Title: Some Wishes
Author: babyxeyes
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.
Feedback: Love it.
A/N: I apologize for the [flashback] [/flashback] tags, but some people have trouble understanding transitions. I'd rather be idiotically clear than confusing. Hope it's to your liking!
--------------------------------------
Chapter Nine:
I could feel Angel's eyes on me.
Strangely enough, even with my dead mother standing in front of me, looking very not-so-dead..Angel's eyes on my back were the strongest thing I could feel in that cold gray room.
That should have been my first indication that something was not right.
But I picked up on nothing, simply stepping forward, edging closer to her.
"Are you really here?" I asked, shakily.
She reached out, touching my cheek with her hand, and smiling softly. "Oh, my sweet Buffy. Even more beautiful now."
I cried then. I don't remember how long it lasted, or what happened next, but I felt myself collapsing to the ground, and being wrapped in an embrace. I could smell nothing but her, and I buried my face in her neck, inhaling it all, never wanting to forget. She ran her fingers through my hair as I cried, and I sobbed until I couldn't breathe anymore. Looking up at her face, I felt fresh tears gather in my eyes. Tears of love, and happiness, and grief.
"Come on, sweetie. We don't have very much time. I'd like to talk to you for a while, okay?" I gave a small nod, and I stood up clumsily. As she rose to her own feet, I suddenly remembered Angel. Turning around quickly, I let out a sigh of relief when I realized he was still there. Not just a dream or another wish. He really was with me. With me. Angel. I could have sworn that I saw tears glistening in his eyes, but when her voice filled the air, I was too distracted to see if my head was just playing tricks on me.
"How was your trip?" She asked, almost conversationally. She sounded nervous. I could tell.
Mommy? Is that you? Are you here? Is this your home now? Do you watch me from here? Do you still pig out on chocolate ice cream? Do you float on clouds? Do you dream at night?
I had so much to ask her, and I couldn't even get my throat to work.
"Buffy? Honey, what's wrong?" Her voice was full of genuine concern. I could hear Angel taking a step closer to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Why-I wished I could see you, but-how..I," I broke off, unable to make sense. The tears pressed against my eyelids and I bit down on my lip in frustration. Why was this hard? She was my mom, dammit! Since when did talking to her turn me into a stuttering idiot?
'Since you found her dead on the living room couch.' A tiny voice screamed from somewhere inside my head. I ignored it, deciding instead to try again.
"What do we do now?"
"We get one hour. I'm all yours." She said with the smile that I had missed so.
"And then?"
She hesitated, but spoke. "And then they send you back home and me back to wherever I was before."
"Forever." I finished, desperately wishing I was holding onto Angel. I was too numb to move, though.
"Yes." She said, looking down, almost ashamed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. God- you think I quit. Just leaving you like that."
My eyes widened and I almost choked in my haste to speak. "No! God, no, never! It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped anything. Mom-"My voice suddenly stopped as my mouth formed the word. I had never thought I'd be able to say that word to her again.
"How is everything? Dawn?" She seemed to want a change in subject, and I allowed it.
"She's good. She's human now. A little after you..um, Ben got hit by a car. You remember Ben? The nurse?" She nodded after a moment, and I continued. I knew I had to tell her what had happened. She deserved to know, even though it was still hard to talk about.
"As soon as he was hit, Dawn started getting these visions. Visions of Ben turning into Glory, and Glory turning to Ben. She had seen it happen, but, they worked this magic so that any human who witnessed it all would forget. Ben was Glory, and Glory was Ben..it was this whole big body-swapping thing. By the time they lost him, we all remembered. Ben died and he took Glory with him." I paused, clearing my throat. "With Glory gone forever, the Key was erased. It was a big process with this weird monk, but.." I trailed off, "She's human now." I repeated my earlier statement, "You would have been so proud to see her."
I could see her processing all the information, taking a deep breath before she spoke again. "And how are you?"
"I'm..getting by." I answered, honestly. "It's hard without you. Really hard."
"I'm sorry, Buffy." She spoke, gently. She clasped her hands together, looking thoughtful. "I have to tell you something. They gave me a message.." Her eyes wandered until they finally landed on his form. "I wonder how they knew you'd be here."
"I guess they're getting better." Angel answered. His voice was cold. What was his problem? He had always said he liked my mom. Maybe things changed when she became a corpse.
My entire body turned to ice as the thought went through my brain.
[Corpse?] Mommy. Warm and soft and full of light. [Body.]
I stumbled backwards, and I heard Angel rush forward to catch me before I could hit the ground.
"Buffy!" I heard her voice cry out, as Angel held me tightly. Don't be scared, Mommy, was what I meant to say. But my throat..my voice..where had it gone?
[Oh Buffy. You got your dress all dirty. Now I'll have to wash it out.]
[But Mommy. I like it like this.]
"Look at me, Buffy." Angel spoke, firmly, his voice barely reaching me, as I floated freely inside my head. I allowed my body to go lax, trusting myself in his arms.
[You're my daughter, Buffy. And no matter what happens, or where life takes us, we will always have a special connection.]
[How?]
[Because as long as I'm in this world, the love I have for you will never, ever dim. Will you remember that for me?]
"BUFFY!" Angel sounded panicked, and I remember realizing that I had really never heard him like this. Panicked. Scared. Vulnerable.
[Yes Mommy. I'll remember.]
[Good, honey. Good.]
Something shot through me, and my eyes widened to the point where they almost popped out of my sockets. The blood drained from my head and I felt extremely dizzy.
"Buffy. Look at me. Focus on me." The sound of Angel's voice anchored me, and I listened to him talk, never really hearing the words, until I could breathe again.
It took me a few seconds, but I finally steadied myself to the point where I could stand on my own. My body was trembling, as my mind sorted through the cryptic images flashing through it. All of a sudden, I realized I knew. Like a piece of information that had always been with me, but had been hidden until this exact second. I just *knew*.
Why Angel had come for me. Why my lip was trembling. Why I could feel the bile rising in my throat.
"You..you're not real."
It came out as a statement, not a question. I could tell by the way Angel's eyes flickered, he could hear the quiver in my voice. He always hated to see me cry.
"You know what I am, Buffy." Her voice remained kind, but everything was different now.
"You.." My voice broke, as I looked at her glowing form.
"A messenger." She went on, shaking her head as she spoke. "Nothing more. This form was the one you craved most. This was the body I had to take. You weren't supposed to know..most...well, you *are* the Slayer."
"Body..you.." My vision was too blurred with tears for me to see her reaction. Angel tightened his grip around my waist, and something fizzled from inside of me. The feeling of his presence..his understanding..his love. I hadn't realized how much of a necessity it was. How dead I was without it. Dead. Dead. Dead.
"My mom..you're not really her. Are you?" My voice was soft, pleading with the figure before me to disagree with the fears I felt.
"The time. There isn't enough of it. Buffy, please, I'm sorry we had to trick you. But it's the way we do things here. Now, you need to listen to what it is I have to tell you." The figure begged. I could feel something stirring from inside, telling me to respond to whatever was wearing my mother's face, for no reason other than..it was wearing *my* mother's face.
"What is it?" Angel answered for me, his voice back to normal now. I could tell though, by the look on his face, he was still shaken by my previous actions.
She smiled. Once at me. Once at him. And then she leaned forward, almost as if she had a wonderful secret to share with me.
"He wants you to know. The blue bird is singing."
Suddenly, Angel gasped.
--------------------------------------
[FLASHBACK]
+1905+
It had been a very confusing ordeal.
A portal. A big white room. An equally large gray one. And now, this ..wall? It appeared to be no more than such. He was chained to a large, rather uncomfortable wall, and as he looked around, below, above him..he could see nothing.
Angel was irritated.
It was incredibly hard work getting a soul, you know? No one had warned him it was going to be *this* frustrating. First, with the guilt and the remorse. Then with the lack of sidekicks, and now..this. He had been so stupid. So, so foolish to think that this book could help with his pain. That *magic* would be the answer.
Magic is never, ever the answer.
He had gotten his hands on it in a Chinese Village. The Boxer Rebellion was in full swing, and utter chaos had erupted throughout the streets. Darla had been absolutely giddy with glee and Spike-even Spike-had taken out his first Slayer that night. Angel, of course, was a pathetic waste of a vampire, but it wasn't his fault. He was going through a phase.
An elderly woman had run into him, in her haste to reach safety. The book had tumbled from her arms, and she kept on going before the loss could even register in her mind. Angel had picked it up and tucked it away, safely, inside his coat.
It happened to provide him with a great deal of comfort and reassurance throughout the next couple of years. It would take him that long to gather the necessary ingredients, of course. Doing magic was long, hard work.
He had wished to see Darla. She had been the closest thing he had had to a mother, a friend, a mate..for as long as he could think. Well, for as long as he *liked* to think. She had appeared in front of him looking stunning and vivid, and he had instantly known it wasn't really her. Whether it was a sire/childe connection, or something more, she hadn't had him fooled for a moment.
And so now, here he was, chained to this wall. Just as his eyelids began to grow heavy, he caught sight of a man in the distance, walking towards him. Or, floating towards him. This was just so unbelievably odd. As he got closer to him, Angel could see a large dagger in the man's hands. Suspicion took over, and he instantly began to fight at the chains that were wrapped around his wrists. Almost immediately, a new set appeared around his ankles, as well.
"Oh. Wonderful." He muttered under his breath.
"Vampire." The man spoke. "Do not fight this. It is time."
"Time for what, exactly?" He asked, his eyes still fixated on the knife.
"Relax." The man spoke, "If I wanted you dead, you'd already be dust. This is just procedure."
"Procedure?" Angel groaned, seeing the man's blank expression. "What is WITH you guys and the big cryptic?"
"Your messenger never got the chance to relay the message to you."
*Because you attacked her before she got the chance.* the words hung in the air, thick and unsaid. Before Angel could blink, the man was standing behind him, completely out of view.
"The guidance you seek is not yours yet." He said, slowly. "Wait for the blue bird's song."
A feeling of pain like Angel had never experienced before coursed through his body, as the dagger ripped through his shirt and introduced itself to his upper back. The room exploded and then it was very dark for a very long time.
[/FLASHBACK] --------------------------------------
I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way his hands began to tremble. I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way his forehead was suddenly slicked with sweat.
I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way he was losing control.
"What's happening?" I burst out, turning towards the guide, "What is happening to him?!"
"Buffy-"
"Stop it!" I exclaimed, angrily, "If you're going to be in..in her..body," I forced out, "then at least stop saying my name like that."
"He's going to change. It's happening now."
"What did you?! He was just talking and..ANGEL!"
I seriously could NOT take this place and its drama. With the passing out, and the seizure-type behavior..it was just too much.
Angel dropped to the floor and I gasped, hating myself for not being able to protect him. Hating myself for being helpless.
"Make this STOP!" I demanded, as clouds of dust began to rise from the floor.
"This isn't my territory anymore," The guide replied. A deep howling noise was quickly filling the room, and I resisted the urge to cover my own ears in an attempt to block it out. "All we can do now is wait."
"Wait for what?!"
"Don't you see? He's reliving it all. If he survives this, the second time, he'll be freed."
Something clicked, and my eyes finally saw -really saw-what was in front of me.
The blue bird is singing.
"His soul..it's going to be permanent." I murmured, my eyes filling with tears.
And then, Angel cried out.
"If...if he doesn't die first."
--------------------------------------
TBC..
Author: babyxeyes
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.
Feedback: Love it.
A/N: I apologize for the [flashback] [/flashback] tags, but some people have trouble understanding transitions. I'd rather be idiotically clear than confusing. Hope it's to your liking!
--------------------------------------
Chapter Nine:
I could feel Angel's eyes on me.
Strangely enough, even with my dead mother standing in front of me, looking very not-so-dead..Angel's eyes on my back were the strongest thing I could feel in that cold gray room.
That should have been my first indication that something was not right.
But I picked up on nothing, simply stepping forward, edging closer to her.
"Are you really here?" I asked, shakily.
She reached out, touching my cheek with her hand, and smiling softly. "Oh, my sweet Buffy. Even more beautiful now."
I cried then. I don't remember how long it lasted, or what happened next, but I felt myself collapsing to the ground, and being wrapped in an embrace. I could smell nothing but her, and I buried my face in her neck, inhaling it all, never wanting to forget. She ran her fingers through my hair as I cried, and I sobbed until I couldn't breathe anymore. Looking up at her face, I felt fresh tears gather in my eyes. Tears of love, and happiness, and grief.
"Come on, sweetie. We don't have very much time. I'd like to talk to you for a while, okay?" I gave a small nod, and I stood up clumsily. As she rose to her own feet, I suddenly remembered Angel. Turning around quickly, I let out a sigh of relief when I realized he was still there. Not just a dream or another wish. He really was with me. With me. Angel. I could have sworn that I saw tears glistening in his eyes, but when her voice filled the air, I was too distracted to see if my head was just playing tricks on me.
"How was your trip?" She asked, almost conversationally. She sounded nervous. I could tell.
Mommy? Is that you? Are you here? Is this your home now? Do you watch me from here? Do you still pig out on chocolate ice cream? Do you float on clouds? Do you dream at night?
I had so much to ask her, and I couldn't even get my throat to work.
"Buffy? Honey, what's wrong?" Her voice was full of genuine concern. I could hear Angel taking a step closer to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Why-I wished I could see you, but-how..I," I broke off, unable to make sense. The tears pressed against my eyelids and I bit down on my lip in frustration. Why was this hard? She was my mom, dammit! Since when did talking to her turn me into a stuttering idiot?
'Since you found her dead on the living room couch.' A tiny voice screamed from somewhere inside my head. I ignored it, deciding instead to try again.
"What do we do now?"
"We get one hour. I'm all yours." She said with the smile that I had missed so.
"And then?"
She hesitated, but spoke. "And then they send you back home and me back to wherever I was before."
"Forever." I finished, desperately wishing I was holding onto Angel. I was too numb to move, though.
"Yes." She said, looking down, almost ashamed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. God- you think I quit. Just leaving you like that."
My eyes widened and I almost choked in my haste to speak. "No! God, no, never! It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped anything. Mom-"My voice suddenly stopped as my mouth formed the word. I had never thought I'd be able to say that word to her again.
"How is everything? Dawn?" She seemed to want a change in subject, and I allowed it.
"She's good. She's human now. A little after you..um, Ben got hit by a car. You remember Ben? The nurse?" She nodded after a moment, and I continued. I knew I had to tell her what had happened. She deserved to know, even though it was still hard to talk about.
"As soon as he was hit, Dawn started getting these visions. Visions of Ben turning into Glory, and Glory turning to Ben. She had seen it happen, but, they worked this magic so that any human who witnessed it all would forget. Ben was Glory, and Glory was Ben..it was this whole big body-swapping thing. By the time they lost him, we all remembered. Ben died and he took Glory with him." I paused, clearing my throat. "With Glory gone forever, the Key was erased. It was a big process with this weird monk, but.." I trailed off, "She's human now." I repeated my earlier statement, "You would have been so proud to see her."
I could see her processing all the information, taking a deep breath before she spoke again. "And how are you?"
"I'm..getting by." I answered, honestly. "It's hard without you. Really hard."
"I'm sorry, Buffy." She spoke, gently. She clasped her hands together, looking thoughtful. "I have to tell you something. They gave me a message.." Her eyes wandered until they finally landed on his form. "I wonder how they knew you'd be here."
"I guess they're getting better." Angel answered. His voice was cold. What was his problem? He had always said he liked my mom. Maybe things changed when she became a corpse.
My entire body turned to ice as the thought went through my brain.
[Corpse?] Mommy. Warm and soft and full of light. [Body.]
I stumbled backwards, and I heard Angel rush forward to catch me before I could hit the ground.
"Buffy!" I heard her voice cry out, as Angel held me tightly. Don't be scared, Mommy, was what I meant to say. But my throat..my voice..where had it gone?
[Oh Buffy. You got your dress all dirty. Now I'll have to wash it out.]
[But Mommy. I like it like this.]
"Look at me, Buffy." Angel spoke, firmly, his voice barely reaching me, as I floated freely inside my head. I allowed my body to go lax, trusting myself in his arms.
[You're my daughter, Buffy. And no matter what happens, or where life takes us, we will always have a special connection.]
[How?]
[Because as long as I'm in this world, the love I have for you will never, ever dim. Will you remember that for me?]
"BUFFY!" Angel sounded panicked, and I remember realizing that I had really never heard him like this. Panicked. Scared. Vulnerable.
[Yes Mommy. I'll remember.]
[Good, honey. Good.]
Something shot through me, and my eyes widened to the point where they almost popped out of my sockets. The blood drained from my head and I felt extremely dizzy.
"Buffy. Look at me. Focus on me." The sound of Angel's voice anchored me, and I listened to him talk, never really hearing the words, until I could breathe again.
It took me a few seconds, but I finally steadied myself to the point where I could stand on my own. My body was trembling, as my mind sorted through the cryptic images flashing through it. All of a sudden, I realized I knew. Like a piece of information that had always been with me, but had been hidden until this exact second. I just *knew*.
Why Angel had come for me. Why my lip was trembling. Why I could feel the bile rising in my throat.
"You..you're not real."
It came out as a statement, not a question. I could tell by the way Angel's eyes flickered, he could hear the quiver in my voice. He always hated to see me cry.
"You know what I am, Buffy." Her voice remained kind, but everything was different now.
"You.." My voice broke, as I looked at her glowing form.
"A messenger." She went on, shaking her head as she spoke. "Nothing more. This form was the one you craved most. This was the body I had to take. You weren't supposed to know..most...well, you *are* the Slayer."
"Body..you.." My vision was too blurred with tears for me to see her reaction. Angel tightened his grip around my waist, and something fizzled from inside of me. The feeling of his presence..his understanding..his love. I hadn't realized how much of a necessity it was. How dead I was without it. Dead. Dead. Dead.
"My mom..you're not really her. Are you?" My voice was soft, pleading with the figure before me to disagree with the fears I felt.
"The time. There isn't enough of it. Buffy, please, I'm sorry we had to trick you. But it's the way we do things here. Now, you need to listen to what it is I have to tell you." The figure begged. I could feel something stirring from inside, telling me to respond to whatever was wearing my mother's face, for no reason other than..it was wearing *my* mother's face.
"What is it?" Angel answered for me, his voice back to normal now. I could tell though, by the look on his face, he was still shaken by my previous actions.
She smiled. Once at me. Once at him. And then she leaned forward, almost as if she had a wonderful secret to share with me.
"He wants you to know. The blue bird is singing."
Suddenly, Angel gasped.
--------------------------------------
[FLASHBACK]
+1905+
It had been a very confusing ordeal.
A portal. A big white room. An equally large gray one. And now, this ..wall? It appeared to be no more than such. He was chained to a large, rather uncomfortable wall, and as he looked around, below, above him..he could see nothing.
Angel was irritated.
It was incredibly hard work getting a soul, you know? No one had warned him it was going to be *this* frustrating. First, with the guilt and the remorse. Then with the lack of sidekicks, and now..this. He had been so stupid. So, so foolish to think that this book could help with his pain. That *magic* would be the answer.
Magic is never, ever the answer.
He had gotten his hands on it in a Chinese Village. The Boxer Rebellion was in full swing, and utter chaos had erupted throughout the streets. Darla had been absolutely giddy with glee and Spike-even Spike-had taken out his first Slayer that night. Angel, of course, was a pathetic waste of a vampire, but it wasn't his fault. He was going through a phase.
An elderly woman had run into him, in her haste to reach safety. The book had tumbled from her arms, and she kept on going before the loss could even register in her mind. Angel had picked it up and tucked it away, safely, inside his coat.
It happened to provide him with a great deal of comfort and reassurance throughout the next couple of years. It would take him that long to gather the necessary ingredients, of course. Doing magic was long, hard work.
He had wished to see Darla. She had been the closest thing he had had to a mother, a friend, a mate..for as long as he could think. Well, for as long as he *liked* to think. She had appeared in front of him looking stunning and vivid, and he had instantly known it wasn't really her. Whether it was a sire/childe connection, or something more, she hadn't had him fooled for a moment.
And so now, here he was, chained to this wall. Just as his eyelids began to grow heavy, he caught sight of a man in the distance, walking towards him. Or, floating towards him. This was just so unbelievably odd. As he got closer to him, Angel could see a large dagger in the man's hands. Suspicion took over, and he instantly began to fight at the chains that were wrapped around his wrists. Almost immediately, a new set appeared around his ankles, as well.
"Oh. Wonderful." He muttered under his breath.
"Vampire." The man spoke. "Do not fight this. It is time."
"Time for what, exactly?" He asked, his eyes still fixated on the knife.
"Relax." The man spoke, "If I wanted you dead, you'd already be dust. This is just procedure."
"Procedure?" Angel groaned, seeing the man's blank expression. "What is WITH you guys and the big cryptic?"
"Your messenger never got the chance to relay the message to you."
*Because you attacked her before she got the chance.* the words hung in the air, thick and unsaid. Before Angel could blink, the man was standing behind him, completely out of view.
"The guidance you seek is not yours yet." He said, slowly. "Wait for the blue bird's song."
A feeling of pain like Angel had never experienced before coursed through his body, as the dagger ripped through his shirt and introduced itself to his upper back. The room exploded and then it was very dark for a very long time.
[/FLASHBACK] --------------------------------------
I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way his hands began to tremble. I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way his forehead was suddenly slicked with sweat.
I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way he was losing control.
"What's happening?" I burst out, turning towards the guide, "What is happening to him?!"
"Buffy-"
"Stop it!" I exclaimed, angrily, "If you're going to be in..in her..body," I forced out, "then at least stop saying my name like that."
"He's going to change. It's happening now."
"What did you?! He was just talking and..ANGEL!"
I seriously could NOT take this place and its drama. With the passing out, and the seizure-type behavior..it was just too much.
Angel dropped to the floor and I gasped, hating myself for not being able to protect him. Hating myself for being helpless.
"Make this STOP!" I demanded, as clouds of dust began to rise from the floor.
"This isn't my territory anymore," The guide replied. A deep howling noise was quickly filling the room, and I resisted the urge to cover my own ears in an attempt to block it out. "All we can do now is wait."
"Wait for what?!"
"Don't you see? He's reliving it all. If he survives this, the second time, he'll be freed."
Something clicked, and my eyes finally saw -really saw-what was in front of me.
The blue bird is singing.
"His soul..it's going to be permanent." I murmured, my eyes filling with tears.
And then, Angel cried out.
"If...if he doesn't die first."
--------------------------------------
TBC..
