Catching Hold of You
YAY minna !! Another chappie ^^ !!
Thanks to : Serena, le bleu phenix, Sai, Crystal, ShadowKat, Jac'Kee, Kartos, Hitokiri Battousai and The Mysterious Reviewer for their reviews !! (I still don't know WHO is the Mysterious Reviewer but I'll find him... It's just a matter of time... Leave me a name next time ^^). Keep reviewing minna, it motivates me so much ^^ !! And special kisses to Hitokiri Battousai ^^ !!
As I said, this is an AxM story, but also an angsty story (ok, not so angsty for the moment, but it'll develop further in next chapters…) !! And please… don't kill me cause Aoshi is really stubborn and indecided. I can't help !! Hey guys, if he just had to say : 'hey Misao, I love you, will you marry me ?', there would be no fic ;) !
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Chapter 7: Could I guess?
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Omasu half-opened Misao's shoji and glanced into the dark room. A pale and trembling ray of silver moonlight fell on the pillow through the window and its patterns of frost. Omasu frowned as no head was resting on the rumpled cushion, and she came in the room, wanting to make sure the young ninja girl was resting well after all the emotions she had been through. The older girl walked lightly towards the undone bed and silently lifted the thick blanket, finding it already cold; no one was sleeping under it. She frowned and swore between her teeth. As Omasu straightened her back, she pierced through the shadows in the room around her. Where could Misao be? And suddenly, her eyes caught sight of a little body crouched near the window, hardly discernable from the unfathomable darkness around her, her forehead leaning against the icy pane, staring out of the window.
Misao was motionless, not even noticing someone was in her room beside herself. Her breath let a small cloud of mist on the pane as she breathed in and out steadily, and moist marks of tears remained on her cheeks from her lifeless, dull eyes. Her eyes widening in sadness, Omasu bit her bottom lip as she came towards Misao and sat by her side. Misao didn't acknowledge her presence in any way. She remained huddled up against the window, staring outside. Omasu sighed and started patting Misao's thick, blue-black hair in the comforting way a big sister would. She felt Misao start slightly, and the younger girl began to shake, obviously trying hard to hold back her tears.
"Misao," Omasu spoke softly, "Misao, what's wrong?"
Misao sniffled and pointed with a mere move of her chin at something out of the window. Omasu glanced at what Misao was trying to show her, and her heart constricted in her chest for the young ninja. Outside, the night was still thick and dark, but the white moon was bathing the scene that had so painfully hit Misao's heart in its cold light. Under the high, black pine tree of the garden, Aoshi and Yukiko were sitting on the bench, leaning against each other, and looking so relaxed, so happy of just sharing time together… They just looked like two lovebirds. And, Misao knew that better than anyone, two well matching lovebirds…
Omasu sighed, keeping stroking Misao's dark tresses, and she started speaking softly, her voice sounding saddened but resigned.
"Misao… You can't resent her for loving Aoshi… No one can… You can hate her for her temperament, or for being so provocative, so does Okon, but you can't hate her for loving the only one who ever cared for her… as you do, Misao, just as you do…"
She felt Misao clenching her fist as though she was about to retort something, but Omasu didn't let her enough time.
"Misao, you don't know what she has been through. I can understand what you're feeling, but you have to admit that she deserves happiness as much as you do. Maybe more than you do."
Omasu kindly hugged Misao's shoulders. The latter pushed her back harshly.
"She has no right to interfere with my life! She left, now she has no right on Aoshi left!"
"Who has, Misao, who?" Omasu insisted, "It's his choice, not yours."
Misao didn't react. Omasu went on speaking.
"Yukiko's father, Mizukage-san, was your grandfather's best hired man and friend. He was a great ninja and a man of honour. And most of all, he was the last descendant of a very renowned family of warriors. He was married to a young woman, coming from another powerful family; they had had children, four girls. You're a child of the new era, Misao, so you don't truly understand what this means, but what I'm telling you took place during the former era; this so renowned and feared man had no heir. That's why he… he repudiated his wife and his daughters. It was a matter of honor. Oh Misao, I know, you're thinking this man was a bastard. But this was the custom. He married another woman and had a son."
Misao kept staring out of the window, but she was listening to Omasu.
"His former wife had four dependent children to feed, and she had no choice. She became a prostitute in a pleasure house. She lost her own honor and her family's as well."
Omasu sighed.
"Yukiko was the oldest of the daughters this woman had had with Mizukage-san. She was meant to grow to become a geisha, because of her beauty, as she was the daughter of a prostitute, she hardly had to choose. But she never forgave to her father for what he had done to his wife, her mother. As soon as she has been old enough, she ran away from where she was living with her mother and she learned kenjutsu. It was not easy for a girl, but she succeeded. And when she was eleven, she enlisted to be an Oniwabanshuu. She wanted so much to prove her father that even though she was a girl, she was worthy of his attention and love… But her father… You must understand that in his opinion, she was not his daughter, she was just a bastard. And he treated her like… like an animal… no, worse than an animal… She seemed to disgust him… But she was hard working, and she met Aoshi. He was twelve, and they were in the same training group. She was not really stable, nor was he, and they became friends. And, training together and sharing their respective qualities, they became two exceptional ninjas."
Omasu paused for a moment.
"But when Yukiko was fourteen, her arguments with her father became more and more frequent, and more and more violent. They just seemed to hate each other. And one day… Mizukage-san did something that your grandfather couldn't accept. He entrusted a ninja team and a mission to Yukiko… but this was no normal mission. This was a pure suicide. The other men of the team were hardened ninjas who agreed to die for their ideals, but Yukiko was not warned of the risks. So she went on with this suicide mission… and… she managed to pull through it, but she paid the prize… She was terribly injured, she remained unconscious for months…"
Misao gritted her teeth, hard, and leaned her forehead against the pane again, listening to Omasu.
"When she awoke from the coma, her father had been killed in an ambush. Your grandfather wanted her to leave the Oniwabanshuu; he thought it was not wise from her to stay after all that had happened to her. But a few weeks later, Aoshi became the Okashira, and he placed her under his responsibility. So Yukiko decided it was her job to keep an eye on him. She was really strong and thickheaded, so no one could convince her to drop her idea. In her mind, Aoshi was… he was maybe more than what he means to you. He was the only one who supported her unconditionally. The only one who always believed in her abilities. Most of all, he was the one who had protected her when she was harmed and in need of help; when she had lost everything."
Omasu had stopped caressing Misao's hair. She sighed.
"It was obvious that Yukiko was in love with him. And even though we hardly saw her, where Aoshi was, she was too. She would have gladly sacrificed her life for him. She just consumed her life by loving him. Can you blame her, Misao, for loving him so much? She never knew love. She was hated by her mother for being born and by her father for being a girl. He accepted her as she was. She is only human, Misao. She felt in love with him, that's all."
A small squeak escaped Misao's lips, and the young ninja turned round, her cheeks streaked with hot tears. Omasu's eyes saddened as she just kept gazing softly at her Misao, this girl she regarded as a little sister, and she saw her growing in so much pain. Will all these trials make her bloom into the most beautiful of flowers or on the contrary would they kill every inch of her strength of mind? Was Misao being destroyed from the inside? Omasu mused, but her thoughts were interrupted when Misao buried her head in her comforting embrace, giving up to all her sorrow, accepting her defeat for once, just wanting to let it out. And that was what she did. Never had she cried so hard and so openly in front of anyone. Her tears, warm and inexhaustible, flooded onto Omasu's shoulder, as the older girl wrapped kindly her arms around the younger girl's petite form.
Misao could not tell how long Omasu kept rocking her softly; she had nearly fallen asleep when the tears stopped running down her cheeks, as though she had nothing more to shed inside her. Omasu released her grip around her small shoulders, and smiled weakly, patting her back.
"Misao… It's right to let out from time to time. But don't give up, Misao. You have to fight for the one you love. You are strong Misao. Don't give up your dreams; they are making you who you are. Go ahead and keep being as brave as you are. I'm sure you'll find your future."
Misao felt a lump coming to her throat, but nevertheless she smiled bravely.
"Hai, Omasu. You know me."
Omasu nodded and a draft of a confident smile lit up her face.
"Good, Misao-chan. Now go to bed, dawn is close at hand. You have to sleep."
And with these words, she left and closed the door behind her. Misao sighed and cast a last glance towards her window. Yukiko and Aoshi had left too. She swallowed hardly, and crawled resolutely back in her bed. Omasu was right. She had to hang on her dreams, and not give up. She was strong. She could stand the pain of growing and facing disillusions, and she would also make use of everything she could to win her right to happiness. And lost in her musings, she fell asleep.
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The teapot escaped her hand and crashed on the floor in a loud din. Misao sighed in annoyance and slight anguish as it was her third clumsiness since she had woken up, that meant an hour ago. She wore dark rings around her eyes for having slept only a few hours, and yet and she was wholly awake, and nervousness was forming a hard mess in her belly, for she had decided to start bringing Aoshi's morning tea again. Their little intimate ceremony had been stopped tacitly since Yukiko's arrival and Misao could not think of elsewhere to start to regain Aoshi's attention. And as she has assured to Omasu's the day before, she was decided to do whatever was in her power.
Grabbing a rag, she cleaned her mess and threw the pieces in the dustbin, then she chose another teapot on the shelves, being very careful not to drop it this time. She filled it with hot water and tea leaves, smelling the soft scent in the rising steam. Smiling contently but nervously, she straightened her outfit, hoping she looked good and had not forgotten anything. Then she breathed in deeply and lifted the tray up.
Aoshi had not gone to the temple; considering the last events he stayed in the Aoiya, wanting to be sure he would be there if anyone was attacked. Walking as lightly as possible, Misao reached his door and, clenching her fists on her tray until her jointures turned white, she knocked softly at the shoji. Her heart pounding wildly, she heard someone moving behind the panel as if fast tidying everything and Aoshi's low voice raised.
"Come in Misao."
Misao was not surprised he had guessed it was her; he could recognize her every step, her every move. Putting on her face a soft smile to hide the terrible way her insides twisted, Misao opened the door and stepped in the room, closing the door behind her. Everything was in its place and impersonal, no decorations hung on the walls, simple pieces of furniture. And in the middle of the room Aoshi was sitting in seiza position, unruffled. Misao put her tray in front of him and sat wordlessly.
An uneasy silence spread its coldness between them. Shaking slightly, she tried to ignore it and started pouring the tea in their cups, concentrating on not spilling any around. All her blood had left her phalanges as her hands were so much tensed on the teapot. Her mind was empty, white, and thoughtless. All what she had planned to say had faded with her hardly regained self-control. How could she break the heavy silence, almost tangible around them?
"Misao, I want you to leave the Aoiya."
A long shiver of dread ran along her spine as Aoshi's words echoed in her ears. What?! her mind screamed through her whole being. Her hands shaking uncontrollably, she managed to put the teapot on the tray, anguished madness crushing her heart in her chest. Gathering all her courage, she raised her eyes and stared at Aoshi in fear and incomprehension.
"Wh-what do you mean?" she stammered.
"Only for a few days. I want you to book a room in the Shirobeko and stay there for one day or two." Aoshi went on steadily.
Misao clenched her teeth, tears filling her eyes once more. NO!! I won't cry… I don't want to cry…
"B-but why?!"
Aoshi's jaw was set, and his eyes remained sharp and harsh. But he sighed slightly.
"The Aoiya is going to be attacked. In fact, Yukiko works for the police as a spy, and she came here to take shelter from yakuzas she was dealing with. They discovered that she was to the police's pay, and they're looking for her actively. The men that attacked you yesterday where some of their hired killers. Fortunately, they underestimated her and didn't send their best men, but… next time will be different. And that's why I don't want to you to be there when they'll launch their strike."
Misao's thoughts were racing through her mind, leaving her dizzy and disturbed. And anger rushed into her veins, as she understood what Aoshi was implying.
"Aoshi-sama!! I can stay here! I can help! Why am I always left out?! Why… Why don't you trust me Aoshi?!"
Her fists were tightly clenched, her teeth gritted and her eyebrows frowned and she kept shouting, her cheeks burned with frustration as she was trying hard to hold back her shameful tears. How much she wanted Aoshi to understand that she had grown and was not a little girl anymore…
"Why do you always think I'm only a kid that need to be looked after?! Why do you always have to patronize me?! Why--"
But Misao was cut short and before she could even understand what happened, she was crushed against Aoshi's chest. Wh-what?! Her eyes wide, she didn't even dare to breath and just listened to his steady heartbeat, as his strong arms readjusted their tight grip around her petite form. One of his hands lifted to her nape and coaxed her softly against his shoulder, as he buried his face in her ebony tresses.
How much she had craved for him to hold her that way. How much she had longed for his warmth, for his body against hers. And there she was, securely wrapped in his soft yet strong embrace, and she just didn't know what to do. Don't speak. Don't move. Don't breathe. Don't break this perfect bliss. This felt like heaven, and yet pain twisted her heart. This felt like heaven, and yet she was sad. Was this love? How could love be so wonderful and hurt so much at the same time? Misao clenched her small hands on Aoshi's shoulders and let out a small cry of grief, cuddling further in his embrace; and she felt him answer and hold her tighter, as though fearing she might escape, before he slightly released his grip around her, just stroking absent-mindedly her blue-black hair, and he muttered, his voice unsure even though his heart was calm and not betraying a single bit of the rush of emotions that went through him.
"Misao… I don't want you to be harmed… Please do what I told you. I want to know that you're safe… Onegai…"
Burying her face in his warmth, Misao nodded jerkily, and felt his shoulders relax. During a few minutes, Aoshi allowed her to stay in his arms, he ran his fingers softly through her dark locks of hair and caressed her back as she just was coiled up against his chest, then he kindly pushed her away, grabbing her shoulders and helping her up. Still in a haze, Misao felt his hands letting go of her shoulders, his soft warmth leaving her, and her heart falling apart. Aoshi remained mute, and she understood he wanted her to leave. And so she did.
As the shoji closed, Aoshi closed his eyes, his heart started to pound wildly, getting rid off the tension he had amassed in a few minutes. He heard Misao hurtling down the stairs, carrying her tray, and her confusion could be felt in the lack of confidence of her step.
Bastard.
Aoshi gritted her teeth, his eyes burning with cold anger.
Bastard. What did you think you were doing? How do you dare exploit her feelings towards you like this, just to make her promise that she would stay out of all of this? How do you dare exploit her weak point like you did?!
And yet his arms were craving for her, his whole body and his soul were suffering like hell from the loss of her softness, from not feeling her anymore...
Bastard. What are you thinking? She's so young, so pure... You're just soiling her...
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Misao dropped her small bag on her bed. Finally, she had given in and now she was there, standing in the middle of the room she had rented in the Shirobeko. She sighed. It felt strange, sleeping in another room other than hers; she had not been on a trip for a while and, she thought She was starting to get used to her comfortable, quiet routine. The genki, hyperactive ninja girl was still there, lurking around, but she was giving up her place to a new Misao, less reckless and more thoughtful. Did Aoshi not see that she had grown? Sometimes he really was impossible. Just like this time. He just didn't think about how frustrating it was for her to be kept out of the action.
Sighing loudly, Misao laid back on the folded futon, gazing absent-mindedly at the white ceiling above her. Her ribs were hurting again as she had had to act even more expansive than usual to hide her disappointment when everyone had seemed to find very wise that she left the Aoiya for a while. And by dint of jumping everywhere and trying to look cheerful, she now felt truly tired and she ached. Disturbed in her thoughts, she heard Okon and Omasu chatting loudly in the nearby room, as the two young women had decided to come with her, in order not to leave her alone. The both girls were commenting on Hiko's muscular chest with very explicit epithets that made the young spy blush.
Misao buried her face in her pillow. She wanted to rest now. Actually it was already late and sun had set hours ago. Quickly, she unfolded the thick and soft mattress and laid the blankets on it; she was about to undress to slip in her sleeping suit when someone knocked at the door. Misao's eyebrow frowned.
"Misao-saaaan!" a cheerful voice called from behind the shoji. "I brought you something to eat before you go to bed!"
Misao smiled and opened the door. It was Sae. The young woman really had business sense and was pampering her customers, she thought laughing inwardly, wondering if this was the way Okon acted with the Aoiya's customers. Sae was standing in the doorframe, wearing her usual black and orange uniform and smiling brightly, and she was carrying a small tray with rice balls and tea. Misao greeted her with a smile and took the tray, and Sae patted her shoulder.
"So Misao-chan, are you going to tell me what brings you here?"
Misao tried to hide her awkwardness behind another bright smile.
"Mou... Just having a break Sae! In fact Jiya and Aoshi-sama have... business and don't want me nosing around."
It was true, in a way, she thought bitterly. You could consider the situation business. Misao brushed her thoughts aside as Sae was staring at her, looking slightly worried.
"I'm okay Sae, please don't worry. Everything's okay."
Sae nodded, her professional smile coming back on her lips as she understood that Misao didn't want to speak about it. She waved to the younger girl happily, trying to cheer her up, and left to go into Okon and Omasu's room and wish them a good night. These three were quite the same age and were good friends, so Misao wouldn't have been surprised if Sae had decided to squat the two sister's room as soon as she finished with her office, and gossip all night along. Sighing again, she put her tray on the small desk in the corner of the room and caught a rice ball. She sat on her bed and started eating it slowly, trying to take stock of everything that had happened in a few days. As she had finished her rice ball, her shoulders slouched and she leaned her back against the cold wall.
What time was it? She couldn't remember. Around her, everything looked so strange. Distorted, blurred, like a landscape through a frosted glass, in the distance. Where was she? This was missing in her memory. She knew that street. Why was she walking? She knew the wooden walls under the velvet black sky of the night. She knew every cobble of this path. Here was her home. Her home, the inn called the Aoiya. But she didn't know that smell. It was kind of familiar but it didn't fit in the landscape. It was a strong, sickening smell, carrying death and sorrow in its depths. It was the smell of fresh blood.
Why did it smell like fresh blood? Was something wrong? Her mind was rushing frantically for answers. Where was everybody? Where was... Aoshi-sama? A long chill ran along her spine, leaving her cold and lifeless. She was standing in the middle of the garden. Blood everywhere. Splashing the walls, soiling the ground and the white snow, and dripping like a lethal rain. There were dead men everywhere. She felt sick. And her insides twisted in horror.
Aoshi was lying against the trunk of the high black pine. A terrible foreboding clutched her heart. So she ran. And she ran. She was going to be too late. She could not reach him. He was fading. She knew he was dying.
Without understanding what happened, she was by his side. She grabbed his shoulders and felt his blood dripping on her hands, as she tried to help him breathe in. But his head fell limply on her shoulder. She barely held back a cry of terror when she saw his face. He was disfigured, longs bleeding scars distorting his handsome features. Tears rising to her eyes, she coaxed his head against her chest and touched his already cold skin. She had been too late. She had not been able to help him. He was dead.
Panting heavily, her forehead drenched with sweat, Misao woke up, screaming.
Aoshi-sama!!!
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Author's notes : YAY I did it !! It was kind of difficult ! I had a writers block on this chappie, but finally it's okay!
I hope this chappie is keeping you in suspense ^^ ! Don't worry, our Aoshi-sama is NOT dead. I love him too much for killing him. It was just a nightmare. Anyway, this will make next part interesting, I think ^^ !! You'll see that in part 8 hey hey... ^^
And so, I kept my promise this time. You've learnt about Yukiko and her relationship with Aoshi this time, ne ? Yay she definitely does have something for him.
And Aoshi definitely does have something for Misao. But he is stubborn. And he also has something for Yukiko. This is just crazy. But this is going to have an end. This is just a love triangle ne ^^. This time it was Misao's turn to have a cuddle from her Aoshi-sama ^^ it was kinda nice to write, I was daydreaming in front of my comp. I don't know if I'll write a lemon at the end, maybe...
Anyway, thanks for reading and DO review !!! This would make me sooo happy ^^
Ja ! See you in next chapter !!
