Title: Some Wishes
Author: Moonbeam
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.
Feedback: Would be *loved.* Thanks for everything so far!!
A/N: I know that sometimes the transitions are a little unclear, but unless you're reading a *dream sequence,* or Buffy isn't actually in the scene, (duh) everything is in her POV. First person. Just thought I'd clear that up.
--------------------------------------
Chapter Four:
Only moments before, she had told him. Touched his cheek and smiled shyly, letting the words tumble out.
If he had been someone else, another man, with other stories, and another past, maybe it wouldn't have been so important to him. Wonderful, yes, but in an altogether different way.
Because mixed in with this happiness, was hope. Hope that he had a chance to be someone. Not some..thing. Because if she felt this way about him, there had to be something good in him that she could see. There had to be.
"Buffy...." He smiled gently at her, the glow reaching his eyes. "Do you really mean that?"
"You know I do." She grinned, letting her hair fall over her back and looking up at him. "I love you, Spike."
"Oh, Buffy. Buffy." He grabbed her to him, lips meeting, letting their chests collide and crush together. "Buffy, I love you so much."
"Spike..Spike.." She murmured against his lips. As they roughly pulled back for air, Buffy cocked her head back, breathing heavily, and staring at him.
"It isn't good enough." She shook her head quickly, still gasping for air, "You just don't get it, do you? It will *never* be good enough! Everything you've done everyone you've killed. Men and women and.." She winced, painfully, "little kids, Spike."
He looked down, his voice choked, his lips still burning from their kiss. "It's different now."
"Come on. A bunch of men in lab coats get together to make you a chip-head and everything is just..different? You're still in there. The demon. The killer." She brought her arms out, grabbing at his shoulders and shaking him. "I know he's in there! I can see him! It's disgusting." She stopped for a moment, licking her lips. "YOU'RE disgusting."
Confusion etched his words, his eyes searching her face for some understanding.
"How can I make you understand? I'd die before hurting you, love. I would."
"You don't have a choice. No choice. No chance. Nothing. The choice is *mine.*" Her eyes flickered for a minute, before she brought her head forward, kissing him lightly before pulling away to whisper,
"You have to wish to see it all."
The last thing Spike saw were her eyes before he felt the hard wood from her stake ram through his chest.
--------------------------------------
I can always feel him coming. And not in the spiritual 'we have a connection' blah, blah, blah way. It's just simple fact. He's a vampire. I'm the Slayer. And I can sense 'em a mile away. It's a part of the Slayage- package. You know, like, paid vacations or something.
With Angel, the feeling would start in my belly, like with regular, stake- of-the-hour, vampires. A little pull, or ache. But it would explode into butterflies, the moment I distinguished him from the rest. Like a happy cramp. Right.
With Spike, I get pangs, like with the rest of them. I can't even *really* tell him apart from other vampires until he's close enough, but I can always sense him. I've been meeting him in dark cemeteries for three years now. Practice makes perfect, or something along those lines. Spike has this..this..aura that always, no matter what scenario, seems to scream..
"Bad news."
Exactly. Wait.huh?
"What?" I asked, looking over at Spike as he pulled on his duster. Where did he come from? Yikes. Less thinking. More watching.
He huffed, falling into step next to me, "I said I have bad news."
I don't know what did it, but as I looked at his eyes, panicked and rushed..I didn't doubt him. It only lasted for a split second, and I could have smacked myself afterwards, but something about his whole vibe seemed right. I trusted him.
Dear God.
"What do you mean, 'bad news'?" I looked over at him.
"I *mean,* the kind that isn't good!" He exclaimed, irritated.
"Spike." I said roughly, tightening my grip on the stake in my hand, "If you have information worth hearing, I'm all ears. But if you're going to waste my time then get the hell out of my way."
He was silent for a minute, before I heard him clear his throat.
"I had a..a..nightmare. First one I've had in a good ninety years. I'm not exactly a warm milk, close my eyes and dream the night away kind of guy, you know?"
"The nightmare." I said in a steady voice.
"Right. Well, ugh," He stammered a bit, "..you were there. In it. We were, um, talking, and you started going crazy."
"Crazy." I repeated.
"Yelling, screaming all sorts of things. " He looked at me closer, "Well, now that I think about it, that's not exactly out of the ordinary either."
"Spike...." My voice was a warning and he could tell.
"You said something. That the choice was yours, not mine. That I had to wish? Something like that, I don't rightly know. You staked me good and proper right after. Bit upsetting, if I do say so."
"Wish? Wish?!" I stopped walking turning to face Spike, "You HAVE to think harder. What else did I say? What else?"
"Ugh." He scratched his head, ".S'all, really. Wish. No choice. Spike's evil. Blah, bloody, blah."
I raised my fist, preparing to punch him. "I'm telling you the truth, Slayer. Nothing else happened. I woke up."
I sighed, frustrated, and nodded. "Alright. Fine."
"What, that's it? No 'thanks'? No 'sorry for dream-staking you? Nerve of some people."
But I didn't even hear him. Didn't even notice. Because my mind was gone.far off.wondering what was happening.
And what would happen next.
--------------------------------------
The book started off like all the others. One girl in all the world to stop the spread of evil, blah, blah, blah. Secret identity, much training, vampire here, demon there, then she trains a little more. Basically, some stuffy author writing about what it was like to be the Slayer, when they had no idea what it was like. Just text. All facts, no fun, y'know? And no inside scoop.
Soon, it started talking about the pressure. The anxiety, and the confusion, of being the Slayer. About starting to lose yourself in something bigger, and eventually, drowning in it. Because, I mean, it gets to your head. You have no idea what it's like to kick all this ass, and get all this praise, and still keep your ego in check. I know I sound like I love myself beyond belief, but it's true. How do you keep yourself grounded?
Faith, before she went psycho-girl, used to talk about it. It's funny, how when I look back on it now, I can see how lost she was. Back then I just thought she was on some 'Superwoman' kick. But really, she was trying to understand it all. How she could have so much power. So much strength, and still be considered an ordinary girl to the rest of the world. She wanted the fame and the gratitude, and the glory. And maybe I do too. I don't know.
The book said it was all about mental discipline. Controlling the feelings, fighting the urges, etcetera, etcetera. After my Mom died, I told Giles I thought I was getting hard inside. That I was losing my ability to love. After the trip he took me on and the ritual he performed, I never mentioned it again. He seemed to have forgotten about it. But, really, how could I? I don't even know what death being my gift *means.* I'm just as bewildered as I was before any of it. They do that sometimes. My friends. I know they don't mean too. But sometimes they just..forget. What I'm going through. What I'm feeling.
Just because I act like the perfect pillar of strength and courage, it doesn't mean I'm not freaking inside. I keep my cool, sure, but I still crumble sometimes. I guess it's just easier for them to pretend like I don't. It makes them feel safer. To know that one of them can protect the rest of the world. A shoe-in. You know?
I never really cared..so much. But now, more than ever, I find myself thinking about it. How removed I am from the rest of my friends. Even from Dawn. She's my sister, but it doesn't even seem to mean anything when it comes to this stuff. I'm the Slayer. The Chosen One.
The only one.
This book is a lot like my life. People created a fairy tale about a Vampire Slayer because..well..to the naked eye, what doesn't seem unreal about all this? These people's lives are crumbling all around them. Their friends and families are dying and it's all they can do to avoid being slaughtered by these horrible demons.
And then this one girl comes along. She's strong and powerful and she takes these big baddies out. And as soon as she dies, a new one is called. It's a guarantee. I guess I never really, really realized that my friends are just..people. And just like whoever needed to write this story, they need to believe that even though they're living their lives on a Hellmouth, they have this great warrior fighting by their side. Again, not so much egotistical, just..honest. I'm not blind.
They'd be dead without me.
True to its introduction, in typical fairy tale form, the story talks about a better place. Says it's for warriors, like the Slayer. Where there isn't any confusion or doubt or loneliness. This wonderful dimension where you can go. To be, finally, free.
But the only way to see it, to go there, to open yourself up..is to make a wish.
*I have to wish to see it all.*
The wish must be true. Intentions must be pure. And everything feels like it fits. My intentions, my hopes, the timing.
So it's like this..
[Happy birthday, Buffy. Look at all the candles. All you have to do is close your eyes..]
[..and make a wish.]
..the question just got switched.
What *is* my wish?
--------------------------------------
TBC..next, more LA action..
Author: Moonbeam
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.
Feedback: Would be *loved.* Thanks for everything so far!!
A/N: I know that sometimes the transitions are a little unclear, but unless you're reading a *dream sequence,* or Buffy isn't actually in the scene, (duh) everything is in her POV. First person. Just thought I'd clear that up.
--------------------------------------
Chapter Four:
Only moments before, she had told him. Touched his cheek and smiled shyly, letting the words tumble out.
If he had been someone else, another man, with other stories, and another past, maybe it wouldn't have been so important to him. Wonderful, yes, but in an altogether different way.
Because mixed in with this happiness, was hope. Hope that he had a chance to be someone. Not some..thing. Because if she felt this way about him, there had to be something good in him that she could see. There had to be.
"Buffy...." He smiled gently at her, the glow reaching his eyes. "Do you really mean that?"
"You know I do." She grinned, letting her hair fall over her back and looking up at him. "I love you, Spike."
"Oh, Buffy. Buffy." He grabbed her to him, lips meeting, letting their chests collide and crush together. "Buffy, I love you so much."
"Spike..Spike.." She murmured against his lips. As they roughly pulled back for air, Buffy cocked her head back, breathing heavily, and staring at him.
"It isn't good enough." She shook her head quickly, still gasping for air, "You just don't get it, do you? It will *never* be good enough! Everything you've done everyone you've killed. Men and women and.." She winced, painfully, "little kids, Spike."
He looked down, his voice choked, his lips still burning from their kiss. "It's different now."
"Come on. A bunch of men in lab coats get together to make you a chip-head and everything is just..different? You're still in there. The demon. The killer." She brought her arms out, grabbing at his shoulders and shaking him. "I know he's in there! I can see him! It's disgusting." She stopped for a moment, licking her lips. "YOU'RE disgusting."
Confusion etched his words, his eyes searching her face for some understanding.
"How can I make you understand? I'd die before hurting you, love. I would."
"You don't have a choice. No choice. No chance. Nothing. The choice is *mine.*" Her eyes flickered for a minute, before she brought her head forward, kissing him lightly before pulling away to whisper,
"You have to wish to see it all."
The last thing Spike saw were her eyes before he felt the hard wood from her stake ram through his chest.
--------------------------------------
I can always feel him coming. And not in the spiritual 'we have a connection' blah, blah, blah way. It's just simple fact. He's a vampire. I'm the Slayer. And I can sense 'em a mile away. It's a part of the Slayage- package. You know, like, paid vacations or something.
With Angel, the feeling would start in my belly, like with regular, stake- of-the-hour, vampires. A little pull, or ache. But it would explode into butterflies, the moment I distinguished him from the rest. Like a happy cramp. Right.
With Spike, I get pangs, like with the rest of them. I can't even *really* tell him apart from other vampires until he's close enough, but I can always sense him. I've been meeting him in dark cemeteries for three years now. Practice makes perfect, or something along those lines. Spike has this..this..aura that always, no matter what scenario, seems to scream..
"Bad news."
Exactly. Wait.huh?
"What?" I asked, looking over at Spike as he pulled on his duster. Where did he come from? Yikes. Less thinking. More watching.
He huffed, falling into step next to me, "I said I have bad news."
I don't know what did it, but as I looked at his eyes, panicked and rushed..I didn't doubt him. It only lasted for a split second, and I could have smacked myself afterwards, but something about his whole vibe seemed right. I trusted him.
Dear God.
"What do you mean, 'bad news'?" I looked over at him.
"I *mean,* the kind that isn't good!" He exclaimed, irritated.
"Spike." I said roughly, tightening my grip on the stake in my hand, "If you have information worth hearing, I'm all ears. But if you're going to waste my time then get the hell out of my way."
He was silent for a minute, before I heard him clear his throat.
"I had a..a..nightmare. First one I've had in a good ninety years. I'm not exactly a warm milk, close my eyes and dream the night away kind of guy, you know?"
"The nightmare." I said in a steady voice.
"Right. Well, ugh," He stammered a bit, "..you were there. In it. We were, um, talking, and you started going crazy."
"Crazy." I repeated.
"Yelling, screaming all sorts of things. " He looked at me closer, "Well, now that I think about it, that's not exactly out of the ordinary either."
"Spike...." My voice was a warning and he could tell.
"You said something. That the choice was yours, not mine. That I had to wish? Something like that, I don't rightly know. You staked me good and proper right after. Bit upsetting, if I do say so."
"Wish? Wish?!" I stopped walking turning to face Spike, "You HAVE to think harder. What else did I say? What else?"
"Ugh." He scratched his head, ".S'all, really. Wish. No choice. Spike's evil. Blah, bloody, blah."
I raised my fist, preparing to punch him. "I'm telling you the truth, Slayer. Nothing else happened. I woke up."
I sighed, frustrated, and nodded. "Alright. Fine."
"What, that's it? No 'thanks'? No 'sorry for dream-staking you? Nerve of some people."
But I didn't even hear him. Didn't even notice. Because my mind was gone.far off.wondering what was happening.
And what would happen next.
--------------------------------------
The book started off like all the others. One girl in all the world to stop the spread of evil, blah, blah, blah. Secret identity, much training, vampire here, demon there, then she trains a little more. Basically, some stuffy author writing about what it was like to be the Slayer, when they had no idea what it was like. Just text. All facts, no fun, y'know? And no inside scoop.
Soon, it started talking about the pressure. The anxiety, and the confusion, of being the Slayer. About starting to lose yourself in something bigger, and eventually, drowning in it. Because, I mean, it gets to your head. You have no idea what it's like to kick all this ass, and get all this praise, and still keep your ego in check. I know I sound like I love myself beyond belief, but it's true. How do you keep yourself grounded?
Faith, before she went psycho-girl, used to talk about it. It's funny, how when I look back on it now, I can see how lost she was. Back then I just thought she was on some 'Superwoman' kick. But really, she was trying to understand it all. How she could have so much power. So much strength, and still be considered an ordinary girl to the rest of the world. She wanted the fame and the gratitude, and the glory. And maybe I do too. I don't know.
The book said it was all about mental discipline. Controlling the feelings, fighting the urges, etcetera, etcetera. After my Mom died, I told Giles I thought I was getting hard inside. That I was losing my ability to love. After the trip he took me on and the ritual he performed, I never mentioned it again. He seemed to have forgotten about it. But, really, how could I? I don't even know what death being my gift *means.* I'm just as bewildered as I was before any of it. They do that sometimes. My friends. I know they don't mean too. But sometimes they just..forget. What I'm going through. What I'm feeling.
Just because I act like the perfect pillar of strength and courage, it doesn't mean I'm not freaking inside. I keep my cool, sure, but I still crumble sometimes. I guess it's just easier for them to pretend like I don't. It makes them feel safer. To know that one of them can protect the rest of the world. A shoe-in. You know?
I never really cared..so much. But now, more than ever, I find myself thinking about it. How removed I am from the rest of my friends. Even from Dawn. She's my sister, but it doesn't even seem to mean anything when it comes to this stuff. I'm the Slayer. The Chosen One.
The only one.
This book is a lot like my life. People created a fairy tale about a Vampire Slayer because..well..to the naked eye, what doesn't seem unreal about all this? These people's lives are crumbling all around them. Their friends and families are dying and it's all they can do to avoid being slaughtered by these horrible demons.
And then this one girl comes along. She's strong and powerful and she takes these big baddies out. And as soon as she dies, a new one is called. It's a guarantee. I guess I never really, really realized that my friends are just..people. And just like whoever needed to write this story, they need to believe that even though they're living their lives on a Hellmouth, they have this great warrior fighting by their side. Again, not so much egotistical, just..honest. I'm not blind.
They'd be dead without me.
True to its introduction, in typical fairy tale form, the story talks about a better place. Says it's for warriors, like the Slayer. Where there isn't any confusion or doubt or loneliness. This wonderful dimension where you can go. To be, finally, free.
But the only way to see it, to go there, to open yourself up..is to make a wish.
*I have to wish to see it all.*
The wish must be true. Intentions must be pure. And everything feels like it fits. My intentions, my hopes, the timing.
So it's like this..
[Happy birthday, Buffy. Look at all the candles. All you have to do is close your eyes..]
[..and make a wish.]
..the question just got switched.
What *is* my wish?
--------------------------------------
TBC..next, more LA action..
