Part VII-NEEDING EACH OTHER
Jun turned her motorcycle onto the street that would take her to the Snack J. Her mind was filled with a combination of thoughts and feelings. She had taken a long route from the park, not wanting to go right home after she noticed the time, so she took herself for a short ride. Her emotions were in turmoil and she didn't want Jinpei to ask her too many questions, questions she knew her determined little brother would batter her with until she told him everything on her mind. She pulled into the parking lot and noticed Ken's motorcycle parked up against the curb in front of the J. Jun sighed and considered turning around and heading back out, she really was in no mood for an inquisition and she was sure that that was exactly what was inside waiting for her. Taking a deep breath, she rode the bike forward to the garage door, tapping the remote door opener then as the door rose slowly, she rode in. As she cut the motor and kicked the stand down the door leading into the diner swung open and Jinpei rushed out with Ken bringing up the rear.
Jinpei launched himself at her in a fierce hug. "Onechan, we were so worried about you! Me and aniki were just about to go look for you." He looked up at her reproachfully as he pushed his face away from her, his gangly arms still clinging to her. "Where were you?"
Jun smiled sheepishly, "I'm sorry, I just was out riding and lost track of time." She glanced at Ken who was gazing at her with his brow furrowed in concern. She stepped lightly around her parked motorcycle with Jinpei still plastered to her waist and walked past him into the Snack.
Ken followed them into the Snack and let the door close behind him in a slam. "Out riding this long? Where'd you go?" he wanted to know as he faced her.
Jun pointedly ignored him and looked at Jinpei, brushing his hair lovingly from his eyes, "Are you hungry? Did you eat dinner?"
He nodded, "Uh-huh. I made a casserole for both of us and there was enough for aniki so I gave him some. Yours is upstairs but it's cold now. I can nuke it for you." He pulled her to the staircase by her hand but she pulled away shaking her head.
"I'm not hungry, Jinpei but thanks anyway."
"You need to eat, Jun," Ken insisted softly as he stepped closer. His eyes were gently probing, twilight blue in the dim interior of the Snack. He placed his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him.
Jinpei noted the tense atmosphere between his sister and his commander so he discreetly made his way to the stairs leading to the apartment and went up.
Jun sighed and sat at the booth closest to the jukebox and Ken joined her, sitting in the bench across from her without taking his eyes off her, biding his time.
"I went to Utoland Park after the counseling session and sat by the Rainbow Fountain to write in a journal. The counselor said she wants me to write down my thoughts and bring them to the next session."
Ken nodded, "Me too. Mine gave me a book and told me the same. It's a whole new deal for me. You know how I am about sharing my feelings."
Jun sniffed in a long-suffering way, "How well I do. The original Still Waters."
Ken flinched at her sarcasm. "Nice shot," he countered.
"I'm sorry," Jun said, her head lowered.
"It's okay, I guess I deserved it," Ken admitted with a wry grin. He reached over the table and placing his hands over hers squeezed them reassuringly.
Jun smiled a sweet sad smile as they remained like that for several minutes, words at a loss. Jun studied Ken through half lowered lashes, admiring his strong jaw and his fine features. With his slightly aquiline visage he truly resembled the Eagle in all its regal glory. His deep brown hair framed his face in shaggy waves and as usual she was held enthralled by his summer sky eyes.
On Ken's side, he was mesmerized by the view of Jun's ivory countenance, her jade eyes, pale pink lips that were soft as a rose petal, and raven silk hair that fell and curled up slightly at the ends. He wanted to bury his hands in the inky strands and bury her mouth beneath his mouth, crushing her body against his. Does she have any idea how lovely she is? Ken asked himself bemusedly as he continued his rapt silent regard.
"Jinpei was really worried about you, why'd you shut the bracelet off?"
Jun continued to avoid his gaze. Were you worried too, Ken? She shrugged, trying to be casual. "I just needed to be alone. I wanted to write without anybody peeking over my shoulder to see what I was doing. Besides, I got the impression that Jinpei wanted some space too so I gave it to him."
Ken sighed, "I guess we're all hurting and need space. But, we shouldn't be pushing away from each other, we should be staying close."
"Boy, talk about the pot calling the kettle black," Jun scoffed becoming annoyed, looking up and pinning him with her glare. "You're the worst offender, Ken. You isolate yourself from anything that requires you to show emotion." She laughed bitterly, "Duty first."
Ken cringed at her vehemence. "Believe it or not, Juni I've been saying the same thing to myself these last four days. I even wrote it down in my journal today."
Jun's eyes widened in mock surprise. "Really? And hell didn't freeze over? Well, how 'bout that, miracles do happen," she said derisively.
"You're really pissed at me, aren't you?" Ken declared. "What'd I do?"
Jun looked at him incredulously. "Are you putting me on? I mean you're kidding, right?" At his blank expression she wanted to lash out at him beginning with a tirade unleashed on his empty head. Instead she sighed and replied, "It's not what you did, Ken, it's what you didn't do. For the last four days, since you said what you said to me and left here that night you haven't bothered to call either on our bracelets or on the phone. Like we or more likely, I didn't exist."
Ken lowered his head, "I-I know."
"Is that all you have to say?"
"What do you want me to say, Jun, huh? That I've got it all together and I'm just blowing off my job as commander and friendship to you? That I could care less that the only family I've ever known is falling apart, the three people who mean everything to me are in pain and I can't do a damned thing to help 'cause I'm falling apart too? And that I left my brother and best friend to die on some forsaken field in the heart of the enemy's camp?" Ken's tortured voice was laced with his own agony. His eyes pleaded with her in abject misery and she began to feel sorry for him as her ire seeped away.
"You could've called, you know," Jun said in a small voice, her anger gone. "We're supposed to be family, helping each other through this."
Before Ken could answer, the bell above the door tinkled as it opened and Ryu rushed in, huffing and puffing. "Jun, are you okay? I heard Jinpei calling for you and when you didn't answer, I got worried. I'd have been here sooner but my van wouldn't start." He plopped onto a stool trying to catch his breath.
Jun smiled at him, "Relax, I'm fine, Ryu. Jinpei just pushed the panic button when I didn't respond on the bracelet but as you see I'm okay."
Ryu nodded in relieved acceptance. He glanced at Ken who had his tough Eagle façade on, having put it on as soon as Ryu appeared but the big man must have seen the pained look in Ken's eyes because he said to his commander, "How you doing, Ken?"
Ken grinned sadly, "I'm hanging in there, Ryu. How about you?"
The big man shrugged diffidently. "Okay I guess." He didn't sound convincing. He got up and went to the stairs to Jun and Jinpei's living quarters. "I'm gonna go check on the little guy, okay Jun?"
Jun nodded as Ryu clumped up the stairs. She got up, walked over to the jukebox and began flipping through the selector. Ken got up from his seat in the booth and joined her, watching over her shoulder as she went through the music. He tried to break the tension between them with small talk.
"You've quite a varied selection in there," he commented mildly. It was true, she had a mixture of everything in there, from Jinpei's contribution of techno, grunge and alternative to her own collection of jazz, R & B, classic rock, blues, and folk.
Jun remained silent as she idly flipped through the title selector. Her eyes fell on the number she played the other night and as she ran her hand on the title tag, she was surprised to see that Ken had placed his over it. She looked up at him questioningly.
"You're right when you said before that we should be helping each other through this. Forgive me, Juni for pulling away and pushing you away." His blue eyes were earnestly pleading with her.
Jun turned around carefully as not to disturb his hand resting on hers to return his regard. They seemed suspended in time, lost in each other's intent gazes when the sound of descending footsteps on the stairs broke the spell. Ryu and Jinpei came into the diner, with Jinpei carrying a small overnight bag.
Jun's eyebrows raised quizzically as she gestured at the luggage. "And where do you think you're going?" she asked her brother.
Ryu answered, "I'm heading out on my cabin cruiser for a few days and I thought I'd take Jinpei with me. It'll give you a break"
Jun protested, "You don't have to do that, Ryu. Me and Jinpei are okay."
"I want to go, onechan," Jinpei pleaded with her. "Please? I'm only gonna be gone till Sunday."
"That's right, Jun. I'll bring him back then." Ryu was just as anxious for her to give her consent.
Jun looked from one to the other helplessly "Okay." She bent and gave her little brother a hug and kiss. "Behave yourself and have fun."
"I will, onechan." He gave her a smile and then waved at Ken who was a silent observer to the entire exchange. "Bye, aniki."
Ken waved and replied, "You guys have a good time."
Ryu and Jinpei opened the door and left the diner. Jun waved as they left, then dejectedly dropped her head. Ken took note and his heart constricted in pain for her. She sat on a stool and began in a strange, small voice, "I had no idea that it was so difficult to be with me."
Ken sat in the stool next to her and gently brushed her hair from her forehead. "He probably just needs some time to himself and he figured that you'd be less likely to think he was avoiding you if he went away with Ryu," he reasoned.
If he thought that his statement would be a comfort, he was wrong. Jun's shoulders shook as she sobbed, "I'm so terrible that everyone has to find reasons to avoid me. Jinpei-- you." She buried her face in her hands, crying.
Ken cursed himself silently as he awkwardly tried to make amends by reaching for her. He put his arms around her and pulled her to him, wiping at her eyes lightly with his fingers in a butterfly touch. Her tears were searing his heart like a branding iron because he knew that his neglecting to contact her after being so open the other night, sharing his feelings with her had precipitated her present sense of rejection. He was truly at a loss. The last four days had been a living hell for him, mentally flogging himself continuously with guilt over Joe's death, terrified that he'd made a mistake in telling Jun how he felt, and the ever present cold vicious rage toward Galactor running like an undercurrent through it all. He had deliberately avoided making contact with the team because he had been in the midst of some serious soul-searching and even his many journeys into the sky did little to bring peace to his tormented soul, let alone the anger and blame he was sure the others felt. He imagined the three of his friends, accusation flashing at him from their eyes and the vision alone was enough to seek isolation from them so he disconnected his phone and shut off his communicator until today when Nambu summoned them to his office at ISO.
Ken continued to rhythmically caress Jun's head, laid against his right shoulder, and it felt so right, so comforting to his own emotions raging within. Her sniffling began to subside as she snuggled closer, seeking ease and protection from him and he felt strange but pleased at her need of him. They sat, saying nothing just lost in their individual reveries.
Finally, Jun spoke, "Ken?"
"What, Juni?"
She lifted her head and turned to gaze at him. "W-would you please stay with me tonight? I-I don't want to be alone," she beseeched him, her eyes wide and still glistening with tears.
Ken hesitated for a split second before he acquiesced, "Sure, I'll stay here with you tonight. I'll sleep in Jinpei's room." He smiled as he brushed her hair back from her shoulder.
Jun lowered her head. "I meant, would you stay in my bed with me," she barely whispered.
Ken's eyes widened as he felt himself cornered. The thought of being with her in that way had crossed his mind many more times than once but to have her actually put it in words unnerved him. He felt the heat of a blush come to his cheeks as he desperately sought words to answer her. "I-I," he stammered as he drew back.
Jun sighed as she saw his discomfort. "I didn't mean that way, Ken," she said in a slightly exasperating tone. "I meant, would you just lay beside me tonight and hold me as we fell asleep? I don't want to do anything else."
Ken's mind was racing with all kind of thoughts, thoughts about how he would handle the reality of Jun's body against his if it ever happened and it appeared that it was going to happen tonight. The thoughts were causing his body to respond in a way that reminded him of the last time he had burned so, he woke up in the middle of the night and had to take an ice cold shower. But the last thing he wanted to do was refuse so because of her present emotional state and her feelings of being rejected, Ken found himself between the proverbial rock and hard place.
"S-sure, Jun. But I don't have anything to change into."
Jun breathed a sigh of relief. "That's okay. You can sleep in your shorts. I'll be wearing my nightgown. I promise to be on my best behavior, Ken, all I want tonight is your friendship and to know you're near." She grasped his arm, "Please?"
Ken sighed and nodded, "Okay, Jun. I'll stay here with you tonight." He got to his feet and took her hand and squeezed it. "I'm getting tired anyway so let's go upstairs."
Jun went to the glass door of the Snack to make sure it was locked securely. She then began to climb up the stairs with Ken right behind her. They got to the top of the staircase that led into the parlor/kitchen combination of the apartment where the cold covered plate of her meal sat untouched on the table. She picked the plate up and put it into the refrigerator. She then reached and flicked the overhead light off, momentarily plunging them in total darkness until she flipped on the hall light to go to the bedroom. Ken followed obediently, saying nothing.
Jun turned the light on in her bedroom. The room was airy, inviting, uncluttered, and neat as a pin. There was a vanity with a brush, comb, and a tray of cosmetics, a bureau of drawers, and against the far wall and under the window, her bed. The window was cracked open and the lace curtain was billowing, gently brushing the surface of the pink flowered comforter. She slipped her shoes off and placed them beside the vanity, by her closet. She then went to the bureau and extracted a nightgown from the second drawer.
Ken watched the whole process standing stiffly in the middle of the room at first, feeling ill at ease. The soft femininity of the room coupled with the gentle scent of jasmine that was Jun assaulted him as soon as he entered her inner sanctum and caused his already heightened senses to reel. Part of him wanted to bolt, get on his motorcycle and take off as fast as he could. The other part wanted to go over to her and assist her in her nocturnal preparations as she assisted him in his, concluding with him carrying her to the bed. However, he chose a middle ground, sitting himself on the edge of her bed, watching her intently.
Jun turned around, "I'm going to go get ready in the bathroom. Do you need to use it?"
Ken nodded continuing to stare at her, his heart hammering in his chest, "Uh, yeah, I guess I do." He got up to head to the bathroom.
Jun smiled, "Okay, you go ahead. There's an extra toothbrush in the medicine cabinet." She turned and sat in the chair before the vanity to brush her lustrous ebony hair, paying him no mind.
Ken indulged himself for a minute at the pretty picture she made. He took a ragged breath and then made his way to the bathroom.
Jun sighed as she continued to run the brush through her hair, her thoughts on what lay ahead for the night. She began to have second thoughts as to the wisdom of asking Ken to spend the night with her for she had noticed his quiet but intense regard of her since coming into her room. Maybe temptation would serve to be too much for them but she had hated the thought of being alone. She had surreptitiously glanced at him sitting on her bed while she puttered about before he went to the bathroom and she felt the heat emanating from his gaze causing the rise of desire in her heart as it beat faster. He was sitting there, leanly muscled and his hair fell in shaggy waves below his neck to his shoulders in umber glory. He was such a beautiful man and his shyness was always appealing to her, so different from other men who had boldly approached her in the Snack. She had admired him from not so far for as long as they all were together. She got to her feet, went to the bed to turn back the covers and having done so, she sat there fluffing the pillows with a bemused look on her face, ambivalence beginning to fill her being. She heard the bathroom door open and Ken's footsteps so she shot up to her feet as he re-entered the room.
Jun said in a too-bright, helpful tone, "Did you find what you needed?"
Ken grinned, "Uh-huh. You can go now."
"Okay. I'll get changed in there and you can get changed here." She gestured to the bed. "I pulled down the covers so you can get in when you're ready." She picked up the nightgown she had draped on the back of the vanity chair and headed out.
Ken crept to the door and peeked around to make sure Jun was in the bathroom. The door was closed and the sound of running water came from within. Satisfied, he went back into Jun's room and began undressing. He doffed his shoes, socks, pants, and # 1 tee and hung them over the closet door. Clad only in his shorts, he climbed into the bed and was immediately assailed by the soft jasmine scent that had wafted throughout the room. The bed itself was semi-firm yet cloudlike in its comfort and coolness. He sighed deeply trying to defuse the rising heat in his body, feeling his heart pounding as he anticipated when Jun would join him. Almost in answer, he heard the bathroom door open and saw the hall light flick off. She padded into the room and softly closed the door.
Ken could only stare as Jun turned the light off and made her way to the bed. She was wearing a puff sleeved empress style shorty nightgown in pale pink satin, shimmering in the moonlight streaming in from the window and skylight overhead. Her hair was hanging down curling up at the ends, midnight black, contrasting with her ivory skin. She looked like an angel as the moonlight encircled her and turned the highlights in her hair to deep blue. She sat on the edge of the bed then laid down, curling her legs under the comforter and snuggled up close to Ken who was laying with his back against the window sill facing Jun. He took his head and placed it on the pillow in a more comfortable position to gaze at her.
Jun met his gaze. "Thanks so much for doing this," she whispered.
Ken smiled, "No problem." He reached over and tucked a stray curl out of her eyes.
She lay there only inches away from him, allowing herself to be drawn into the softly glowing blue orbs. Jun took a deep breath and asked him in a little-girl voice, "Uh---I hope that this won't interfere with anything you might have to do. I-I mean, I don't want to keep you from any thing important."
Ken continued to smile gently, "You're not. I've been neglecting all of you long enough and especially you." He let his fingers trail lightly from her hair down her cheek to her jaw.
Jun admitted demurely, "I've wanted to call you, just to see how you were doing but I figured you needed to be by yourself."
"You wouldn't have been able to reach me if you did. I disconnected my phone and I had my bracelet turned off. Like you did today." Ken let his eyes search hers. "I guess you needed some time to yourself as well, huh."
Jun nodded, "That's why I was at the Rainbow Fountain at the park."
Ken nodded in recognition, "Ah, yes. One of your favorite places."
"You have the sky, Ken, I have the fountain."
"True," he agreed. "So has Jinpei been getting on your nerves and did you need a break?"
Jun sighed, "No, I just wanted a quiet place after my session with the counselor. Besides," she added a touch sadly, "Jinpei's been avoiding me."
Ken's eyes widened in disbelief. "Really?"
Jun nodded in misery. "Uh-huh. Oh he talks to me to ask what I want for meals or where something of his is but that's all. He doesn't even argue with me anymore. He just closes himself in his room, shutting me out." She blinked back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.
Ken reached his hand to cup her face and wiped the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes with his fingers. "We've all taken the loss of Joe hard and instead of coming together, we've drifted apart." He sighed deeply, "We've got to stop pushing each other away. We're still a team, still a family." He frowned thoughtfully, his eyes sad and far away.
They lay quietly there, lost in their thoughts with Ken's hand still almost absently caressing Jun's silky cheek. Quietly she reached and captured his hand to hold it in hers as she gazed deeply into his haunted beautiful eyes.
"You still blame yourself for Joe, don't you?" she asked with concern.
Ken replied, "All day, everyday since we lost him."
Jun reached with her other hand to brush his hair from his eyes. "And you think that we all blame you, don't you?" she asked softly.
Ken shook his head in wonder. "How do you do it, Jun? How do you always manage to know my very thoughts?"
Jun smiled, "Figuring you out isn't rocket science, Ken. All I had to do was look into your eyes and see the pain there. I know how close you were to Joe and how you take responsibility for anything that goes wrong." She lowered her lashes shyly and added, " And besides, when you hurt, I hurt."
Ken was deeply moved by the sweet expression of her feelings. Added to the intoxicating scent of jasmine and her very closeness, his body was raging, making him aware only of her. He gently took his hand and grasped her chin to lift her head so he could look into her eyes. Sleep was the last thing on his mind as he allowed himself to drown in the limpid pools of her eyes, forgetting everything.
Jun felt her heart pound as Ken's eyes drew her even closer. She continued to get still closer as their lips seemed on a collision course when she broke away and got out of the bed, her back facing him. In an unsteady voice she said, "I think maybe this was a mistake."
Ken closed his eyes with a sigh, trying to ease the ache in his loins as he got out of the bed. He approached her and took hold of her shoulders. Jun was clutching herself with arms folded in front of her. She turned around to face him with a wry, crooked smile.
"Funny, I thought it'd be you jumping out of the bed and fleeing."
Ken continued to hold on to her shoulders. "The thought had occurred to me earlier but as soon as you came into the room, all I could think of was you being near." He smiled sadly and added, "But, if this is making you uptight, I'll get dressed and go."
"No!" She was surprised by the vehemence in her response. Sheepishly, she reiterated, "I mean, I really don't want you to go, Ken. I want you to hold me." She bit her lip in consternation as she looked up at him with huge verdant eyes.
"Okay." Ken released Jun's shoulders and took her hand gently to lead her back to the bed. "I'm not going anywhere, Juni, not if you don't want me to."
He led her back into the bed, got in, and pulled her against his chest, cradling her against him. She nestled in to him, her left arm draped across his bare hairless chest and laid her head on his shoulder. Ken wrapped his other arm loosely around her, resting his hand on her flat stomach.
"Is this okay?" he asked in a soft voice.
"Hmmm," Jun answered, relishing the feeling of his fingers stroking her hair as she huddled in the crook of his arm.
"Just relax and let sleep come," Ken said yawning as he felt the edge of drowsiness come upon him. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes.
Easier said then done Jun said to herself as she took note of Ken's quiet journey into slumber. Following suit, she laid her head on his gently rising and falling chest as the strong steady beating of his heart pressed against her ear finally lulled her to sleep.
For Ken the location was different but The Dream was the same:
The fog was the consistency of pea soup, drifting wraithlike in tendrils throughout the gloom of Cross Karakorum. The Kagaku Ninjatai was split up with the order to keep radio silence so Katse's goons wouldn't know they were there. Although they had the cover of the dense fog, Galactor was hot after them, armed with the detector device that could identify and pinpoint the signals of the bracelets they communicated with. Ken sent them to cover more ground to find Joe and the Galactor base, and he found himself filled with a witches' brew of emotion, dread, fury, and a burgeoning sense of urgency. He also had a growing uneasy premonition that something was about to break in both cases and that the team was about to face both its most harrowing challenge and greatest loss. But he tried to shake off the maudlin yet nagging thought as he combed the bleak landscape, Galactor goons hot in pursuit.
Ken's search was proving fruitless and he began to glumly wonder if the rest of the team was experiencing the same poor results when he heard Jun's scream into his communicator breaking the silence, saying she'd found Joe. Ken took off, his wings spread behind him as he sprinted in the general direction of the Swan's communiqué in spite of the Galactor goons spread all about, the team's cover blown. He came upon the scene he'd never forget, Condor Joe, his second, his brother, and best friend, laying prone on his back, bullet ridden with life slowly but surely seeping away. Around him was the rest of the team, huddled about, kneeling at their fallen brother's side. Ken too knelt as he angrily berated Joe for his pigheaded foolishness while his brother, in typical Joe-fashion laughed as he chided him about being lectured. He then told Jun to get together with Ken in a real relationship, Jinpei to stop fighting with Jun, and Ryu, that he was sorry for all the times he'd ridiculed him. Then Ken handed Joe his boomerang as a keepsake and made the fateful order to leave him.
The dream then changed to a cloud-filled white room with a large judge's bench of a tribunal; Nambu in the vaunted seat of judgement and the rest of the team, Joe included, seated to the right as jurors. Ken stood before the bench as Nambu's voice intoned the theme of teamwork that was the foundation of the Kagaku Ninjatai and how he, Gatchaman, the commander was charged with violating that sacred tenet. Ken tried desperately to explain his side but to no avail, he'd been sentenced and condemned. He turned to the frozen figures of his teammates, his family, and beseeched them to believe him but it appeared to fall on deaf ears, he found only reprehension and blame in their blank stares except for the anger and accusation flashing from them, the sapphire blue one especially that burned him to his core. He sank to his knees pleading while all four surrounded him like macabre game of ring-around-the-rosie, circling and pointing their fingers, damning him with their eyes and words while he screamed for them to FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME!
"Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me," Ken murmured as he tossed and tried to turn in the bed. He found he couldn't because of something holding his body down....
He opened his eyes and saw immediately that he wasn't at his shack, in his own bed. He slowly came to consciousness and then realized there was the unfamiliar pressure and warmth of another body laying against his, the downy black head resting on his shoulder, the lithe figure in pale pink satin curled up to him brought him to reality; he was with Jun in her room and in her bed. Fully awake, Ken studied the form of the Swan in repose; the peace of deep sleep making her appear cherubic, like a small girl with her heart-shaped face, her slender arm draped over his torso like she was clutching a favorite cuddle toy. He heard Joe's words again and pondered the thought of being in a real relationship with Jun, days filled with trips to the beach, rides in his plane, picnics where they could be alone and make new discoveries about each other. And the nights; nights of falling asleep in each other's arms, energies happily spent by hours of tender lovemaking. The dreams and fantasies that had been his private obsession and his private hell as he was iron bound by duty to his post as Gatchaman commander; dare he hope, could finally be realized now that Katse was dead and Galactor defeated.
Ken gently, tenderly, reached down and planted a kiss on Jun's forehead as she sighed contentedly and snuggled closer, still deep in slumber. Ken laid his head back down and tightened his embrace of Jun as he closed his eyes and again surrendered to the escape of sleep.
Jun turned her motorcycle onto the street that would take her to the Snack J. Her mind was filled with a combination of thoughts and feelings. She had taken a long route from the park, not wanting to go right home after she noticed the time, so she took herself for a short ride. Her emotions were in turmoil and she didn't want Jinpei to ask her too many questions, questions she knew her determined little brother would batter her with until she told him everything on her mind. She pulled into the parking lot and noticed Ken's motorcycle parked up against the curb in front of the J. Jun sighed and considered turning around and heading back out, she really was in no mood for an inquisition and she was sure that that was exactly what was inside waiting for her. Taking a deep breath, she rode the bike forward to the garage door, tapping the remote door opener then as the door rose slowly, she rode in. As she cut the motor and kicked the stand down the door leading into the diner swung open and Jinpei rushed out with Ken bringing up the rear.
Jinpei launched himself at her in a fierce hug. "Onechan, we were so worried about you! Me and aniki were just about to go look for you." He looked up at her reproachfully as he pushed his face away from her, his gangly arms still clinging to her. "Where were you?"
Jun smiled sheepishly, "I'm sorry, I just was out riding and lost track of time." She glanced at Ken who was gazing at her with his brow furrowed in concern. She stepped lightly around her parked motorcycle with Jinpei still plastered to her waist and walked past him into the Snack.
Ken followed them into the Snack and let the door close behind him in a slam. "Out riding this long? Where'd you go?" he wanted to know as he faced her.
Jun pointedly ignored him and looked at Jinpei, brushing his hair lovingly from his eyes, "Are you hungry? Did you eat dinner?"
He nodded, "Uh-huh. I made a casserole for both of us and there was enough for aniki so I gave him some. Yours is upstairs but it's cold now. I can nuke it for you." He pulled her to the staircase by her hand but she pulled away shaking her head.
"I'm not hungry, Jinpei but thanks anyway."
"You need to eat, Jun," Ken insisted softly as he stepped closer. His eyes were gently probing, twilight blue in the dim interior of the Snack. He placed his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him.
Jinpei noted the tense atmosphere between his sister and his commander so he discreetly made his way to the stairs leading to the apartment and went up.
Jun sighed and sat at the booth closest to the jukebox and Ken joined her, sitting in the bench across from her without taking his eyes off her, biding his time.
"I went to Utoland Park after the counseling session and sat by the Rainbow Fountain to write in a journal. The counselor said she wants me to write down my thoughts and bring them to the next session."
Ken nodded, "Me too. Mine gave me a book and told me the same. It's a whole new deal for me. You know how I am about sharing my feelings."
Jun sniffed in a long-suffering way, "How well I do. The original Still Waters."
Ken flinched at her sarcasm. "Nice shot," he countered.
"I'm sorry," Jun said, her head lowered.
"It's okay, I guess I deserved it," Ken admitted with a wry grin. He reached over the table and placing his hands over hers squeezed them reassuringly.
Jun smiled a sweet sad smile as they remained like that for several minutes, words at a loss. Jun studied Ken through half lowered lashes, admiring his strong jaw and his fine features. With his slightly aquiline visage he truly resembled the Eagle in all its regal glory. His deep brown hair framed his face in shaggy waves and as usual she was held enthralled by his summer sky eyes.
On Ken's side, he was mesmerized by the view of Jun's ivory countenance, her jade eyes, pale pink lips that were soft as a rose petal, and raven silk hair that fell and curled up slightly at the ends. He wanted to bury his hands in the inky strands and bury her mouth beneath his mouth, crushing her body against his. Does she have any idea how lovely she is? Ken asked himself bemusedly as he continued his rapt silent regard.
"Jinpei was really worried about you, why'd you shut the bracelet off?"
Jun continued to avoid his gaze. Were you worried too, Ken? She shrugged, trying to be casual. "I just needed to be alone. I wanted to write without anybody peeking over my shoulder to see what I was doing. Besides, I got the impression that Jinpei wanted some space too so I gave it to him."
Ken sighed, "I guess we're all hurting and need space. But, we shouldn't be pushing away from each other, we should be staying close."
"Boy, talk about the pot calling the kettle black," Jun scoffed becoming annoyed, looking up and pinning him with her glare. "You're the worst offender, Ken. You isolate yourself from anything that requires you to show emotion." She laughed bitterly, "Duty first."
Ken cringed at her vehemence. "Believe it or not, Juni I've been saying the same thing to myself these last four days. I even wrote it down in my journal today."
Jun's eyes widened in mock surprise. "Really? And hell didn't freeze over? Well, how 'bout that, miracles do happen," she said derisively.
"You're really pissed at me, aren't you?" Ken declared. "What'd I do?"
Jun looked at him incredulously. "Are you putting me on? I mean you're kidding, right?" At his blank expression she wanted to lash out at him beginning with a tirade unleashed on his empty head. Instead she sighed and replied, "It's not what you did, Ken, it's what you didn't do. For the last four days, since you said what you said to me and left here that night you haven't bothered to call either on our bracelets or on the phone. Like we or more likely, I didn't exist."
Ken lowered his head, "I-I know."
"Is that all you have to say?"
"What do you want me to say, Jun, huh? That I've got it all together and I'm just blowing off my job as commander and friendship to you? That I could care less that the only family I've ever known is falling apart, the three people who mean everything to me are in pain and I can't do a damned thing to help 'cause I'm falling apart too? And that I left my brother and best friend to die on some forsaken field in the heart of the enemy's camp?" Ken's tortured voice was laced with his own agony. His eyes pleaded with her in abject misery and she began to feel sorry for him as her ire seeped away.
"You could've called, you know," Jun said in a small voice, her anger gone. "We're supposed to be family, helping each other through this."
Before Ken could answer, the bell above the door tinkled as it opened and Ryu rushed in, huffing and puffing. "Jun, are you okay? I heard Jinpei calling for you and when you didn't answer, I got worried. I'd have been here sooner but my van wouldn't start." He plopped onto a stool trying to catch his breath.
Jun smiled at him, "Relax, I'm fine, Ryu. Jinpei just pushed the panic button when I didn't respond on the bracelet but as you see I'm okay."
Ryu nodded in relieved acceptance. He glanced at Ken who had his tough Eagle façade on, having put it on as soon as Ryu appeared but the big man must have seen the pained look in Ken's eyes because he said to his commander, "How you doing, Ken?"
Ken grinned sadly, "I'm hanging in there, Ryu. How about you?"
The big man shrugged diffidently. "Okay I guess." He didn't sound convincing. He got up and went to the stairs to Jun and Jinpei's living quarters. "I'm gonna go check on the little guy, okay Jun?"
Jun nodded as Ryu clumped up the stairs. She got up, walked over to the jukebox and began flipping through the selector. Ken got up from his seat in the booth and joined her, watching over her shoulder as she went through the music. He tried to break the tension between them with small talk.
"You've quite a varied selection in there," he commented mildly. It was true, she had a mixture of everything in there, from Jinpei's contribution of techno, grunge and alternative to her own collection of jazz, R & B, classic rock, blues, and folk.
Jun remained silent as she idly flipped through the title selector. Her eyes fell on the number she played the other night and as she ran her hand on the title tag, she was surprised to see that Ken had placed his over it. She looked up at him questioningly.
"You're right when you said before that we should be helping each other through this. Forgive me, Juni for pulling away and pushing you away." His blue eyes were earnestly pleading with her.
Jun turned around carefully as not to disturb his hand resting on hers to return his regard. They seemed suspended in time, lost in each other's intent gazes when the sound of descending footsteps on the stairs broke the spell. Ryu and Jinpei came into the diner, with Jinpei carrying a small overnight bag.
Jun's eyebrows raised quizzically as she gestured at the luggage. "And where do you think you're going?" she asked her brother.
Ryu answered, "I'm heading out on my cabin cruiser for a few days and I thought I'd take Jinpei with me. It'll give you a break"
Jun protested, "You don't have to do that, Ryu. Me and Jinpei are okay."
"I want to go, onechan," Jinpei pleaded with her. "Please? I'm only gonna be gone till Sunday."
"That's right, Jun. I'll bring him back then." Ryu was just as anxious for her to give her consent.
Jun looked from one to the other helplessly "Okay." She bent and gave her little brother a hug and kiss. "Behave yourself and have fun."
"I will, onechan." He gave her a smile and then waved at Ken who was a silent observer to the entire exchange. "Bye, aniki."
Ken waved and replied, "You guys have a good time."
Ryu and Jinpei opened the door and left the diner. Jun waved as they left, then dejectedly dropped her head. Ken took note and his heart constricted in pain for her. She sat on a stool and began in a strange, small voice, "I had no idea that it was so difficult to be with me."
Ken sat in the stool next to her and gently brushed her hair from her forehead. "He probably just needs some time to himself and he figured that you'd be less likely to think he was avoiding you if he went away with Ryu," he reasoned.
If he thought that his statement would be a comfort, he was wrong. Jun's shoulders shook as she sobbed, "I'm so terrible that everyone has to find reasons to avoid me. Jinpei-- you." She buried her face in her hands, crying.
Ken cursed himself silently as he awkwardly tried to make amends by reaching for her. He put his arms around her and pulled her to him, wiping at her eyes lightly with his fingers in a butterfly touch. Her tears were searing his heart like a branding iron because he knew that his neglecting to contact her after being so open the other night, sharing his feelings with her had precipitated her present sense of rejection. He was truly at a loss. The last four days had been a living hell for him, mentally flogging himself continuously with guilt over Joe's death, terrified that he'd made a mistake in telling Jun how he felt, and the ever present cold vicious rage toward Galactor running like an undercurrent through it all. He had deliberately avoided making contact with the team because he had been in the midst of some serious soul-searching and even his many journeys into the sky did little to bring peace to his tormented soul, let alone the anger and blame he was sure the others felt. He imagined the three of his friends, accusation flashing at him from their eyes and the vision alone was enough to seek isolation from them so he disconnected his phone and shut off his communicator until today when Nambu summoned them to his office at ISO.
Ken continued to rhythmically caress Jun's head, laid against his right shoulder, and it felt so right, so comforting to his own emotions raging within. Her sniffling began to subside as she snuggled closer, seeking ease and protection from him and he felt strange but pleased at her need of him. They sat, saying nothing just lost in their individual reveries.
Finally, Jun spoke, "Ken?"
"What, Juni?"
She lifted her head and turned to gaze at him. "W-would you please stay with me tonight? I-I don't want to be alone," she beseeched him, her eyes wide and still glistening with tears.
Ken hesitated for a split second before he acquiesced, "Sure, I'll stay here with you tonight. I'll sleep in Jinpei's room." He smiled as he brushed her hair back from her shoulder.
Jun lowered her head. "I meant, would you stay in my bed with me," she barely whispered.
Ken's eyes widened as he felt himself cornered. The thought of being with her in that way had crossed his mind many more times than once but to have her actually put it in words unnerved him. He felt the heat of a blush come to his cheeks as he desperately sought words to answer her. "I-I," he stammered as he drew back.
Jun sighed as she saw his discomfort. "I didn't mean that way, Ken," she said in a slightly exasperating tone. "I meant, would you just lay beside me tonight and hold me as we fell asleep? I don't want to do anything else."
Ken's mind was racing with all kind of thoughts, thoughts about how he would handle the reality of Jun's body against his if it ever happened and it appeared that it was going to happen tonight. The thoughts were causing his body to respond in a way that reminded him of the last time he had burned so, he woke up in the middle of the night and had to take an ice cold shower. But the last thing he wanted to do was refuse so because of her present emotional state and her feelings of being rejected, Ken found himself between the proverbial rock and hard place.
"S-sure, Jun. But I don't have anything to change into."
Jun breathed a sigh of relief. "That's okay. You can sleep in your shorts. I'll be wearing my nightgown. I promise to be on my best behavior, Ken, all I want tonight is your friendship and to know you're near." She grasped his arm, "Please?"
Ken sighed and nodded, "Okay, Jun. I'll stay here with you tonight." He got to his feet and took her hand and squeezed it. "I'm getting tired anyway so let's go upstairs."
Jun went to the glass door of the Snack to make sure it was locked securely. She then began to climb up the stairs with Ken right behind her. They got to the top of the staircase that led into the parlor/kitchen combination of the apartment where the cold covered plate of her meal sat untouched on the table. She picked the plate up and put it into the refrigerator. She then reached and flicked the overhead light off, momentarily plunging them in total darkness until she flipped on the hall light to go to the bedroom. Ken followed obediently, saying nothing.
Jun turned the light on in her bedroom. The room was airy, inviting, uncluttered, and neat as a pin. There was a vanity with a brush, comb, and a tray of cosmetics, a bureau of drawers, and against the far wall and under the window, her bed. The window was cracked open and the lace curtain was billowing, gently brushing the surface of the pink flowered comforter. She slipped her shoes off and placed them beside the vanity, by her closet. She then went to the bureau and extracted a nightgown from the second drawer.
Ken watched the whole process standing stiffly in the middle of the room at first, feeling ill at ease. The soft femininity of the room coupled with the gentle scent of jasmine that was Jun assaulted him as soon as he entered her inner sanctum and caused his already heightened senses to reel. Part of him wanted to bolt, get on his motorcycle and take off as fast as he could. The other part wanted to go over to her and assist her in her nocturnal preparations as she assisted him in his, concluding with him carrying her to the bed. However, he chose a middle ground, sitting himself on the edge of her bed, watching her intently.
Jun turned around, "I'm going to go get ready in the bathroom. Do you need to use it?"
Ken nodded continuing to stare at her, his heart hammering in his chest, "Uh, yeah, I guess I do." He got up to head to the bathroom.
Jun smiled, "Okay, you go ahead. There's an extra toothbrush in the medicine cabinet." She turned and sat in the chair before the vanity to brush her lustrous ebony hair, paying him no mind.
Ken indulged himself for a minute at the pretty picture she made. He took a ragged breath and then made his way to the bathroom.
Jun sighed as she continued to run the brush through her hair, her thoughts on what lay ahead for the night. She began to have second thoughts as to the wisdom of asking Ken to spend the night with her for she had noticed his quiet but intense regard of her since coming into her room. Maybe temptation would serve to be too much for them but she had hated the thought of being alone. She had surreptitiously glanced at him sitting on her bed while she puttered about before he went to the bathroom and she felt the heat emanating from his gaze causing the rise of desire in her heart as it beat faster. He was sitting there, leanly muscled and his hair fell in shaggy waves below his neck to his shoulders in umber glory. He was such a beautiful man and his shyness was always appealing to her, so different from other men who had boldly approached her in the Snack. She had admired him from not so far for as long as they all were together. She got to her feet, went to the bed to turn back the covers and having done so, she sat there fluffing the pillows with a bemused look on her face, ambivalence beginning to fill her being. She heard the bathroom door open and Ken's footsteps so she shot up to her feet as he re-entered the room.
Jun said in a too-bright, helpful tone, "Did you find what you needed?"
Ken grinned, "Uh-huh. You can go now."
"Okay. I'll get changed in there and you can get changed here." She gestured to the bed. "I pulled down the covers so you can get in when you're ready." She picked up the nightgown she had draped on the back of the vanity chair and headed out.
Ken crept to the door and peeked around to make sure Jun was in the bathroom. The door was closed and the sound of running water came from within. Satisfied, he went back into Jun's room and began undressing. He doffed his shoes, socks, pants, and # 1 tee and hung them over the closet door. Clad only in his shorts, he climbed into the bed and was immediately assailed by the soft jasmine scent that had wafted throughout the room. The bed itself was semi-firm yet cloudlike in its comfort and coolness. He sighed deeply trying to defuse the rising heat in his body, feeling his heart pounding as he anticipated when Jun would join him. Almost in answer, he heard the bathroom door open and saw the hall light flick off. She padded into the room and softly closed the door.
Ken could only stare as Jun turned the light off and made her way to the bed. She was wearing a puff sleeved empress style shorty nightgown in pale pink satin, shimmering in the moonlight streaming in from the window and skylight overhead. Her hair was hanging down curling up at the ends, midnight black, contrasting with her ivory skin. She looked like an angel as the moonlight encircled her and turned the highlights in her hair to deep blue. She sat on the edge of the bed then laid down, curling her legs under the comforter and snuggled up close to Ken who was laying with his back against the window sill facing Jun. He took his head and placed it on the pillow in a more comfortable position to gaze at her.
Jun met his gaze. "Thanks so much for doing this," she whispered.
Ken smiled, "No problem." He reached over and tucked a stray curl out of her eyes.
She lay there only inches away from him, allowing herself to be drawn into the softly glowing blue orbs. Jun took a deep breath and asked him in a little-girl voice, "Uh---I hope that this won't interfere with anything you might have to do. I-I mean, I don't want to keep you from any thing important."
Ken continued to smile gently, "You're not. I've been neglecting all of you long enough and especially you." He let his fingers trail lightly from her hair down her cheek to her jaw.
Jun admitted demurely, "I've wanted to call you, just to see how you were doing but I figured you needed to be by yourself."
"You wouldn't have been able to reach me if you did. I disconnected my phone and I had my bracelet turned off. Like you did today." Ken let his eyes search hers. "I guess you needed some time to yourself as well, huh."
Jun nodded, "That's why I was at the Rainbow Fountain at the park."
Ken nodded in recognition, "Ah, yes. One of your favorite places."
"You have the sky, Ken, I have the fountain."
"True," he agreed. "So has Jinpei been getting on your nerves and did you need a break?"
Jun sighed, "No, I just wanted a quiet place after my session with the counselor. Besides," she added a touch sadly, "Jinpei's been avoiding me."
Ken's eyes widened in disbelief. "Really?"
Jun nodded in misery. "Uh-huh. Oh he talks to me to ask what I want for meals or where something of his is but that's all. He doesn't even argue with me anymore. He just closes himself in his room, shutting me out." She blinked back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.
Ken reached his hand to cup her face and wiped the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes with his fingers. "We've all taken the loss of Joe hard and instead of coming together, we've drifted apart." He sighed deeply, "We've got to stop pushing each other away. We're still a team, still a family." He frowned thoughtfully, his eyes sad and far away.
They lay quietly there, lost in their thoughts with Ken's hand still almost absently caressing Jun's silky cheek. Quietly she reached and captured his hand to hold it in hers as she gazed deeply into his haunted beautiful eyes.
"You still blame yourself for Joe, don't you?" she asked with concern.
Ken replied, "All day, everyday since we lost him."
Jun reached with her other hand to brush his hair from his eyes. "And you think that we all blame you, don't you?" she asked softly.
Ken shook his head in wonder. "How do you do it, Jun? How do you always manage to know my very thoughts?"
Jun smiled, "Figuring you out isn't rocket science, Ken. All I had to do was look into your eyes and see the pain there. I know how close you were to Joe and how you take responsibility for anything that goes wrong." She lowered her lashes shyly and added, " And besides, when you hurt, I hurt."
Ken was deeply moved by the sweet expression of her feelings. Added to the intoxicating scent of jasmine and her very closeness, his body was raging, making him aware only of her. He gently took his hand and grasped her chin to lift her head so he could look into her eyes. Sleep was the last thing on his mind as he allowed himself to drown in the limpid pools of her eyes, forgetting everything.
Jun felt her heart pound as Ken's eyes drew her even closer. She continued to get still closer as their lips seemed on a collision course when she broke away and got out of the bed, her back facing him. In an unsteady voice she said, "I think maybe this was a mistake."
Ken closed his eyes with a sigh, trying to ease the ache in his loins as he got out of the bed. He approached her and took hold of her shoulders. Jun was clutching herself with arms folded in front of her. She turned around to face him with a wry, crooked smile.
"Funny, I thought it'd be you jumping out of the bed and fleeing."
Ken continued to hold on to her shoulders. "The thought had occurred to me earlier but as soon as you came into the room, all I could think of was you being near." He smiled sadly and added, "But, if this is making you uptight, I'll get dressed and go."
"No!" She was surprised by the vehemence in her response. Sheepishly, she reiterated, "I mean, I really don't want you to go, Ken. I want you to hold me." She bit her lip in consternation as she looked up at him with huge verdant eyes.
"Okay." Ken released Jun's shoulders and took her hand gently to lead her back to the bed. "I'm not going anywhere, Juni, not if you don't want me to."
He led her back into the bed, got in, and pulled her against his chest, cradling her against him. She nestled in to him, her left arm draped across his bare hairless chest and laid her head on his shoulder. Ken wrapped his other arm loosely around her, resting his hand on her flat stomach.
"Is this okay?" he asked in a soft voice.
"Hmmm," Jun answered, relishing the feeling of his fingers stroking her hair as she huddled in the crook of his arm.
"Just relax and let sleep come," Ken said yawning as he felt the edge of drowsiness come upon him. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes.
Easier said then done Jun said to herself as she took note of Ken's quiet journey into slumber. Following suit, she laid her head on his gently rising and falling chest as the strong steady beating of his heart pressed against her ear finally lulled her to sleep.
For Ken the location was different but The Dream was the same:
The fog was the consistency of pea soup, drifting wraithlike in tendrils throughout the gloom of Cross Karakorum. The Kagaku Ninjatai was split up with the order to keep radio silence so Katse's goons wouldn't know they were there. Although they had the cover of the dense fog, Galactor was hot after them, armed with the detector device that could identify and pinpoint the signals of the bracelets they communicated with. Ken sent them to cover more ground to find Joe and the Galactor base, and he found himself filled with a witches' brew of emotion, dread, fury, and a burgeoning sense of urgency. He also had a growing uneasy premonition that something was about to break in both cases and that the team was about to face both its most harrowing challenge and greatest loss. But he tried to shake off the maudlin yet nagging thought as he combed the bleak landscape, Galactor goons hot in pursuit.
Ken's search was proving fruitless and he began to glumly wonder if the rest of the team was experiencing the same poor results when he heard Jun's scream into his communicator breaking the silence, saying she'd found Joe. Ken took off, his wings spread behind him as he sprinted in the general direction of the Swan's communiqué in spite of the Galactor goons spread all about, the team's cover blown. He came upon the scene he'd never forget, Condor Joe, his second, his brother, and best friend, laying prone on his back, bullet ridden with life slowly but surely seeping away. Around him was the rest of the team, huddled about, kneeling at their fallen brother's side. Ken too knelt as he angrily berated Joe for his pigheaded foolishness while his brother, in typical Joe-fashion laughed as he chided him about being lectured. He then told Jun to get together with Ken in a real relationship, Jinpei to stop fighting with Jun, and Ryu, that he was sorry for all the times he'd ridiculed him. Then Ken handed Joe his boomerang as a keepsake and made the fateful order to leave him.
The dream then changed to a cloud-filled white room with a large judge's bench of a tribunal; Nambu in the vaunted seat of judgement and the rest of the team, Joe included, seated to the right as jurors. Ken stood before the bench as Nambu's voice intoned the theme of teamwork that was the foundation of the Kagaku Ninjatai and how he, Gatchaman, the commander was charged with violating that sacred tenet. Ken tried desperately to explain his side but to no avail, he'd been sentenced and condemned. He turned to the frozen figures of his teammates, his family, and beseeched them to believe him but it appeared to fall on deaf ears, he found only reprehension and blame in their blank stares except for the anger and accusation flashing from them, the sapphire blue one especially that burned him to his core. He sank to his knees pleading while all four surrounded him like macabre game of ring-around-the-rosie, circling and pointing their fingers, damning him with their eyes and words while he screamed for them to FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME!
"Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me," Ken murmured as he tossed and tried to turn in the bed. He found he couldn't because of something holding his body down....
He opened his eyes and saw immediately that he wasn't at his shack, in his own bed. He slowly came to consciousness and then realized there was the unfamiliar pressure and warmth of another body laying against his, the downy black head resting on his shoulder, the lithe figure in pale pink satin curled up to him brought him to reality; he was with Jun in her room and in her bed. Fully awake, Ken studied the form of the Swan in repose; the peace of deep sleep making her appear cherubic, like a small girl with her heart-shaped face, her slender arm draped over his torso like she was clutching a favorite cuddle toy. He heard Joe's words again and pondered the thought of being in a real relationship with Jun, days filled with trips to the beach, rides in his plane, picnics where they could be alone and make new discoveries about each other. And the nights; nights of falling asleep in each other's arms, energies happily spent by hours of tender lovemaking. The dreams and fantasies that had been his private obsession and his private hell as he was iron bound by duty to his post as Gatchaman commander; dare he hope, could finally be realized now that Katse was dead and Galactor defeated.
Ken gently, tenderly, reached down and planted a kiss on Jun's forehead as she sighed contentedly and snuggled closer, still deep in slumber. Ken laid his head back down and tightened his embrace of Jun as he closed his eyes and again surrendered to the escape of sleep.
