As Samantha settled into a chair facing her mother and her aunt, a cozy,
familiar feeling swelled inside of her. She snuggled back into the chair,
pressing her hands against the warm coffee mug, and allowed her memories to
overtake her. Christmas mornings filled with happiness and laughter, her
parents embracing each other, embracing her. Sundays spent painting with
her aunt or making breakfast with her mother.
She touched a place on the arm of the chair where she would spill hot chocolate when she was five while her mother held her on her lap and read to her while they waited for her father to come home from one of his assignments. And then years later when she was fourteen, her father would hold her on his lap as she cried about losing her best friend.
"Sam." She could see her mother swallow with hesitation. "What do you remember about the time that Phoebe...turned?"
"Not a lot." Samantha drummed her fingers against her mug. "I mean, not only was I young, but it happened around the time that..."
"The time that what?" Paige prompted her.
Samantha's eyebrows drew together and her mouth pressed into a thin line as she stared at Paige, reluctant to continue. "I'm not sure if I should tell you. I mean, I don't know what could happen--"
"I think that if we are going to stop what happened to you from happening, and we're going to," Piper said firmly, "you're going to have to reveal some of what hasn't happened yet."
Samantha nodded, a corner of her mouth drawing back before she continued hesitantly. "It was around the time that Max died."
"Max?" Paige asked.
"Your...husband."
Paige's mouth opened slowly. "Oh."
Samantha watched as her aunt appeared to shrink a little, her body seeming to fold into itself. "He had taken care of me since I was a baby and everyone...was very sad when he passed away. Everything that happened after kind of blends together in my memory."
Piper glanced over at Paige in concern. "You okay?"
Paige's gaze met her sister's a little unsteadily. "Yeah, I'm fine." Piper could tell from her tone of voice and the way she moved uncomfortably on the couch that Paige was far from fine, but she chose not to press her. "Do you remember Cole being around back then?"
Sam narrowed her eyes as she tried to remember. "Maybe. I think he was there the day that Dad left."
"Left?" Piper sat up a little straighter, her interest piqued. "What do you mean 'left'?"
Samantha held up a hand in mock surrender. "Look, all I really remember about that time are feelings mostly and big events. I remember everyone was sad after Max left and then everyone started fighting. You and Dad were fighting with each other and with her--" Sam still couldn't bring herself to say Phoebe's name. "Then one day Dad left. And the next day so did she. After a few weeks, Dad came back--it was like he had just been on assignment, but something seemed different about how he left and why he returned. But she never did come back."
Piper sighed and took a long drink of her tea. Samantha could tell that both her mother and her aunt were disappointed. "I'm sorry I don't remember."
"Honey, don't be sorry," Piper told her. "It's not your fault."
"Still, I wish I could remember more."
"Do you remember ever seeing Phoebe after the day she left?" Piper asked.
"No. Not until she..." Samantha looked down into her tea. "Not until the attack."
"So she didn't try to hurt us until then?"
Samantha shook her head and Piper's expression became puzzled.
"Why--if Phoebe became evil the day she left--did it take her so long to attack us?" Piper gestured at Sam. "If you were six when Phoebe left, it must have been ten years that she left us alone."
"I think the attack had something to do with the Axis," Samantha said.
Paige sat forward on the couch again, trying to push aside the confusion she felt after hearing Sam's news that her husband, whoever he might be, could be dead in six years. "The what?"
"The Axis. It's something very powerful that the Elders entrusted you and Mom to protect. It makes sense that they might be after it because they'd never bothered to fight through the protection spell on the house before then."
"Protection spell?" Paige began to smile. "So I finally finished it?"
Samantha grinned at her in response.
"Oh." Paige's face fell. "But if Phoebe and Cole fought through it, it must not be very strong."
"So why would Phoebe and Cole want the Axis?" Piper wondered.
"I'm not sure. I was never certain of what it did, but I think it opened some kind of a portal."
The three sat in silence for a few moments. As Piper and Paige absorbed and processed what they had heard, Samantha was remembering her childhood, the memories of her family surrounding her like ghosts.
"Okay," Paige interjected in a cheerful voice. "So the question still is, what are we going to do? We're not going to vanquish Phoebe. We can't vanquish Cole--"
"Why not?" Samantha leaned forward in curiosity. "If he's a demon, there's got to be a vanquish."
"It's a little more complicated than that," Piper admitted. "Cole--he really isn't a demon, I guess. We vanquished him but somehow, because of his soul, we think, he managed to survive--"
"Oh, this demon!" Sam's face brightened with recognition. "You've been trying to figure out a way to vanquish him for years."
"Why have we bothered?" Paige leaned back into the couch, crossing her arms dejectedly. "The guy's invincible."
"No, he's not."
Piper and Paige grew very still as their gazes met Samantha's.
"I can vanquish him. Or at least I can in the future with Paige's help."
"How?" Paige asked incredulously. "We hit him with some of our strongest potions and it didn't even make him blink."
Samantha sunk back into the chair a little. Finally she knew something that her mother and her aunt might find useful, but again her knowledge was incomplete. "I don't really know exactly."
Piper's forehead creased in concern. "Did we not tell you anything about magic?"
"Not a lot," Sam admitted. "I mean, I always knew I was a witch and a whitelighter and that I had powers, but mostly you and Dad dealt with the demons. I was only brought into things if I was really needed." Her expression darkened and her voice lowered. "I think you wanted to protect me..."
Piper heard the end of her sentence even though it remained unspoken: "That's why I couldn't protect you."
"But anyway," Before she became too emotional, Samantha tried to continue. "The key to vanquishing the demon is his soul."
"What about his soul?" Paige asked.
"Well, because of his soul he's been able to escape oblivion, like you said. You can't vanquish a soul. Now he's become sort of a soul with powers, which makes him unvanquishable. So to vanquish him--"
"You have to remove his soul," Paige finished in realization.
"What about after that? How do you get rid of his powers?" Piper asked.
"I think Paige prepared something that was a combination of a power- stripping potion and a standard vanquishing potion."
"That kind of makes sense," Paige admitted. "When I used the power- stripping potion on him before, his powers just became a separate entity-- so if we could vanquish them too, that might just get rid of them."
Piper remained hesitant to assume that they had all the pieces to vanquish Cole. "But what about his human form?"
Samantha's expression revealed her uncertainty. "I don't know. You weren't sure if he would have a human form or not once he didn't have a soul anymore. I think the plan was for you to just blow up whatever was left after the potion."
"But then, wouldn't I be killing a human being?" Piper questioned.
Samantha raised her shoulders in a shrug and Paige placed a hand on her arm. "We might have just been desperate enough."
Piper nodded sullenly, but the idea unsettled her.
"Well, now that we have a plan, or at least kind of know what we're doing, I'm going to go get started on that potion." Giving Piper's arm a squeeze, Paige rose from the couch and headed into the kitchen, leaving Piper and Samantha alone.
As soon as Paige left, Piper began to feel nervous, as if she were auditioning for part in a play or a solo in the choir. She smoothed her shirt over her stomach and patted it thoughtfully. She had a thousand questions that she could ask her daughter, but really only a few that mattered. But could she really ask those things of her?
When she had gathered enough courage, Piper looked up to find Samantha smiling at her. "What?" she asked.
Samantha moved in her chair, running a hand through her hair, acting as though she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. "Oh, I was just...remembering things."
"Like what?"
"Like how when I was young, about eight, I had trouble sleeping by myself because I had seen a play at school about Hansel and Gretel. The witch that was going to eat them scared me. So for about a year I would wander into your bedroom at night, and you and Dad would always let me sleep with you. You said that we made a sandwich--I was the peanut butter and jelly and you were the bread. And you or Dad would hold me until I went to sleep. I always felt so safe then."
As Piper watched the sadness mixed with contentment flicker in Samantha's eyes, she felt her resolve weaken. How could she ask these things of her, when she had seen... But she needed to know.
"Sam, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
Samantha shook her head and shrugged her indifference.
"It's about the attack," Piper warned her. She saw Samantha's body grow tense, but she nodded for Piper to continue. "Are you sure that Leo...was dead?"
"Yes." Samantha's response was so quiet that Piper wasn't quite sure she had even spoke at all.
"But how...?" Piper's voice broke a little as the thought of losing her husband caused her emotions to rise up in her throat. "Phoebe said she saw herself throw an athame at him. How could that kill him?"
Piper could hear as Sam audibly drew a shaky breath. "They must have dipped the dagger in darklighter poison, and enchanted it somehow so that it would kill quicker because by the time they let me out of whatever they trapped me in...he was gone. I couldn't heal him."
"How long were you trapped?" Piper asked gently.
"I don't know." Her eyes had grown glassy and were fixedly staring over Piper's shoulder. She looked as though she was trying very hard to disconnect herself from the experiences of which she was speaking. "I was too upset to really keep track of time. They were arguing about something. I think the demon wanted to try to kill me, but she--the woman--didn't think they should. She was mad about what happened. When she let me out, the demon was gone and she..." Samantha laughed a little bitterly, tears gathering in her eyes. "She apologized to me for what she had done. And then she left."
Piper felt something in her chest tighten, her breathing become a little more labored. "Oh, Samantha, I am so sorry." The words came out before Piper realized she was saying them. "This is all my fault."
"What is?" Samantha crossed the short distance to the couch, sitting next to her mother. "What's your fault?"
"Everything. All of the pain you've experienced. It's all my fault. I knew-- I knew what kind of life you would have because of who you are--because of who I am. But I was selfish and I'm bringing you into this nightmare of an existence anyway." Turning to her daughter, Piper reached out a hand to touch her cheek. "I'm so sorry."
"No." Samantha shook her head and took her mother's outstretched hand. "No. Don't be sorry. You gave me such an amazing gift: you gave me you. Because you're my mother, I have you. And you gave me Dad and Paige. And I have so many other people who love me and care about me because of who you are." Sam pressed her mother's hand tightly, trying to make the weight of her words more real. "Sure, I've experienced loss, but I've also been so happy. And my happiness outweighs my sadness by so much more."
After gazing steadily at her mother for a few moments, Samantha snuggled close to Piper, linking her arm through hers and resting her head on her shoulder. Too afraid that her heart might burst from all of her emotion, Piper's mouth opened and closed but no words came out. And as they sat without speaking and listened to each other breathe, the heat of their bodies was exchanged through silent, imperceptible transactions.
She touched a place on the arm of the chair where she would spill hot chocolate when she was five while her mother held her on her lap and read to her while they waited for her father to come home from one of his assignments. And then years later when she was fourteen, her father would hold her on his lap as she cried about losing her best friend.
"Sam." She could see her mother swallow with hesitation. "What do you remember about the time that Phoebe...turned?"
"Not a lot." Samantha drummed her fingers against her mug. "I mean, not only was I young, but it happened around the time that..."
"The time that what?" Paige prompted her.
Samantha's eyebrows drew together and her mouth pressed into a thin line as she stared at Paige, reluctant to continue. "I'm not sure if I should tell you. I mean, I don't know what could happen--"
"I think that if we are going to stop what happened to you from happening, and we're going to," Piper said firmly, "you're going to have to reveal some of what hasn't happened yet."
Samantha nodded, a corner of her mouth drawing back before she continued hesitantly. "It was around the time that Max died."
"Max?" Paige asked.
"Your...husband."
Paige's mouth opened slowly. "Oh."
Samantha watched as her aunt appeared to shrink a little, her body seeming to fold into itself. "He had taken care of me since I was a baby and everyone...was very sad when he passed away. Everything that happened after kind of blends together in my memory."
Piper glanced over at Paige in concern. "You okay?"
Paige's gaze met her sister's a little unsteadily. "Yeah, I'm fine." Piper could tell from her tone of voice and the way she moved uncomfortably on the couch that Paige was far from fine, but she chose not to press her. "Do you remember Cole being around back then?"
Sam narrowed her eyes as she tried to remember. "Maybe. I think he was there the day that Dad left."
"Left?" Piper sat up a little straighter, her interest piqued. "What do you mean 'left'?"
Samantha held up a hand in mock surrender. "Look, all I really remember about that time are feelings mostly and big events. I remember everyone was sad after Max left and then everyone started fighting. You and Dad were fighting with each other and with her--" Sam still couldn't bring herself to say Phoebe's name. "Then one day Dad left. And the next day so did she. After a few weeks, Dad came back--it was like he had just been on assignment, but something seemed different about how he left and why he returned. But she never did come back."
Piper sighed and took a long drink of her tea. Samantha could tell that both her mother and her aunt were disappointed. "I'm sorry I don't remember."
"Honey, don't be sorry," Piper told her. "It's not your fault."
"Still, I wish I could remember more."
"Do you remember ever seeing Phoebe after the day she left?" Piper asked.
"No. Not until she..." Samantha looked down into her tea. "Not until the attack."
"So she didn't try to hurt us until then?"
Samantha shook her head and Piper's expression became puzzled.
"Why--if Phoebe became evil the day she left--did it take her so long to attack us?" Piper gestured at Sam. "If you were six when Phoebe left, it must have been ten years that she left us alone."
"I think the attack had something to do with the Axis," Samantha said.
Paige sat forward on the couch again, trying to push aside the confusion she felt after hearing Sam's news that her husband, whoever he might be, could be dead in six years. "The what?"
"The Axis. It's something very powerful that the Elders entrusted you and Mom to protect. It makes sense that they might be after it because they'd never bothered to fight through the protection spell on the house before then."
"Protection spell?" Paige began to smile. "So I finally finished it?"
Samantha grinned at her in response.
"Oh." Paige's face fell. "But if Phoebe and Cole fought through it, it must not be very strong."
"So why would Phoebe and Cole want the Axis?" Piper wondered.
"I'm not sure. I was never certain of what it did, but I think it opened some kind of a portal."
The three sat in silence for a few moments. As Piper and Paige absorbed and processed what they had heard, Samantha was remembering her childhood, the memories of her family surrounding her like ghosts.
"Okay," Paige interjected in a cheerful voice. "So the question still is, what are we going to do? We're not going to vanquish Phoebe. We can't vanquish Cole--"
"Why not?" Samantha leaned forward in curiosity. "If he's a demon, there's got to be a vanquish."
"It's a little more complicated than that," Piper admitted. "Cole--he really isn't a demon, I guess. We vanquished him but somehow, because of his soul, we think, he managed to survive--"
"Oh, this demon!" Sam's face brightened with recognition. "You've been trying to figure out a way to vanquish him for years."
"Why have we bothered?" Paige leaned back into the couch, crossing her arms dejectedly. "The guy's invincible."
"No, he's not."
Piper and Paige grew very still as their gazes met Samantha's.
"I can vanquish him. Or at least I can in the future with Paige's help."
"How?" Paige asked incredulously. "We hit him with some of our strongest potions and it didn't even make him blink."
Samantha sunk back into the chair a little. Finally she knew something that her mother and her aunt might find useful, but again her knowledge was incomplete. "I don't really know exactly."
Piper's forehead creased in concern. "Did we not tell you anything about magic?"
"Not a lot," Sam admitted. "I mean, I always knew I was a witch and a whitelighter and that I had powers, but mostly you and Dad dealt with the demons. I was only brought into things if I was really needed." Her expression darkened and her voice lowered. "I think you wanted to protect me..."
Piper heard the end of her sentence even though it remained unspoken: "That's why I couldn't protect you."
"But anyway," Before she became too emotional, Samantha tried to continue. "The key to vanquishing the demon is his soul."
"What about his soul?" Paige asked.
"Well, because of his soul he's been able to escape oblivion, like you said. You can't vanquish a soul. Now he's become sort of a soul with powers, which makes him unvanquishable. So to vanquish him--"
"You have to remove his soul," Paige finished in realization.
"What about after that? How do you get rid of his powers?" Piper asked.
"I think Paige prepared something that was a combination of a power- stripping potion and a standard vanquishing potion."
"That kind of makes sense," Paige admitted. "When I used the power- stripping potion on him before, his powers just became a separate entity-- so if we could vanquish them too, that might just get rid of them."
Piper remained hesitant to assume that they had all the pieces to vanquish Cole. "But what about his human form?"
Samantha's expression revealed her uncertainty. "I don't know. You weren't sure if he would have a human form or not once he didn't have a soul anymore. I think the plan was for you to just blow up whatever was left after the potion."
"But then, wouldn't I be killing a human being?" Piper questioned.
Samantha raised her shoulders in a shrug and Paige placed a hand on her arm. "We might have just been desperate enough."
Piper nodded sullenly, but the idea unsettled her.
"Well, now that we have a plan, or at least kind of know what we're doing, I'm going to go get started on that potion." Giving Piper's arm a squeeze, Paige rose from the couch and headed into the kitchen, leaving Piper and Samantha alone.
As soon as Paige left, Piper began to feel nervous, as if she were auditioning for part in a play or a solo in the choir. She smoothed her shirt over her stomach and patted it thoughtfully. She had a thousand questions that she could ask her daughter, but really only a few that mattered. But could she really ask those things of her?
When she had gathered enough courage, Piper looked up to find Samantha smiling at her. "What?" she asked.
Samantha moved in her chair, running a hand through her hair, acting as though she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. "Oh, I was just...remembering things."
"Like what?"
"Like how when I was young, about eight, I had trouble sleeping by myself because I had seen a play at school about Hansel and Gretel. The witch that was going to eat them scared me. So for about a year I would wander into your bedroom at night, and you and Dad would always let me sleep with you. You said that we made a sandwich--I was the peanut butter and jelly and you were the bread. And you or Dad would hold me until I went to sleep. I always felt so safe then."
As Piper watched the sadness mixed with contentment flicker in Samantha's eyes, she felt her resolve weaken. How could she ask these things of her, when she had seen... But she needed to know.
"Sam, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
Samantha shook her head and shrugged her indifference.
"It's about the attack," Piper warned her. She saw Samantha's body grow tense, but she nodded for Piper to continue. "Are you sure that Leo...was dead?"
"Yes." Samantha's response was so quiet that Piper wasn't quite sure she had even spoke at all.
"But how...?" Piper's voice broke a little as the thought of losing her husband caused her emotions to rise up in her throat. "Phoebe said she saw herself throw an athame at him. How could that kill him?"
Piper could hear as Sam audibly drew a shaky breath. "They must have dipped the dagger in darklighter poison, and enchanted it somehow so that it would kill quicker because by the time they let me out of whatever they trapped me in...he was gone. I couldn't heal him."
"How long were you trapped?" Piper asked gently.
"I don't know." Her eyes had grown glassy and were fixedly staring over Piper's shoulder. She looked as though she was trying very hard to disconnect herself from the experiences of which she was speaking. "I was too upset to really keep track of time. They were arguing about something. I think the demon wanted to try to kill me, but she--the woman--didn't think they should. She was mad about what happened. When she let me out, the demon was gone and she..." Samantha laughed a little bitterly, tears gathering in her eyes. "She apologized to me for what she had done. And then she left."
Piper felt something in her chest tighten, her breathing become a little more labored. "Oh, Samantha, I am so sorry." The words came out before Piper realized she was saying them. "This is all my fault."
"What is?" Samantha crossed the short distance to the couch, sitting next to her mother. "What's your fault?"
"Everything. All of the pain you've experienced. It's all my fault. I knew-- I knew what kind of life you would have because of who you are--because of who I am. But I was selfish and I'm bringing you into this nightmare of an existence anyway." Turning to her daughter, Piper reached out a hand to touch her cheek. "I'm so sorry."
"No." Samantha shook her head and took her mother's outstretched hand. "No. Don't be sorry. You gave me such an amazing gift: you gave me you. Because you're my mother, I have you. And you gave me Dad and Paige. And I have so many other people who love me and care about me because of who you are." Sam pressed her mother's hand tightly, trying to make the weight of her words more real. "Sure, I've experienced loss, but I've also been so happy. And my happiness outweighs my sadness by so much more."
After gazing steadily at her mother for a few moments, Samantha snuggled close to Piper, linking her arm through hers and resting her head on her shoulder. Too afraid that her heart might burst from all of her emotion, Piper's mouth opened and closed but no words came out. And as they sat without speaking and listened to each other breathe, the heat of their bodies was exchanged through silent, imperceptible transactions.
