Author's notes- I apologize profusely for my lack of updating this fic. All I can say is that my composition class in school has temporarily won out over my fanfic writing. But it would be very cruel of me to prolong the torture of my loyal readers for any further amount of time, so I'm finally giving you a very short, but very action packed, Part 2. This fic was originally supposed to consist of only two parts, but seeing as it's taking so long to write this, I figured it would be easier to post the remainder of the fic up in smaller installments. That, and I just received a review today stating that one of my readers would be killed by their friends 17 times over if I did not update, and that I would have to attend their funeral in such an event. How could I ignore such an impassioned plea?
I therefore dedicate the remainder of this fic to my loyal and patient readers. You make my life worth living. I'd also like to point out that this fic was most definitely inspired by arachniphilliac's works, which I demand that all of you go read as soon as you're done with this.
And rest assured that I shall continue to slave away on this fic until someone gives me a sock. (Anyone who gets that, I'll write an extra bad humor fic for them!)
We Love to See You Smile
Part 2- A Banquet of Sailor Senshi Dolls
By Princess Licorice
Disclaimer- I own nothing except the plot. Sad, ne?
It was the shot heard round the world. None of the four corners of the globe were spared from the eerie noise that was emitted from McDonalds late that one night. (or rather, very early in the morning)
"EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH??????????"
Spiritualist Se Himiko, well renowned throughout the isles of Japan for her stupidity and ineffectiveness, was standing in a triumphant position over her archrival, the vampire princess, Miyu. Miyu's mouth was hanging wide open in shock, which Himiko seemed to be enjoying. Larva, on the other hand, couldn't have cared what the hell Himiko was doing there. He was just glad that she had arrived. He had taken her appearance as a sign from God, and while she distracted Miyu, he had slipped underneath the table, removed his accursed mask, and chomped down on his Big Mac greedily.
Miyu managed to recover from her shock somehow, not wanting to amuse Himiko any longer than she already had. "H-Himiko-san, what…why…how…?"
Himiko smiled evilly, "You drank my blood, and gave me eternal life, remember? That's why I'm still like this." Himiko stared down the low neckline of her dress for emphasis. Miyu made the mistake of smacking her head on the tabletop again.
"What was I thinking?"
"INDEED! What WERE you thinking, miYU!? I never ASKED for any of this! YOU did this to ME! I'll never forgive YOU!" Himiko said this, all the while still staring at her own chest. "I've searched EVERYWHERE for you miYU. At last I've found you!" She laughed maliciously as Miyu once again tried to peel her face away from the sticky table. "Now, I shall SLAY you as I SHOULD have done TWENTY YEARS AGO!"
Miyu managed to detach her face from the tabletop just in time to witness Himiko pull a menacing looking pair of emerald chopsticks out of her ample cleavage. She raised them high above her head and aimed them at Miyu's heart.
"NOW YOU DIE, VAMPIYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Apparently, the movement that Himiko had been attempting to make was too much for the dinky heels of her go-go boots. They gave way underneath her, causing the idiotic spiritualist to totter over backwards and land very painfully on her ass. Her chopsticks flew free of her hands and shot across the room. In a strange case of déjà vu, they embedded themselves into the hair of the Vegita look-alike, apparently to keep Larva's spoon company. This time however, the Vegita wannabe noticed this occurrence, because he had been watching the scene with Himiko and Miyu the whole time. He did not seem very happy.
Miyu gazed down at the pitiful sight before her. Himiko's naked legs were flailing wildly in the air in before her face. The spiritualist was still trying to finish her exclamation from before.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Miyu looked away, disgusted. She could feel her face turning green. "Larva, dispose of her."
Larva did not appear. Miyu looked around for him wildly, but saw no sign of him anywhere. "Dammit! Larva?! Where the hell did you go?"
But Miyu did not need him after all. The Vegita look-alike had stalked his way across the crowded restaurant, throwing people forcefully out of his way, and was now holding Himiko up above his head by her thong. He swung her around his head a few times, then hurled her off in the general direction of the bathrooms. She landed with a loud crack.
"Ahhh! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" she cried, pulling something broken out from underneath her miniskirt, "My Ultra-Mega-Super-Happy-Pretty Soldier Sailor Sephiroth action figure! You broke his sword!" she screamed, fingering the doll in an unsuitable place. The angry cosplayer responded by opening the bathroom door, kicking her brutally through the entryway, and then slamming it behind her. Muffled screams and evil, masculine laughter erupted from within.
"NO! SEPHI! DON'T EAT MY SEPHI! ACK!"
The Vegita wannabe came stomping back, looking even angrier than he had when Himiko was present. "You blabbering, weakling women drive me CRAZY! Now I'm going to…" He had turned to Miyu with the intention of ripping her hair out with his teeth, but Larva had magically reappeared behind her, giving him an unearthly glare that would have turned the axe murderers to stone. The Vegita-man swallowed hard, and Miyu giggled.
"You were saying?"
The look-alike humphed loudly, turned on his heel and marched angrily back to his comrades, who did not seem too pleased to have him return. His pissy mood had become so great that he had completely forgotten the eating utensils sticking out of his hair.
Miyu grinned, but the grin was replaced with a look of frustration as she turned back to Larva. "Where were you just now? I called to you and you didn't answer."
Larva shrugged innocently.
Miyu's right eye ticked. She unleashed a powerful scream. A glass window shattered. The Scream killer's mask exploded, causing him to dart around the restaurant madly with his hands pulling down his hood, searching crazily for something to hide his identity.
Larva clapped a hand over Miyu's mouth.
Miyu blinked a few times, then relaxed. Larva removed his hand. "I'm sorry, Larva. I don't know what came over me…" She looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. "It's just that you frustrate me so much, Larva…" He responded by giving her a smothering hug. "Ugh…Laaaarvaaaa…..let go….." Larva let go, and shrugged again. Miyu humphed. "So what did you do with that burger of yours anyway…?" She glanced back at the table and noticed a lonely paper wrapper crumpled up amidst a pile of crumbs. She sighed, despite herself. "You know what? I really don't wanna know…."
She turned gracefully back to Larva on her toes. "Well, now that that's over and done with," she announced smoothly, holding her hands behind her back, "I believe it's time that we hunt some Shinma. Okay, Larva?"
Larva responded by pumping his fists in the air, and then doing his version of the macarena. Miyu grabbed him forcefully by the cloak before he could finish.
"NOT NOW, LARVA!"
She dragged him over to the main counter, jumped on top and hauled him over it. They both landed on something wet and squishy.
"Ew! What the heck?" She and Larva rolled away to reveal the terrified zit-boy. His knees were drawn up against his chest and he was shaking horribly.
"P-p-p-p-p-please!" he begged, "D-d-d-don't eat me!"
Miyu gave him her most charming, childlike smile. "Of course I won't eat you silly!" She crawled slowly over to him, while Larva looked on, unamused. "I'll tell you what," she whispered seductively, as she reached out to move a strand of his sweat-soaked hair behind his ear, "When this is all over, I'll drink your blood, and give you eternal life, and you won't remember a thing about this awful night." She tenderly touched his cheek. "Hmmm? How about it?"
The boy abruptly passed out cold.
The vampire girl stood up, offended, and let out a large huff. "Hmph! No one wants eternal life nowadays. Such backward people they are!" She tossed her head and flung her braid over her shoulder, the turned around and marched purposefully into the kitchens. "Come, Larva!"
The tall Shinma inwardly let out a sigh of relief. No one could be his Miyu's luvmuffin but HIM! He thought this with a snort in the unconscious boy's direction. Then he too turned and happily floated after his mistress.
Himiko sat on the cold, grungy bathroom floor with her legs spread-eagled out in front of her. This was causing a large draft to go up her butt. She scratched her head, losing her fingers for a moment in the hairsprayed mess that covered it.
"Hmmm? Where's all this air coming from? It makes me want to use the……BATHROOM!"
"You're in the bathroom, stupid."
Himiko jumped at the sound of the deep, masculine voice across the room from her. Standing upon the crushed remnants of the handicapped bathroom stall was what looked like a Marlboro creature from the Final Fantasy games. Either that, or a large venus fly trap. It possessed a plethora of tentacles that it used to idly throw large pieces of debris up in the air and then catch them again. The creature possessed no eyes, but it did have a particularly large mouth, along with a set of full, luscious lips unbecoming on a giant, evil, man-eating plant from outer space.
Himiko giggled at how silly these lips looked on the demon-plant for a moment, then suddenly, gazing at those purple lips brought something back to her. It was the reason why she was sitting in such an indecent position on the dirty, slippery floor. She had fallen here when that man who wore more hairspray than she did had kicked her into this stinkhole. And her poor Sephi doll had flown out of her arms and into the gaping mouth of…
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! YOU ATE MY SEPHI!!!!"
"Well, duuuuuuuuuuurrrr!" The plant responded with more than a hint of annoyance. Himiko began to cry again, causing thick, black streams of eyeliner to run down her face. She sniffled and began to chew distractedly on the ends of her hair. It was surprising how crunchy they were.
"FEEEED ME!"
Himiko looked up at the giant plant. It was trying to look down at her as pleadingly as it could, and it wasn't doing too good a job. It was looking more like it wanted Himiko to feed herself to it than anything else. The spiritualist sniffled a bit more, let out a large huff, and then shook her head many, many times.
"Nonononononononononononononono!"
"FEEEEEEEEEED ME!" the plant being whined more urgently. Its tentacles began to reach out towards her.
"NOOOOOOOO!" she squealed. "NEEEEEVAAAAAARRRRR!" She needed to take a few moments to catch her breath after this outburst, seeing as she had inhaled too much smoke and hairspray in her lifetime to have a sufficient lung capacity for screaming any longer. Her hand plunged wildly down the front of her dress. "You may have EATEN my Sailor Sephi, but you'll *sniff* NEVER take my Ultra-Mega-Super-Happy-Pretty Soldier Sailor KUJA!!!!" With this exclamation she forcefully yanked another large doll out of her dress, this one being slightly shorter than the last one and sporting a pair of caped bikini underwear. The creature's tentacles began to quiver in midair, inching their way slowly towards the doll. It licked its lips.
"And you'll ALSO never get MY Ultra-Mega-Super-Happy-Pretty Soldier Sailor SEYMOUR!" She procured a third doll with blue hair from under her armpit and held it up above her head reverently. The creature suddenly, and very unexplainably, looked terrified. It held its tentacles before it in a pleading gesture.
"Pu-lease!" it whispered, "Don't say that name again or she'll hear you!" But it was already too late.
"SEEEEEEEEMOOOOAAAAAAAA?!"
An ugly, makeup adorned, blonde woman emerged from one of the adjacent stalls that was still standing. She was tall and skinny, and wearing a form-fitting black spandex dress. She began to twirl about madly with her arms swinging wildly around her, a very freaky-looking smile plastered on her face. She was emitting strange noises, which Himiko eventually realized was singing, shortly before she passed out from sheer horror.
"SUDDENLY SEAMOOOOOOOOOORRR is standing beside me! SUDDENLY SEAMOOOOOOOOOOORRRR….."
Seeing as it will take too much trouble to list everything in this fic which I do not own, I'll simply repeat my statement from above. I own nothing except the plot. I don't even own the title! (cries) Read and review, and be happy!
