Part IX--COMING TO TERMS
The second counseling sessions at ISO for the Gatchaman team was due to begin. The four youths were seated in Nambu's office, waiting to be picked up by their prospective counselors. They were all carrying their identical black leather journals, having done the assignment that was requested of them. As before, Ryu and Jinpei were chatting among themselves on one sofa and Ken and Jun sat wordlessly on the other. However, unlike the previous time, there was no tension between them, but a quiet atmosphere of intimacy signified by the discreet way they held hands, hidden under a cushion placed strategically between them.
The past week had been a time of the team coming back to each other after having isolated themselves in their own individual grief. Jinpei and Ryu spent several days out on Ryu's cabin cruiser, one of three boats he owns, fishing and talking about the team, Joe, and life in general. They discussed all subjects in both deep and light veins, and strengthened their already solid friendship.
Ken and Jun, however, were the picture of ambivalence. Both had very pertinent misgivings about changing the comfortable relationship that they had maintained for the two years they had fought side by side. But now with Katse and Galactor gone, both also wanted the dormant yearnings that had inundated them since the day they first laid eyes on each other to come to the surface. They knew that they not only owed it to each other but also to Joe, whose last words had replayed over and over again to their individual subconscious.
It started with the breakfast date and segued into several dinner dates, some motorcycle rides, a few trips to the beach, and even a long flight together. To accomplish that, Ken had managed to have Jun sit with him in his seat on his plane with his legs and his arms wrapped around her and was able to hold on to the rudder to steer while managing the throttle with his leg pressed against hers. And they talked about everything together, either at the Snack, where she would play many of her favorite songs for him on her guitar which soon became his favorites, or at his shack, where he shared his magnificent obsession with any kind of aircraft.
Ken also allowed Jun into the most private area of his life, his past with his parents before Galactor ripped everything to shreds and his father's slavish devotion to duty sent him away. One day in his shack, he took out the slim scrapbook that his mother had left him when she passed away and sat down by Jun to show it to her. He smiled as he showed her his baby pictures, the lock of downy mahogany hair lovingly preserved from his first haircut, and the pictures of his first steps. But when he showed her the pictures of him with his father, his eyes clouded as he remembered the anguish of losing his father twice and then as he pointed out the beautiful shots of his mother, her own losing battle with leukemia. At this Jun tenderly held him, letting him release as he agonized about all the losses he had endured in his short life. She marveled at the spitting image resemblance between Ken and his mother, he had her clear azure eyes, her hair and her fine featured face. And then, Jun shared with Ken about her life at the orphanage, how lonely and abandoned she felt while still being a big sister to Jinpei and the very vague memories of her mother, which brought the occasional tears. During those times, Ken held her close to his heart, vowing that she would never again feel abandoned or alone as long as he had anything to say or do about it.
They also lost themselves in each other physically as they at first tentatively experimented with their bodies in times of passionate expression. Then, pent up feelings would come bursting forth like a gusher, as both Ken and Jun eagerly let their fingers travel the length of their bodies, eliciting sensations that both had only dreamed of before. The one boundary that had stood between them was gone so the two very youthful, very much in love individuals; the Eagle and the Swan basked in the glow of their mutual regard as they experienced true love for the first time.
The door opened and Nambu entered with the four counselors trailing behind him. He stood before the occupied sofas in his office. He gazed at his foster children with a mixture of concern and affection.
"Glad you're all here, everyone," he addressed the group while taking note of the close proximity of Ken and Jun as they sat there, their eyes trained on the doctor. He stifled a slight frown as the old feeling of disapproval arose as he continued. "Your sessions are ready to begin so if you'll all pair off with your counselor of the last time, the rooms are ready."
The Gatchaman team members got to their feet and each stepped toward the counselor that had been their individual therapist. They were carrying the journals they had started after the initial session as requested and with shared looks of encouragement to each other, they went their separate ways.
The room that Ken and his counselor used was a conference room situated down the hall from Nambu's office. Ken and his counselor, a tall intense young man with piercing eyes by the name of Shou, took seats across from each other at the table. They examined each other in similar yet diametrically different manners; Ken with slight wariness for Shou's eyes made him uncomfortable.
Shou regarded the Eagle evenly. "So Ken, how's everything going?"
"Okay, I guess."
"You're not sure?"
Ken sighed, "I'm okay."
Shou opened his notebook and scribbled something down.
"How's the week been?"
"Kind of slow," Ken replied. "I'm trying to get used to regular civilian life. And I'm trying to get my air courier business growing."
"Ah, I see. While commanding the Ninjatai, you really didn't have time for that."
"No I didn't."
"Serving on the team didn't leave you much time for anything really."
"No, not really. But it was okay for me 'cause being on the team was enough."
Shou again pinned Ken with his eyes as he wrote more notes. "So you had no desire for anything else in your life beside the team. All of your important relationships were confined to the team."
"Battling Galactor took all my time and attention. Anyone outside of the team couldn't understand," Ken reasoned.
Shou nodded as he continued writing. "So even in down time, you just stuck to relationships with your teammates."
Ken was getting annoyed at the man's irritating grasp of the obvious.
"Shou, as you work for the ISO, I'm sure you can understand that my life is dedicated to the ultimate defeat of Galactor."
Shou put his pen down and made a steeple of his fingers as he scrutinized Ken. "Ken, what I think is not important here, what you think is."
Ha, a typical evasive statement by a shrink to draw the subject out.
"Well, Shou, so far you're batting a thousand in stating everything I believe about my life so what's the purpose of all this?"
"You're getting defensive, Ken." More writing. "I'm picking up some latent hostility."
Ken tried to hold onto his temper. "I just feel that this is a waste of time. Both yours and mine."
"Why?"
Ken took a deep breath. "Because, talking about how I feel about things that have happened is pointless. It won't turn the clock back, It won't bring Joe back, it won't bring my father back."
Shou jotted down the statement then looked up. "No, but to get to a point where you'll be able to go forward in your life, you need to come to terms with your unresolved feelings about your losses." He wrote another line down and tried a different tact. "Have you written in your journal?"
Ken shoved the volume over. "Be my guest," he said laconically.
"I'd rather you read it to me."
Sighing, Ken picked up the leather tome and flipped it open. He began to read the passages he had written, dutifully as always, doing what he was asked whether he liked it or not. It irked him that this perfect stranger, had the nerve and the right to ask him to do what he had just begun to feel comfortable doing with Jun, the one person who meant everything to him, which was share his feelings. But respecting his need for privacy even she hadn't asked for him to share his journal with her nor did he ask her to share hers with him. However, he read the essay to Shou as he requested and the latter scribbled notes all during the recitation.
When Ken had finished and closed his journal, Shou ceased writing and leaned on the table to gaze intently into his eyes. It unnerved him.
"Ken, I noticed that the two team members you spent most of your time describing were Jun and Joe. Why is that?"
Ken bristled as if Shou had tossed a gauntlet at him. "I think that what I wrote should make that fairly obvious," he replied icily.
"Can't you elaborate on that?"
"What's there to elaborate on? I care deeply for both of them. Joe is my best friend and my brother, we grew up together. And Jun, well she's," Ken started and faltered. He took a deep breath and continued, "She's the girl I love."
Shou studied the Eagle intently. "Why did you hesitate so?"
Ken was getting extremely annoyed by the probing of this intensely personal area. "I wasn't aware I hesitated," he countered.
"You're defensive and evasive."
Ken lost his patience. "Look, Shou, I'm not used to 'baring my soul' to anybody. And I'm finding that having to do it with a total stranger bothers me."
Shou's gaze never wavered. "What about your father, Ken?"
Ken's eyes widened at the audacity of the question then narrowed guardedly. "My father is dead," he said in a soft, toneless manner. "Next question."
"No, Ken, let's stay on this. The death of your father affected you greatly. You mentioned that in your journal. So how did you deal with that?"
Ken sighed, "Not well."
"How so?"
"You looked at the mission reports haven't you. I mean, they are declassified public domain now aren't they?" Ken pointed out. The mission reports described the basic outcome and the incidents that occurred during the two years worth of missions including captures and escapes of the team but did not go into detail. They were mostly for the purpose to release information to the press.
"I'd like to hear from you."
Ken averted his eyes for the first time. "I fell apart. Literally, figuratively, you name it. I was filled with an almost fanatical desire for revenge, and I used that to drive my team into a situation that very nearly finished us. Joe tried to stop me but I was too far gone to listen to him. I finally got my head together when Jun yelled at me, calling me useless."
"What did she say?"
"She said that I was going on and on about my father and she reminded me that she and Jinpei were orphans and they hadn't let that effect their work with the team. She then recounted that Jinpei was younger than me and he never carried on about his family," Ken replied, flinching as he remembered the incident all over again.
"Why did Jun's chastising of you bring you back to your senses?"
Ken pondered the question, his hand on his chin. "I guess because she's always supported whatever I did without question. For her to yell at me was unnatural and unexpected, I was totally shocked."
Shou wrote some notes then gazed at Ken. "You figured if you were losing the support of your biggest fan, that you had gone past the limit of reason."
Ken nodded, "Yeah."
Shou leaned closer. "Tell me more about your feelings for Jun. It's very relevant that it was she who made you realize that your grief about your father was destructive. Why is that?"
Ken leaned back and sighed. "I guess because I trust her judgement more than anyone else about things. And she truly understands me, better than anyone since my mother died."
"In your journal, you said you loved her. And you told me just now that she's the girl you love. Have you told her how you feel?"
"No, not yet."
"Have you ever loved any other girl?"
Ken closed his eyes as he remembered the time he tried to help the ISO scientist Boronbo and his daughter Rumi flee from Galactor. He had been attracted to the lovely Rumi when he saw her picture, because she had resembled Jun; ebony hair, ivory skin with luminous eyes. He had rescued her from the hidden dungeon she had been enprisoned in and she had been so grateful, she had wanted to see him behind his visor. But he turned her over to her father and disappeared. He saw her on the train he took home but still bound by duty, he acted like he didn't know her when she confronted him. Later, when he rejoined the team, he'd felt guilty about his attraction to Rumi and the regret he felt at not being able to pursue her. Jun had picked up on it but again to her credit, she said nothing.
Shou sat waiting. "Ken?"
Ken shook himself out of his reverie. "Ah, no. I never bothered to seek out any other girls because of my duty to Kagaku Ninjatai."
"So Jun is the only girl you've ever been close to?"
"Uh-huh. Hakase brought her and Jinpei to Utoland when we were younger. When I first saw her, I was 14 and I was dazzled," Ken said with a somewhat dreamy look in his eyes.
"Describe her to me."
Ken took a deep breath and began almost reverently. "Long black hair, big green eyes, a beautiful face with delicate features, a terrific body, intelligent, sensitive, caring, expert in demolitions, computer whiz, communications genius, superb fighter." He sounded little like the commander but every bit the lovesick swain.
Shou jotted down every word. "You've quite a dossier on your teammate. How did you deal with these feelings, working so closely with her?"
Ken sighed and said flatly, "I didn't. I was her commander and I couldn't afford to allow either one of us to let feelings interfere with us getting our jobs done."
"So you repressed your feelings for Jun and pushed her away?"
"That's about the size of it. But sometimes the feelings came out anyway and neither of us could help it."
"When?"
Ken sighed again, "On a few of the missions we went on, when either of us had come to the brink of dying."
"When you both were faced with the possibility of losing the other, then."
"Uh-huh."
Shou looked up. "You wrote in your journal about an incident that told of you having to set some killer flowers on fire. You and the team thought that Jun was trapped inside of one---"
"She was trapped inside and captured by Galactor," Ken snapped.
Shou ignored the outburst and continued. "You thought you had killed her. How did that make you feel?"
Ken closed his eyes and grimaced in pain as if he were living the whole ordeal all over again. "Like someone had ripped my heart and soul out and left me utterly empty inside. I didn't care about anything. Until Red Imp-my father confronted me and literally beat sense into me to go out and find her body if she really was dead."
Shou studied Ken with his intense eyes. "Isn't it interesting Ken, that the two people who had gotten through to you when you've lost focus in the past were your father and Jun."
Ken made a noncommittal grunt.
Shou changed tact. "Let's talk about Joe now. You wrote in anger about him in your journal, how you wanted to---"
"Kick his ass," Ken finished.
Shou nodded and asked, "Why?"
"Because he disobeyed my orders! Because his stupid, pig-headed stubborn act got him killed! Because he forced me into again making a choice between saving one of my family and fulfilling my duty! Because he never told me how really sick he was," Ken raged, his voice raised in a mixture of fury and agony. He closed his eyes as he felt the sting of hot tears behind his lids. "Because he proved the point that anyone I love is destined to die prematurely and leave me all alone."
The room was silent, as both men were rendered speechless by the raw emotion that hung in the air like an acrid cloud. Ken sighed deeply, tiredly as if he had just completed a long journey or an arduous task. He felt purged and naked at the same time.
Shou pushed his notebook aside. "I think that's it for today, Ken. Keep writing in the journal and this time I want you to write why you feel so responsible for the deaths and losses in your life." He got to his feet. "We'll discuss those issues during the next session." He picked up his notebook and turned to exit the room, leaving Ken there with head bowed, his eyes still closed.
He had remained in that position an undetermined period of time when there was a timid knock on the door and Jun tentatively approached him as he was, still sitting at the table with his head down in his folded arms. She took a seat next to him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. She began massaging his tensed shoulders and muscles in a soothing way. He sighed deeply as he allowed her ministrations to ease his body and his tortured psyche.
"Juni," he rasped, his voice still heavy with emotion. He looked up at her and the pain etched in his tear stained blue eyes shocked her. "Please don't ever leave me." He crushed her in his arms and laid his head on her shoulder as he sobbed.
"Ken," Jun said softly as she rhythmically caressed him. "You don't have to worry. I'll always be here for you. No matter what happens, you'll always have me."
"I-I'm sorry I had us leave Joe at Cross Karakorum. Forgive me?"
"It's okay, Ken, I do." She continued her caresses.
Ryu and Jinpei had been watching from the door and came over to the table where Ken and Jun sat. Ken was oblivious to anyone else but Jun, who he clung to like a drowning man. Ryu and Jinpei were silent, worry across their faces but Jun signaled to them to leave so they did as she bade, exiting as silently as they came, closing the door quietly as they left.
Ken pulled away and Jun took a tissue out of a box on the table to dab at his wet eyes. He grinned crookedly at her. "The mighty Eagle has fallen, huh?"
Jun shook her head. "I don't know why you feel that you have to be so indestructible in front of me. You're not made of stone, you know."
Ken nodded as he gazed at her. "Jun, I need two things right now, the peace of the sky and you. So how about coming with me to the airfield to go flying?"
"It was a bit cramped the last time you took me in your plane," she reminded him. "And wasn't it hard to work the throttle?"
Ken grinned, "Yeah, but that's why it has an auto pilot button."
Jun shook her head with a smile. "Sure."
Ken smiled gratefully as they both got to their feet. He took her elbow. "Let's go then."
The second counseling sessions at ISO for the Gatchaman team was due to begin. The four youths were seated in Nambu's office, waiting to be picked up by their prospective counselors. They were all carrying their identical black leather journals, having done the assignment that was requested of them. As before, Ryu and Jinpei were chatting among themselves on one sofa and Ken and Jun sat wordlessly on the other. However, unlike the previous time, there was no tension between them, but a quiet atmosphere of intimacy signified by the discreet way they held hands, hidden under a cushion placed strategically between them.
The past week had been a time of the team coming back to each other after having isolated themselves in their own individual grief. Jinpei and Ryu spent several days out on Ryu's cabin cruiser, one of three boats he owns, fishing and talking about the team, Joe, and life in general. They discussed all subjects in both deep and light veins, and strengthened their already solid friendship.
Ken and Jun, however, were the picture of ambivalence. Both had very pertinent misgivings about changing the comfortable relationship that they had maintained for the two years they had fought side by side. But now with Katse and Galactor gone, both also wanted the dormant yearnings that had inundated them since the day they first laid eyes on each other to come to the surface. They knew that they not only owed it to each other but also to Joe, whose last words had replayed over and over again to their individual subconscious.
It started with the breakfast date and segued into several dinner dates, some motorcycle rides, a few trips to the beach, and even a long flight together. To accomplish that, Ken had managed to have Jun sit with him in his seat on his plane with his legs and his arms wrapped around her and was able to hold on to the rudder to steer while managing the throttle with his leg pressed against hers. And they talked about everything together, either at the Snack, where she would play many of her favorite songs for him on her guitar which soon became his favorites, or at his shack, where he shared his magnificent obsession with any kind of aircraft.
Ken also allowed Jun into the most private area of his life, his past with his parents before Galactor ripped everything to shreds and his father's slavish devotion to duty sent him away. One day in his shack, he took out the slim scrapbook that his mother had left him when she passed away and sat down by Jun to show it to her. He smiled as he showed her his baby pictures, the lock of downy mahogany hair lovingly preserved from his first haircut, and the pictures of his first steps. But when he showed her the pictures of him with his father, his eyes clouded as he remembered the anguish of losing his father twice and then as he pointed out the beautiful shots of his mother, her own losing battle with leukemia. At this Jun tenderly held him, letting him release as he agonized about all the losses he had endured in his short life. She marveled at the spitting image resemblance between Ken and his mother, he had her clear azure eyes, her hair and her fine featured face. And then, Jun shared with Ken about her life at the orphanage, how lonely and abandoned she felt while still being a big sister to Jinpei and the very vague memories of her mother, which brought the occasional tears. During those times, Ken held her close to his heart, vowing that she would never again feel abandoned or alone as long as he had anything to say or do about it.
They also lost themselves in each other physically as they at first tentatively experimented with their bodies in times of passionate expression. Then, pent up feelings would come bursting forth like a gusher, as both Ken and Jun eagerly let their fingers travel the length of their bodies, eliciting sensations that both had only dreamed of before. The one boundary that had stood between them was gone so the two very youthful, very much in love individuals; the Eagle and the Swan basked in the glow of their mutual regard as they experienced true love for the first time.
The door opened and Nambu entered with the four counselors trailing behind him. He stood before the occupied sofas in his office. He gazed at his foster children with a mixture of concern and affection.
"Glad you're all here, everyone," he addressed the group while taking note of the close proximity of Ken and Jun as they sat there, their eyes trained on the doctor. He stifled a slight frown as the old feeling of disapproval arose as he continued. "Your sessions are ready to begin so if you'll all pair off with your counselor of the last time, the rooms are ready."
The Gatchaman team members got to their feet and each stepped toward the counselor that had been their individual therapist. They were carrying the journals they had started after the initial session as requested and with shared looks of encouragement to each other, they went their separate ways.
The room that Ken and his counselor used was a conference room situated down the hall from Nambu's office. Ken and his counselor, a tall intense young man with piercing eyes by the name of Shou, took seats across from each other at the table. They examined each other in similar yet diametrically different manners; Ken with slight wariness for Shou's eyes made him uncomfortable.
Shou regarded the Eagle evenly. "So Ken, how's everything going?"
"Okay, I guess."
"You're not sure?"
Ken sighed, "I'm okay."
Shou opened his notebook and scribbled something down.
"How's the week been?"
"Kind of slow," Ken replied. "I'm trying to get used to regular civilian life. And I'm trying to get my air courier business growing."
"Ah, I see. While commanding the Ninjatai, you really didn't have time for that."
"No I didn't."
"Serving on the team didn't leave you much time for anything really."
"No, not really. But it was okay for me 'cause being on the team was enough."
Shou again pinned Ken with his eyes as he wrote more notes. "So you had no desire for anything else in your life beside the team. All of your important relationships were confined to the team."
"Battling Galactor took all my time and attention. Anyone outside of the team couldn't understand," Ken reasoned.
Shou nodded as he continued writing. "So even in down time, you just stuck to relationships with your teammates."
Ken was getting annoyed at the man's irritating grasp of the obvious.
"Shou, as you work for the ISO, I'm sure you can understand that my life is dedicated to the ultimate defeat of Galactor."
Shou put his pen down and made a steeple of his fingers as he scrutinized Ken. "Ken, what I think is not important here, what you think is."
Ha, a typical evasive statement by a shrink to draw the subject out.
"Well, Shou, so far you're batting a thousand in stating everything I believe about my life so what's the purpose of all this?"
"You're getting defensive, Ken." More writing. "I'm picking up some latent hostility."
Ken tried to hold onto his temper. "I just feel that this is a waste of time. Both yours and mine."
"Why?"
Ken took a deep breath. "Because, talking about how I feel about things that have happened is pointless. It won't turn the clock back, It won't bring Joe back, it won't bring my father back."
Shou jotted down the statement then looked up. "No, but to get to a point where you'll be able to go forward in your life, you need to come to terms with your unresolved feelings about your losses." He wrote another line down and tried a different tact. "Have you written in your journal?"
Ken shoved the volume over. "Be my guest," he said laconically.
"I'd rather you read it to me."
Sighing, Ken picked up the leather tome and flipped it open. He began to read the passages he had written, dutifully as always, doing what he was asked whether he liked it or not. It irked him that this perfect stranger, had the nerve and the right to ask him to do what he had just begun to feel comfortable doing with Jun, the one person who meant everything to him, which was share his feelings. But respecting his need for privacy even she hadn't asked for him to share his journal with her nor did he ask her to share hers with him. However, he read the essay to Shou as he requested and the latter scribbled notes all during the recitation.
When Ken had finished and closed his journal, Shou ceased writing and leaned on the table to gaze intently into his eyes. It unnerved him.
"Ken, I noticed that the two team members you spent most of your time describing were Jun and Joe. Why is that?"
Ken bristled as if Shou had tossed a gauntlet at him. "I think that what I wrote should make that fairly obvious," he replied icily.
"Can't you elaborate on that?"
"What's there to elaborate on? I care deeply for both of them. Joe is my best friend and my brother, we grew up together. And Jun, well she's," Ken started and faltered. He took a deep breath and continued, "She's the girl I love."
Shou studied the Eagle intently. "Why did you hesitate so?"
Ken was getting extremely annoyed by the probing of this intensely personal area. "I wasn't aware I hesitated," he countered.
"You're defensive and evasive."
Ken lost his patience. "Look, Shou, I'm not used to 'baring my soul' to anybody. And I'm finding that having to do it with a total stranger bothers me."
Shou's gaze never wavered. "What about your father, Ken?"
Ken's eyes widened at the audacity of the question then narrowed guardedly. "My father is dead," he said in a soft, toneless manner. "Next question."
"No, Ken, let's stay on this. The death of your father affected you greatly. You mentioned that in your journal. So how did you deal with that?"
Ken sighed, "Not well."
"How so?"
"You looked at the mission reports haven't you. I mean, they are declassified public domain now aren't they?" Ken pointed out. The mission reports described the basic outcome and the incidents that occurred during the two years worth of missions including captures and escapes of the team but did not go into detail. They were mostly for the purpose to release information to the press.
"I'd like to hear from you."
Ken averted his eyes for the first time. "I fell apart. Literally, figuratively, you name it. I was filled with an almost fanatical desire for revenge, and I used that to drive my team into a situation that very nearly finished us. Joe tried to stop me but I was too far gone to listen to him. I finally got my head together when Jun yelled at me, calling me useless."
"What did she say?"
"She said that I was going on and on about my father and she reminded me that she and Jinpei were orphans and they hadn't let that effect their work with the team. She then recounted that Jinpei was younger than me and he never carried on about his family," Ken replied, flinching as he remembered the incident all over again.
"Why did Jun's chastising of you bring you back to your senses?"
Ken pondered the question, his hand on his chin. "I guess because she's always supported whatever I did without question. For her to yell at me was unnatural and unexpected, I was totally shocked."
Shou wrote some notes then gazed at Ken. "You figured if you were losing the support of your biggest fan, that you had gone past the limit of reason."
Ken nodded, "Yeah."
Shou leaned closer. "Tell me more about your feelings for Jun. It's very relevant that it was she who made you realize that your grief about your father was destructive. Why is that?"
Ken leaned back and sighed. "I guess because I trust her judgement more than anyone else about things. And she truly understands me, better than anyone since my mother died."
"In your journal, you said you loved her. And you told me just now that she's the girl you love. Have you told her how you feel?"
"No, not yet."
"Have you ever loved any other girl?"
Ken closed his eyes as he remembered the time he tried to help the ISO scientist Boronbo and his daughter Rumi flee from Galactor. He had been attracted to the lovely Rumi when he saw her picture, because she had resembled Jun; ebony hair, ivory skin with luminous eyes. He had rescued her from the hidden dungeon she had been enprisoned in and she had been so grateful, she had wanted to see him behind his visor. But he turned her over to her father and disappeared. He saw her on the train he took home but still bound by duty, he acted like he didn't know her when she confronted him. Later, when he rejoined the team, he'd felt guilty about his attraction to Rumi and the regret he felt at not being able to pursue her. Jun had picked up on it but again to her credit, she said nothing.
Shou sat waiting. "Ken?"
Ken shook himself out of his reverie. "Ah, no. I never bothered to seek out any other girls because of my duty to Kagaku Ninjatai."
"So Jun is the only girl you've ever been close to?"
"Uh-huh. Hakase brought her and Jinpei to Utoland when we were younger. When I first saw her, I was 14 and I was dazzled," Ken said with a somewhat dreamy look in his eyes.
"Describe her to me."
Ken took a deep breath and began almost reverently. "Long black hair, big green eyes, a beautiful face with delicate features, a terrific body, intelligent, sensitive, caring, expert in demolitions, computer whiz, communications genius, superb fighter." He sounded little like the commander but every bit the lovesick swain.
Shou jotted down every word. "You've quite a dossier on your teammate. How did you deal with these feelings, working so closely with her?"
Ken sighed and said flatly, "I didn't. I was her commander and I couldn't afford to allow either one of us to let feelings interfere with us getting our jobs done."
"So you repressed your feelings for Jun and pushed her away?"
"That's about the size of it. But sometimes the feelings came out anyway and neither of us could help it."
"When?"
Ken sighed again, "On a few of the missions we went on, when either of us had come to the brink of dying."
"When you both were faced with the possibility of losing the other, then."
"Uh-huh."
Shou looked up. "You wrote in your journal about an incident that told of you having to set some killer flowers on fire. You and the team thought that Jun was trapped inside of one---"
"She was trapped inside and captured by Galactor," Ken snapped.
Shou ignored the outburst and continued. "You thought you had killed her. How did that make you feel?"
Ken closed his eyes and grimaced in pain as if he were living the whole ordeal all over again. "Like someone had ripped my heart and soul out and left me utterly empty inside. I didn't care about anything. Until Red Imp-my father confronted me and literally beat sense into me to go out and find her body if she really was dead."
Shou studied Ken with his intense eyes. "Isn't it interesting Ken, that the two people who had gotten through to you when you've lost focus in the past were your father and Jun."
Ken made a noncommittal grunt.
Shou changed tact. "Let's talk about Joe now. You wrote in anger about him in your journal, how you wanted to---"
"Kick his ass," Ken finished.
Shou nodded and asked, "Why?"
"Because he disobeyed my orders! Because his stupid, pig-headed stubborn act got him killed! Because he forced me into again making a choice between saving one of my family and fulfilling my duty! Because he never told me how really sick he was," Ken raged, his voice raised in a mixture of fury and agony. He closed his eyes as he felt the sting of hot tears behind his lids. "Because he proved the point that anyone I love is destined to die prematurely and leave me all alone."
The room was silent, as both men were rendered speechless by the raw emotion that hung in the air like an acrid cloud. Ken sighed deeply, tiredly as if he had just completed a long journey or an arduous task. He felt purged and naked at the same time.
Shou pushed his notebook aside. "I think that's it for today, Ken. Keep writing in the journal and this time I want you to write why you feel so responsible for the deaths and losses in your life." He got to his feet. "We'll discuss those issues during the next session." He picked up his notebook and turned to exit the room, leaving Ken there with head bowed, his eyes still closed.
He had remained in that position an undetermined period of time when there was a timid knock on the door and Jun tentatively approached him as he was, still sitting at the table with his head down in his folded arms. She took a seat next to him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. She began massaging his tensed shoulders and muscles in a soothing way. He sighed deeply as he allowed her ministrations to ease his body and his tortured psyche.
"Juni," he rasped, his voice still heavy with emotion. He looked up at her and the pain etched in his tear stained blue eyes shocked her. "Please don't ever leave me." He crushed her in his arms and laid his head on her shoulder as he sobbed.
"Ken," Jun said softly as she rhythmically caressed him. "You don't have to worry. I'll always be here for you. No matter what happens, you'll always have me."
"I-I'm sorry I had us leave Joe at Cross Karakorum. Forgive me?"
"It's okay, Ken, I do." She continued her caresses.
Ryu and Jinpei had been watching from the door and came over to the table where Ken and Jun sat. Ken was oblivious to anyone else but Jun, who he clung to like a drowning man. Ryu and Jinpei were silent, worry across their faces but Jun signaled to them to leave so they did as she bade, exiting as silently as they came, closing the door quietly as they left.
Ken pulled away and Jun took a tissue out of a box on the table to dab at his wet eyes. He grinned crookedly at her. "The mighty Eagle has fallen, huh?"
Jun shook her head. "I don't know why you feel that you have to be so indestructible in front of me. You're not made of stone, you know."
Ken nodded as he gazed at her. "Jun, I need two things right now, the peace of the sky and you. So how about coming with me to the airfield to go flying?"
"It was a bit cramped the last time you took me in your plane," she reminded him. "And wasn't it hard to work the throttle?"
Ken grinned, "Yeah, but that's why it has an auto pilot button."
Jun shook her head with a smile. "Sure."
Ken smiled gratefully as they both got to their feet. He took her elbow. "Let's go then."
