ Ja Ne ~*~