American Idol Tortall Style

Chapter II

By Raashna

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story or the show American Idol. I wrote this story for fun and the only thing (person, really) I own is Raashna, who happens to be ME!!

A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed! Insanity aboard!

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Raashna: Hello everyone, and welcome to American Idol Tortall Style. Today the Duke Roger of Conte will be singing "Why I Hate Alanna and Why Onua is Bad and Why I Am the Best Singer in the Universe and Why I Hate Daine Even Though I Never Met Her Because I Was Dead and Why Numair Annoys Me Because He Has a Personality Like Cooked Cabbage, " a song of his own creation!

Audience: Yea!

Alanna: I want to be a wrestler when I grow up!

Owen: Jolly! So do I! I like blueberry pie! That rhymes!

Merric: That was pretty random. I don't like random people. I want to kill all random people. Can I kill you because you are a random person?

Owen: Jolly! That would be fun!

Kel: Maybe we should get on with the show…

Merric: …after I kill Owen.

Kel: Go ahead. I wanted to kill Owen from the moment I met him, but… The St… The Bea… The Fruitloop… Lord Wyldon wouldn't let me.

Daine: Help! There is someone backstage… and they have a gun!

Merric: What's a gun?

Raashna: A metal device stupid people like YOU use to kill people. The person backstage is a contract killer I hired to kill YOU so I wouldn't have to deal with YOU after the show.

Merric: *gulp*

Owen: What about me? I want to be killed…

Roger: Has anyone seen my nail polish?

Merric: That was pretty random. I do not like random people. I want to kill all random people. Can I kill you because you are a random person?

Raashna: Sadly, all killing must wait until the end of the show…

Kel: In case of an emergency, oxygen masks will be released from the overhead compartment. Pull the mask toward you to start the flow of oxygen. Even though the mask will not inflate, oxygen will flow through the mask. Secure your mask before helping others. Thank you for flying the friendly skies with American Airlines.

Merric: That was pretty random. I do-

Roger: Shut up, you.

Raashna: You know, the audience is sort of disappearing… *gasps* I could lose my job! I could be fired!

Daine: *talking to herself* Come and join us, come and join us! My preciousssssss…

Numair: What?

Daine: Dude, I like wasn't like talking to you, like I don't like like you anymore… You're a dork and like dude, like you like are mean-

Roger: Dude. I like that word. Dude. DUUUUUUUDDDDDDDEEEEEEE! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! Dude.

Raashna: Spare me, Roger. I don't want to hear it. Just sing your stupid song already!

Roger: Dude. Here is my song.

How I long to kill Alanna

It's too bad she will not die

She reminds me of banana

Unsquishable banana pie.

Onua is very bad

She makes me very mad,

Daine is very evil,

She converses with the deevil.

Numair is cooked cabbage,

It's too bad I like it raw,

When he wears his stupid badge

I want to cut him with a saw.

Daine talks to animals

Such foolishness I never heard

Once I had a gun,

And I shot it at a bird.

I annoy myself greatly,

It's too bad I cannot lie,

And if I find Alanna,

I guarantee that she will die.

Raashna: That was very…nice.

Audience: *silence*

Roger: Dude.

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*Hides under desk* That was the worst thing I have ever written in my whole life! I am highly embarrassed. I know it wasn't funny, no need to tell me, but flame all you want! Next chapter coming soon… hopefully better than this.