The Words Left Unspoken
Her Thoughts
I looked over to little Rin, playing joyfully in the water as if she had not a care in the world. In truth she did not. The sweet little girl had a protector in the youkai who had somehow adopted her, although it is more accurate to say that she adopted him. Sesshoumaru-sama.
Never had I met a more handsome being, human or youkai. Normally, the youkai that I had the misfortune to encounter were ugly beasts that preyed on mortal lives and pain. Even in his true youkai form I adored him. Tall, remote with long dark silvery white hair that could almost match hers, how I long to run my fingers through it to test its silkiness. His eyes, so beautiful, so captivating. I could drown in their golden depths in an instant.
Now one might ask how it is that I, 'a human', had come to be traveling with this great youkai who is known for his open disdain of creatures such as myself. Well, Rin is the key to that. No matter how distant he seems, there is a spark of genuine emotion where that little girl is concerned. The fact that he came to my village and stole me away so that I might heal her is testimony to that.
I was well renown for my skills in healing; so tremendous were they that I had been called many unpleasant things by the superstitious villagers. Rin had fallen ill with a deadly fever and worried, though he showed it not, Sesshoumaru-sama had traveled to my village with Rin cradled tenderly in his arms and a bored expression on his face to seek my help.
The villagers had gone into a frenzy when they spotted him and his youkai companion. Sesshoumaru-sama can pass off for a human under some circumstances as long as there are not too many questions about the black crescent moon on his forehead or the red lines that mark both sides of his cheeks, a sign of his position. Jaken, however, is a green fiend that is wizened and very short. He carries a staff three times his length and annoys me to no end. There is no way to mistake him for a human, not unless you're blinder than a bat.
From that day onward, my life had undergone a drastic change. I can no longer return to my village. The villagers had turned against me when Sesshoumaru-sama took me away. They considered me to be his consort and a fellow youkai. My one attempt to return had ended with me being wounded and weakened greatly.
It was then that I realized that I had some feelings for the handsome youkai. He had rescued me, payment for my treatment of Rin he said, and took care of my wounds. No one had ever done that for me since the first revelation of my powers twelve years ago. My own parents had shunned me at the age of seven all because I was 'blessed'. Then he granted my request, well demand, for me to travel with them.
It started out as respect mixed with a crush and grew to love, sweet and pure. Alas, he could never love me in return. His disdain for humans stems from somewhere in his past, a past that not even Jaken is privy to. The few strong emotions I have seen him show are hate towards his half brother, which I heartily disapprove of, and Naraku, a rather interfering hanyou; disdain for all who are not youkai and that included hanyou. Sometimes I think it is because of the human 'taint' in their blood that angers him so. The last emotion is anger. The one thing I never want to do is to anger him.
A temper like no other, he is magnificent but deadly in his rage. His eyes turn completely to a blood red shade and his control grows. The power behind his glare is tangible and fear clutches at anyone's heart, even mine. The only one of us brave enough to approach him in such a destructive mood is Rin albeit the she knew naught of such things.
That is one of the things I love most about him. How tender he can be. He would make an excellent father one day. A father to children that could never be mine. Sorrow is my constant companion in this new life of mine as I am relentlessly reminded of my problems. My love, unrequited, slowly kills my spirit but I am content to sit and watch him from a far, keeping the hope that one day he will see me as I see him alive. it is that hope that keeps me alive.
One day, maybe he will know but until then I shall live and travel with him, as he so graciously allowed, until either he abandons me or I die. Still, I would have found some measure of joy, for just having known him and having played the role of mother to a child so warm and endearing as Rin.
Standing slowly, I walk over to Rin to join her in her play. Jaken sits off I the distance muttering under his breath and Sesshoumaru-sama, my ai, is sitting under a tree so close yet so far. Stifling the urge to gaze at him I use Rin as my focal point and pay strict attention to only her.
"Rin-chan, are you ready to come out now?" I asked laughingly, stooping down at the bank.
"No!" she exclaimed before dissolving into happy giggles.
"Well then, little lady. How about I join you?" I inquired with a grin. It did my heart good to see how well Rin was now. Before she would hardly utter a word and now she was a regular chatterbox.
"Yay!!!" she shouted and splashed me.
"Brat." I said affectionately as I started to remove my wet clothes.
No blush graced my face. Sesshoumaru-sama did not care for me and as a human, my body held no interest for him. I was as safe with him as with a eunuch but the hope was still there. Maybe one day, even if it was only for a second, I would feel his gaze on my naked body, admiring me, wanting me.
Hopeless fantasy, right?
Disclaimer: I no own animes. Just borrowing. Will continue to borrow for two more chapters. No sue broke-ass me.
Here's the first chapter for one of my Valentine's fic. It's a three part fic so expect the next chapter on Wednesday and the final on Friday. I hope that you enjoyed it. I might revise this fic someday. All other V day fics will be posted on the day mentioned. They will all be one chapter long. Please go to my profile and check them out, por favor? Onegai? Please? S'il te plait?
Ja ne.
