Part VI-KEN'S JOURNAL
Ken taxied his plane down his airstrip and turned on the tarmac to pull the craft into his hangar. He cut the motor and pulled back the canopy to exit, pulling his gloves off and tossing them on the seat as he pulled out the black leather journal that was a carbon copy of the ones the others had. Like Jinpei, he wondered exactly how writing in a journal was going to help. Joe was gone, either dead or dying somewhere and although Ken wanted to believe he was alive, reluctantly a part of him was believing that Joe was indeed, dead.
Ken made his way into his living quarters, stepping around discarded clothing that littered the floor of what was his living room. He wearily removed his sunglasses and pitched them on the table by the window as he set the journal down and stared at it. He sighed as he sat in a chair at the table, his chin propped in his hands as he morosely contemplated the book. The counselor had directed him to write down how he felt about his teammates, his family. After the session, he'd made a beeline for his plane, needing the calming effect of the sky as he mulled over what had taken place. The counselor was a nice enough guy, a bit intrusive as all counselors are but sharing his feelings was something alien to him except in very specific situations and with certain people.
Ken sighed again as he opened the book, the blank pages both beckoning him and taunting him at the same time. Resignedly, he picked up a pen and began to write.
This is a first for me. I've never kept a journal nor have I been inclined to do so. But if I have to do it I guess I'll do it.
My team is my family really. At least they've been since I can remember. I lived in Hakase's house since I was 4 and my mother got sick (at the time I thought my father was dead 'cause that's what I was told). My mother died when I was 11. Joe came there when we were 8 and even though he was hard to get close to, we eventually became close like brothers. We got into scrapes together, fought each other, played games together, even talked about girls when we reached puberty. Ryu joined us when we were about 13 and although Joe used to ride him constantly about his weight, he eventually accepted him. Especially when we all were practicing our martial arts and he saw how Ryu could move so fast even with his bulk. We made quite a trio as we learned to be warriors for Hakase's secret project. Then Hakase brought Jun and Jinpei to the house. I was puzzled as to why although Jun really captivated me as soon as I saw her (even with her hair all chopped like she had it at the orphanage she and Jinpei came from). Still she was (and is) the prettiest girl I've ever seen, so lovely like the swan she's named for. And Jinpei is a scrapper, a feisty little guy who's smart as a whip and has a mouth on him like a sailor when he gets pissed. Both of them are exceptional fighters, as good at martial arts as anybody I've seen. So we trained together, all five of us, and became Kagaku Ninjatai.
Hakase picked me as the leader and at times I wonder why. I mean, being commander is great most of the time but times like this it really drags me down. I have to always be together for the sake of the team, ready to mediate conflicts as they arise among members, provide encouragement, give directives, make life and death decisions, and delegate duties during missions. I can't let emotions get in the way of getting the job done. We are responsible for the safety and security of the Earth and that must come first.
But it really gets to me sometimes. I mean, it's a drag not to be able to do certain things or act a certain way, especially when something happens to one of us. When I found out that the captain of Red Impulse was my father Kentaro Washio and then he proceeded to commit suicide by jumping into that damned rocket to restore the Van Allen belt and save the Earth, I was shattered. After believing what Hakase said about him being dead for so many years and then having had Jun tell me the truth that he was alive just to lose him again, I admit I really went ballistic. But I still had to keep being the leader and example. But I really screwed up, in my desire for vengeance, I almost led the team to their deaths. Joe tried to stop me and then Jun really let me have it and it was like she had thrown cold water on me, I finally came to my senses. About Joe-- I HATED leaving Joe at Cross Karakorum to go stop Katse and the Black Hole Operation but I had to, even as the team looked at me like I was crazy. I know sometimes they think I have no heart and ice water in my veins by their reaction to my decisions on the job. Joe said as much and punched me out for it more than once. But every time I've allowed my feelings dictate my actions or decisions, it was a near disaster, to the mission or to the team. They just don't realize the burden I have to carry for them.
But I am a human being, a man with a heart and blood in my veins, just like them. I want so badly at times to act like a man, especially with Jun. She's everything I could ever want in a woman, strong, smart, supportive and so very beautiful. When I look at her, I just want to lose myself in her eyes, like drowning in a tree-shaded tropical lagoon. She haunts my dreams at night and when I'm sitting in my command chair on the Phoenix, I find myself glancing back at her often just to look at her. I take her with me on missions secretly glad to know that she's by my side facing danger and should we die, she's the one I'd be dying with. When we're not out on a mission or I'm not flying my plane, I spend all my time at the Snack J just to be near her. I know she loves me. She's tolerant of my huge tab at the Snack, comes and cleans up my place every week, and makes sure I eat (I wish she could cook better but you can't have everything). And she looks out for me. When I wanted to jump into the gears to stop the neutron bomb, Jun stopped me and begged me not to, that my death would kill her. My heart was touched by her sweet plea even if my head knew that I had a duty to perform but Joe's shuriken had stopped the bomb before I could. The other night I wanted to tell her that I loved her, I've loved her since the day I first saw her. I realized it the day I almost killed her while she was trapped in the jigokillers. My heart was ripped in shreds as I watched the flowers burn while I knew I had poured the fuel that fed the flames that were burning Jun alive. And when I found out that the fire didn't stop those damned flowers, I felt dead inside, I didn't care about anything, believing at the time I had needlessly killed my love. So what did I do when she came back to me, safe and alive, I slapped her. Idiot! Jinpei called me on it and he was right, I should have took her in my arms and held her tight but I was angry that she could have such an effect on me and that she had made me so frantic with worry that I struck out at her. But she never blamed me or made me feel like the heel I should have felt like. Juni, Juni, koishii-you're always there for me aren't you? Even when I'm not there for you or push you away. I love you Juni, and now that Katse is defeated I intend to show you how much if you'll let me.
And now for Joe-moody, temperamental, so filled with rage toward Galactor, like me. We both hated with a passion borne of losing our families. You saw them murder your parents in cold blood and carried the hatred like a shield, to push yourself against anything that might stand in the way of you getting your revenge. But when my own insatiable thirst for revenge of my father's death caused me to lose my focus and put the team in jeopardy, you were the voice of reason and you told me to just keep my rage focused and cold like yours. You always reminded me to keep my mind on the job, never trying to usurp my authority but reminding me to get the bastards at all costs. We also discussed life and love and you called me to task about how I was handling (or mishandling either). You pointed out to me (sometimes with your fists) that I was a human being first then a commander, you helped me to figure things out. Then you refused to talk to me about what was really wrong with you and then tried to beat the crap out of me when I wouldn't let up. Asshole! Idiot! What are you trying to prove by going to the Galactor base alone, huh?! That you can die with honor? You who told me when I isolated myself from the team after my father died that rage feeds voraciously until it destroys everything including myself-well, looks like yours finally destroyed you! I am so PISSED at you that I wish you were here just so I could knock you on your ass and beat some of your own sense into you!
Then, you said your last words to everyone---Ryu said for you to come back so he could kick your ass too. You told Jinpei not to ride Jun so much, that you envied them as they were like a real brother and sister-but we WERE your family---no, we ARE your family, Joe. You told Jun to get together with me and have a relationship-remember we talked about that a few times, you and me. You rode me hard about it even though you were about as successful with the opposite sex as I am. But I heard you and I plan to do something about it. You're my brother, Joe, as Ryu, Jinpei and Jun are my family and if you're alive and out there somewhere-like everyone else thinks---we'll find you.
Ken put the pen down and reached over to flip on the lamp, the daylight gone as the sun set, dipping below the horizon at the end of his airstrip. He rubbed his eyes as he thought about the ever-changing feelings that beset him about the events of the last week. He sighed as he read his words, engrossed in and surprised by his own ability to clearly express his thoughts when his communicator beeped, making him instantly alert.
"G-1 here."
"It's G-4."
"What's up?"
Jinpei's voice over the bracelet sounded alarmed. "Aniki, is onechan there?"
Ken frowned slightly. "Why would you think she's here, Jinpei?"
"I just thought she might be with you. I can't get a hold of her on the communicator. She didn't come back from our meetings and I'm getting worried," Jinpei replied with more than a touch of panic in his voice.
Ken felt an icy finger of concern slide down to the pit of his stomach.
He reassured the boy in a voice that was calm in spite of his own rising trepidation. "I'm sure she's fine, pal. She just probably needed some space and she'll be home soon.
"W-will you come here and wait for her with me, aniki?" Jinpei sniffled.
Ken smiled, "Sure I will. I was going to come out to see you guys anyway. I'll be right over."
"O-okay, G-4 out."
Ken's smile faded to a frown and his frown deepened to a scowl as somewhat annoyed he began wondering where Jun could have gone and why she would turn off her communicator. Then his scowl disappeared when he realized that she had just done what he himself had done for the past four days. The grief of losing Joe was overwhelming all of them and togetherness and closeness they had always had as a team seemed to be disintegrating before his eyes. After the sessions at ISO they all just went their separate ways, not even bothering to talk to each other, each lost in their own thoughts. He admitted to himself that he was afraid to talk to the team and especially Jun, who had seemed withdrawn into her own little world. He was confused and hurt as about why she could be so remote considering the conversation that took place between them at the Snack four days ago but she all but out and out ignored him at Hakase's office.
Ken then remembered something he had promised himself after the jigokillers incident. That he'd never again take it lightly when one of the team and especially Jun might be in trouble. With iron resolve he slammed the book shut, pushed his chair back and rushed out the door.
It took him ten minutes to get to the Snack, taking some short cuts he'd discovered in his many trips to and from there. When he got there, Ken had barely been able to park his bike when Jinpei met him in the parking lot, rushing at him in a panic and babbling without making much sense. Ken tried to soothe the youngster and eventually got him to go back into the Snack with him to keep vigil.
Ken taxied his plane down his airstrip and turned on the tarmac to pull the craft into his hangar. He cut the motor and pulled back the canopy to exit, pulling his gloves off and tossing them on the seat as he pulled out the black leather journal that was a carbon copy of the ones the others had. Like Jinpei, he wondered exactly how writing in a journal was going to help. Joe was gone, either dead or dying somewhere and although Ken wanted to believe he was alive, reluctantly a part of him was believing that Joe was indeed, dead.
Ken made his way into his living quarters, stepping around discarded clothing that littered the floor of what was his living room. He wearily removed his sunglasses and pitched them on the table by the window as he set the journal down and stared at it. He sighed as he sat in a chair at the table, his chin propped in his hands as he morosely contemplated the book. The counselor had directed him to write down how he felt about his teammates, his family. After the session, he'd made a beeline for his plane, needing the calming effect of the sky as he mulled over what had taken place. The counselor was a nice enough guy, a bit intrusive as all counselors are but sharing his feelings was something alien to him except in very specific situations and with certain people.
Ken sighed again as he opened the book, the blank pages both beckoning him and taunting him at the same time. Resignedly, he picked up a pen and began to write.
This is a first for me. I've never kept a journal nor have I been inclined to do so. But if I have to do it I guess I'll do it.
My team is my family really. At least they've been since I can remember. I lived in Hakase's house since I was 4 and my mother got sick (at the time I thought my father was dead 'cause that's what I was told). My mother died when I was 11. Joe came there when we were 8 and even though he was hard to get close to, we eventually became close like brothers. We got into scrapes together, fought each other, played games together, even talked about girls when we reached puberty. Ryu joined us when we were about 13 and although Joe used to ride him constantly about his weight, he eventually accepted him. Especially when we all were practicing our martial arts and he saw how Ryu could move so fast even with his bulk. We made quite a trio as we learned to be warriors for Hakase's secret project. Then Hakase brought Jun and Jinpei to the house. I was puzzled as to why although Jun really captivated me as soon as I saw her (even with her hair all chopped like she had it at the orphanage she and Jinpei came from). Still she was (and is) the prettiest girl I've ever seen, so lovely like the swan she's named for. And Jinpei is a scrapper, a feisty little guy who's smart as a whip and has a mouth on him like a sailor when he gets pissed. Both of them are exceptional fighters, as good at martial arts as anybody I've seen. So we trained together, all five of us, and became Kagaku Ninjatai.
Hakase picked me as the leader and at times I wonder why. I mean, being commander is great most of the time but times like this it really drags me down. I have to always be together for the sake of the team, ready to mediate conflicts as they arise among members, provide encouragement, give directives, make life and death decisions, and delegate duties during missions. I can't let emotions get in the way of getting the job done. We are responsible for the safety and security of the Earth and that must come first.
But it really gets to me sometimes. I mean, it's a drag not to be able to do certain things or act a certain way, especially when something happens to one of us. When I found out that the captain of Red Impulse was my father Kentaro Washio and then he proceeded to commit suicide by jumping into that damned rocket to restore the Van Allen belt and save the Earth, I was shattered. After believing what Hakase said about him being dead for so many years and then having had Jun tell me the truth that he was alive just to lose him again, I admit I really went ballistic. But I still had to keep being the leader and example. But I really screwed up, in my desire for vengeance, I almost led the team to their deaths. Joe tried to stop me and then Jun really let me have it and it was like she had thrown cold water on me, I finally came to my senses. About Joe-- I HATED leaving Joe at Cross Karakorum to go stop Katse and the Black Hole Operation but I had to, even as the team looked at me like I was crazy. I know sometimes they think I have no heart and ice water in my veins by their reaction to my decisions on the job. Joe said as much and punched me out for it more than once. But every time I've allowed my feelings dictate my actions or decisions, it was a near disaster, to the mission or to the team. They just don't realize the burden I have to carry for them.
But I am a human being, a man with a heart and blood in my veins, just like them. I want so badly at times to act like a man, especially with Jun. She's everything I could ever want in a woman, strong, smart, supportive and so very beautiful. When I look at her, I just want to lose myself in her eyes, like drowning in a tree-shaded tropical lagoon. She haunts my dreams at night and when I'm sitting in my command chair on the Phoenix, I find myself glancing back at her often just to look at her. I take her with me on missions secretly glad to know that she's by my side facing danger and should we die, she's the one I'd be dying with. When we're not out on a mission or I'm not flying my plane, I spend all my time at the Snack J just to be near her. I know she loves me. She's tolerant of my huge tab at the Snack, comes and cleans up my place every week, and makes sure I eat (I wish she could cook better but you can't have everything). And she looks out for me. When I wanted to jump into the gears to stop the neutron bomb, Jun stopped me and begged me not to, that my death would kill her. My heart was touched by her sweet plea even if my head knew that I had a duty to perform but Joe's shuriken had stopped the bomb before I could. The other night I wanted to tell her that I loved her, I've loved her since the day I first saw her. I realized it the day I almost killed her while she was trapped in the jigokillers. My heart was ripped in shreds as I watched the flowers burn while I knew I had poured the fuel that fed the flames that were burning Jun alive. And when I found out that the fire didn't stop those damned flowers, I felt dead inside, I didn't care about anything, believing at the time I had needlessly killed my love. So what did I do when she came back to me, safe and alive, I slapped her. Idiot! Jinpei called me on it and he was right, I should have took her in my arms and held her tight but I was angry that she could have such an effect on me and that she had made me so frantic with worry that I struck out at her. But she never blamed me or made me feel like the heel I should have felt like. Juni, Juni, koishii-you're always there for me aren't you? Even when I'm not there for you or push you away. I love you Juni, and now that Katse is defeated I intend to show you how much if you'll let me.
And now for Joe-moody, temperamental, so filled with rage toward Galactor, like me. We both hated with a passion borne of losing our families. You saw them murder your parents in cold blood and carried the hatred like a shield, to push yourself against anything that might stand in the way of you getting your revenge. But when my own insatiable thirst for revenge of my father's death caused me to lose my focus and put the team in jeopardy, you were the voice of reason and you told me to just keep my rage focused and cold like yours. You always reminded me to keep my mind on the job, never trying to usurp my authority but reminding me to get the bastards at all costs. We also discussed life and love and you called me to task about how I was handling (or mishandling either). You pointed out to me (sometimes with your fists) that I was a human being first then a commander, you helped me to figure things out. Then you refused to talk to me about what was really wrong with you and then tried to beat the crap out of me when I wouldn't let up. Asshole! Idiot! What are you trying to prove by going to the Galactor base alone, huh?! That you can die with honor? You who told me when I isolated myself from the team after my father died that rage feeds voraciously until it destroys everything including myself-well, looks like yours finally destroyed you! I am so PISSED at you that I wish you were here just so I could knock you on your ass and beat some of your own sense into you!
Then, you said your last words to everyone---Ryu said for you to come back so he could kick your ass too. You told Jinpei not to ride Jun so much, that you envied them as they were like a real brother and sister-but we WERE your family---no, we ARE your family, Joe. You told Jun to get together with me and have a relationship-remember we talked about that a few times, you and me. You rode me hard about it even though you were about as successful with the opposite sex as I am. But I heard you and I plan to do something about it. You're my brother, Joe, as Ryu, Jinpei and Jun are my family and if you're alive and out there somewhere-like everyone else thinks---we'll find you.
Ken put the pen down and reached over to flip on the lamp, the daylight gone as the sun set, dipping below the horizon at the end of his airstrip. He rubbed his eyes as he thought about the ever-changing feelings that beset him about the events of the last week. He sighed as he read his words, engrossed in and surprised by his own ability to clearly express his thoughts when his communicator beeped, making him instantly alert.
"G-1 here."
"It's G-4."
"What's up?"
Jinpei's voice over the bracelet sounded alarmed. "Aniki, is onechan there?"
Ken frowned slightly. "Why would you think she's here, Jinpei?"
"I just thought she might be with you. I can't get a hold of her on the communicator. She didn't come back from our meetings and I'm getting worried," Jinpei replied with more than a touch of panic in his voice.
Ken felt an icy finger of concern slide down to the pit of his stomach.
He reassured the boy in a voice that was calm in spite of his own rising trepidation. "I'm sure she's fine, pal. She just probably needed some space and she'll be home soon.
"W-will you come here and wait for her with me, aniki?" Jinpei sniffled.
Ken smiled, "Sure I will. I was going to come out to see you guys anyway. I'll be right over."
"O-okay, G-4 out."
Ken's smile faded to a frown and his frown deepened to a scowl as somewhat annoyed he began wondering where Jun could have gone and why she would turn off her communicator. Then his scowl disappeared when he realized that she had just done what he himself had done for the past four days. The grief of losing Joe was overwhelming all of them and togetherness and closeness they had always had as a team seemed to be disintegrating before his eyes. After the sessions at ISO they all just went their separate ways, not even bothering to talk to each other, each lost in their own thoughts. He admitted to himself that he was afraid to talk to the team and especially Jun, who had seemed withdrawn into her own little world. He was confused and hurt as about why she could be so remote considering the conversation that took place between them at the Snack four days ago but she all but out and out ignored him at Hakase's office.
Ken then remembered something he had promised himself after the jigokillers incident. That he'd never again take it lightly when one of the team and especially Jun might be in trouble. With iron resolve he slammed the book shut, pushed his chair back and rushed out the door.
It took him ten minutes to get to the Snack, taking some short cuts he'd discovered in his many trips to and from there. When he got there, Ken had barely been able to park his bike when Jinpei met him in the parking lot, rushing at him in a panic and babbling without making much sense. Ken tried to soothe the youngster and eventually got him to go back into the Snack with him to keep vigil.
