Catching hold of you

Hi minna !! It's been a while, or so I think…

Hey Chapter 3 is UP!! I can't believe it. I had a major writer's block on this part; not exactly a writer's block, I just didn't know how to introduce the character of Yukiko facing Misao. It was not easy, I didn't wrote it exactly the way I wanted to write it and most of all there must be heaps of ugly grammar mistakes!! Wew wew please be patient with me, poor little human girl ^_^ !!

Then, just a thing that obviously wasn't plain in the last chappie: Misao remembers Yukiko as a girl of the age of the present Misao so a 15-16 year-old girl. But this is a old memory (when Misao was about 6), so actually Yukiko is quite the same age as Aoshi (she's 25 when the story takes place). Sorry if I didn't make it plain in the last part!! I hope it's better now.

Now enough ramblings and enjoy !!! Pleeeease review minnaaaaa !!!

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Chapter 3: Everything I'm not

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The sullen lights of the winter dawn started to surge on the roofs of the Aoiya, barely dispersing the haze that blurred the outlines of the sleeping town. Muffling a groan, Misao opened an eye and no sooner done pulled down the blanket over her head. The cold and grey rays of light blinded her. Moreover, during the night the window had opened, and the blowing of wind rushing into her bedroom bit her warm skin like needles of ice. Shivering, Misao wrapped in the still mild blanket and crawled on her futon, stretching an arm out of the comfortable warmth of her bed to grope around and finally found her clothes scattered on the floor. Immediately her hand retracted, faced with how cold they were, and Misao made a face.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Misao, breakfast! We're waiting for you!"

It was Omasu. By way of reply, the young woman got an annoyed and smothered roar, and she smiled.

"Misao, you should look out of the window."

Misao's head popped out of the mess of blankets, puzzled about Omasu's remark.

"Omasuuuu? What happened outside?"

But the onmitsu giggled and left without answering. Rubbing her eyes, Misao tried to untangle her legs coiled in the duvet and slipped her robe on as her teeth were chattering to death. Kami-sama, it really was cold today. Obviously the snowstorm had stopped during the night and had left behind a puff of ice, crystallizing any trace of moisture hanging in the sharp air. Misao shivered as she went towards the window to close it to shut out the icy gusts - and remained speechless when she saw the landscape out of the window. Omasu didn't lie. The sight was impressive and delightful.

The snow had spread its sparkling cover all over the town and Kyoto looked like an endless sea of whiteness, shining with thousands of star-like crystals. The canal close to the Aoiya had frozen and children slipped on the shimmering surface with bursts of laughter. The shape of bare trees stood out the silver sky, and their dark branches supported delicate patterns of snow and thin stalactites of ice. Misao smiled with wonderment: she loved the snow and Kyoto's snowy sight. Everything looked so pure and untouched.

But a colder blast of wind brought Misao back to reality, and she vivaciously bolted the window. While stretching sleepily, she yawned, and folded her blanket on her futon; she guessed the others were getting impatient downstairs. Still not totally awake, she groped her way forward to find the dining room, where Omasu, Okon, Shiro, Kuro and Okina were having breakfast. The old man grinned when Misao's messy-haired head appeared in the doorframe.

"Ohayou Misao-chan!"

Misao yawned another time, and rubbing her eyes, she sat down near to Okina greeting him with a smile.

"Ohayou Jiya, how are you?"

"Great", he answered happily while pouring her some tea. Misao nodded, half-awake half-asleep.

"Misao, you're going to fall asleep in the middle of your meal", he teased kindly, and patted her head with his usual tenderness.

"Huh, I hope I won't…" Misao mumbled, then she swallowed a mouthful of rice. "I'm so hungry that I'm going to faint with hunger if I don't eat."

Okon giggled. Shiro and Kuro apologized: repairs had to be done on the roof because of the snowstorm, and the task couldn't wait. Okina nodded and the two guys left with a kind sign towards Misao, whose eyelids fell dangerously back. Okina looked back at her protégé, a bit worried. She usually was more dynamic at breakfast.

"Did you sleep well Misao?"

She stared at him as if she didn't understand.

"Huh-what? Oh hai I slept well. Never mind Jiya. I'm going to be ok-" She yawned. "- as soon as I'll have finished my breakfast."

Okina was about to retort something but Omasu came back from the kitchen, carrying a tray.

"Misao, here's Aoshi-san's tea. Don't forget it, ok? Or it's going to be cold."

Misao agreed while sticking her hands through her mouth to hide - unsuccessfully - another gaping yawn.

"I'm going to the temple right now," she answered as she got up, "A walk will wake me more effectively than a bowl of rice."

And with that, she picked up the tray and left.

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Misao knocked at the door of the temple, cursing herself.

I told I wouldn't bring him his tea anymore… What am I doing here? I was finished!! But what else could I have done? If I had asked Omasu to bring him his damn tea, they would have bored me stiff with their questions…

Her eyelids felt heavy. Unlike what she had told to Okina, she had hardly slept last night. She had tried to cast aside the events of the evenings but the more she evaded her questions, the more her doubts and fears increased. Misao was praying with all her soul that this Yukiko would not come to the Aoiya, and would not disrupt her peace.

How funny, she thought bitterly. A few years ago I loved anything that could disturb the monotony of my existence.

But this time something dangerous hovered above her happiness. She felt it like no one else.

"Why don't you come in Misao?"

Misao started and nearly dropped her tray. She had nearly forgotten she was standing in front of Aoshi's door.

"A-Aoshi-sama?"

She pushed the door and came forward Aoshi. Don't shake. Don't look so worried. There's nothing to worry about.

Aoshi glanced at her with some concern in his look. He felt her distressed ki, and he knew something was bothering her - as he knew too well what it was. He sighed slightly and focused on her as she was putting down her tray between them. The peace they usually shared when they drank their morning tea was shattered today and he thought with a pang of sadness, maybe it is the last time we will have their tea together at all. He didn't wish that. He didn't want that - but perhaps this was going to happen. Something had been broken. There was a decision he had to make.

Past or present.

"Misao, could you please tell to Okina that Yukiko will move to the Aoiya tonight?"

Misao's hands shook and tea spilled all over the tray. What?! she wanted to scream. So… so early and you have already met her?! You don't waste your time, do you? It hurt, true, it hurt. Thinking that he cared enough about that girl for having met her already, even before she herself came with his - their - tea, hurt. Okon's words rushed in Misao's mind, turning insanely in her head and driving her mad. A love affair.

She dropped the teapot noisily on the tray. She didn't want to stay here, not with him, not thinking that he loved another. A woman she didn't even remember. Someone who hadn't been there during those years when Misao, herself, had been here, had cared about Aoshi,  had given him everything she kept in her, her respect, her trust, her love… I gave him everything and in the meanwhile he was thinking about her. I was there, keeping him company, and he was hoping she would be there instead of me. She felt tears filling her eyes. Is it why you looked so cold towards me, Aoshi?

Her hands quivered with anger and confusion. She was turning insane. She wanted to escape the heavy silence of the room, and not to have to face him anymore. Nearly knocking over the tray, Misao got up without even waiting for the tea to brew and frantically rushed towards the door.

"I must go now."

Aoshi nodded absently, glancing at her through his long jet-black bangs.

"Where are you going?"

Misao didn't answer, didn't even turn over to face him.

"You don't need me to drink some tea. Bring the tray back to the Aoiya when you leave."

And without giving him time to answer, she ran out of the meditation room and slammed the shoji closed. Wild and upset, she walked a few steps away, but everything was spinning around her and she needed to lean against the wall, to have a rest, to take stock of the situation. She slipped along the wall and curled in a tight ball, her head rested on her knees, her arms wrapped stiffly around her legs. You don't need me to drink some tea. You don't need me at all, Aoshi.

She gathered her breath when a smothered noise caught her attention. It came from the other side of the wall and it sounded like a voice muttering a sutra. A very soft voice.

Misao focused her ninja senses on the presence. Who was there?  She was about to reach the mind of the stranger when she felt smashed by an impressive life force. She's here, she shuddered. She's in that room. Misao jumped on her feet. I don't want to see her. I don't want to stay in here a minute more!!

Tripping like an insane person, out of breath, Misao ran away from the temple, wishing she hadn't come here at all. Around her, the beautiful landscape she had admired moments before seemed to bring only sadness, a sight of her own death.

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The soapy bubbles rolled over Misao's pearly skin as she emerged of the hot water, breathing in deeply. She was utterly tired and her nerves and muscles relaxed on contact with the warmth of the bath, with the soothing steam. She closed her eyes once more and let herself sink in the soapy water until only her nose and eyes surfaced. With a small smile on her lips, she sighed in satisfaction.

For two days she had been training until exhaustion, as it seemed to be the only way to clear her mind and cast aside her fears. After that her greatest pleasure was a good hot bath, and she'd lie in the water for at least an hour, resting her whole body and her dizzy mind in the meanwhile. At least when she had practiced hard during the whole day, she was too tired to think of anything and especially of Aoshi, and this couldn't do anything but good. To hell with his moods.

Misao sleepily opened an eye. She was falling asleep on her feet, she thought, and yet, the evening was not over. As the Okashira she had to greet this damn Yukiko and place a hypocritical smile on her face during the entire party. Besides she was not sure she could stand it, especially if the girl was the bitch Okon described. After all, that woman was only a former Oniwabanshuu and nothing implied anything else, Misao tried hard to convince herself.

She sighed. With a lazy move she gathered her long, silky hair in her hands and wrung it out, then placed them in an heavy bun on the nape of her neck with a piece of cloth; afterwards she grabbed a towel, exited the bath and dried herself quickly. Her clothes were cold, but they would warm up fast. Humming softly and yawning, she picked up her comb and undertook the job of untangling her messy black hair. She smiled as she noticed that it nearly reached her knees: as it was usually tied in her usual braid, she doubted whether anyone knew it was so long or not. Misao hated her body, but her hair was her pride. It was what she regarded as her beauty, her charm, and to be truthful, her only attraction. Okay, she was not womanly, and she had a boyish figure, but she liked the blue-black strands surrounding her features.

Finally she left the bathroom with regret as she already missed the quietness and the comforting moisture. But a succulent aroma of food reminded her that she was hungry. Misao chuckled: unlike what she said, Okon hadn't left the Aoiya, but obviously she had gone out of her way to impress her ex-colleague. The meal would undoubtedly be one of the best Misao had ever eaten. Such a rivalry between the two women seemed almost incredible to Misao. She didn't already know that she would bear the brunt of such a rivalry a few moments later.

Checking that her clothes were straight and her braid carefully tied, Misao rushed in the corridor to give a hand before Yukiko came. After all it was already late, and… She pushed the door of the dining room…

"Oh, Misao-chan… How much you've grown!" spoke a soft female voice.

Misao stopped dead. She turned towards the table and stared at the sight in utter disbelief. Everyone was sitting around the table, not even waiting for her to start the dinner, and… in her usual seat was sitting a girl.

Beautiful.

It was the only word that came to Misao when she saw the girl in front of her. Immense eyes, green like two shining emeralds, high cheekbones, and jet-black tresses highlighting her charming face that was tied behind her head in a high and ruffled ponytail. The girl was gorgeous, and for the first time Misao knew what jealousy was. Not only because the girl was so pretty, but also because Aoshi was sitting right by her side.

"Kon-Konban wa…" Misao could only stammer. You idiot! Say something more coherent; you're making a fool of yourself!

But the woman smiled almost happily.

"How are you doing Misao-chan? Do you even remember me?"

"Of course, Yukiko-san." Misao snapped. You liar.

Misao stared daggers to Okina, who happened to turn his gaze away at the same time. Obviously that Yukiko was inconsiderate: she was sitting at the Okashira's place - her place! - and no one had dared point it to her. But again she was chatting with Okina, and Misao reluctantly sat down at the other side of the table. What could she possibly do? She sighed.

Okon came in, carrying a hot dish, looking deeply concentrate - but Misao knew she was trying her best to be nice with Yukiko. Her attention focused on Aoshi. Everything in him seemed his own self, but Misao knew something that the Yukiko didn't know. Aoshi never sat at that place. So she guessed that wherever Yukiko would have been sitting, Aoshi would be sitting too. Unless it was Okina who placed everyone.

"What do you think of it, Misao-chan?"

Misao's head jerked up.

"Huh what?"

Yukiko frowned slightly.

"I said you'll soon look like a real lady."

"You said it, not me." Misao shot back as if the word 'lady' sounded pejorative in her mouth.

She felt heat rising on her cheeks as Aoshi glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. You're acting like a stupid brat Misao.

"Did I offend you, Misao-chan?" Yukiko spoke quite ironically.

"Not at all, Yukiko-san." Misao retorted, stressing the honorific. Who did this girl think she was for calling her '-chan'? Even if Yukiko was not an Oniwabanshuu anymore, similarly Misao was not a child anymore. To Misao, Yukiko seemed more and more an intruder. A snake. This girl is a snake !

The dishes followed one another, almost similar to Misao. Besides, the little party was more than morose. Okina was chatting and babbling happily as always, and sake helped a lot; Yukiko answered when necessary, but the more Misao watched her, the more she thought she truly was a strange character. The girl was cheerful with Okina, and became a woman of few words with anyone else who dared speak to her. As for Aoshi, he hadn't dropped a single word during the whole dinner. Lastly, Shiro and Kuro seemed to have bet who would be the one drinking the biggest amount of sake, so both of them were dead drunk.

Suddenly a chime of dishes was heard, followed fast by two yells.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

This was Okon's best sneaky voice. She had dropped a bowl of sauce on Yukiko's shirt – intentionally. Misao could have bet on it. But although she usually didn't like this kind of nasty tricks, this time she couldn't help but feel oddly happy.

"It's ok, don't worry." Yukiko answered between her clenched teeth, staring daggers at the other girl, who glanced at her with a sugary smile on her lips and a defiant look in her eyes.

"Where is the bathroom? I'd like to wash it before it is irreparably stuck."

"It's the wooden door in the yard, remember?" Omasu said, eyeing threateningly at her sister.

Yukiko got up quickly and left, but something in her clothing caught Misao's eye. She hadn't paid attention since Yukiko was sitting and half-hidden by the table, but the girl was wearing an old Oniwabanshuu outfit. It was quite the same as Misao's - but it was black and dark red, with a skirt, and the girl wore black bands around her arms and gloves much like Aoshi's. Her legs were bound up to her knees as well. All in all, it was a rather unusual outfit, and it made her look very strange, like an evil demon - a real ninja, Misao thought with a pang of bitterness.

But it was not that surprising suit that drew Misao's attention but the old accessory the girl wore around her thin waist. Instead of a feminine ribbon like Misao or Okon, this woman wore a worn leather belt with twin buckles. Misao's heart wrenched painfully in her chest. She knew that belt far too well. Hannya used to wear the same, as did Shikijou, and as did Okina.

The twin buckled belt, the symbol of the greatest Oniwabanshuu, was reserved for the hired men of the Okashira. They were always four surrounding the Okashira; they were the most faithful, the most trusted. They were called the Four Shadows of the Okashira. Misao had never wondered who were Aoshi's Shadows when he was Okashira. Hannya was the first, Okina the second, Shikijou the third, but one was missing.

This girl was the fourth Shadow.

Misao's heart broke. There was another symbol she had never thought about. There was another belt for the Okashira: the triple buckled belt. She never got it from Aoshi when she became the new Okashira, and never did she name her Shadows. What was she then? Was she simply a surrogate Okashira, not able to cope with the title? This may have been what Aoshi thought, as he had never given her the belt. And yet he didn't wear it anymore. So what? Was the Oniwabanshuu dead with Hannya and the others? Were they really dead with Aoshi's madness?

For that girl, for Yukiko, obviously they weren't. And if not for anything else, it was a reason for Misao to respect her. That girl was a true ninja, with her pride shining forth around her.

Misao felt she was falling apart. Her eyes locked on something she was the only one to see, she got up, breathed in deeply and concealed the tears in her voice and in her heart.

"It's late, I'm going to sleep now." She muttered.

Aoshi nodded; the others were too drunk to notice.

Gathering all her strength, Misao somehow managed to reach the door without running, and rushed into the corridor. As she was not paying attention, she nearly bumped into Yukiko who came back from the bathroom, her shirt damp and smelling of soap. Yukiko avoided the collision with the disconcerting ease of a well-trained ninja.

"Where are you going Misao-chan?" Her voice was gentle, but Misao could catch a glimpse of harsh bitterness behind the sweetness.

"Going to sleep. It's been a long day."

"Oyasumi nasai, then."

"Oyasumi nasai as well."

And she left the older girl before she could have a chance to see the tears filling her eyes and the resentment filling her heart.

A true ninja, she thought harshly. A skilled one, and so much more worthy than me I can't even think of vying with a girl like her.

She's everything I'm not.

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End of chapter 3

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Author's notes : Hey hey did you like it ??

I want to bet something… I'll bet that now everyone HATES that poor Yukiko !! Wow she's not this nasty !! Well okay she sounds a bit bitchy for the moment but… you'll meet another facet of her in another chapter… and she's not the strong-minded and cold-hearted girl she pretends to be. And she really is a respectable and worthy girl. I DO like her anyway !! I'll support her until the end !!!

Oh and just a thing… I imagined this whole thing about the belts. I just noticed that Aoshi wore a triple buckled belt in his firsts appearances, and not after the death of Hannya and the others. Then Okina and Hannya and Shikijou wore that strange twin buckled belt and I imagined this delirium about ranks in the Oniwabanshuu and that thing about the Shadows… That's all !! Don't kill me !! And don't kill me because Yukiko was Aoshi's hired (wo)man !!

Now please please review !!

If you liked, please review. If you didn't like, please review. If you have no advice, please review ! If you are a strange green-skinned Martian, please review ! If you think I'm crazy, please review !!! If you are Aoshi-sama, huh… DON'T review, send me an email this your address and phone number ;) !!!