*** i wrote this at 6 am this morning i seem to do my best writting then! it's a small glimpse into Abby's childhood.(before her "religious phase" in college)

It's happening again. Even though I have prayed over and over again that it wouldn't but god doesn't listen to me so it is. She's gone. I wonder how many times that this makes. Ten? Twenty? I'm only thirteen and I've already lost count of the number of times my own mother has left me.

I don't want to think about it right now. I have more important things to do. Like taking care of Eric.

I need to wake him up or we are gonna be late for school. If I'm careful enough maybe I can get us out of the house before he figures out she left again after all this isn't the first time I've had to get us ready for school even when she is home.

I close her bedroom door and go to the kitchen I know there's not much there but I hope I can at least find something for Eric.

There's a little bit of bread left but there's nothing to put on it. I pull a chair up to the counter and crawl on top of it so I can reach into the cupboard above the refrigerator. I reach into the back trying to find what I'm looking for. Finally I do. I learned a long time ago how to hide stuff from Maggie, and how to take food from school. I get the small packets of jelly I took from the café down the street last week. I was there because they called to say Maggie was there half dressed and drunk disturbing the customers.

I shake my head again I don't want to think about that ether.

I need to hurry up. I put the bread in the toaster and go to wake Eric praying he won't ask about Maggie.

I wake him up and tell him Maggie overslept that we need to hurry or we'll miss the bus. I hope that if he's in a hurry he won't check on her this morning.

I get his school clothes out while he heads to the bathroom. I realize he's almost out of clean clothes and notice the pile on the floor by the door I try to remember to wash them after school. I can hear Eric coming out of the bathroom and I put a smile on my face. I want him to be happy. He's only six he shouldn't have to worry about things like his mother abandoning him.

"I'm making toast." I tell him as I leave him to get dressed.

My stomach growls in hunger as I spread the jelly on his toast but I ignore it. I'm saving what is left of the bread for Eric. I don't know when Maggie will be back or even if she will have money for food when she does come back. I need to make sure Eric isn't hungry. I got lucky last night he ate dinner at his friend's house.

"Abby where's my backpack?" Eric asks me coming out of his room.

"It's behind the couch." I tell him handing him the toast.

"What are you gonna eat?" he asks me with a worried look on his face.

"I'm not hungry" I tell him simply wanting him to stop worrying. I can't tell him the truth. That mom left again that I don't know where she is or even when she'll be back. So I just smile at him and tell him that we better go.

He looks at me with his big innocent blue eyes and says, "I love you Abby, you the best big sister ever."

I smile at him "yea and don't you forget it." I tell him.

I grab my coat and rush us out the door. I pray to god that Maggie will be there when we get home. I know she probably won't be because god doesn't listen to me. I have prayed a thousand times that she will stay on her meds but she never does. Because god doesn't listen to me.

I watch Eric run carelessly down the sidewalk to the bus stop and I follow him. For one more morning I did it. One more morning I saved Eric from Maggie. I did it on my own. Who needs god?