If this chapter sounds weird, I'm sorry. Prozen is VERY OOC, but I wanted to have a little bit of bonding with Evelyn, for reasons yet unknown (just more conflict, that's all) and yeah…*curls up to sleep some more* Tafe was really bad today…my computer is screwed up…DreamWeaver doesn't want to know about Flash stuff…the scanner won't work…and Gary won't teach us Illustrator yet…and I'm so tired…;_;

Chapter 19: I want to know who I am

He resurfaced from the red again, somewhat reluctantly, but the need to drink was too strong. His head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton wool, and he was slowly being cooked over a fire…

There was a grunt, and he felt something touch his shoulder. Prozen looked up, startled and relaxed as Ambient nuzzled him.

"Ambient…"

The organoid whimpered then looked meaningfully at the bed, then back at Prozen. He sighed and sat up, tucking his legs beneath him and Ambient trilled with delight, hopped onto the bed (which creaked dangerously) and curled up. His optical units dimmed, and from the crimson metal came the hum of his purring. Prozen sighed, slid out of bed and looked out the low set window that faced one of the parade grounds, where he could see squadrons of new Guardian Force members lining up and being spoken to by their superiors.

He fiddled with the window, slid it open and breathed in the air outside, unbearably hot, but at least it was an honest heat, and not humid. He felt his knees buckle and he slid down the side of the wall and to the floor.

I can't take that much more of this. I don't know what's wrong…I'm so scared…

He hated being afraid. It seemed so weak.

But there was another problem - with this weird fever came the need to rest. As he waited for his heart to stop hammering, he stood up again and made his way to the little bathroom tacked onto the apartment, do attend to certain needs, including an icy shower, and as much of it as he could drink.

It didn't seem to have any effect on his thirst. 

Ambient cocked his head to the side when he heard the toilet flush and the sound of water running again. When his master's friend appeared again, he seemed…wet. Very wet. And very naked.

"Ambient, were are my clothes?" He asked, tiredly, scratching the organoid's chin.

"Growlf!" Hard to tell him that the blond human had taken them and left him only a few things.

There was a tap at the door and Prozen growled – something Ambient approved of, he had a good growl there – and ducked back into the bathroom and closed the door.

Ambient nuzzled the door, gave a few questioning growls, and then backed off as it opened, and Evelyn poked her head around the door. The organoid knew the old lady. She was an all right in her own way – back when his master and his friend had smelt of corruption, he had been asked to capture her. That had been fun – but now she was also classified as a friend. Of course, the organoid knew, not the kind of friend the other one was.

Evelyn smiled at him, and in a no-nonsense way patted his head. Not too many people had the guts to do that to him. Ambient couldn't help it, he wagged his tail.

"Ambient, you affection slut." Came the mutter from the bathroom.

"I'm glad to see you're awake." She called out. "I found some things for you – the others were too blood stained."

"Oh." The door opened a crack and a pale hand reached out tentatively. Evelyn smiled and dangled the garments above it, and he grabbed them. The door closed and there was a muffled thanks.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like shit…"

"I'd like to check your temperature again." She asked, and there was a thump for an answer. "Gunther? Are you alright?" She tapped at the door, but there was no response except for a quiet sigh.

"Mrs Camford…Um…could you please help me…?"

She carefully opened the door and found him leaning dejectedly against the shower, the creased shirt in his hands twisted with worry. His pale face was filled with worry and fear, but most of all exhaustion. Evelyn gently led him out and sat him down on the bed.

"Poor child, come here…" She untangled it carefully, and when she had finished and looked up at him; his face was the picture of depression. "It's okay. I'm sure you'll get better soon. It's always hard to do things when you're sick."

"I don't think I am sick."

"What?" She asked, helping him get into it. "What on Zi do you mean?"

"It's like I knew this was going to happen, and…I…The reason I feel so afraid is because I'm here. Anyone can come in here and find me…they'll kill me. I know…I know it's only a little while longer."

"A little while until what?"

"The big blank space in my head." Prozen sighed, fumbling with the buttons but gave up. "My co-ordination skills are shot to hell. I hate this."

Evelyn watched him for a moment, then drew him into an honest hug. He tensed for a moment but then relaxed into her arms, nuzzling into her shoulder. "Shh. It's going to be okay." She let him go and he stared into space for a moment. "I need to ask you something…why did you call me mother? Back at the hearing?"

Snapping out of his trance, Prozen stared at her. "…Mother? The hearing? I…I must have been dreaming or something. I don't have very many memories at all of my mother…just a blurred person looking down at me. She died a few days after I was born."

"Poor thing."

"Yeah." Prozen sighed and allowed himself to by coerced into giving Ambient another scratch. "But then, it was her own decision to go and see the Zoidians about peace."

Evelyn flinched. "I see."

"Ambient, access Memory data file of the subject Silver Drachnia." Prozen said suddenly. Ambient sat back, his optical sensors dimming. "I'm looking for a living saved Memory of him. Any of them. Probably when he wasn't working so much…when he was with me…" Prozen closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "When he was showing me his Konig Wolf." Ambient stood up and half turned away, and the two were suddenly ghosts in a thick and moving world of stone, metal and crystal. In front of them, leaning on a delicate looking wire handrail, was a man that was a shade taller than Prozen himself, and wavy hair to his shoulders. It was white, with a tiny plait through it. There was a boy on his tiptoes peering at the Zoid in front of them.

Evelyn was lost and confused. This was so real. She could hear voices, but strangly, she could not smell the Zoid or the machinery around her. People passed through her as she stood up and walked across the perforated metal catwalk to Silver's side.

"So what do you think of him, Winter?"

"He's a big wolf, daddy." Came the simple reply. Evelyn knelt down to look at the tiny child. His hair was cut to his shoulders, and was styled in such a way that it framed his face, and hid his ears. But it did not hide his markings, two red arrowheads beneath his left eye. "Is he going to really stop the naughty people?"

"We hope so." Silver was handsome. Very handsome. He only had one mark under his eye, however, and the resemblance was striking. "But I think it's time for bed, young man."

"Daaaad!" The boy, Winter, pouted and looked away, but his father lifted him up into his arms and hugged him tightly. Evelyn stood up again, and was tempted to reach out and touch them. She watched Silver seemed to tremble, and the child reached up to touch his face. Silver moved down, as if to kiss his son's face, and the image froze. The background faded, leaving the man standing there, partially blurred into the wall. Prozen joined her at his side and he walked around the form as best he could, as if looking for something.

"What was he going to do to you?"

"I don't remember what happened next, which is why Ambient can't show it to you. But that's him. That's my father."

"He's…I…I had such a wonderful feeling about him…"

"I remember that people liked him because of that. It was something about us…something important. As if he gave love and happiness to everyone who met him. I think he did."

"Even in your memories…"

"Yes. Memories were something we excelled in. Their creation…an almost living hologram…infuriated the Zoidians. They kept us comfort in times of need and a helpful piece of advice…" Prozen coughed suddenly, and very violently. He slid to his knees, covering his mouth until at last the horrible convulsions had ceased. There was blood on his hands.

"Oh my…"

"I'm okay, I'm okay…" Prozen coughed again, and allowed himself to be helped up. Evelyn held him tightly, and he looked down at her, sniffed and closed his eyes. "…Mrs Camford…Evelyn…I'm afraid. Very afraid."

"Of what?" She asked, concerned. The projected image of Silver vanished and Ambient whined.

"…Of being found. I can…feel them all around me. The Reapers. They're sniffing for me. Looking hard. I wish they weren't. I don't know why they want to find me, Van and the others destroyed the DeathSaurer. There is only one of me. I'm also branded an outcast, so little help from anyone there. I still don't know what am I…properly I mean…what's a Hertz? What does it do? What do I do? Why am I sick? Why is Karl acting so weird, and why isn't Hiltz here?" he stopped, needed to breathe. "I can't handle this."

"No one can handle anything when they're this sick." She stroked his head and he looked down at his feet.

"I want…I want to go home."

"I know…I know…"

"Evelyn…I need to ask you something. Something…important."

"Of course. What is it?"

"Will you…take care of me?" Prozen whispered. "I don't know how much longer I can last like this. It hurts too much."

Evelyn looked into his eyes, and saw a broken man. She also saw the day when her own son turned his back on her and walked away to do something she didn't believe in. "Yes. Yes, of course."

~ to be continued

I don't know why I wrote this chapter. I sort of wanted to show Prozen's memories of his father (I want to write that story, it's called Zoids: Rapid Fire) as well as coming to terms with what he is. Well, sort of. There's a lot he doesn't know. A LOT. This chapter will also aide in something else…Evelyn (hey, I found her real name – it's Louise…whoops) loved her son deeply, and I think he did love her back, but…well…we'll see. I want her to play a foster mother type figure for the characters. Like I said, Prozen is so OOC… :(