Phoebe lay curled up on her bed, holding her knees against her chest, her
face pressed into the space between her pillows. Her body felt heavy--not
so much numb exactly, but as if moving her arm would require more energy
than she could possibly muster.
Knowing the future was the strangest thing. Because of her powers, she had seen the future dozens of times. At first her premonitions fell as heavy as lead on her shoulders--knowing that someone was going to die made you responsible for her fate. Accepting the fact that she couldn't save all of the innocents she saw in her visions was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.
But eventually the arrogance set in. She became accustomed to having the power to keep her premonitions from happening; the fear that had gripped each time she witnessed a death in her mind lessened--until her premonitions revealed her fate. Then she was reminded of how much power she wielded over other people's lives.
Yet why did she feel so powerless? Why, even though she had changed someone's future countless numbers of times, did she feel as though hers remained set in stone?
Perhaps because her premonition wasn't really a premonition. Perhaps it was only a reminder or a guarantee of who or what she would eventually become.
All of a sudden she felt her mattress give under someone's weight and she raised her head from her pillows, pushing the hair out of her eyes.
"Leo." He sat at the end of her bed, his hands resting in his lap. Phoebe felt a pang of nausea as the memory of him falling to the floor, the athame she had thrown sunk deep into his chest, replayed in her mind. "I, uh, didn't hear you come in."
A little sheepishly, Leo glanced down at his hands, twisting his wedding band on his finger. "Well, I orbed. Normally, you know I wouldn't and I'll leave if you want me to, but I sensed how upset you are and I thought you might want to talk."
Sitting up, Phoebe leaned back against her pillows and pulled the blanket under which she had been huddling over her arms. "There's really not that much to talk about, Leo." She swallowed hard, afraid of what she was beginning to think was the truth. "I'm evil. It's my destiny."
"Phoebe, it's not your destiny." Leo moved closer to her on the bed. "And you're not evil. We all have good and evil inside of us and we choose to be one or the other."
"Well, then why do I always seem to choose to be evil if it's not my destiny? I turned evil in my past life. In my present one, I've married the Source of All Evil and become Queen of the Underworld. And according to my premonition, I'm going to do it again."
Tears stung her eyes and she pressed her face into her hands, hoping that maybe if she could shut Leo out the possibility would disappear. But images from her premonition kept resurfacing in her thoughts, haunting her. She felt the pressure of Leo's hand on her shoulder and lowered her hands enough to look into his eyes.
"That premonition could be a good thing, not a curse. Because you received it, that means you still have the chance to keep that future from happening."
The warmth of his eyes and the earnestness of his voice made Phoebe almost feel lulled into accepting the hope he presented. She desperately wanted to believe him; she desperately wanted to keep lying to herself like she had been doing ever since she had helped her sisters vanquish Cole. But she could not keep ignoring the truth.
"What if this isn't a premonition I can keep from happening, Leo? What if it's only supposed to prepare me for what's to come?"
Leo's mouth softened and Phoebe could feel his pity for her emanating from his body. As he drew breath to speak, Phoebe held up a hand to silence him. "I really don't feel like talking anymore, Leo."
She could see the concern in his eyes as he nodded sadly. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked quietly.
"No." Phoebe drew the blanket more closely around her shoulders. "If you could just sit with me for a little while..." She hesitated, certain that she had no right to ask that of him. "It would mean a lot to me."
With a whisper of a smile on his lips, Leo's gaze flickered from hers to the ground and he clasped his hands between his knees, leaning forward with his elbows braced on his thighs.
Phoebe stared closely at his hands as he laced his fingers together, pressed them palm against palm, played with his wedding ring. His hands were those that had held her, comforted her, healed her. How could she kill this man who had protected her and saved her life, who loved her sister and whom her sister loved, whom she loved?
"Leo?" His gaze met hers. "I know we don't say this enough--I don't say this enough, but thank you. For everything that you do."
His face colored a little and the corner of his mouth turned up in a half- smile. "I'm just doing my job, Phoebe--"
"No, it's more than that. You're a good husband to Piper and you're so good to Paige...and to me."
"Well, you're my family. Families take care of each other."
Phoebe felt her insides grow shaky and her limbs begin to tremble. Her family did take care of her and support her and comfort her. But when was the last time she had taken care of her family?
Suddenly, Leo seemed concerned and quickly stood up. "Uh oh. Piper's coming. I'd better go. She'd be upset if she thought you had talked to me before talking to her."
"Okay." Phoebe looked up at him despondently. "I'm so sorry, Leo."
His forehead wrinkled as he looked back at her, somewhat confused, somewhat understanding, before he disappeared in a swirl of blue orbs.
After a quiet knock sounded, the door to her bedroom opened slowly and Piper's face appeared in the crack. "Phoebe, can I come in?"
Phoebe nodded and the door swung open wider as Piper entered the room carrying a coffee mug with steam rising over its rim.
"Paige and Sam and I were having some tea and I thought you might want some."
"Thank you." Accepting the mug, Phoebe held it between her hands and peeked up almost shyly at her sister.
"Can I get you anything else?" Piper offered, her arms spreading.
Phoebe shook her head. "No, thank you. This is fine."
Piper clasped her hands over her stomach and stood awkwardly in silence. She didn't want to disrespect her sister's wish to think about things on her own, and Phoebe knew that Piper was giving her a chance to say something about what had happened before. But she couldn't. She was too ashamed.
After a few moments Piper cleared her throat. "Sam told us some more of what she knew about Cole, and we think we might have a way to vanquish him. Paige is working on a potion now."
For a second Phoebe stopped breathing and she heard her heartbeat pounding in her head. "Really? How?"
"I-- I'm not sure, honestly. We haven't exactly worked out all of the details yet. Sam still hasn't explained a few things."
Vanquish Cole. They were going to vanquish Cole. Trying to push aside the feelings that overwhelmed her and confused her, Phoebe glanced up at Piper. "Samantha's really beautiful, Piper."
Piper smiled slightly, her eyes softening. "She is, isn't she?" Phoebe grinned back at her. "She looks so much like me and...mom. I still can't believe that--" Piper placed her hands on the sides of her belly. "Well, it just doesn't seem possible that she's here and that she's my daughter."
"I can tell how much she loves you and Leo. You guys are going to be great parents, I know it." Phoebe held out a hand to her sister and when Piper placed a hand in hers, the warm flesh of their palms touching, Phoebe squeezed it gratefully.
"Thank you," Piper said.
Silence filled the room again as fear held back the words that rested on their tongues. Piper wished she could say something to her sister to ease her pain, but she couldn't find the right words. She kept picturing Phoebe's description of Leo crumpling to the floor, the knife imbedded in his chest, which made her hesitant to offer any comfort. Phoebe wanted to tell her sister again how sorry she was, and that she would never put her family in danger like that, but she would be lying. She knew the possibility lay inside her, just as it always had.
Finally, Piper spoke. "Well, if you don't need anything else, I should get back downstairs to help Paige."
"Okay." Phoebe lifted her mug slightly. "Thanks for the tea."
Piper nodded and turned to leave, but when she reached the door she paused, looking back over her shoulder at Phoebe. "You know, we are going to fix this."
Phoebe could hear the determination in Piper's voice and she felt her love for her sister swell up inside of her. She watched the crack in the doorway grow smaller and smaller and Piper's face become more distant as her bedroom door swung shut, closing with a resounding click.
Knowing the future was the strangest thing. Because of her powers, she had seen the future dozens of times. At first her premonitions fell as heavy as lead on her shoulders--knowing that someone was going to die made you responsible for her fate. Accepting the fact that she couldn't save all of the innocents she saw in her visions was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.
But eventually the arrogance set in. She became accustomed to having the power to keep her premonitions from happening; the fear that had gripped each time she witnessed a death in her mind lessened--until her premonitions revealed her fate. Then she was reminded of how much power she wielded over other people's lives.
Yet why did she feel so powerless? Why, even though she had changed someone's future countless numbers of times, did she feel as though hers remained set in stone?
Perhaps because her premonition wasn't really a premonition. Perhaps it was only a reminder or a guarantee of who or what she would eventually become.
All of a sudden she felt her mattress give under someone's weight and she raised her head from her pillows, pushing the hair out of her eyes.
"Leo." He sat at the end of her bed, his hands resting in his lap. Phoebe felt a pang of nausea as the memory of him falling to the floor, the athame she had thrown sunk deep into his chest, replayed in her mind. "I, uh, didn't hear you come in."
A little sheepishly, Leo glanced down at his hands, twisting his wedding band on his finger. "Well, I orbed. Normally, you know I wouldn't and I'll leave if you want me to, but I sensed how upset you are and I thought you might want to talk."
Sitting up, Phoebe leaned back against her pillows and pulled the blanket under which she had been huddling over her arms. "There's really not that much to talk about, Leo." She swallowed hard, afraid of what she was beginning to think was the truth. "I'm evil. It's my destiny."
"Phoebe, it's not your destiny." Leo moved closer to her on the bed. "And you're not evil. We all have good and evil inside of us and we choose to be one or the other."
"Well, then why do I always seem to choose to be evil if it's not my destiny? I turned evil in my past life. In my present one, I've married the Source of All Evil and become Queen of the Underworld. And according to my premonition, I'm going to do it again."
Tears stung her eyes and she pressed her face into her hands, hoping that maybe if she could shut Leo out the possibility would disappear. But images from her premonition kept resurfacing in her thoughts, haunting her. She felt the pressure of Leo's hand on her shoulder and lowered her hands enough to look into his eyes.
"That premonition could be a good thing, not a curse. Because you received it, that means you still have the chance to keep that future from happening."
The warmth of his eyes and the earnestness of his voice made Phoebe almost feel lulled into accepting the hope he presented. She desperately wanted to believe him; she desperately wanted to keep lying to herself like she had been doing ever since she had helped her sisters vanquish Cole. But she could not keep ignoring the truth.
"What if this isn't a premonition I can keep from happening, Leo? What if it's only supposed to prepare me for what's to come?"
Leo's mouth softened and Phoebe could feel his pity for her emanating from his body. As he drew breath to speak, Phoebe held up a hand to silence him. "I really don't feel like talking anymore, Leo."
She could see the concern in his eyes as he nodded sadly. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked quietly.
"No." Phoebe drew the blanket more closely around her shoulders. "If you could just sit with me for a little while..." She hesitated, certain that she had no right to ask that of him. "It would mean a lot to me."
With a whisper of a smile on his lips, Leo's gaze flickered from hers to the ground and he clasped his hands between his knees, leaning forward with his elbows braced on his thighs.
Phoebe stared closely at his hands as he laced his fingers together, pressed them palm against palm, played with his wedding ring. His hands were those that had held her, comforted her, healed her. How could she kill this man who had protected her and saved her life, who loved her sister and whom her sister loved, whom she loved?
"Leo?" His gaze met hers. "I know we don't say this enough--I don't say this enough, but thank you. For everything that you do."
His face colored a little and the corner of his mouth turned up in a half- smile. "I'm just doing my job, Phoebe--"
"No, it's more than that. You're a good husband to Piper and you're so good to Paige...and to me."
"Well, you're my family. Families take care of each other."
Phoebe felt her insides grow shaky and her limbs begin to tremble. Her family did take care of her and support her and comfort her. But when was the last time she had taken care of her family?
Suddenly, Leo seemed concerned and quickly stood up. "Uh oh. Piper's coming. I'd better go. She'd be upset if she thought you had talked to me before talking to her."
"Okay." Phoebe looked up at him despondently. "I'm so sorry, Leo."
His forehead wrinkled as he looked back at her, somewhat confused, somewhat understanding, before he disappeared in a swirl of blue orbs.
After a quiet knock sounded, the door to her bedroom opened slowly and Piper's face appeared in the crack. "Phoebe, can I come in?"
Phoebe nodded and the door swung open wider as Piper entered the room carrying a coffee mug with steam rising over its rim.
"Paige and Sam and I were having some tea and I thought you might want some."
"Thank you." Accepting the mug, Phoebe held it between her hands and peeked up almost shyly at her sister.
"Can I get you anything else?" Piper offered, her arms spreading.
Phoebe shook her head. "No, thank you. This is fine."
Piper clasped her hands over her stomach and stood awkwardly in silence. She didn't want to disrespect her sister's wish to think about things on her own, and Phoebe knew that Piper was giving her a chance to say something about what had happened before. But she couldn't. She was too ashamed.
After a few moments Piper cleared her throat. "Sam told us some more of what she knew about Cole, and we think we might have a way to vanquish him. Paige is working on a potion now."
For a second Phoebe stopped breathing and she heard her heartbeat pounding in her head. "Really? How?"
"I-- I'm not sure, honestly. We haven't exactly worked out all of the details yet. Sam still hasn't explained a few things."
Vanquish Cole. They were going to vanquish Cole. Trying to push aside the feelings that overwhelmed her and confused her, Phoebe glanced up at Piper. "Samantha's really beautiful, Piper."
Piper smiled slightly, her eyes softening. "She is, isn't she?" Phoebe grinned back at her. "She looks so much like me and...mom. I still can't believe that--" Piper placed her hands on the sides of her belly. "Well, it just doesn't seem possible that she's here and that she's my daughter."
"I can tell how much she loves you and Leo. You guys are going to be great parents, I know it." Phoebe held out a hand to her sister and when Piper placed a hand in hers, the warm flesh of their palms touching, Phoebe squeezed it gratefully.
"Thank you," Piper said.
Silence filled the room again as fear held back the words that rested on their tongues. Piper wished she could say something to her sister to ease her pain, but she couldn't find the right words. She kept picturing Phoebe's description of Leo crumpling to the floor, the knife imbedded in his chest, which made her hesitant to offer any comfort. Phoebe wanted to tell her sister again how sorry she was, and that she would never put her family in danger like that, but she would be lying. She knew the possibility lay inside her, just as it always had.
Finally, Piper spoke. "Well, if you don't need anything else, I should get back downstairs to help Paige."
"Okay." Phoebe lifted her mug slightly. "Thanks for the tea."
Piper nodded and turned to leave, but when she reached the door she paused, looking back over her shoulder at Phoebe. "You know, we are going to fix this."
Phoebe could hear the determination in Piper's voice and she felt her love for her sister swell up inside of her. She watched the crack in the doorway grow smaller and smaller and Piper's face become more distant as her bedroom door swung shut, closing with a resounding click.
