AN: Whoohoo! Reviews! Thanks to 'Nox and JJ, my most faithful reviewers! (You know I live for feedback) :0) Anyway, thanks as well to the other people that consistently review and here is the fourth chapter for you. I'm finally going back to Jacen.

Chapter Four: The First Cut is the Deepest

The hallway was completely silent, but the alien presence could still be felt. Her feet made not the slightest noise as she traversed silently to the spot where Jacen sat staring out the window to the night sky. Vergere took a seat beside him and still neither deigned to speak.

At last, the quiet was broken, and Vergere said in her soft, amused voice, "I am surprised that your family let you out of their sight for this long."

Jacen laughed gently, "I had to sneak away."

"No doubt," Vergere conceded and after a pause continued, "I sense there is another reason for this late night solitude."

Jacen smiled and nodded but didn't speak for a moment. Vergere senses him gathering his thoughts together.

"Vergere," he explained, "When I left the land of the living, I left a girl behind."

He stopped at hearing the words coming from his mouth.

"I suppose she's a woman now, girl isn't really the right word."

Vergere knew where this was going. She had wondered briefly whether he'd had any romantic entanglements before his apprenticeship to her. She was also curious what kind of partner Jacen would eventually choose because she would have to be a very specific type of woman. Jacen had grown up with a hot-tempered, willful older sister and as a result, he would probably prefer someone quieter, someone that could keep him grounded from his day-dreams.

Curiosity claimed her, but she did not allow it to extend to her voice, "What is this woman like?"

Jacen considered a moment before answering and his tone was subdued.

"She's like…" he stopped, "Like the eye of a storm. Calm, serene, almost expressionless, but not cold or distant. All the action goes on around her. Jaina told me she's a Queen now, though when I last saw her, she was a princess and she looked the part."

"So your girl became a woman and your princess became a queen. You wish to see if her heart has changed as well?" Vergere said whimsically.

Jacen nodded, "I want to know if her feelings have changed. Anyway, she still thinks I'm dead, and when I felt for her, it was like a black hole."

"When will you leave?" Vergere asked.

Jacen pursed his lips speculatively, "I won't leave for a week or so, Mom just got me back and she'd hate it if I left right away. Dad would be pretty mad too."

"I may accompany you," Vergere decided, and then she slowly got up to leave.

Tahiri entered the dining chamber to see Fa'ael, Prince Isolder and Tenel Ka already seated. Walking forward confidently, she gave them all what she hoped was a winning smile and sat down neatly in her chair. She saw Isolder's eyes flick briefly to her barefeet and smile slightly.

When Tahiri turned to Fa'ael however, there was nothing remotely resembling a smile or humour. She wondered if arrest had had any effect on the former queen's personality.

Tahiri seated herself on the plush red cushion and did her best to look at ease. The supper was a Hapan delicacy. A flaky bread stuffed with herbs and cheese made the appetizer, roasted fowl for the main course, sparkling kiwahsi wine for beverage and flower-shaped sugar statues for dessert.

There were some pleasantries exchanged between Fa'ael and Isolder as well as between Tenel Ka and Isolder, though the father-daughter relationship seemed slightly distant, uncomfortable in nature. Tahiri remained quiet, an unusual occurrence, but she was slightly hesitant to let anything slip in front of Ta'a Chume. The two experienced royals talked about the different economic situation on various Hapan planets and Tahiri lapsed into a boredom-induced coma.

She was unexpectedly brought back to life when Fa'ael turned to address Tahiri.

"And to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Her words were carefully polite, but there was a greedy suspicion evident in the former queen through the Force.

Tahiri swallowed the mouthful of food, which suddenly tasted very much like duracrete.

"I merely came to update Tenel Ka on matters concerning the Jedi," Tahiri answered innocently.

"There is that little fighting? Surely the New Republic military would be loathe to lose a Jedi from their ranks in a time so desperate," Fa'ael said smoothly.

If that was the way the witch wanted to play it, so be it.

"Surely the Hapan government would dislike it if her Queen were under a direct threat to her life," Tahiri retorted back, pointedly glaring at her.

Fa'ael's eye's widened and she didn't talk anymore.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Tenel Ka broke it by standing up and holding out her one arm to Tahiri.

"We will retire to the palace gardens to discuss our affairs. Sleep well," Tenel Ka said with a bow to her grandmother and father.

"The same for you, my daughter," Isolder said, though Ta'a Chume was stony and silent.

Outside the palace, two of the three Hapan moons were already in the sky. The silver beams outlined pearly pink leaves on laima trees, then were lost in the dark green foliage below. The flowers were difficult to distinguish even with the light of the moons, but Tahiri could smell a vast range of blossoms from tangy sweet to bitter-sharp.

Tenel Ka guided her from the gravel path to tall tree with long, drooping branches, looking like a mass of a maiden's hair. Tenel Ka drew aside a curtain of vines. As they stepped through, Tahiri realized that the leaves were mildly glowing a soft green. Inside the privacy of the branches, the area under the tree was grassy and open. Tenel Ka slid against the trunk and sighed with a relief of tension.

"No one can eavesdrop here, the energy from the tree's unique thylakoid reactions prevent electronic listening devices," Tenel Ka confided as Tahiri settled herself down on the soft, wet grass. The ticklish carpet was heaven to her bare feet.

"It's so beautiful here…" Tahiri said wonderingly, looking up at the dizzying kaleidoscope of the inner tree, "The palace, the gardens, fountains, everything... It seems so far away from the war and death and destruction."

Tenel Ka didn't take her gaze away from Tahiri, her grey eyes focused coolly on her friend's face. She seemed to absorb these musings, but she didn't say anything, only watched Tahiri.

Tahiri swallowed. Tenel Ka knew there was something she wanted to talk about, but was letting her come around to it gradually.

"And what a night," Tahiri continued distractedly, "Two moons, a full sky of stars, tinged with a hint of red from the Transitory mists, it's certainly better than Borleias."

Tenel Ka's expression didn't change, but she seemed to grow impatient with Tahiri's avoidance of the subject. Yet, when her voice came, it was kind and smooth, not frustrated, only tired. Tahiri realized that Tenel Ka must play games and fight battles with words all the time, now and constantly when she was a child. Perhaps that was why she talked in her controlled, simplistic way, because she was so tired of picking carefully selected words to sting, probe, ward off or convey displeasure to those around her. Most of those people were likely enemies, or at the least, people with selfish intentions. Tahiri came to a realization in that moment, though Tenel Ka may not display much expression or emotion, she was still a first-class actress.

"What is it you want to say my friend?" Tenel Ka asked in a weary, moderate tone, her grey eyes affectionate, but sad.

Tahiri couldn't hold it in any longer. She wanted to know if there was another person in the universe that felt the same pain she did.

"How does it feel to be a widow?" Tahiri blurted out, her voice cracking and tears starting in her eyes, so that her next question was hardly above a whisper, "Are you like me?"

Tenel Ka's face, usually so impassive, had gone pallid and sick, and her eyes were wide. She stood up very abruptly and then just about fell over and grabbed the tree for support. Tahiri could see her chest rising and falling rapidly, her breath coming harshly as if she were straining desperately against a stronger force.

Tahiri saw the older Jedi's eyes closed and she stretched out with the Force to see Tenel Ka's thoughts. As she was assaulted with a barrage of feelings, grief and images, Tahiri realized she was seeing a flashback. She could feel Tenel Ka's remembrance of Jacen's death, the hot white fire and extinguishing of it all in a horrible, hated moment. She saw Tenel Ka banging her fist against the wall of the Yuuzhan Vong coral skipper and felt the rawness of her throat as she screamed at the top of her lungs in rage and sorrow. She could feel Tenel Ka, in the present, trying to hold back the memories, the feelings, trying to hold on to the impenetrable fog she'd wrapped herself in, the hurricane of mortal suffering.

She yanked herself quickly out of the warrior queen's mind, seeing that she was gasping for breath and gripping the trunk of the tree so hard that when her hand came away there were indents where her nails had dug ferociously in.

"I…" Tenel Ka began weakly, then stopped and tried to pull herself together, "I am sorry Tahiri. I just… just… I am glad you are here. The situations are frighteningly similar."

Tahiri nodded, then wiped at her eyes with the back of her hands, which came away wet.

"Everything I do keeps reminding me Tenel," Tahiri confided, "I never tried to block it out, only let it keep washing over me. Maybe it was some hope that punishing myself would… would bring him back."

It was Tenel Ka's turn to nod.

"I have been less strong than you, my friend," Tenel Ka admitted, "It isn't that I build walls from the pain. I let the pain wash through me and leave me empty. It is like my nerve endings are still so shocked from the one onslaught that they have not recuperated enough to feel anything else now."

"Maybe," Tahiri said with a sniff, getting to her feet and going over to Tenel Ka, "We'll help each other, okay?"

Tenel Ka took the proffered arm and stoically led their way out of the garden. Tahiri understood that they had finally taken the most essential step in grieving, the recognition.

But recognition didn't relieve the pain.