Chapter Eleven: The Trick is To Keep Breathing
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
Inhale, exhale.
Slow and easy. Fast and harsh.
Deep breath in…
Jacen held the lung full of air for a moment, interrupting his steady rhythm, like stopping time. He smiled with his eyes closed, holding the soft, exotic scent of a thousand flowers in his nose contently.
Out…
Meditation this time was unlike other days, for it had been a long time since his emotions had been in such disarray and tumult. But part of exercising your mind was simply letting it flow in the direction it desired, so instead of sinking through the chaotic, kaleidoscope layers of the Force, he let the surroundings sink into him, lulling him into a peaceful trance.
In the fabric of a smooth, velvet Force, as simple, pure, and uncomplicated as a faerie pond, he felt a slight tugging at the edge of his perception. He turned his inner sense towards the ripple in his pattern and recognized the quiet, knowing presence.
Vergere wanted to talk to him.
He opened his eyes and combined the act of stretching with getting to his feet. Vergere was sitting on a stone bench in front of him, in the shade of a thousand soft yellow roses tinged with pink.
"There is a weed in this garden, Jacen Solo," she said quietly, and slid lightly off the bench, beckoning that he should follow her.
The garden was both radiant and gloomy. Trees and hedges grew in an intricate maze, unkempt in some places, and there were never any straight corners. Everything always curved, like a secret-keeper that called you to explore this one last bend. And one could never be sure what the garden was hiding, what was beyond the next curve.
It was filled with statues and benches; old queens, their beauty and lethality captured in marble, seraphs with wings spread out in glory, guarding the precious blossoms that grew so abundantly, carved marble vines twining up the legs of a bench and intermingling with their real-life counterpart…
The silence was only broken by the sound of fountains gurgling and bubbling, the chirping of birds, or once, every so often, a wind would pick up and rustle the branches of the trees. They scraped together as their leaves tossed in the breeze, the sound seeming vaguely like laughing.
The area of the garden Jacen was following Vergere into seemed to grow denser and wilder, with more vines overtaking the statues and wild flowers covering the ground instead of neat turf. The stone walkway ended and a beaten dirt path, overgrown with disuse continued from where it left off.
Vergere stopped next to a garden wall and pulled back some of the vines to reveal a tiny doorway. She smiled mysteriously, then disappeared through the opening.
Jacen tread lightly over a hidden path after Vergere and stopped behind her as she entered a quiet glade. It was perfectly similar to every other nook, but it had an air of malignant stillness that seemed to abhor being broken, almost as if there was something dark sleeping there. Jacen's eyes swept over the area and paused at the black granite statue in the center. It was the only male sculpture he'd come to face with, but that wasn't what made it strange. It was three times taller than a person would be in real life, and even though the detail was in stone, it was plain that the clothes he wore had been rich and regal. The well-defined face was the most frightening feature, forbidding and scowling with hard, unmerciful eyes.
"This," said Vergere softly, stepping up to touch the statue, "Is a depiction of a man with the blood of millions on his hands."
"Millions?" breathed Jacen in horrified awe.
Vergere nodded slowly.
"The Fosh, my species, were originally from Hapes. And this man was the leader of a society, the Ni'Korish, who delighted in killing them."
"The Ni'Korish? But Jaina said that the Ni'Korish had been created when Tenel Ka's great-grandmother was in power."
"That group is a shadow of the real thing. They are political, not religious."
"Religious?"
Vergere sighed unhappily. "The real Ni'Korish were extremely anti-Jedi."
Jacen looked at her in puzzlement, "So an entire species just got up and left? That makes no sense."
Vergere shook her head, "The Ni'Korish and the Hapans were very xenophobic, partially because so many Fosh became Jedi in the days of the Old Republic. They were the only other sentient species in the Hapes Cluster and the Hapans, being more technologically advanced, drove them out of a system that was originally in possession of the Fosh. Mostly, they used pressure, and subtle tactics like heavy taxes on goods or demanding tributes, but in the end, they had irreconcilable differences. The Fosh wanted to join the Republic, but the Hapans wanted isolation. The Fosh wanted freedom, the Hapans would not concede. The Fosh valued and prized their Jedi Knights, yet the Hapans despised them. So the Fosh left Hapes for the Core Worlds."
Jacen absorbed this quietly, then looked again at the statue thoughtfully.
"I get it. But why are you so concerned now?"
Vergere faced him, her eyes speculative.
"The Ni'Korish were disbanded when the leader died. But I believe they have come back. The small group in the Senate is mostly likely being controlled by a more powerful and intelligent backer."
Jacen nodded in agreement, but paused.
"It doesn't seem like enough proof…" he said tentatively.
Vergere was silent for a moment, looking away from him.
"I also believe they were behind the attempt on Tenel Ka's life," Vergere admitted.
Jacen stiffened, but as he ran all that Vergere had told him and all that had transpired recently, her words seemed to make sense. He was suddenly very concerned for Tenel Ka, and shifted nervously, looking behind him towards the exit of the garden.
"On a more personal note, Jacen Solo," said Vergere, seeming to sense his thoughts, "You seem to be advancing in your lessons faster than I can teach you them. It is a pity; we hardly covered any ground on the subject of love."
Jacen raised a skeptical eyebrow at her.
"I don't remember love being the criteria at all Vergere. Lots of lessons on pain, yes, but not love."
"Ah," said Vergere with a knowing smile, "But love is also an expression of pain."
Jacen eyed her quizzically, "Love is pain? It sure doesn't feel like it."
"Are you quite sure?" Vergere asked promptly, "But I did not say that specifically. Love is an expression of pain. True, it is also much more, but since we have already studied so extensively into the subject of pain, I think it best to bridge the two topics. It's the easiest that way."
Jacen sat down, preparing to listen for a long time.
"When you are 'in love', a dreadfully inappropriate phrase if I ever heard one, you become satiated, like a full feeling in your soul. It is like a Kigra, a fearless, beautiful, deadly predator that hunts its prey with never ceasing skill. This Kigra has an expansive, bountiful territory. The Kigra will rarely ever go hungry. When it feels such a sensation, it will hunt and then eat. When it needs more food, it goes back to its plentiful resources and takes from it, therefore living luxurious and content, never stretching out beyond its borders. Because of this, it never challenges others, never sets out to become more, whether in dominance or in power. It's reign is supreme in it's territory, so why does it need to seek beyond it's limitless supply? And what does this comparison mean to you Jacen Solo?" Vergere asked, fixing him with a hard, meaningful gaze.
Jacen tilted his head, pondering the sun above for a moment, which seemed to at the end of a very long tunnel with the towering rose hedges around him.
"I don't know Vergere," he admitted softly.
Vergere mumbled quietly in aggravation.
"Jacen, there is a task to accomplish now, and it is not to stay in this system and marry its Queen Mother! You have a purpose beyond the comprehension of most people. Your uncle, your aunt, your father, your sister… they do not understand what you have become or what it is you are destined to do," Vergere urged him, starting to pace slowly in front of him, her hands clasped in front of her.
Jacen wasn't quite sure whether this was true. He did feel like he was being shape for a certain type of role, though he couldn't see clearly what it was yet. But he didn't like where this conversation was going.
Vergere sighed deeply and took a deep breath before continuing.
"This is not to say I do not like Tenel Ka. She is well-suited to you in every way, complementing your strengths, compensating your faults. And she truly loves you with all her heart. She is very admirable in other respects as well, like her devotion to her people and her duty, her ability to remain in control of her outward emotions, and her strength of will," Vergere said in praise, moving her hands in a circular motion, like she longed to get on with the point. Jacen grew steadily more anxious and angrier.
"But you cannot stay here and become content and relaxed! Do not forget what you've learned! There is much to be done in the galaxy and in the Jedi Order! Do not give up your purpose, a purpose that only you have the ability to accomplish, to turn your eyes from war and destruction. You can end this fight!" she said passionately, turning her eyes towards him beseechingly, and gave another small sigh, "But first you must end your time here."
Jacen glared at her, getting to his feet.
"I don't see why I have to end my relationship with Tenel Ka to achieve my goal," he argued, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Jacen," Vergere said, a note of warning in her voice, "Jedi should not marry Jedi. I explained this to you before. It can unintentionally lead to the building of an empire, and gather enemies to you."
Jacen looked at her suspiciously. So Vergere knew about Tenel Ka's proposal. Well, that wasn't surprising, but he didn't appreciate her nosiness. And he wouldn't leave Tenel Ka, not even after what Vergere told him.
"I will not, Vergere," he decided, regarding her stonily.
"You are acting like a spoiled infant again," Vergere cautioned.
"So be it."
"Jacen, if she loves you, she will understand," Vergere paused, "That is, if she understands you at all now. You are greatly changed."
"She understands," he said hotly.
"Does she?" Vergere countered, "Then explain what it is you need to do and see if she can accept it."
Jacen felt like he was going to boil over with frustration. Vergere shouldn't be doing this to him. He had passed her tests, learned her lessons, played by her rules, and in the end he'd been grateful for her wisdom. But now she was forcing him to make the hardest decision of his life; remain with the woman he loved, or lead the Jedi Order to victory.
"She's changed as well," Jacen said defensively, "and she knows me."
Vergere, who always seemed to agree with you in words, but argue with you in her tone, shrugged casually.
"Perhaps she does, perhaps she will agree with your reasoning. It will be a test. Go to her Jacen, explain yourself."
She smiled slightly.
"That is, if you can."
